Better Relations with a Chinese Mother in-law | Speaking of China

12 Responses

  1. Crystal
    Crystal April 30, 2010 at 2:14 pm | | Reply

    These are great advices!
    I hardly can imagine any mother-in-law whose heart wouldn’t melt after following these rules ))
    Of course, it requires a lot of patience and humility; so some people prefer an easier way of keeping distance from inlaws.
    .-= Crystal´s last blog ..Why Chinese Girls Don’t Accept Compliments? =-.

  2. Juliet
    Juliet April 30, 2010 at 11:35 pm | | Reply

    My mother in law accepted me pretty much from the start, due to my interest in Chinese language and culture, which was far greater than the interest shown by my highly Americanized husband. But I do sometimes feel tested. I often find it best to smile and keep my mouth shut.
    .-= Juliet´s last blog ..A milestone for William. =-.

  3. rhiannon
    rhiannon May 2, 2010 at 10:16 pm | | Reply

    Another great answer Jocelyn! I even got something out of it. I probably should buy her some medicine and stuff for her health, I know she would like it. LOL
    She does have one daughter in law who simply put, says everything right, calls on all the right holiday, birthdays, inquires about health (very important) and my MIL loves her. Oh, she’s Chinese and really smart, no kids etc.
    Hey, at least she loves my 3 younger kids, even though she complains about me a lot!
    .-= rhiannon´s last blog ..What the heck did I get myself into? =-.

  4. Jennifer
    Jennifer May 3, 2010 at 7:33 pm | | Reply

    I recently found a very effective way to deal with my mother-in-law: a very very very strong Cosmopolitan: an attractively presented pink cocktail which fells her for the evening, freeing me up to enjoy Rachel Maddow and Jon Stewart.

  5. Holly
    Holly June 25, 2011 at 7:12 pm | | Reply

    Speaking of American Pie…Gosh I hate those kinds of films. And to their director, thanks a bloody lot for reinforcing all the negative stereotypes of foreign women. I remember my boyfriend mentioning he’d seen it (even though I hadn’t!) and since then he honestly assumed it was the way all Western people behave. I guess we are more sexually liberated and outspoken…but I wish Chinese guys could stop seeing us as these temptresses that will sleep with anything with a pulse. Shudder.

  6. lillian
    lillian May 19, 2012 at 6:39 pm | | Reply

    I have done every thing one could do to show love and respect, but she cannot be satisfy. She does not have agood marriage hence she does not want anyone to. Chinese grand ma always love and care alot for grand children but not mine. I have been married for more than 20yrs with two boys. If there is another world i will never marry a chinese man because of this anti marriage tradition.

  7. Michelle
    Michelle April 18, 2014 at 9:20 pm | | Reply

    Hi, my name is Michelle. I’ve been married to my husband ( his family are from Ningbo, but he grew up in Hong Kong) for almost three years, and we are expecting our first child.

    In the beginning I thought his mother had accepted me, she was happy and full of praise over how smart and creative I am ( because I’m left handed/ foreign etc – but I am half Chinese my self).
    But then we got married and she moved in with us ( I accepted this as it is Chinese culture) I tried to be a good daughter-in-law and help as much as I could with housework and everything, but it was never good enough. It was never the right way, I used too much product (she never used soap when washing our clothes or dishes), I made the bed ‘wrong’ etc. eventually she got so angry she refused to let me clean anything (when in actual fact I am cleaner and a better housewife than she is! My own mother was horrified at the state of the house when she came to visit, and mother in law was cleaning!)

    Now it has gotten so bad that she tried to get my husband to divorce me! Despite being pregnant with his child! She even tried to attack me with an umbrella ( while pregnant I may add) – who does that???

    I’ve been nothing but good and caring to both of them (never told my husband she has to leave because she’s divorced and no one else will care for her except us) – but many times his mother has told me to get lost, that “‘we’ don’t need you and ‘we’ can find a better wife”.
    For two years she’s made my life a living hell – I couldn’t take it anymore at one point and tried to kill myself because I got nothing but negativity from her.

    My husband tries to protect me – which results in him sending her away and then blaming me! Despite all of this heartache being her doing.

    I’m in the uk at the moment to have our baby and I am terrified of going back to China because I will be alone, and she will be there waiting!
    I don’t trust her with my baby because I had a puppy ( given to me by my husband as a gift because we were having trouble conceiving) and I found out she’d been torturing him when I wasn’t around, the last straw was when she kicked him hard in front of me ( the puppy was tiny and went flying I thought shed killed him) so I screamed in her face ( didn’t even dream of hitting her mind) but she tried to attack me while pregnant with her granddaughter!

    I’m at my wits end, my husband keeps telling me that it will be better, that I will be ‘the boss of my baby’ but I am terrified (despite her showing no interest in me or the baby) that she will try and take her from me!

    I’m sorry for such a long comment, but I don’t know what to do! I’m even considering divorcing my dear, sweet, loving husband just to get away from her.

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