Chinese Boyfriend a "Little Emperor?" | Speaking of China

4 Responses

  1. Friend
    Friend August 6, 2010 at 2:36 am | | Reply

    I wasn’t raised in China but I am part of that little emperor generation as well as many of friends and acquaintances who did grew up there, with similar conditions. I am confident to say that yes, there are plenty of good men of my group to choose from if this particular man isn’t for you.

    I was thinking of something but maybe Jocelyn can confirm it for me. Another group of men that are open to foreign relationships are the younger sea turtles. If they haven’t been “hitched” yet. A few guys I know are like that, and there really is a certain tint of confidence that is unique to them that I don’t notice it in overseas born Chinese or those who never left China. It’s just my opinion and personal experiences though.

  2. Michael Corleone
    Michael Corleone August 6, 2010 at 5:45 pm | | Reply

    I was raised in a small town in China so we were not spoiled as those grew up in Shanghai. At least we were surrounded by lots of cousins and childhood friends. We followed the traditional way of education, with tons of rules for kids in rural areas of China. Sometimes I feel that northern Chinese are like Sicilians. Lots of rules and they follow the “Don” of the family. There are always some family-based organized crimes. Southern Chinese (Shanghai area) guys are kind of mild, peaceful and feminine, just like their traditional opera 黄梅戏. Southern chinese men are more sensitive to their moms and small families, while the northerns tend to follow the big families. If you are dating southern chinese men, you will deal with their moms and dads. If you date northerns, you probably have to deal with tons of their relatives, with their traditional rules.

    Most young Chinese guys are kind of “mama’s boys”. There was an American TV show called “mama’s boys” on NBC last year. I found those American guys are so similiar to Chinese guys. I hate to say that some of them have not broken away from their moms’ breasts. You gonna make them moms happy first to get admitted into family, and them teach them. If they are still young, they can be trained. lol. Southern chinese men are relatively easy to be trained, northerns are too stubben. Shanghai women are known to be really good at training their men, turning young guys into good husbands. You may need find some shanghai women friends to learn from them.

  3. Judith van Praag
    Judith van Praag August 8, 2010 at 11:26 am | | Reply

    What a fascinating Q&A Your response so in depth Jocelyn and the answers of the other commentators no less interesting. While your platform is focused on Chinese relationships, I’d say many of the points covered will fly for Western men (and women) as well. Narcissism mirrors the same, wherever one encounters the phenomenon.

  4. Chris
    Chris August 14, 2010 at 1:20 am | | Reply

    A suggestion to emporor’s gf – talk to your boyfriend sincerely and subjectively about these issues. Maybe record what he says and play it back to him and let him judge how he sounds like. You are not his mother of course, but you can definitely show him your point of view and open the door for change.

    I grew up as an only child – my parents had tried to raise me to be responsible, but even still – being an only child means that you grow up with all the toys, all the care, attention, affection etc. I was the center of attention, receiving all the best. And it wasn’t until high school and started working that I realized “Hey, I’m not the center of the universe. Maybe I should care about others and how the think/feel.”

    Whereas, my friends who grew up with siblings grow up in a very social environment where being mindful of others comes as second nature. For me I have to make a conscious effort in deciding how my actions would influence others.

    When people ask me questions about myself, I always have to think about how to tactfully redirect the conversation toward being about the other person, instead of talking about mememe. :p

Leave a Reply