Ask the Yangxifu: How Chinese Men Can Meet Western Women in America

John and I in Chicago
Where can Chinese men find Western women for love in the US?

B asks:

I really want to ask you a question about “How Chinese Men Can Meet Western Women in US”? Because I would like to stay here and find a western wife! I am on and I have a lot of American friends, but there is only a few of them who are interested in Chinese Culture, let alone want to marry a Chinese guy!


You may be striking out on and with your friends. You might have been rejected at the bar last weekend. But, believe me (and, for that matter, all of my amazing female readers from the US who love Chinese men) — we’re out there. It’s just that “there” might not be the kind of place you might expect.

So where is there? Here’s my shortlist of places to start your search for love in the US of A:

Go Back to School (Sort of)

Colleges and Universities. These bastions of intellectual curiosity abound with Western women willing to look beyond the obvious, and beyond the stereotypes, for true love. And you don’t even have to crash the intermediate Chinese language class to find them.

Scour the college or university calendar for events open to the public (or, as they often say, “the community”). It doesn’t have to be related to China, the Chinese, or even Chinese language — just as long as it’s something that will pack the halls with the kind of enlightened, open-minded young women who would give you a chance. Think international/foreign or minority-related topics. In other words, skip the football games, homecoming pageants and veteran’s days celebrations — but check out the International film festival, or the book talk from that author who built schools in Afghanistan, or the Native American culture night, or even the symposium about human rights around the world.

You might even be able to get a little closer by getting involved in university groups open to the public — such as the International Affairs Council at my university, which plans an international symposium every year. Which brings me to my next suggestion…

Get International

Instead of your Chinese community center, try an organization dedicated to bringing the international to the public at large through eclectic events, from a talk on India-Pakistan relations to a discussion about child soldiers in Africa over German brews and bratwurst, and even Model UN. You’ll meet people who have, say, actually heard of Bhutan, or worked in Dubai, or desperately want to know about Genghis Khan’s Mongolia.

Some of these groups “live” at your university — like the International Affairs Council I mentioned above. Others thrive in the larger community, such as the Cleveland Council on World Affairs. You might also find something international on

Go Holistic

Every city has what you might call a “holistic community” — the kind of folks who buy dong quai at natural foods stores, read stories about Bodhidharma from their zen meditation sessions, and brew up bitter herbal meds prescribed by their Traditional Chinese Medicine doctor or herbalist. These anything-but-typical Americans are far more likely to know Chinese culture, to travel and have a curiosity about other countries, and to date you too.

Where can you find these people?

Natural foods stores — especially locally owned co-ops — are one possibility. You may not necessarily meet “the one” over your wheat-free Sichuan sauce in the Asian aisle, but co-ops are like a gateway to the holistic world, brimming with alternative newspapers and other sources of information about groups/events in the community that draw out those holistic types. On the other hand, if you like the scene there, some co-ops actually welcome volunteers or people to join the board — it’s a great way to get a little closer.

Find yourself a group ( is one place) — from Taoism meetups to Shambala meditation centers. The main rule of thumb is, avoid anything too mainstreamed (i.e., your yoga or pilates class at the local rec center, or the meditation group for stress reduction at the hospital), but gravitate towards groups with more of a philosophical foundation.

Meet the “Public” in Public Radio or TV

Public radio and TV is one of the few places on the airwaves where you can find everything from a glimpse into Iranian culture to a debate about China’s place in the world. So it’s no wonder that public radio and TV fans are some of the most open-minded people in the US — and open to the possibility of love from another culture.

You could start by volunteering for your local NPR radio or PBS TV station next time they have a pledge drive (they always need people to answer the phones, and would be thrilled to have you).

Some stations even go a step further, hosting cool events open to the public. For example, my old station in Cleveland invited the public for a FREE live conversation with World Have Your Say to the studio — and packed the studio with a motley group of young, worldly and passionate people from all over the city.

What did I miss? What are some other ingenious ways to meet those exceptional Western women in the US who could love Chinese men?


Do you have a question about life, dating, marriage and family in China (or in Chinese culture)? Every Friday, I answer questions on my blog. Send me your question today.

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16 thoughts on “Ask the Yangxifu: How Chinese Men Can Meet Western Women in America

  • November 26, 2010 at 8:49 am

    And be very careful..if DHS or DOS finds out who you are, you will have a very difficult time getting a visa to the US.

  • November 26, 2010 at 1:30 pm

    If you are into fitness, check into local wushu, kungfu, and taiji classes. If you are willing to use your weekend time for teaching, check into the local Confucius Institute for opportunities to teach a class. If you are into religion – Buddhist, Catholic, etc – look for a congregation of your choice. Some have Chinese services. If you are able to do this, try to live in an urban area that tends to be very international and very educated – examples in Texas are Austin and Houston, in Illinois they would be Chicago and Urbana. I assure you there are indeed Western women in the US looking for Chinese guys. Some just know a little bit of Mandarin and some are near native speakers to the point they are actually teaching the language in a high school or even college.

  • November 26, 2010 at 10:06 pm

    You know there are many groups on facebook that have many western women looking for Chinese men. You have to just open your mind a little and not be shy. Also, there are other sites that are better than… look into interracial sites or Asian sites you would be surprised. the one thing is not to give up… we are out there and we are searching too…. good luck..

  • November 27, 2010 at 5:44 pm

    Sometimes girls in the west just don’t know they like Asian guys so feel free to approach anybody. I never would have known until my Chinese ex. asked me out (but we worked together, so work is a good place too), but don’t be shy and go for it! Try talking to lots of girls, and if you expect a ‘no’ then you don’t get disappointed and will be surprised when she says ‘yes’. 😉

  • November 27, 2010 at 6:10 pm

    I for one am a young western girl who is crazy for Chinese men! I also know of more than a few like minded women. So don’t worry, we are out there! You just have to come find us!

    So, what are some tips……..?

    To repeat what the last post said, don’t be shy! If your friendly and approachable, you will get noticed! Many of us are just waiting of a nice, friendly Chinese man to “by chance” start up a conversation after class/work or while waiting for the bus!

    Another idea is think of a hobby or cause that you are sincerely interested in, like photography or animal rights or something, then find an interest group. If you choose anything artistic or socially conscience, there is no doubt in my mind there will be many girls for you to talk to. Furthermore, many of these women will probably be interested in hearing about your experiences living in both China and wherever you are now and will want to hear your stories. But, it crucial that this is something your actually interested in, and not only about meeting girls. The idea is to share a common interest and passion. Check out what the nearest University or even the city has to offer.

    The kung fu idea is very good too. I know it’s stereotypical, but believe me, even if your not really into these sports per se, try to befriend a kung fu/wushu/taiji teacher and maybe offer to help them out with cleaning up or something. Case in point: my two friends really want to meet a Korean guy. The very first thing they did was take Ti Kwon Do. My friend then told her teacher that she really wanted to meet a Korean guy. Within a week, an eligible Korean bachelor suddenly started attending there class!

    And of coarse, talk to your friends. Tell them what your looking for and I’m sure they will keep an eye open for you! Even talk to some Chinese female friends and see if they know any western girls who have expressed interest in Chinese culture and men.

    Just stay positive and confident!

  • November 27, 2010 at 6:32 pm

    >>>My friend then told her teacher that she really wanted to meet a Korean guy. Within a week, an eligible Korean bachelor suddenly started attending there class! <<<

    Wow that's incredible. I wish an eligible Chinese bachelor would suddenly start attending my wushu class. Guess I need to tell shifu.

  • November 30, 2010 at 7:11 pm

    Li Lan ,

    I’m going to attend your Wushu Class soon *hint hint* :).
    I’m 6’1″ 195lbs muscular Chinese Man. My interests are body building , basketball ,etc. I like to collect lots of things.

  • November 30, 2010 at 7:31 pm

    >>>Some of these groups “live” at your university — like the International Affairs Council I mentioned above. Others thrive in the larger community, such as the Cleveland Council on World Affairs.<<<
    Jocelyn, I looked this up and found out that the World Affairs Council of Philadelphia is supported by my company, WOW! I wish I can take advantages of it, but I still have many doubts.

    It is one thing to say that you'll end up having Three Strikes and You're Out on It is another thing to say that you can touchdown in another match! What if you grew up in China and you never took any "kung fu/wushu/taiji" lessons (because you are not interested in them), but you develop "enthusiasm" in those activities when you are here in America(because you just want to meet Western women), isn't it too "goal-oriented"? What if the Western woman you met is really into "Bodhidharma", "zen meditation" and ""kung fu/wushu/taiji", but you actually love God, Bible and football games.

    So the question is, what characters (of Western women)do you really appreciate? To me, it's not how fluent she can speak Mandarin, or how much she is crazy for Chinese men. But how much she likes me as a unique individual and life partner, and because of that, she does not care about whether I am a Chinese or not.

    • December 1, 2010 at 3:14 pm

      Thanks to everyone for the great suggestions!

      @Grace, I totally agree — if you’re not in the US, best not to mention this. I wrote these ideas mainly for men already in the US.

      @Li Lan, thanks for the great ideas. Wushu classes sound like a good way to meet someone. And I’m glad you mentioned religion too (something I probably left out b/c I’m not so religious).

      @lifebehindthewall, thanks for sharing. You’re right about groups on FB and other sites out there. I guess it depends on the site/group. Sometimes it still can be difficult if the people on that site aren’t the type of demographic you’re looking for (I think of a few Asian men-non Asian women dating sites). But if you find a group/site to your liking, it’s certainly worth a try

      @Beth, thanks for the comment. So true that many of us don’t realize we could have an awesome relationship w/ an Asian guy. I agree — talk with girls and be willing to put yourself out there. (I should add that to this list)

      @Ayester, great ideas — going to groups organized around a hobby you like is a wonderful way to meet someone. Another thumbs up on the kungfu (I really need to add that in).

      @Bruce, thanks for the comment. LOL, maybe someday a couple might get together after leaving comments on this blog! (P.S.: If anyone ever does, don’t forget to invite me to the wedding…)

      @Bo, thanks for the comment. I’m so glad you provided me with feedback on this entry.

      My ideas are definitely biased towards the venues I know offer some of the best chances to meet those really open-minded people (the people most likely to look beyond race and culture). But I can see that, as a guy who loves “God, Bible and football games,” you might feel like some of these places are not your style. That’s fair.

      It sounds like religion is really important to you, and if that’s the case, you should look to a church to find someone. If you already have a specific denomination in mind, try finding a church in your area and see what happens. You might be surprised. If you are open to any Christian church, I recommend either the Episcopal Church or the United Church of Christ. Both denominations attract Christians who are also more open-minded, who embrace people of all walks of life, races and ethnicities. Many churches have singles groups (and, on occasion, sometimes those without have older women who would love nothing more than to help arrange your love life). I’ll try to add this in to update the entry.

      Well, I can’t guarantee every woman will love football as much as you do…but if you’ve got the religion there, well, 2 out of three isn’t bad. 😉

  • December 1, 2010 at 3:30 pm

    LOL,you can almost read our mind about common dating frustration for Chinese men,or Asian men in general.

    Yes,the stereo type and main stream media’s strong bias have also done plenty of demange to our dating life.


    • December 1, 2010 at 4:06 pm

      @Hanho, thanks for the comment. It is true about the media. All I can say is, don’t give up, because we ARE out there.

      BTW, a comment I got from lifebehindthewall via e-mail:

      Well.. Bo.. Confidence is key here.. if you give up before you try.. then of course your not going to get anywhere. Be confident and believe in yourself.. there are western women out there but they have to know your interested.

  • December 1, 2010 at 10:16 pm

    Well,this brings me to the next point.

    We can get frustrated, blaming on negative stereo image,media’s bias and taking all those negative factors personally. Or,we can do what Lifebehindthewall have just mentioned. Breaking off negative stereo type with confident and great inner strength.


  • December 2, 2010 at 9:34 am

    >>LOL, maybe someday a couple might get together after leaving comments on this blog! (P.S.: If anyone ever does, don’t forget to invite me to the wedding…)<<

    Jocelyn, , isn't it the most wonderful part of being a blog matchmaker!

  • » Speaking of China Blog

  • October 24, 2013 at 3:43 am

    The headline suggests it’s about America but it’s only about the US….

  • October 24, 2013 at 6:12 pm

    The most important thing is confidence and open attitude. You might be a wonderful person, but a relationship with someone from a different background is challenging, added layer of challenge. There is no need to blame others for not trying. Women need to be wooed, or left alone.
    I think Jocelyn’s advices are also conservative. It resonates her own experiences. Remember you are surrounded by those women you are interested in. Be who you are and be interested in other people’ lives. Learn social rules because they are different in US. If you are a good communicator, almost a must for a good relationship, you are good to go.

    The hardest thing is to be who you are. If you want someone to be interested and attracted to you, be very comfortable of your own skin. Practice with common social skills. Keep a positive attitude for your own happiness. Don’t limit yourself only to one place and one type of person.


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