Chinese Men and the Marriage Proposal | Speaking of China

13 Responses

  1. joey
    joey May 21, 2010 at 2:29 am | | Reply

    im a hangzhou college student,my english teacher (from America)advised me some foreign sites to improve my shabby english,lol.
    in my view,in short,we chinese boys seem to be reserved and shy,especially in emotional involment…
    omg,time to eat dinner..best wishes,forgive my shabby english.
    say hi to all of you,hangzhou is a really beautiful city,u r so welcome

  2. jackie
    jackie May 21, 2010 at 2:55 am | | Reply

    My husband played a trick on me when he proposed. We also had talked about marriage long before the actual proposal happened, and I told him that although in China an engagement ring is not as important as it is in the West, I really wanted one. I told him it didn’t have to be expensive and even that I wasn’t really that crazy about diamonds. But I wanted something–just something material to show as evidence that we were really engaged. So he came to my apartment as usual one evening, before we went out for dinner, and he said, “I know you want an engagement ring, and actually I bought one, but it’s not that good. You don’t need a great one, right? Actually this ring only cost me 3 kuai (about 45 cents). Can I show it to you?” I didn’t know what to say…I had, indeed told him the ring didn’t need to be expensive, but 3 kuai??? So he pulls out this horrible, too-big (fake) silver band and slips it on my finger. The look on my face was very uncomfortable…then he started to smile. “You don’t like it?” he said, “well maybe you’ll like this one better,” and he pulled from his backpack a gorgeous white gold ring with a blue sapphire surrounded with tiny diamonds. And he said, “will you marry me?” Funny thing is, that was the most perfect way to propose to me. And the rest is history.
    My husband never wrote me a declaration of love, but he did send me some very romantic text messages that he would absolutely die if I shared with anyone! So I’ll refrain 🙂

    1. diai
      diai February 10, 2014 at 3:00 am | | Reply

      OMG!!! Your story is amazing! It was soo exciting to read it. Definitely, your husband is a very creative man. Thank you for sharing this beautiful marriage proposal.

  3. EuropeanGirl
    EuropeanGirl May 21, 2010 at 6:03 pm | | Reply

    All of the three stories above are really romantic. With my ex-boyfriend (Chinese) I proposed him which was a huge mistake. He said yes, but wasn’t truly committed to me. Lesson was that I’m not going to propose anyone again. My current boyfriend, also Chinese, surprised me by proposing after dating for 4 days! I told him, that I really don’t know him yet. When he asked again two days later I asked why did he propose even we have known for a really short time. He said he was afraid I’m not serious with him and going to run away soon. If he ends up being a good guy I’ll give him the yes later on, but now he’s just letting the feeling of a first love get his head dizzy 🙂

    But now I know how to propose in Chinese, so when the real proposal comes one day I’ll understand what he’s saying. First time I had to ask him to repeat with different words so I could understand with my poor Chinese 🙂 (he doesn’t speak English).

  4. Susan
    Susan May 21, 2010 at 6:12 pm | | Reply

    Ahem, gulp. The marriage proposal I recieved is so non-memorable that I don’t even remember it! In fact, I don’t think it ever actually happened :). We were just friends (so I thought, though he knew better), and then I was clearly being courted, and then somehow we began gradually over time talking about our future together, our marriage, and what kind of wedding we should have. Viola! I think you’d have to ask my clever husband how he managed it. It’s kind of like we just knew it. But that was twenty years ago, mind you. However it happened, I’m just so glad that it did.

  5. Shannon
    Shannon May 21, 2010 at 7:38 pm | | Reply

    Thanks for including my story, Jocelyn! I should add that my fiance didn’t just subconsciously know how to propose to an American woman, but he DID know that it should be special (I mean, come on, he’s seen movies!) So…he started by emailing my best friend in the states to ask her what he should do AND THEN he spent a lot of time on good ole’ Google typing in things like, “how to propose”, “how to propose to an American”, “how to propose to an American woman.” Adorable, huh? 🙂

  6. Kelly
    Kelly May 22, 2010 at 9:34 am | | Reply

    My Chinese fiance and I had talked about marriage prior to getting engaged – whether we wanted it, when, etc. I’d had the experience of other Asian guys I dated claiming their love for me WAY too soon, so we had also talked about how the people had to take their time and be certain before taking those steps and making those commitments. We also talked a lot about the differences between proposals, weddings, and marriages in China (for him) and Canada (for me). I explained to him about how an engagement is usually a longer time in the West, and how there is usually a ring given, but also told him I understood that it’s different here in China.
    After all this, in the weeks leading up to my birthday, my fiance was horrible for dropping hints (saying he was all ready for my birthday, with extra emphasis on the “ready”, playing with my finger, asking me if I liked the rings that other women had). But as much as I thought he might be planning to propose, I also didn’t want to let myself become too convinced that he would and then be disappointed if he didn’t.
    My birthday came and we went out for dinner that evening, just the two of us at a really sweet, quiet little Chinese restaurant. We chatted, we ate, then he said he wanted to give me my present. Across the table came a small bag. I opened it to see…two stuffed tigers. “Because it’s the year of the Tiger and you don’t have one yet!” he explained. Hmmmm. Oh well, I thought. We’re happy and when it’s supposed to happen, it will happen.
    The next evening, we were going to have my birthday dinner together with many of my coworkers and some other friends of ours. Although I was feeling sick, I got ready and we arrived to see almost everyone else there already, sat down and ordered the food. I opened presents from some other friends. Then suddenly I heard, “Wait, I have one more present for you!” He left the room and came back a few seconds later with a beautiful bouquet of roses. As I turned around and he handed them to me, he then got down on one knee and I saw the box in his hand. He opened it up to reveal a gorgeous ring! Funnily enough, he never actually asked me to marry him, as we both got caught up in the moment, although I did ask him if he was serious!
    He has been told numerous times that he is very brave for asking me in front of all those people – what if he had been rejected?! And for me, it was nice to have some close friends there to share it with us, as well as take a few pictures to show my family back home. My most memorable birthday to date!!

  7. melanie gao
    melanie gao May 23, 2010 at 5:50 pm | | Reply

    You already know the story of how I had to propose to my Chinese husband but I don’t think I’ve ever told you about the engagement ring he bought me a few weeks later.

    I was in Germany doing an internship and he had made a special trip to Hong Kong to buy my ring. He called me to say he’d made the purchase and I asked what it looked like. He said it was white.

    A white wedding ring?!

    I asked if the metal was white or the stones were white. He said it was the stones. This did not conjure up good images for me.

    I asked if the stone was a diamond or a pearl and he said, “It’s a pearl. No wait, it’s a diamond. No wait, what’s the difference again?”

    Suddenly I seriously regretted letting him buy the ring alone. But in fact it was a diamond, and a beautiful one at that. I’m wearing the ring right now and it’s perfect.
    .-= melanie gao´s last blog ..Caution – Drive Safely =-.

  8. Lynsea
    Lynsea March 28, 2012 at 3:37 pm | | Reply

    what is a ‘declaration of love’? and engagement/wedding rings aren’t common in China?
    i’m curious, my Chinese boyfriend sometimes mentions marriage but i don’t know how they go about with the engagement..

  9. BRUCE
    BRUCE March 29, 2012 at 4:51 pm | | Reply

    Couples are making movies on proposals and you can be your own actors if you’re not shy like me. Yes, this is new and taking it to another level!!!

  10. shen
    shen April 10, 2012 at 9:58 am | | Reply

    We are find one girl for our marriage. My name is kasun and my age 21.my job is PRIVAT teaching and we have a computer shop. My brothers name sheyn.his age18.we are looking for very kind, innocent, girl. We are Sri Lankan boys. Our E-mail: ([email protected]). /dont joke,kidding please. We are not smoking and drinking. I hate to do this.

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