Ask the Yangxifu: Chinese Wedding Advice | Speaking of China

10 Responses

  1. Kelly@thehungryegghead
    [email protected] June 1, 2012 at 6:53 am | | Reply

    My husband and I paid for our entire wedding ourselves so we did whatever we wanted. 🙂

    I say whoever is paying the bills gets to make the decisions.

  2. Sveta
    Sveta June 2, 2012 at 12:16 pm | | Reply

    June…really brings back memories. My sister got engaged sometime in the summer. I recall watching a Korean drama Sorry I love You when she got engaged afterwards.

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  4. Ray
    Ray August 7, 2012 at 6:16 am | | Reply

    I am a caucasian man who recently married a Chinese woman in China.
    1) Do couples kiss at their wedding in China? She was too shy to, she claims.
    2) Should I be worried that my new wife did not sit with me during the reception meal? She did not eat, and spent the whole time going from table to table serving drinks, and chatting.
    3) What happens at the end when the reception is over? She asked me to meet her across the street at a Karaoke bar with her friends while she “paid the bill”. I paid for everything, but had no say in the arrangements.
    Thanks for reading, and I look forword to your feedback.

  5. Bruce
    Bruce August 7, 2012 at 10:27 am | | Reply

    answers:
    1) Most or 95 % Chinese women WON’T kiss during the wedding

    2) Normally, you and your wife should eat a little bit BEFORE the wedding because in Chinese wedding you will have to go from one table to the next ( 60 tables). If you have more tables to greet, don’t do it . It’s too tiring to do that but you have to disclose that to your wife.

    3) Yes, it is normal in some cases that you and your wife have to pay for that either for karaoke bar, pre wedding dinner etc.

    I’ve been to alot of chinese wedding so let me tell you 🙂

  6. Dan
    Dan August 7, 2012 at 12:34 pm | | Reply

    Your guests only give red envelopes (money). The rest is all on you and your wife’s family. You ceremony is mostly for family and parents in Chinese wedding. Like Bruce said, the going around table part is expected. I think they have gone easy on you because you are foreigner, so your wife did all the work. You won’t get bachelor/bachelorette party either. But you might be subject to relentless teasing with your wife after the ceremony at your home or hotel room (Nao Dong Fang). It is the best and most fun part of a Chinese wedding. Guess you are skipped over that drama.

  7. Bruce
    Bruce August 7, 2012 at 3:36 pm | | Reply

    You know Chinese culture is about relationship between relatives, families, friends , business partners etc. Normally, you won’t see everyone going dutch like paying for your own bill in a group of 10 people. It’s weird in a way but it’ll make sense later on. YOu will love it once you have the right woman on your side. It’s called being considerated :).

  8. Bruce
    Bruce August 8, 2012 at 10:07 am | | Reply

    @Ray, the red envelopes ( money/gifts) that your chinese relatives give to you during the wedding belong to you. If you think in a strange way like making a profit on a wedding then it’s okay also but this is not a business deal though. Don’t get me wrong. That money is for you and your wife. Actually, some Chinese weddings will make $5k to $15k USD after ALL expenses PAID like ( karoake bar, wedding banquet, limo, beer/liquor/wine) Everything is paid for. Of course, sometimes you come out on a negative $. It’ okay you don’t have to kiss her during the wedding. You can do that behind closed door all the time. I know I know culture difference is hard to get used too but you will get used to it soon. My friend just got married last yr and I told him and his wife to eat before the wedding banquet . You really don’t have time to eat there . Good Luck :).

    Bruce

  9. Cindy
    Cindy January 7, 2015 at 6:21 am | | Reply

    My american son married a Chinese girl and I know we are expected to give a gift of money but I’m not sure how much. We go to China to visit them this spring and I want to give appropriate amount. Also how much for new baby?

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