Your Chinese Boyfriend's Parents Say No? | Speaking of China

19 Responses

  1. Crystal
    Crystal March 27, 2010 at 1:19 pm | | Reply

    If the girl agrees to live in China – it immediately reduces many questions. If the commitment is serious I do not see a problem to overcome the lack of trust. It just takes time and requires a lot of patience.
    And – by the way – there are often many problems with inlaws even for people from the same culture. So – all I can wish is patience and happiness!

  2. Juliet
    Juliet March 27, 2010 at 11:44 pm | | Reply

    That is very good advice. My best friend will be moving to China to teach English on day, and she may need it. She hopes to meet a nice guy in China.

    I speak Chinese (Mandarin) as well. I am actually a little more interested in the language and culture than my husband, who has spent much of his life here in the U.S., and tries very hard to prove just how American he is. So his parents never had any problems accepting this white girl into their family. I do have some MIL issues, but I won’t go into that now. :-p

  3. rhiannon
    rhiannon March 29, 2010 at 5:06 am | | Reply

    Great advice girl!
    .-= rhiannon´s last blog ..Spring is here.. =-.

  4. Lee
    Lee March 29, 2010 at 12:00 pm | | Reply

    Most of you women (white) are lucky. You had understanding parents. In my case no. I am Chinese-American. Got my PhD in engineering. Most white American folks were accepting when their daughters mentioned my name as Robert Lee. However, the moment they found out that I am related to Bruce Lee of California and not Robert E. Lee of Virginia, they told them not to bring me I think it cuts both ways. My guess is as many white women’s families are not accepting of a Chinese boyfriend as Chinese man’s families are not accepting of a white girlfriend. So it cuts both ways! The proportion not accepting a white man or Asian woman is a lot smaller.

  5. Lee
    Lee March 29, 2010 at 3:30 pm | | Reply

    “It is heartbreaking to see how this still happens in America, a country that on one hand tries to celebrate its multicultural and immigrant background — but on the other, still can be so closeminded to have people who couldn’t accept a Chinese-American son-in-law.”

    And they all claim to be Christians going to church…the fact that I am even more conservative and Christian than them does not make up for the skin color!

  6. EuropeanGirl
    EuropeanGirl April 4, 2010 at 9:04 pm | | Reply

    Hi, I wanted to share my experience. I dated a Chinese guy in my home country for several years. His parents never approved me because I wasn’t Chinese. My boyfriend first kept our relationship secret, then our engagement secret and then didn’t tell me that he found a Chinese girl. So in the end family pressure was too much or he just found something better than me. Now looking for a more open minded guy and family behing him.

  7. Chris
    Chris December 14, 2010 at 2:28 am | | Reply

    This is western semi-rural Canada.

    So I stepped inside this girl’s house to meet her dad. He was a stern-looking guy and asked his daughter to bring him that shotgun. She did and I thought “NO WAY”. He cocked it and slowly aimed it at me and then lowered it. I knew the girl well enough, so I decided I’ll just man up, chill out, and stare him right in the eyes. (eh This used to be the wild west after all) He gave a chuckle.

    “So I heard you’re Chris.”
    “That’s right.”
    He chuckled again. “Have a seat Chris. You passed.”
    Girl: “haha it’s okay, he likes to do that.”

    We had a good chat about everything and nothing. Later he showed me his sword collection and he withdrew a few swords out of their sheaths just 2 feet away from me. We had a chat about the swords. later he formally gave approval that I was worthy enough chill with his daughter.

    I wonder how small town America is like.

  8. BenDan!!
    BenDan!! January 12, 2011 at 5:53 am | | Reply

    I spent almost 10 years in China and swore that I wouldn’t do the Asian thing again (I have 2 children to prove it) – too complicated! I just met the wrong men I guess so I don’t want to stereotype; I just want something less complicated and not cross-cultural. Then I did something really weird…I have falled for another Asian – this time a Sri Lankan and oh boy I can tell you this time it is more than complicated! His parents won’t accept me so he isn’t telling them and he has a daughter back in Sri Lanka and a wife he is not divorced from as yet. My life is a mess because of this situation so I regret falling into this complicated trap again…I just want to love in peace and am so tired of complicated. I don’t like it when people say that everything will work out fine if you love each other and work on the problems – this is not always the case and often you are better of quitting while you are ahead! Good luck to everyone!

  9. elizah
    elizah June 5, 2011 at 7:06 am | | Reply

    I currently have a similar problem (from uk). My bf (chinese) mum is completely against us. When threatening to disown him didn’t work, she said she would divorce his dad. Which caused a lot of distrress for my bf and now he has broken up with me. He ran away to china for a few weeks and is back. And he seems very confused. How can a mother put their son through this? He is also concerned for his mum’s health (even though she is fine). He is thinking of moving to china permanently. He is thinkng, in ten years times, what if his mum falls ill. Who knows what will happen in ten years time. We all worry about our parent’s health. But we dont live our life worrying about it. We cross that bridge when it happens. I want to give him strength and get him to fight for me, as i have fought for him with my parents when they rejected him. Its tough, but i want to give him strength. I dont know how to do this as i keep breaking down half the time. Its really hard. I hate this whole racist perception. We are all people! How can skin colour be the cause of so many issues in 2011?!!! Why can’ t people just think “if he is happy, then its ok”.

  10. BRUCE
    BRUCE June 5, 2011 at 10:50 pm | | Reply

    Don’t worry about the mom or the dad when you talk to your bf/gf families! Doesn’t matter if they accept you or not because you and your gf/wife form another family already. Chinese couples have in law problems all the time.

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