Ask the Yangxifu: The Guy Who Changed Her Mind About Dating Chinese Men | Speaking of China

122 Responses

  1. Michelle
    Michelle May 25, 2012 at 3:11 am | | Reply

    I’m confused. Did he ask her out officially while he still has a girlfriend? If that’s the case, I’d wonder about how loyal this guy is.

  2. Sveta
    Sveta May 25, 2012 at 3:15 am | | Reply

    Honestly what a sweet story 🙂 I kind of wish I could meet a nice sweet Chinese guy in Dallas Texas, but no luck so far. The guys I kind of know tend to be jerks, and I kind of have a feeling that I’m getting repetitive and parrot like with stories about my Korean ex, although when we first dated, the story is very cute and sweet.

  3. Pamela
    Pamela May 25, 2012 at 7:15 am | | Reply

    I think unless u live in China u cannot get this story the way it really is… Im saying this because of the fact that he has a girlfriend…
    ok,Im goin to sound pretty harsh on Chinese society but nowhere in the world I had seen so miserable unhappy couples, since marriage is a big deal here (not precisely because of love) being single at certain age (after college) is consider a “negative” thing. Almost everyone I know is in a relationship, does that mean they are all inlove? Big no! most of the girls and boys I know even if they have gf/bf spend little time with their significant other claiming to be “too busy”, and pretty much act like singles “dating” other people, even tho i dont agree with it,I have to say that most of them are not bad boys or players at all.. its just that when love is over for some reason I still dont get, they keep the relationship, maybe because of fear or because is convenient in some way to be together … of course Im not saying that all couples in china are like this, but a big amount of them are,and they know it,my bf spend long hours explaining all of this to me before we start “officially dating” he was single when we met, but I know of many like this case that have almost nonexistent girlfriends… and they tend to wait until is a sure thing with the “new” girl to finish the previous relationship…
    now for all that u are describing it sounds that he is clearly into u… so Good luck!!! 🙂

  4. Rebekah
    Rebekah May 25, 2012 at 7:27 am | | Reply

    I think this is great!
    I know it seems bad he is dating someone, but when I first met my boyfriend he was dating someone else and eventually left her for me(I guess I really am AWESOME…haha!). I know it seems wrong but a lot of the time men don’t know how to end relationships that aren’t working, and then they take the chicken way out by finding somebody new. Sorry to my bf for saying he was a chicken too, but him and I discussed this before. I actually got mad at him and made him tell her…she wouldn’t let her claws out for a while, which was very frustrating.
    It will work itself out, and this story is sweet and romantic. Good luck R! 🙂

  5. piaochong
    piaochong May 25, 2012 at 8:10 am | | Reply

    This story sounds so much like me before i met my (now) Chinese fiance, and yes he had a girlfriend in the beginning too. At first it was all so slow, but then after we held hands for the first time, on the way back from dinner one night, it was (and still is) the most romantic and amazing relationship i have ever been in. So i say R, go for it, and you will not regret it!

  6. kelly
    kelly May 25, 2012 at 10:18 am | | Reply

    My first question to R would be: Are you looking to have fun or are you looking for a serious relationship/marriage? If it is fun that R is after, then anything goes. If it is a serious relationship/marriage then it might not be prudent to date a guy who treats a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship so callously, ie complaining to female friends of their girlfriend. One day he may do the same to you.

    I remember when I made up my husband list (also posted on my blog), I wrote down this:

    3 Dealbreakers:
    (1) I cannot be with a man who does not have integrity.
    (2) I cannot be with a man who is not 100% honest and open with me.
    (3) I cannot be with a man with a bad temper.

    3 Must Have’s:
    (1) He must treat me better than my parents treat me.
    (2) He must accept me for who I am today.
    (3) He must be patient and good-natured.

  7. naomi
    naomi May 25, 2012 at 10:48 am | | Reply

    I hate to chime in on the cautious side, but I’d like to share what I’ve observed. I’ve spent 7 years teaching and befriending Chinese college students, and a common belief among this generation is that there is the kind of person you date and the kind you marry. Most of them want to have a relationship with someone attractive and romantic, whom their parents would never approve of. But when it is time to marry, they will then opt for the parent-sanctioned choice.

    It’s very common to “date” the parent-sanctioned choice long-term: five years is not uncommon, nor are long-distance relationships. In fact, young people will often enjoy romantic, forbidden relationships while away at college or working in another city, all the while keeping the future spouse “on reservation” back in the hometown.

    Hopefully this is not the case here, but please be aware that you don’t have all the information, and as a foreigner, it will be much harder for you to get it. I truly hope it works out, as you really seem to care for this guy.

  8. ordinary malaysian
    ordinary malaysian May 25, 2012 at 11:02 am | | Reply

    The dynamics of Chinese and Western dating do seem to differ, much in fact. If you are serious with the Chinese bf, and he does seem to respond, I hope it all works out. Patience is important here. The Chinese gf he talks about may just by a friend he keeps because everyone is into this dating game in China, perhaps to obviate from being pressured by peers or family members to have one and marry early. But complaining about one’s gf is not nice of course. It is just a bad human trait. However all said, if both of you are serious about each other, I am happy for you guys.

  9. aiyangxifu
    aiyangxifu May 25, 2012 at 11:06 am | | Reply

    Adaptation. That is (or brain washed

  10. aiyangxifu
    aiyangxifu May 25, 2012 at 11:51 am | | Reply

    Just a caution note: Most Chinese men in China are only attracted to Asian females. Only a small percentage of Chinese men attracted to non-Asians. A lot of Chinese men in China think western women looks like men, not feminine enough to their taste.

    But immigrants and ABC are different story. Most of them are attracted to Western women.

  11. butterfly
    butterfly May 25, 2012 at 6:11 pm | | Reply

    I really dislike aiyangxifu’s comments. That is so general. Generally western women are curvier and look more feminine. His comments are so vague…

    http://www.hey-ai.com is a great site for asian men and non-asian women

    from my understanding Chinese men don’t bother with a woman unless they like her and I think that

  12. cvaguy
    cvaguy May 25, 2012 at 10:48 pm | | Reply

    @R – Sweet story. Wish you happily ever after. Life is about taking risks and trading risk and reward.
    @Kelly – You will have hard time, if ever, to find a man who treats you better than you parants. The love from parents is different from the love from your husband. How can you compare?
    @Naomi – Parents, Eastern or Western, always draw a line on who you date and who you marry. But dates can turn into marrage, regardless parents objection. Is he man enough ? That is the question.

  13. Michelle
    Michelle May 26, 2012 at 3:42 am | | Reply

    I’ve been in China long enough where I understand that it’s “normal” to have a gf/mistress on the side, especially for people in loveless relationships (not that I agree with it). I think that if the guy you’re interested in (and is interested in you) has a gf but you’re seeing him casually, if that doesn’t bother you, then that’s fine. But as it gets more serious, here are two things that could happen: 1) He keeps telling you that he’ll break it off with his gf but he never does, because she’s the “safe” choice. In the meantime, you’re being strung along with no end in sight. 2) He breaks up with his gf to date you, but who’s to say he won’t do the same to you, dating on the side once the honeymoon phase is over? I know it sounds like a cynical view, and honestly, each situation is different. You can really only judge based on the guy’s character.

  14. kelly
    kelly May 26, 2012 at 4:32 am | | Reply

    @cvaguy: It is very hard to find a guy who would treat you better than your parents, but it is definitely possible. I am married to one such man.

    A couple of my female friends are also married to that type of man. Infact, two of closest guy friends are that type of man and they have been happily married for the past 7 and 5 years respectively.

    With anything worthwhile in this word, nothing comes easy.

  15. R
    R May 26, 2012 at 8:54 am | | Reply

    Thanks, everyone. It’s going well with my friend. We are good friends, talk about many things, enjoy plenty of romance, kissing, cuddling, etc., etc.
    I’m really not too set on this being something serious (aka leading to marriage, long-term relationship, etc.) We have a sweet friendship and that’s good enough for me. In fact, it’s a lot for me. This is my first relationship with a Chinese man and it’s scary. It’s totally new and different. I really don’t need to be thinking of even more scary thoughts like marrying the guy, ha. We have totally different mindsets, ways of thinking, culture and even our languages are different. (Neither of us are fluent in the other language so lots of struggling to express ourselves and looking up words in the dictionary).
    Seriously, the grander picture here, and I think Jocelyn said it well, was how meeting this one man changed my picture, and essentially changed my prejudice and ignorant, across the board dislike and near hatred of Asian men. I know we women like to call it our preferences, but I think it’s more a bit of racist undertone that’s been ingrained in us since forever to view and dislike Asian/Chinese men. Meeting my friend has changed that view and the more we open our minds, I think, we will have further come in touch with what it means to understand the world.
    And for all those of you who grimace at my dating a man with a girlfriend let me echo the thoughts of Pamela… dating a Chinese man in America or other Western country and dating a Chinese man in China is completely different. Chinese men and Chinese in general have very different views on relationships. Many couples I know spend years away from each other for work or study and think nothing of it. There is nothing the wee bit romantic or “in-love” about it. They don’t think twice. Marriage is a contract here. You marry because you look good together, your incomes match up or somehow you fit them in some practical way. With the modern age has come some change, but for the most part relationships remain in this way.
    My “boyfriend” has a girlfriend whom he has not really seen in the past more than half a year. He doesn’t plan to visit her before he goes for a year to study in the States, etc. I think it’s likely more that it keeps his parents off his back and he has told me of the pressure parents put on them here to marry by a certain age in this order, “high school no gf/bfs, university you can but it’s still discouraged and as soon as you graduate please get married because you are getting old.”

  16. aiyangxifu
    aiyangxifu May 26, 2012 at 10:54 am | | Reply

    @butterfly
    I actually agree with you on western women. I find they are very feminine to my taste. But My taste would not represent other Chinese men taste. This world is not created toour own liking. I just present an inconvenient truth.

    The same inconvenient truth also present for Asian men in western world. Yes, I equally dislike the awkward situation for asian males in west. But reality would not change because we dislike it. Mentally prepared for reality is best solution. Self-deceiving or ignorance would not be the best approach.

    Same thing can be said for racial discrimation. Denial of its existence would only give yourself delution. Facing it head on is best approach.

  17. Dan
    Dan May 26, 2012 at 9:53 pm | | Reply

    Making both of you more well-rounded for sure. As soon as people are judged individually, you have a lot more options.
    Don’t feel bad if the relationship does not last. It leads to more self-discoveries.So is international experience in general.

  18. AG
    AG May 26, 2012 at 11:17 pm | | Reply

    R’s experience is best example fo the powers of adaptation. An scientist’s experience in Japan reflect that.

    http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/crux/2012/05/25/turning-japanese-or-how-to-change-your-selfs-ethnicity-in-just-1-week/

  19. Blossom
    Blossom May 27, 2012 at 8:23 am | | Reply

    Great read AG. Thanks for the link. I can’t help but wonder why it took three years for R to ‘see’ how beautiful Chinese men can be. I guess it is the ignorance us westerners are often raised with. The same thing happened to me. Three years ago I would not even detect or acknowledge that I was in a room with one or more Asian men. They ignored me and I (regrettably) ignored them. Now I have to try all my might to not stare at their handsomeness. I am unable to concentrate properly on any conversation I might be having with a Western person if there is an Asian man in the room. Like the link above, I now see so much more. Asian men (and women) do not all look the same. Once insight and awareness has been achieved there is no going back to ignorance. I am sure of this!

  20. ALice
    ALice May 27, 2012 at 5:38 pm | | Reply

    Yeah I’ve been there I’ve always loved asian guys and dated a few. but after high school i focused more on white guys because its what my parents wanted. After a 4 year relationship in high school with a columbian. Well the “asain” fever has resurged and now dating an AB chinese guy for a month I want nothing more than it to work because he’s so sweet and i love him to death. Guess we’ll have to see if anyone has any advice please offer it. Right now we’re taking it one date at a time and he’s unsure about the future. so everyone pray for me or whatever it is that you do.

  21. Cvaguy
    Cvaguy May 27, 2012 at 10:01 pm | | Reply

    @R – Wish you good luck.
    @Alice – you have my prayer. It says if you pray on the Pentecost weekend then things do come true.

  22. SBC
    SBC May 28, 2012 at 3:10 am | | Reply

    R, I was in your position once. Not with a Chinese man, but a man who “complained” about his gf. Sure, it could be that he has a loveless relationship for the heck of it. Although your description of him as strong and assertive makes it hard to believe that he will do that just for peer pressure. That usually happens when ur teenagers. My bf is chinese and from what I have heard from him and my friends, chinese DO take their relationships rather seriously.

    When a guy complains about his gf I am very suspicious now. Most likely because he does not have it in him to respect the privacy of an intimate relationship. Maybe the few experiences of me and my friends dont constitute the truth, but none of them has ended happily. And it leaves you with a shit load of guilt, realizing that u messed up someone elses life. Of course this person will not always stay in ur life. There may be exceptions to this, but is it really worth it hurting another person for something like this?

    Here is a scenario, if u stay friends and MAINTAIN ur distance with him, over a period of time two things could happen.

    1) if he is simply looking for an escape from his relationship which may not be going too well AT THE MOMENT… he wont think of u as that escape.

    2) If he is genuinely in the relationship for the wrong reasons, then he will move on and that would be the kind of place u want to start a relationship in.

    Quite honestly I strongly believe that cheaters cheat. And to mess with a relationship at its weakest means that u will always live with the fear that similar thing might happen to yours. Anyone who has been in a relationship should know that there are ups and downs in one. If you steal a man, be prepared to live with the fear that when things dont go well for u, he may leave you (of course he may not, but conscience usually does that to you). From someone who has been in ur position: stay friends and keep some distance. Let him decide how important that relationship is to him. Cowardly men are not attractive anyways. If he is a man and he loves u, he ll come to you

  23. ordinary malaysian
    ordinary malaysian May 28, 2012 at 5:54 am | | Reply

    @Alice, you have my prayer too. @R and @Blossom welcome to the joys of discovery and best wishes to you both. Adaption or not, who cares. Life is too short for semantics. Life is asemantic, if there is such a word.

  24. ordinary malaysian
    ordinary malaysian May 28, 2012 at 5:56 am | | Reply

    Oops, the word should be adaptation not adaption!

  25. David
    David May 28, 2012 at 8:37 am | | Reply

    “I have always had a dislike for Asian men.”

    Strange that someone with dislike for Asian men will opt to go to China…but safe it is to say that the majority of the single expat white women in Singapore do like the Asian money, but intensely dislike Asian men (and women) (many blame their parents for their racism, but they are the women are the ones with issues) and some even dislike Asian food and eat at MacDonalds and Steakhouses during the entire stay here. For western white women who intensely dislike Asian people it all comes down to money and no better job opportunities back home. However, very few do change and the author of this blog definitely belong to this category.

  26. naomi
    naomi May 28, 2012 at 9:23 am | | Reply

    @David
    It sounds like you might’ve had some bad experiences because you seem to be painting female expats with a pretty wide brush. Not everyone is in Asia for the money or because they can’t get a job back home. Sure, some are, but that’s a stereotype that’s become extremely popular lately. And while it occasionally has some validity, it’s been blown out of proportion.

    No one likes to be stereotyped. Asian men don’t want to be stereotyped as effeminate; Asian women don’t want to be stereotyped as demure little dolls who only want to please, cook, and clean; Western women don’t want to be stereotyped as bitter, overweight, jobless harpies. So since none of us wants to be stereotyped, let’s try not to stereotype others. Because we all miss out when we let our pre-conceived notions blind us to the amazing variety and unpredictability that is humanity.

  27. David
    David May 28, 2012 at 11:07 am | | Reply

    Naomi:

    Not my experience, but experiences of extended family and friends. I am very old to have such experiences…mostly the experiences of nephews, great nephews etc.

    “Sure, some are, but that’s a stereotype that’s become extremely popular lately. And while it occasionally has some validity, it’s been blown out of proportion.”

    Some Asians are treating the white expats the same way they were or their families were treated and still being treated in countries such as Australia or the UK. Americans tend to be different. Those who come to Singapore are genuinely interested in working in Asia and have an interest in knowing the people. Americans who dont like Asians generally dont come to Asia. For others, particularly from Australia and the UK it is a one way street..they want to work in Asia, but dont like the idea of Asians working in Australia or the UK. Unfortunately Singaporeans have developed the same attitudes. This is not a stereotype…this is a reality based on surveys done by the International Migration Organization. As far as dating goes, most white expat women are not open to dating Asian men and many do have an intense dislike of Asian men (and women). I believe four years ago, an British woman in her forties told the expat women to date the Chinese Singaporeans, and this resulted in a firestorm among the expat community..while the Chinese watched in amusement.

    “Western women don’t want to be stereotyped as bitter, overweight, jobless harpies.”

    If you ask the Singaporeans, they will not agree with this. Most western women though bigger than the local Chinese women are still smaller than most Malays or Indians. You ask the Singaporeans they will tell you, that Ang Moh (the local term for westerners) women are average size with pointy noses, and this is generally true in that country. They will say that western women are stuck up with their nose up in the air, but that is also the stereotype of Chinese Singaporeans while the Malays are considered religious and the Indian Tamil women are considered very aggressive (the stereotype) is similar to the stereotype of black women in this country.
    But, no bitterness here when I say talk about western women in Singapore…just stating the facts.

  28. melektaus
    melektaus May 28, 2012 at 2:53 pm | | Reply

    I’m glad the expat was honest and courageous enough to see what her initial dislike really was, racism.

    There’s no other way to describe it. Calling it by the euphemism “preferences” would be like calling employers who only hired whites their “preference” for white employees.

    The difference, IMO, is that it is even worse than in employment discrimination because the notion of romantic desirability is so intimately tied to dignity and self esteem.

  29. melektaus
    melektaus May 28, 2012 at 2:55 pm | | Reply

    But I’d like to add, I do not think that the women who have the prejudice are primarily to blame. I blame the racist media which portrays Asians and nowadays, especially the Chinese as less than human, as lower life forms, demonic, evil, disgusting, along with the more familiar stereotypes talked about above (nerdy, etc).

  30. Bruce
    Bruce May 28, 2012 at 9:03 pm | | Reply

    @blossom,
    You’re very funny that you can’t concentrate while you’re in a room with an asian man. I understand the feelings. I do. Do you have an asian bf yet? I will pray for all of you women hoping that you will find those wonderful asian/chinese men.

    R,

    Yes, it’s kinda racist to think that asian/chinese men are not worthy of dating. I’ve said a long time ago that if you don’t understand a person or people , you will sterotype. I’m not speaking for myself but I’ve found that asian/chinese men have alot of responsibility and more caring etc. If you women say that these chinese men currently you know are wonderful, you haven’t met all of us yet.

  31. cvaguy
    cvaguy May 28, 2012 at 10:04 pm | | Reply

    Racism takes generations to over come. I would not be surprised that I would face dicrect or subtle discrimination in my life time. The hope is that things would get better over time.
    I noticed that girls are increasingly date Asian boys in high school. May be in the eyes of younger people, an Asian american is just another American. Hope that is part of evolution toward harmonic sociaty.

  32. David
    David May 28, 2012 at 10:15 pm | | Reply

    “I’m glad the expat was honest and courageous enough to see what her initial dislike really was, racism.”

    Precise and to the poing that even a baby can understand. My opinion is very simple…if you dont like Chinese people or have a great dislike for Chinese men dont go to China. What bothers me is when folks who dont like moslems going to Dubai because there is money to be made. A recent report said that about one quarter of the funding for racist political parties BNP in the UK and One Nation in Australia comes from white Brits and Aussies living abroad. Some of the worst vitriol in the blog against moslems living in the UK come from UK whites living and working in the Middle East. A considerable proportion of anti Asian immigrant comments come from white Aussies living in countries such as Hong Kong and yes China and Singapore and a significant proportion are white women. Forget racism…if I dont like someone I wont visit them…I dont like Iran…so much so I wont even fly over it.

    “I blame the racist media which portrays Asians and nowadays, especially the Chinese as less than human, as lower life forms, demonic, evil, disgusting, along with the more familiar stereotypes talked about above (nerdy, etc).”

    They portray Asian men as all you have described, but they are fine with Asian women in most cases. Now why is ABC’s Bachelor show declared racist?…because it does not pass the smell test…Asian woman with a white man has been non-existent in the past sixteen seasons although that is supposed to be the most acceptable ir relationship in America!

  33. David
    David May 28, 2012 at 10:36 pm | | Reply

    “Seriously, the grander picture here, and I think Jocelyn said it well, was how meeting this one man changed my picture, and essentially changed my prejudice and ignorant, across the board dislike and near hatred of Asian men.”

    First, I only hate people if they did something to me…like murder a family member of mine or did what Madoff did. Or politicians trying to destroy the US. What did a Chinese male or female do to you to merit such hatred? I can understand that you may despise anbody not white, and have nothing but contempt for non-whites but that is not hate.

    Second, I still do not understand how someone with a hatred or even contempt for Asian men will go to China and live among Asian men. I do not like Iran…so much so I will not even fly over it. I dont like the Brazilian lifestyle…I dont go near it…look I dont even have deep hatred, contempt or even intense dislike of Iran or Brazil…I simply do not like their cultures or lifestyles and I wont go near it. I have met white women in Singapore who have an intense dislike and contempt for local men and women and non-whites in general…some white woman who did not like another white woman set her up with a blind date with a rich Chinese Singaporean…she literally froze, freaked out and ran out of the restaurant yelling curses…detained for disorderly behavior she left the country…why come to Singapore?

  34. Pamela
    Pamela May 29, 2012 at 12:07 am | | Reply

    Im going to say something without the intention of offending anyone…
    its about what u guys have been talking about, if western girls dislike chinese men so much, why coming to China…
    I have few foreign girl-friends here and they are all very impress that im dating a chinese, they explain to me, that they stopped considering dating chinese men after coming to China… I mean, it was a possibility before,but after spending time in China, They all found things about them that they simply cannot accept in a partner… I dont think all chinese men are like this,but I do understand that dating someone who doesnt shower regularly, brush teeth after eating and goes to pee in the street while spitting is not appealing at all…Like I said, my bf is chinese and we have major cultural differences, so I explained that a garlic breath kiss is not attractive at all and he got it …
    My point is, if a western woman dislike chinese men before even knowing one them yeah, there’s racism involve, but if like my friends, that after spending time with chinese men they realized they cannot be with that kind of men… well then is just that, there’s no attraction.

  35. AG
    AG May 29, 2012 at 12:07 am | | Reply

    @David
    Have you heard word PSYCHOPATH? In USA, 25% criminals, 4% CEO, 1% general population are psychopath. Some people enjoy bullying people. They need victims. Racially, psychopaths have different distribution.

    Just think about how slavery could be practiced in a place declared “all men created equal”

  36. AG
    AG May 29, 2012 at 12:12 am | | Reply

    Culture clash vs prejudice is the issue.

  37. David
    David May 29, 2012 at 6:35 am | | Reply

    After knowing somebody, not liking them is fine…lot of issues including culture clash and mother in laws. There are plenty of white men and women down south who dont take a shower, brush their teeth or have fish breath…but that does not mean all white guys are the same..hence assuming all people of certain race are the same is racism, plain and simple. If you are educated you move in higher social circles. I pretty much doubt that the administrators higher up in the echelon have bad breath, dont shower etc. Fair enough, different religion and different mindset..no problem there. But, no one still answers the question: if you have a hatred for someone why go to a country dominated by those people? Money is not that important, is it? I find too many white women in Asia from countries such as the UK and Australia and a few from the US, who simply would not tolerate Asian neighbors back home and dont like the idea of Asians immigrating or even temporarily working in their countries. Then why come to Asia, other than for a one way street to earn money while trying to deny your hosts an entry into your country to do the same. I am of a older generation. During our time in the sixties to eightees if we dont like someone we keep away. End of story.

  38. David
    David May 29, 2012 at 7:38 am | | Reply

    Yep, I am pretty certain that these racist folks in the UK who dont want foreigners (including Chinese) working in their country will move to China in a heartbeat if offered fat expat salaries and beneifts….
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2151056/Is-Britain-racist-nation-One-Brits-admits-racist-according-poll.html?ITO=1490

  39. Jason
    Jason May 29, 2012 at 9:28 am | | Reply

    Not showering or brushing your teeth has nothing to do with whether that person is Chinese or not.

  40. Blossom
    Blossom May 29, 2012 at 11:06 am | | Reply

    @ Bruce
    I don’t have an Asian boyfriend, but I have had one in the past. He had a stillness in his soul that was completely captivating. You are very right where you note that us women should meet more Chinese men. There is good and bad everywhere. I have been meeting more and more men who are from all over Asia (I am Australian), and i have yet to meet one that has woken me up from my reverie. They have all been so damn nice! 🙂 Glad to know I am not the only one that experiences such major distraction! 🙂

  41. Pamela
    Pamela May 29, 2012 at 11:13 am | | Reply

    @david @jason …
    I dont think aaaall chinese men are like that ( not showering, not brushing teeth) and yes white people,black people, latino people or whatever can face the same problem…
    If u re-read my post I said those are the reasons my friends dont want to date Chinese men (lack of good hygiene) like I said all races can have these “problems” … but is much more common here… Im from mexico,hot country,right? I shower everyday,thats the way I like it,thats the way I thought everyone was before coming to China… here both girls and boys think Im “weird” because I shower, my friends said the “normal” is every 4 days … (someone told me in the south of china people shower more often, I dont know,I have only travel to the south for vacations) I brush my teeth after eating because I dont like to smell like food, also they told me Im weird… changing clothes everyday to clean ones,another weird thing for them and some girls even claimed I wanted to look “special” and that it was unnecessary to change clothes.. when I told these things to my boyfriend, he said that for him it was weird too because Chinese people dont care that much about showering and that stuff he even made some jokes that the common excuse for not showering is not having enough time to do it (I also heard a chinese lady saying that in hot 35c Mexico after not showering in 4 days) … since I cannot talk about all northen chinese men, I will say this : most Taiyuanese men dont shower/brush etc etc regulary, thats the reason foreign girls in Taiyuan dont want to date them, because of cultural differences that might seem as a superficial reason but I still think is a very valid uncomfortable for me to talk about with chinese people reason…
    If my bf being a Chinese man accept this without feeling offended I dont see why other people cant…
    In the other hand I can also say, If me being a cleaning/shower freak can look over this cultural difference and happily date what I consider my super-hot-good smelling asian man, why others can?

    as u can see, im just sharing my experiences

  42. David
    David May 29, 2012 at 12:07 pm | | Reply

    Visiting a country does not mean you have to date the locals. Actually many of us come from abroad to the US and are residents or naturalized citizens. Most of us dont date local (white) women or men. Some of it is culture…and the other is the fact that the locals are not interested in Asian or any other non-whites even on the California coast. When I was in CA last June, I ran into a bunch of white women who professed liberal values, ultra-liberal values and they swore they will vote for Obama. However, dating is where they draw the line. Their sons cannot bring home Obama’s daughter or even an Asian woman. Then there are the sororities especially down south who wont admit even American born Asians and blacks are a big no no! Check out University of Alabama. Yet the whites will tell you that foreigners dont assimilate when it is the whites who dont allow foreigners to assimilate. But, that is all beyond the point…the question I have is the issue of hatred. First, what did the Chinese/Asian men do to be the recipient of such hatred from at least some white expat women before even going into China? Did the Chinese put white women in the internment camps? Did the Chinese pass the White Exclusion Act of 1882? Did the Chinese pass laws forbidding whites from marrying Asians? Even true recipients of such hate dont have such feelings towards the perpetrators and have been very forgiving. And why would anyone with a hatred for Chinese/Asian men move to Asia? Still boggles my mind. And no one has answered that question. I have asked this question of expat women in Singapore, Hong Kong and elsewhere and no one can answer…the only reason I think is that such whites like the color of Asian money but dont like the color of Asian skin…unless someone changes my mind.

  43. Jason
    Jason May 29, 2012 at 1:30 pm | | Reply

    @Pamela
    Every single Chinese person I know showers everyday, and brush their teeth everyday.

    NO Idea what part of China you went to….

    wherever that is, it’s alien to me.

  44. Dan
    Dan May 29, 2012 at 1:31 pm | | Reply

    Hi David, tone down your resentment. This is far off what is being discussed.

    R’s impressions have been changed by one person. She is questioning her own views. As soon as we learn to look beyond the superficial and judge people individually, life is more interesting. That applies to you too.

  45. melektaus
    melektaus May 29, 2012 at 1:33 pm | | Reply

    I live in Appalachia (in central eastern KY). There are many white people here who have various disgusting personal traits and habits that most people around the world would find disgusting. For example, many have few teeth (because they do not care about dental hygiene, drink lots of soda, and are on drugs) and many are very poorly educated and what many people would consider ignorant and stupid. They often do not shower and smell like cheese gone bad. Many are also very out of shape and flabby and do not like to work. Not all are like this though. But I would never say that I would not consider dating whites because of my experience with some whites. That would be racism. I really think that people’s experiences often are colored by their preconceptions and that people’s experiences often do not reflect the reality. People may carry their preconception in to China and though they think they have an accurate picture of things, their views are skewed by their preconceptions. Any rationalization of that kind of behavior is really just an apologetic for racism.

  46. melektaus
    melektaus May 29, 2012 at 1:39 pm | | Reply

    Also, it’s interesting but one of the stereotypes that I’ve seen expats complain of them from Chinese people is that Chinese people don’t think white people shower and smell bad (often described as a wet dog or sour milk smell).

    But it seems to me that the Chinese are more tolerant in setting aside their feelings of disgust than white people are willing to in dealing with non whites.

  47. cvaguy
    cvaguy May 29, 2012 at 10:59 pm | | Reply

    I feel the discussion is flaming up and off topic. The story here is R has changed her perspective so it is worth a celebration for having one more open minded person.

    There is a reason I don’t like to read history but prefer current blogs and memoirs. I could get very angry reading history when injustice repeatedly forced upon Asians, especially Chinese and Japanese Americans. I could understand why one of black students hates whites so much simply because he is bit obsessed with black history where many sad slavery stories took place. But, is it right to take out the anger toward people today ?

    Due to work related habit, I always like forward looking and seeking sign of leading indicators. There is status quote that it could take generations to change, just not over night. But as I said before, it is getting better and it is encouraging.

    To answer David’s question why some whites (men and women) hate Asians ? My observation is due to parents and their small community. Some white students refuse to sit next to Asians on crowed school bus, and sure enough their parents don’t like to socialize with Asian parents. Like father like son, like mother like daughter.

    I always advocate that Asians should reach out and extend their influences, especially when you are in school and all students around you are young. The peer pressure on young people can be greater than parents pressure sometimes. When racists are trying to form yet another segregation, we just can not fall into the same trap. The only way to win is to be friendly to all and win over people who are on the fence. Point finger of blame will only push away wishy-washy and end up isolate yourself. We can fight injustice with legal proceeding but we need support from other groups as well since we are the really minority. For that reason, I am very happy to read the story of R.

    I hope someone would pause and think about what I said here. Thanks.

  48. Blossom
    Blossom May 29, 2012 at 11:10 pm | | Reply

    @ cvaguy and Dan: I really like your insights! Really well stated!! 🙂

  49. Bruce
    Bruce May 29, 2012 at 11:37 pm | | Reply

    Just reach out okay, people!!What are you guys talking about??My neigbors are white and they treat us fine!! I have all kinds of friends so I don’t think about that. It’s your personality that attracts people.

  50. R
    R May 30, 2012 at 3:49 am | | Reply

    Many foreign women come to China for work or study or to immerse themselves in the culture. Just because many don’t particularly care for or go for Asian men while they’re here does not mean they “hate the Chinese”. This is yet another label and judgement.
    I came to China, not for the sake of making money. I can make more money in my home country. I came for many other reasons. I love China, Chinese culture, Chinese food and Chinese people.
    What I didn’t come here for was sex. Thank you to all those of you who have made very strong comments about my former feelings of disliking Asian men. This was not expressive of them as a people, but rather my tastes in who I find attractive. If you are going to the East just because you want to have sex with Asian people then I think you have a problem. And I have a BIG problem with all the many foreign men who simply come here to sleep around with Chinese women. You can’t just come here for those reasons. You need to have an interest in the people as a whole, their country, their culture, their customs, their habits and then you will learn to understand them as a whole. Many foreigners have a great “taste” for Chinese women (maybe for some it’s men), but keep and retain all their own culture, habits and customs and have very little respect for the country in which they are residing. (You can read about this from a very recent happening here in Beijing of a foreign expat man sexually assaulting a Chinese woman – he had a “taste” for Asian women, but no respect or appreciation).
    I am changing my views toward my personal attraction to Asian men, but I have always had a respect toward their culture and have had many Asian friends for a long time. And now, through my friend, I am learning to love and understand them even more.

  51. Dan
    Dan May 30, 2012 at 11:04 am | | Reply

    R becomes minority in China for a change. It always helps to put yourself in other people’s shoes. When you move across the border (e.g. immigrants) to live in a dominant culture other than your own, you will need to adapt. If you are the majority, your attitude toward minority will be mostly passive. This is natural – people who have power do not need to actively seek to gain it. I won’t lump all these people into racists camp. Because R is white and perceived to have power globally, she does not need to work too hard. But she would also be standing out as the minority in China and subject to judgements not of her choosing. It might not seem to be so downgrading as some other minority groups experienced. But nobody would like to be in that position all the time. It is good to be “special” once in a while. Once it comes to international love, who wants other people to meddle?
    The idea is to promote mutual understanding and find happiness. Less sexual politics and redemption. Most people I know who had such experiences come back with a better understanding of who they are and gained some insights of being the minority in the process.

    Try it and see where it leads. Do not question every time when things are off track because of your race. Both sides will need to change to be in such relationships. Us guys better not do the whining.

  52. melektaus
    melektaus May 30, 2012 at 2:40 pm | | Reply

    Apologetics for racism are actually the norm. It should be expected. Any time there is some racial inequity in the world, it is normal for those who held the attitude or behavior to vehemently deny their own attitudes and behavior. “I’m not racist, my best friend is black!” and “It’s not racism, just a preference” is all pretty much in the same boat.

  53. Bruce
    Bruce May 30, 2012 at 8:02 pm | | Reply

    Having taste for certain men is unique for women. Let me tell you here that just give me an ordinary asian man and I’ll train him into this ultimate man you’ve ever seen. I only need 3 yrs. I know what westerner women want and like in men.

  54. ding jie
    ding jie May 30, 2012 at 9:35 pm | | Reply

    ….伤不起

  55. Blossom
    Blossom May 30, 2012 at 9:47 pm | | Reply

    Lol Bruce … So funny! You sound like you could write a book on the topic! Maybe you should! 🙂

  56. 丁杰
    丁杰 May 30, 2012 at 10:18 pm | | Reply

    饿….这也叫有趣

  57. 丁杰
    丁杰 May 31, 2012 at 8:35 am | | Reply

    I was a young Chinese I was 21 years old 184CM weight 75KG Chinese northerners Dalian I know my English is not good …… sorry Talk about the Chinese people’s aesthetic I know a lot of American girls fat fat … Character of publicity That … very open You know ..Every place in China The person looks a little difference Height different The basic 18 – to 20-year-olds is higher Big cities than small cities small cities than in rural areas north Chinese people like the simple kind of girl I know a lot … very open white Even if she is very beautiful Not many people like her Specific feelings intelligent and kind-hearted girl will attract a lot of Chinese boys Simple goodness This is much like the Chinese before the woman

  58. 丁杰
    丁杰 May 31, 2012 at 10:01 am | | Reply

    Every Chinese character is not the same ……..In fact, the Chinese high school students fall in love and very much I do not like reading I had a crush on a girl 8 years She is very beautiful Just feel very young I’m not adult neough.
    She was later to do that …You know ……Her now a prostitute I am very sad My 16-year-old semi-venture Cultivation Rabbit Because Too young to Too little experience failure I feel like a waste One day I know her to do a Miss I am very sad pain Because of failure I investigated the market 19-year-old began to raise chickens Very lucky I was successful My goal now is 25 can do the works of a processed meat Many people have asked why Chinese people like so much money In China there is no money and no house As a young Chinese A lot of pressure Handsome Chinese young people are generally no money In China Handsome boy Long ugly rich men Most of the girls will like that money Young people in China a lot of pressure Too much competition Girls like the kind of money The Chinese people are very sad as the younger generation

  59. 丁杰
    丁杰 May 31, 2012 at 10:41 am | | Reply

    Say I love you very easy to People can do really Love is not mouth to say When you feel alone, only he can accompany you Is getting cold he will hold you This world a lot of woman a man But the people you love only that a He does not need to attract a lot of women but he was able to attract you Also in others it seems that he just stone But he is the most dazzling diamond in your eyes …. Love you forever…This is love

  60. AG
    AG May 31, 2012 at 6:48 pm | | Reply

    @丁杰

    没人看得懂你的英文。一定是google translation. 请你用中文写,很多洋媳妇是懂中文的。

    Mr. DingJie, no body understand your google translated English. Could you write it in Chinese? A lot of people and Western women understand Chinese writing here on this site.

  61. Bruce
    Bruce May 31, 2012 at 8:19 pm | | Reply

    Blossom,

    Did I tickle your funny bones?? hehehhe lol 🙂 . I will train him how to open up to people , men and women. If he doesn’t talk, then I slap him silly and have to open his mouth w/ a steel rod and rinse with some oil. Damn soo funny! I’m just sacrastic :). I’m just rounded all over so people can’t guess what I will say or how I will act. I can be soft, kind and vulnerable ;however, I can be strong, mean and out perform others on challenges. In order for any asian men to be successful with any types of women , they must be able to talk to them and have the ability either physically or mentally mesmerizing those women. These are the fundamentals of attractions. Blossom, you will love the final result when I’m finished with this ordinary asian man. Don’t expect a sissy, my dear. This transformation from geek to hunk is amazing 🙂 :).

  62. 丁杰
    丁杰 May 31, 2012 at 9:34 pm | | Reply

    ………………如果是母语是英语的应该能看懂……..

  63. cvaguy
    cvaguy May 31, 2012 at 10:54 pm | | Reply

    I went to the park which has a baseball field next to softball field next to soccer field. One the farside, there are tennis courts and basketball courts.
    Just a few Asians on the baseball team where the team was playing, but majority of the tennis players and half of the basketball players are Asians.
    I can’t help but start to wonder why so many whites like baseball? Parents spend hours sitting there watching while the kids barely break sweet. Besides pitcher and catcher, no one is doing much, even the batter.
    Are Asian not cool enough because they don’t play baseball? And therefore they are not dating materials? Is it really that important to be jocks? Can baseball players actually qualify as jocks?

    Can someone please help me out here and share some insides?

  64. Dan
    Dan June 1, 2012 at 6:39 am | | Reply

    Baseball is a very American sport to begin with although the popularity is going down. Parents like their kids to be involved because of physical, social and cognitive benefits. Comparing to other team sports, baseball is easier to play and have lower chances of injuries. Plenty of whites play tennis too. Asian countries like Japan and Taiwan also have plenty of people like baseball. Latinos also pride to have many good players. So it is not exclusive to a particular race.

    Sports probably widen your social circle and improve your healthy image. If you have good self-esteem and take up what interests you, any sport would get you out there.

    Playing sports have real developmental benefits. Many Asian parents do overlook them. But that perception is also changing. The idea is to have fun doing it. No need to push too much.

  65. Alex
    Alex June 1, 2012 at 7:21 am | | Reply

    @Dingjie
    Do you really believe native English speakers understanding you? You are really delusional. Believing something without any fact backing up is classic for some. Guess that is how religion works.

  66. 丁杰
    丁杰 June 1, 2012 at 7:33 am | | Reply

    Yes…Japanese and Taiwanese like baseball Chinese people like basketball I like basketball I know many Chinese people to study in the United States 中国留学生说的原话 今天把我笑尿了,印度屌丝不对他在印度应该是高富帅。在school bus上就是我那个邻居要在一个女生的year book上签字,而且死磨硬泡,这个女的同意了。而且高潮来了,这印度屌丝也去问,这女很生硬的就是不给。我都笑尿了。印度屌丝急了,来了一句why not? because im indian。 大家都笑了,就我没笑。因为我知道天朝比印度好不了多少。 印度真心悲剧。比东亚差的只有印度了。就是南亚跟不受欢迎,巴基斯坦,印度,还有印度旁边的那个小岛国都不行。

  67. 丁杰
    丁杰 June 1, 2012 at 7:47 am | | Reply

    Alex ………… I am learning English for three months Yes you are right. I have no time To learn English Three years after I went to Southern Europe I’m very busy so I’m sorry

  68. cvaguy
    cvaguy June 1, 2012 at 9:25 pm | | Reply

    @Dan – I know baseball is the American sport, I just don’t know why. I play soccer, tennis and volleyball, and I swim. Believe I am in 95 quantile for all sports I love, just not include baseball. I could have played pitcher since I throw hard and accurate, but it does not give me enough workout and it takes too long.
    My observation is that 1) soccer is a sport of Asian, Latino, and blue collar whites 2) tennis is a sport for Asian, Jewish, and eastern European 3) volleyball is pretty much Asian sports, 4) swimming is a mixed bag but Asian has higher proportion. Most of the middle class whites play baseball and Football. Basketball is African American sports but increasingly popular among Asians (Jermy Lin effect?)
    Apparently a sport that has cheer leading squad gives players a better chance to get girls (football anyone?) But baseball don’t have cheer leading squad. Then why is it popular?

  69. cvaguy
    cvaguy June 1, 2012 at 9:39 pm | | Reply

    @Dingjie – Am I out of touch for modern Chinese vocabulary ? I don’t seem to fully follow your Chinese posting either. May be I should start to read Chinese news paper more? I have not done so for years. I guess my Chinese skill has deteriorated.

  70. Dan
    Dan June 1, 2012 at 10:27 pm | | Reply

    Why do many Chinese like Ping-Pong? Some sports are rooted in culture. You can watch PBS documentary “Baseball”. I think baseball is a very family friendly sports and also affordable. It is competitive if you understand the game.

    Not everyone on football team can get dates either. Yes people do take up that sports to try to get girls. But you can also go to a bar or a party if that is the goal.

    We are far off topic.

  71. Blossom
    Blossom June 2, 2012 at 9:24 pm | | Reply

    Wow Bruce! This man will be powerful indeed. I already find Asian men to be these things (more or less) so your version is going to mind-blowing! I kinda like the geek factor though – so maybe I should give you the specs and you take over from there? I joke too of course. :P.  Waiting for your creation is going to be the hard bit for me..:) 

  72. Bruce
    Bruce June 4, 2012 at 7:33 pm | | Reply

    Blossom,

    Geek factor huh? Don’t worry, this guy will wear glasses with muscles. Brain and mind combined. He doesn’t play internet games either 🙂 lol.

  73. cvaguy
    cvaguy June 4, 2012 at 11:09 pm | | Reply

    @Bruce – You need a magic wand for your transformation happening in seconds. Blossom said SHE CAN’T WAIT! 🙂

  74. Blossom
    Blossom June 5, 2012 at 3:45 am | | Reply

    @ Bruce and cvaguy: pecks + specs = wow! Yes, now I really don’t think I can wait! Sigh… But I must! I hope you have a wand Bruce, and a teleportation device for the finished product… 🙂

  75. David
    David June 5, 2012 at 6:11 am | | Reply

    “Just because many don’t particularly care for or go for Asian men while they’re here does not mean they “hate the Chinese”. This is yet another label and judgement.”

    Nope! I just quoted what you said..and asked you why. So kindly dont shoot the messenger….

    “Seriously, the grander picture here, and I think Jocelyn said it well, was how meeting this one man changed my picture, and essentially changed my prejudice and ignorant, across the board dislike and near hatred of Asian men. I know we women like to call it our preferences, but I think it’s more a bit of racist undertone that’s been ingrained in us since forever to view and dislike Asian/Chinese men.”

    So my query was valid. Why the hate? And why go to Asia if there is hate. The same questions I ask Chinese Singaporeans about their hatred for mainland Chinese especially wealthy ones. Why the hate and why did your rich citizens go and flaunt your wealth among the Mainland Chinese back in the 1990s? You go and show off…when they get wealthy, they will follow you to where you live.

  76. Dan
    Dan June 5, 2012 at 9:42 am | | Reply

    I do not think some of the issues are new – things like going abroad to find new recognition or subjecting to prejudice when you emigrate. About a hundred years ago, Americans were in that situation comparing to countries in Europe. But these are relatively new to countries like China. You hope such things will become normal after a few more decades. I don’t know.

    Plenty of Chinese girls will also look down on you because of your social economic status. When a foreign lady finds you not her type – not the right height, not the right personality, not the right hair color, bad table manner, I do not see why we should be overly offended. Understanding the dating culture will probably help. The reality is that Asian men won’t be the first choice in interracial dating. Plenty of discussions for that already.

    I say if we want to step out of the comfort zone, better prepare for the stretch. For example, will you be able to handle the two cultures often at odds-sometimes totally the opposite?

  77. Dan
    Dan June 5, 2012 at 10:47 am | | Reply

    Existing stereotypes or prejudices made it harder to start a relationship. That is what happening too. It is like taking forever to change first impression of someone.
    Bruce, what is your secret to the Asian make over? 🙂 Selling out is not a good way though. My opinion.

    I still like to believe in overcoming difficulties to discovery true originality.

  78. cvaguy
    cvaguy June 5, 2012 at 5:42 pm | | Reply

    @Bruce @Blossom – Hope Bruce’s transformation magic won’t mass produce human robots 🙂
    Joke aside, I personally believe that a person’s traits either were born with or were molded by parents’ upbringing and hard to change, which makes each one of us unique. However, one can change one’s behaviors (including exercise to puff up mussles) to make people feel welcomed and fun and comfortable to be with, through practise and learning.

  79. cvaguy
    cvaguy June 5, 2012 at 6:24 pm | | Reply

    @David – Hatred is a strong word, but I believe in this content it means dislike. My observation is even people from Hong Kong can dislike people from mainland for no particular reason. In that I can see how easily westerners can dislike Asians.
    At the beginning of time at work, I felt some others had instant disliking toward me and still do. But the others like me from the beginning and more are liking me now, simply because I went out of my way helping the ones who like me and just did the minimum for those who don’t like me and are not important. But I keep my courtesy for all. What I am doing is debatable yet I see my friend circle at work grows and I am not lacking people to write me good reviews 🙂
    I know perfect well that being Asian male means uphill battles for just about anything, dating included. I accept that and make peace with that. I just work harder on everything and it works. I don’t have time to be angry and feel pity about the whole Asian male thing, I rather search for better solutions.

  80. Bruce
    Bruce June 5, 2012 at 7:23 pm | | Reply

    Well, another easier way of explain asian men and asian cultures is that we are from a different WORLD! Nothing similar to the WEST! We look different and we act, talk and behave differently. When I talk to westeners, they do understand what I talk about but you have to show them.. We are the same as people but we’re different in other ways.

  81. Dan
    Dan June 5, 2012 at 8:31 pm | | Reply

    I do not think R’s guy have to deal with some of the issues discussed here. At least not yet unless the relationships goes a long way. If such topics do come up, just be prepared. People can be right, wrong, or indifferent. Their agenda does not have to be yours.
    Sometimes it takes one person to change it all. That is true for us guys too.

  82. 丁杰
    丁杰 June 6, 2012 at 9:35 am | | Reply

    65% of Chinese boys Like the Chinese girl 15% like Japanese girls 15% like a Korean girl 8% Russian and Ukrainian girls 1% like the European girls 1% like the North American girl ……Yes Many people think that Chinese boys like white girls NO……..Most of my friends do not like white girls I This is in Dalian, China Height count is high in Asia Young people about 180CM Part of more than 180CM

  83. 丁杰
    丁杰 June 6, 2012 at 9:43 am | | Reply

    65% of Chinese boys Like the Chinese girl 15% like Japanese girls 15% like a Korean girl 8% Russian and Ukrainian girls 1% like the European girls 1% like the North American girl ……Yes Many people think that Chinese boys like white girls NO……..Most of my friends do not like white girls I This is in Dalian, China Height count is high in Asia Young people about 180CM Part of more than 180CM ………….

  84. aiyangxifu
    aiyangxifu June 6, 2012 at 1:31 pm | | Reply

    @dingjie
    Your statistics confirmed my impression. Sounds like Dalian guys are really tall at 5’11”. Wow, quite height! Yet, 95% of them prefer Asian girls. Not surprising actually.

  85. cvaguy
    cvaguy June 6, 2012 at 4:59 pm | | Reply

    The total sum of the percentages is 105%. I guess one of the 15% is 10% instead?

  86. AG
    AG June 6, 2012 at 5:03 pm | | Reply

    @cvaguy
    Might be multiple options poll. So there are some overlaping like some one like both asian and white girls?

  87. cvaguy
    cvaguy June 6, 2012 at 5:13 pm | | Reply

    @AG – Ah, I see. It would be interesting to know the background of the survey and look at some raw data, such as sample size, how and why the survey was conducted.
    Sorry for the geeky talking, but I can’t help it 🙂

  88. Blossom
    Blossom June 6, 2012 at 5:25 pm | | Reply

    @ cvaguy: I totally agree!
    @ 丁杰: do you have a link that details the research? I am really interested in understanding it more.

  89. Bruce
    Bruce June 6, 2012 at 6:22 pm | | Reply

    It depends on a person guys. If she is nice, understanding and fun to talk to and fun to be with. Why not? It’s all about feelings.

    Bruce

  90. AG
    AG June 6, 2012 at 6:25 pm | | Reply

    @cvaguy
    While waiting for dingjie’s reply, here is some chinese data for your geeky appetite.
    https://www.economist.com/blogs/graphicdetail/2012/06/daily-chart-2

    language or other?

  91. Dan
    Dan June 6, 2012 at 7:38 pm | | Reply

    I did not grow up wanting to be with white girls (or other races). When you are around some of them longer, you realize they are really attractive – physical or personality. Some of these girls are nice human beings too.

    If your samples only represent those guys in Dalian, your results won’t tell the whole story. Also, the guys in Dalian who only expose to their own culture and live in a dominant culture. These guys in Dalian won’t question what are in their heads either. It comes down to exposure. Similar to white girls grow up imagining Asian guys are not their types.

  92. cvaguy
    cvaguy June 6, 2012 at 8:25 pm | | Reply

    @AG – definitely culture. I am surprised that Vietnamese is the second highest.
    @Dan – I was told that about 3% of white girls willing to date Asians. I don’t have data points, so taking it as face value.

  93. Blossom
    Blossom June 6, 2012 at 8:41 pm | | Reply

    @ cvaguy: I was reading recently (website – will see if I can find a link for you) that only a small percentage of western women actively seek men of Asian appearance, but that a much larger percentage (say, > 50%) are open to the idea of dating an Asian make if they meet someone that they really like. So, whilst I represent the smaller percentage of western women, there are plenty who would not outright reject the idea of dating Asian men! I believe this to be true. I reckon it is good for any Asian man out there to keep this in mind… Especially if he is currently single.

  94. Dan
    Dan June 6, 2012 at 8:45 pm | | Reply

    Does “white” mean North American girls? Not all white girls are the same either.
    Your 3% sounds right in US general population. Let’s not forget there are plenty of Asian girls out there and willing to consider you too. Once you limit yourself to a particular race, isn’t that racist too? 🙂

  95. 丁杰
    丁杰 June 6, 2012 at 9:22 pm | | Reply

    @aiyangxifu Post by: deliberate Time: 24-Oct-2008 8:04
    You guys are all still (still) talking about old, folklore and pop-culture-based stereotypical beliefs.

    You have to look at the glass half full instead of half -empty!

    I’ve been to China 7 times…

    I have seen some very masculine HOT and BIG Chinese dudes. Maybe I don’t waste time looking at the small, wimpy, computer nerdy, fem Chinese dudes you are all talking about, but I honestly didn’t see any like that.

    I think that because of different traditions and different needs in their society (Chinese daily life is NOT easy like ours is) their tastes are different… but if you look past the brightly colored clothes or the fact that the dude might not be totally ripped with a 6 pack and might not be a cocky bastard “player” like lots of western “hot” dudes are, then you could see real masculine beauty and strength with Chinese men.

    Especially in Qingdao I saw lots of tall, large-framed Chinese men whose faces almost made me drop in my tracks…I mean literally, “drop dead handsome”. And they are also “exotic” in that they are “different” than what we’re used to…they’re (usually) not as “cocky” as western guys and are much less assuming. They tend to be a little more reserved, shy and perhaps conservative…but they still would love to have a try with a western woman (if they’re single that is– want to stress here: don’t go out and break up homes in china now western girls!).

  96. cvaguy
    cvaguy June 6, 2012 at 9:43 pm | | Reply

    @Dan – I mean North American girls. There are about 10% Asians among predominantly whites in my area. Most of the Asian boys date Asian girls. Chinese boys rather date Korean girls than white girls, ever wonder why? I mean 7% are Chinese, Koreans are less than 1%! If dating is pure random event, would you not expect Asian boys date white girls more than Korean girls? When Asian boys do date white girls, chances are the girls are Jewish. There are no censor data on religions, but my observations is about 15% Jewish. No racism here, just statistics.

  97. cvaguy
    cvaguy June 6, 2012 at 10:25 pm | | Reply

    @Blossom – I won’t say more than 50% Western girls open to the idea of dating Asians. My female friends are mostly Russians, Eastern European and Jewish. In US, they are smaller group than WASP. You would not date someone who don’t even want to be your friends, would you? I would say that some are outright reject the idea of dating Asians, until their friends show them that dating Asians is the same as dating none Asians, if not better. No one is willing to go out of their conform zone without any reason. I am just trying to find that reason and do my part to be that reason 🙂

  98. 丁杰
    丁杰 June 6, 2012 at 10:53 pm | | Reply

    Yes Dalian, Liaoning, 17-18 year-old boy most of the 182CM Girls, most of the 165CM to 172CM Yantai, Shandong, the age of 17 to 18 boys most 181CM girl 165CM to 170CM Qingdao, Shandong 17 years old to 18 boys most 180CM girl 165CM to 170CM beijing 17 years old to 18 boys most 178CM girl 162CM to 168CM Herbin ,Heilongjiang 17 years old to 18 boys most 180CM girl 165CM to 175CM Qiqihar ,Heilongjiang 17 years old to 18 boys most 180CM girl 165CM to 170CM Shanghai 17 years old to 18 boys most 177CM girl 162CM to 166CM Nanjing ,jiangshu 17 years old to 18 boys most 176CM girl 162CM to 165CM Hangzhou ,zhejiang 17 years old to 18 boys most 176CM girl 162CM to 165CM Wenzhou ,Average 17-year-old to 18 years 173CM girl 160CM to 163CM But Wenzhou is China’s richest 90% in Spain and Italy are Zhejiang Wenzhou and Qingtian 95%ABC is Fujian, Guangdong and Hong Kong People Philippines Top 10 richest The eight people in Fujian 5% of the Fujian people control the 95% Philippines economic Yse 5% of the Cantonese controls 90% of the Thai economic 60% of the people of Hong Kong from Guangdong 60% of Singaporeans from Fujian China southerners 40-50% Han Chinese origin Chian northern 70-85% Han Chinese origin Japanese 45% Han Chinese origin 5% short black origin Korean 50% Han Chinese origin Uighur 70% white ancestry 30% Han Chinese origin

  99. 丁杰
    丁杰 June 7, 2012 at 12:04 am | | Reply

    Top 10 things that still confuse me about Beijing

    Dear faithful readers,

    Sorry there hasn’t been an entry for a while! I will post a full entry this weekend with lots of fun stories.

    But for now, a list that I’ve been working on the past few days. Beijing is a mysterious place, and I can tell all the ex-pats and tourists that stick to the East side that it gets even weirder West of the second ring. Here’s my top 10 list of things that confuse me about my life here:

    1. Why clip your nails in the office? I guess this explains why Chinese people clip their nails on the subway in Toronto

    2. Why think diapers are so expensive and annoying that you would rather your children get horrible diseases from split pants? Cloth diapers have existed for a long time now.

    3. Why spit on the street? And why dig to the depths of your throat just to find something to spit on the street? We all need to spit sometimes when something gross is in our mouth. But why do you need to take the effort to find something to spit? Is it just to make the disgusting sound that comes with digging to the depths of your throat?

    As an aside, do Chinese females not find this to be the biggest turn-off EVER?!

    4. Why are portions so huge? I can see Chinese people are getting fatter. Maybe you should not become the US and take it down a notch.

    5. Why is everything so freaking salty? It makes American food look low sodium.

    6. Why do people walk so slow? I don’t understand, Chinese students walk SO FAST in Canada and the US. We used to called them “raisins” at Waterloo – “rushing Asians”. What happens between China and North America that makes them speed up like 100 times? Seriously they walk SO SLOW here it’s SO ANNOYING. (I’ll admit I walk faster than most but Fernanda doesn’t and she’s noticed the slow walking too).

    And then people in Beijing are like ‘oh, we walk a lot, twenty minutes is considered walking distance.’ That’s because in 20 minutes you’ve walked like 500 meters!!!

    7. Why do they bother painting pedestrian walkways onto the streets? It’s not any more safe to cross at them then anywhere else on the road. Cars have the right of way all the time, even if it’s green for pedestrians and red for the cars. The pedestrian crossings are a waste of money.

    8. What’s the point in a flush turkish (hole in the ground) toilet? If you’re already going to have everything like a regular toilet, why not just spring for the bowl? And I know, some people think it’s “more natural” to use a hole in the ground but I get this distinct feeling that the strongest advocates for that are not female. Comfort trumps all and it’s really freaking awkward to crouch for everything.

    9. What’s with the great firewall of China? It seems completely arbitrary. The most known are that Facebook and YouTube are blocked. But blocked alongside them (that I’ve found so far) are goodreads (a website where nerds like myself and my good friend Tiffany post which books we’ve read) and IMDB (list of movies and their stars). But then things that you’d think would be firewalled aren’t. Like wikipedia and all sorts of international news sources. Can someone explain the logic?

    10. Why does transit stop running so early? Beijing’s subway system puts Toronto and LA to shame yet it stops at like 11pm. I have to get home from Sanlitun, people!!! Fortunately cabs are cheap but I’d way rather be on the subway!

    And that’s my rant for now.

    -Dafne

    AKA that weird white girl that does weird things like eat dinner, ride the bus, and go for morning runs. Please, continue to stare at me and my weird ways.
    This is actually just plain offensive Rapc me ok rob money are no ……………

  100. 丁杰
    丁杰 June 7, 2012 at 1:46 am | | Reply

    @Blossom:Yse My height is 184CM I can give you my pictures Dalian male model height 185CMto 190CM

  101. 丁杰
    丁杰 June 7, 2012 at 3:00 am | | Reply

    Chian top 10 giant Top1 Name :Wang fengjun Height :2.55M Body weight:180KG Age : 28 years Top2 nanme:Zhao liang Height :2.46M weight:160KG Age :30years TOP3 Name:Zhang jun cai Height :2.42M weight:130KG Age :46years TOP4Name:Huang zhang qiu Height :2.40M weight:150KG Age :46years Top5 Name:Zhang huang Height :2.38M weight:163KG Age :23years TOP6Name:Bao Xishun Height:2.36M weight:165KG Age :61years Chinese Mongolian Top7 Name:Sun ming ming Height:2.36M weight:168KG Age :29years youtube Sun ming ming video Top8 Name:Yao de fen Height:2.36M weight:130KG Age :39years Yse ..She was a woman Top9 Name:Wang tong xin Height:2.35M weight:165KG Age :41years Top10 Name:Kang Jianhua Height:2.32M weight:150KG Age did not find Data from Baidu

  102. 丁杰
    丁杰 June 7, 2012 at 3:37 am | | Reply

    2011Chian u19 men’s Basketball member Name:Li mu hao Height:2.18M NAme:Wang Zhelin Height:2.13M Youtube Video Name:Xu tao Height:2.10M Name:Sun Tonglin Height:2.08m Name:Zhu Xu Hang Height:2.05M Name:Gu Quan Height:2.01M Name:Wang Pu Height:1.98M Name:Ju Mingxin Height:1.98m Name:Di Xiaochuan Height:2.03m Name:Luohan Chen Height:1.85M Name:Wang Zirui Height:1.90M Name:Guo Ailun Height:1.92M 2010U17 2010 U17 World Championship, Guo Allan stunning the world with the Egyptian team battle, he became the U17 World Youth Championship in the history of the 30 + Guo Allan averaged 22.4 points won the U17 World Championship scoring

  103. Blossom
    Blossom June 7, 2012 at 5:19 am | | Reply

    When I look at a man of Asian appearance I see a man. I see his face, his eyes and his smile. I see the person that he is! An Asian man who is my height or less is the same as the Asian man I see who is taller than myself. I am not affected by how tall he is. Nor am I affected by his build. I see so much more than his physical appearance – and may in fact not notice if he is short or tall, slim or overweight or muscled up. I actually may not even notice if he is wearing specs! 🙂 To me it is all in his face, his eyes and of course his presence. It is his warmth.  Generally, I think I am right when I say that women who are interested/open to dating Asian men are not superficial, are interested in the person and are not walking around with a checklist of physical traits. Again, I state that generally, we are simply not that type of person. I know I go weak at the knees because of ‘everything’ I ‘see’.

  104. Dan
    Dan June 7, 2012 at 8:14 am | | Reply

    Blossom, it is nice to be optimistic. There are reasons to be. But I would question if you want to be someone who does not accept who you are to be begin with. Given the challenges in these types of relationships, we are better off with someone who are into Asians.
    We want to think there are 50% open to Asians or any other races. As R points out, how much of that statement is out of political correctness?

    3% might not be a big number. It is a good reality check. So people won’t be frustrated when they are out there. The current number can also be discouraging. It contributes to the fact these types of relationships are rare.

    Besides 3%, there might be another 5% of women like R. I am not sure. Overtime, these numbers would increase if we continue to interact with each other.

  105. Bruce
    Bruce June 7, 2012 at 5:30 pm | | Reply

    When I was younger, I would like to have a gf who had big breasts but I realized that damn her personality turned me on more than her breasts :). Choosing a person relies on other factors beside ( big this big that or how tall or how big etc etc ). When I talk to a person I want to be turn on by her personality and outlooks in life. Of course , if you have more to offer than it’s just icing on the cake period.

  106. 丁杰
    丁杰 June 7, 2012 at 8:29 pm | | Reply

    @Blossom:… Me a Shanghai friend He was very handsome His girlfriend is a Russian girl … There is also a … Beijing friend His girlfriend is an American…Yse They are very handsome 182cm Shanghai boy and the 185CM Beijing boy Russian girl 173CM U.S. girl 165CM Yes …. really ….. a lot of Chinese boys like girls in Russia and Ukraine I know that most of Russia and Ukraine and the United States …. Yes …. 99.9% do not like black girls

  107. Henry Yeh
    Henry Yeh June 8, 2012 at 6:35 am | | Reply

    A would say a far higher % of Mexican/Hispanic girls would categorically reject Asian men inisitially than non-Hispanic whites do, but they tend to overcome their initial prejudice far more readily once they meet you.
    Whereas the prejudice residing in the majority of Anglo/Anglicized Western women can not be overcome even when they get to know you well; that the prejudice has been sunken to a subconscious level, even knowledge fail to abate the barf reflex upon seeing an Asian man.

  108. 丁杰
    丁杰 June 8, 2012 at 7:37 am | | Reply

    @Henry Yeh:…..Yes Beijing has a lot of white Yes White man…. Refuse a lot of Chinese boys do not like the white man’s reason A woman wanted to go to bed Nausea

  109. Dan
    Dan June 8, 2012 at 8:33 am | | Reply

    The dating population is in the progressive wing of whites – more educated, well traveled, less conservative and open to changes.

    Asian with other races are even less. I do not think Asian culture are less racist or conservative to certain extent (less to the whites because of existing racial hierarchy) at sub conscious level.

  110. Sveta
    Sveta June 10, 2012 at 11:51 am | | Reply

    Is it necessary seeing that kind of language on this blog? It sounds like you’re a spammer rather than an actual human being…

  111. Dan
    Dan June 12, 2012 at 10:15 am | | Reply

    An blog post from AU- http://blogs.theage.com.au/executive-style/allmenareliars/2006/10/17/whydontaussie.html#comments

    Very similar to US/UK/CA I suppose. Asian men (Chinese) ventured out are exceptions. Most ladies comments on individual qualities – personalities, presence, etc. Comparing to Asian girls, the guys family might oppose these marriages for fear of not being able to carry on the traditions, tough relationships with in-laws and having a kid not completely Asian. Basically these issues could occur in your partner’s family as well.

    It also occurs to be the very perception about this whole issue also lies in different ways of thinking – collectivism vs. individualism. The Asian guys who are out there do develop their own personalities to begin with, which also make them “exceptional”.

  112. cvaguy
    cvaguy June 12, 2012 at 5:30 pm | | Reply

    @Dan – Small percentage of acceptance rate means Asian men get a lot of rejections. The one who can swallow the dispointment of rejections with a smile and keep on trying is an exceptional individual.

  113. Dan
    Dan June 12, 2012 at 7:52 pm | | Reply

    I wonder if there are any study having been done in this area to analyze some common themes and success/failure factors. Any studies relating to interracial dating would work. There should be some common issues across the board.

  114. Blossom
    Blossom June 13, 2012 at 8:08 am | | Reply

    @ Dan… There has been a lot of really fascinating research conducted on interracial dating. Much of it is US based, but it is still applicable to other westernised counties. I am a psychologist with full access to all these studies. I have my own stash of really interesting ones. If you would like an email copy just email [email protected] and I will email what I have to you. Anyone interested can shoot me an email. More than happy to share the findings of good quality research. 🙂

  115. Dan
    Dan June 14, 2012 at 1:01 pm | | Reply
  116. Bruce
    Bruce June 14, 2012 at 9:21 pm | | Reply

    🙂 LOL so after reading the survey, do you white women still want to date /marry us Asian men? If the answer is NO, it is your LOSS ! Majority of asian males I know have personalities that are fantastic and out of this world. Now , I truly believe that people can be influenced to believe in something that they read. All these asian men I know personally have such dedication in their careers, businesses, families and friends. If I’m a single asian man AGAIN and those “women” insist that as an asian man I have to make the most money ( $250k) in order to date them. I would say to them ” who the F do you think you are? ” Those kinds of women , we won’t give them a minute of our time. Men like me also have dignity. I’ve noticed that men with the most personalities ( multi personalities) get the girls . Even asian men get rejected by asian women ,too so what’s the big deal if asian men get rejected by non asian women. I don’t know about other asian men but I’m very sensitive about placing a price on someone. If I find out the only reason why you date me because of my paycheck, I will kick you to the curb. I hope more asian men will understand this concept.

  117. Dan
    Dan June 14, 2012 at 10:05 pm | | Reply

    @Blossom, >50% open to dating Asian would make sense in terms of dating attitude from whites. Because Asian males have negative attitudes in general based on current prejudices and traditional values, their outlooks would be less rosy. Thanks for pointing it out.
    Your dating reflects on degrees of acculturation.

  118. Dan
    Dan June 18, 2012 at 8:10 pm | | Reply

    @Bruce, I won’t blame too much on the women. The root cause of the issue is to place white men on top of the social ladder. That also has put pressure on their women.

    Asian men and white women relationships have much higher barriers than the other way around. Our women deserve free choices. But they suffer much less social pressure than us men. It is not always easy for white women. We all have to go the extra mile.

    My culture does not hold me back. Culture difference only counts more initially in a relationship. However, society has not progressed to a degree we can all be confident to choose to date who we fall for. That part of the “American dream” might not happen. My culture gives me the idea to focus on education, career, hard work and family; my culture also gives me characters rather than just personalities. I will be happy to be with an Asian girl (or whoever comes along).
    I know I live in a country that puts Barack Obama in office. Guess who he ends up marrying.

    Also, I am sick of hearing those pick-up artists to tell Asian guys to man up. Cheap shots and totally miss the point.

  119. Bruce
    Bruce June 18, 2012 at 10:35 pm | | Reply

    I don’t know but I feel sad to see tv shows on finding a wife/husband on national tv ( the bachlorette). My attitude is that if I have to make lots of money in order to date such and such women, you can date them all. Can you guarantee me that I’ll make $250k for a lifetime? I have lots of knowledge in life and I know things won’t go smoothly as we get married and work in our careers. Men like me are looking for a special woman. If we make more money and be more successful in our lives is because we have good women standing by us no matter what!!!!! Sometimes ,in life we can lose it all. During that time, I want my woman to be on my side also. I don’t want a woman who will run away when she see another big fish ( rich guy) during bad times. Do you men really want these kind of women? Do those women love you really or just for the lifestyle? This kind of survey is just degrading to asian men or men in general. It’s just one side of the story. Maybe those asian men don’t want women looking for their money and success either. We as asian men are not stupid either. In the past, I didn’t care if the women I dated were rich or poor as long as they were down to earth and nice. Hey , don’t ever think that if a woman is beautiful and I’m lenient on things that i believe in ! Being beautiful will get yelled at sometimes :). On my book, no matter how beautiful or handsome you are, you will hear from me IF you do something I don’t like. Sometimes, it’s the manly personalities that you project out to people in general that they like you. If you make the money and without the personality to attract women/people, they will be bored of you sooner or later. You always have to make them guessing. This is from my experience. Finding that special woman is not easy my friend, white or asian!!!!

    @Dan, yes there is pressure on women also. Some decisions are not totally made by them. They have to look at what society, families and friends tell them who to pick to be with. Prejudice is all around us 24/7. You just have to open up to people and it helps sometimes for them to trust you as a person so the prejudice is lessen. Who knows… maybe the white dad will let you date her daughter. It’s possible. but all jokes aside! We are not looking for that. We want people to see us as ourselves not what you see in a theater.

  120. Allen
    Allen March 25, 2013 at 1:54 pm | | Reply

    So is R looking for a medal for being a “reformed” racist? There are lots of women from every ethnic background I have no romatic attraction too, but none of them I “disliked” or had “near-hatred” for.

    I’d also like to know what outstanding qualities she has that Asian men should be attracted to her in the first place.

    I’m an Asian-American man whose of Chinese descent. One thing I’m always aware of is that half the racism I experience from white people come from white women. That hinders romatic attraction for me more than looks ever could.

  121. Allen
    Allen March 25, 2013 at 1:57 pm | | Reply

    Misspelled “romantic” twice.

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