Ask the Yangxifu: Does He Like Me? Signs a Chinese Man Might Be Into You | Speaking of China

24 Responses

  1. Michelle
    Michelle February 22, 2013 at 2:53 am | | Reply

    Haha…my husband must be a different kind of Chinese man. He was never really the type to go out of his way to pick me up at the airport or train station (which I never felt I needed…I’d just meet him at home and save him the trip!) and we spend a good amount of time apart as well as together (when we were dating, as well). But I do appreciate that…I like that we’re both independent and I have time with my girls while he can go off with his friends or coworkers. When we were dating, my husband never really texted or called me everyday. He did email me almost everyday when we were in different countries for 6 months, though.

    I do agree that you really have to read into the actions of Chinese men rather than their words. Especially things that show they remember what you said in the past.
    Michelle recently posted..When In Doubt, Test It Out!

  2. Mary
    Mary February 22, 2013 at 3:21 am | | Reply

    Thank you for this post, I was actually thinking of emailing you this exact question, ha ha!!
    I’ve been reading all of your posts since a few month and searching the archives for a better understanding of a guy I’m really interested in who’s from China. I already have a hard time navigating Western dating, ha ha! But with this guy, I’m always in doubt as to what I can and cannot say and do, because I’m scared of how he will perceive me. I’m almost sure he is interested as well, but I don’t know what I can do to help take the relationship to the next stage and show him my appreciation, it’s been going at such at slow (albeit very interesting) pace… I’m at a point where I feel I’m ready to take it to the next level and I’m getting a little bit frustrated.
    So thank you for your insight, I’m learning a lot about Chinese culture through your blog.
    Best wishes

  3. Sveta
    Sveta February 22, 2013 at 5:23 am | | Reply

    Sweet answers. These answers just confirmed that the guy I liked doesn’t like me back. Ah well, knew it inside anyways. Thanks though.
    Sveta recently posted..Book Review of The Witch of Little Italy by Suzanne Palmieri

  4. chinaelevatorstories
    chinaelevatorstories February 22, 2013 at 5:24 am | | Reply

    My fiancé definitely spends a lot of time with me and we talk a lot, but he was the one to say “I love you” first one week into dating. He can be quite outspoken about his feelings and I’ve met both types of men here, the outspoken ones and opposite.

    When he gets mad at me (发脾气) or we have an argument he’ll treat me to dinner and/or will make time for me when he would have to work in the evening as an apology.
    chinaelevatorstories recently posted..The last days of fall, the beginning of winter

  5. askdsk
    askdsk February 22, 2013 at 8:59 am | | Reply

    Overlooked the dating reality for the new generations in China. Things changed quite a bit in one generation.
    College students are more westernized these days. When they go into society, the priority is to start a family. You will be fooled to think most Chinese men still fit into traditional images of being indirect. It really depends on the person and where that person lives.

  6. Susan Blumberg-Kason
    Susan Blumberg-Kason February 22, 2013 at 12:13 pm | | Reply

    One thing I came across in China and Hong Kong many years ago was that men would casually talk about taking me somewhere in China that wasn’t close by, but at least a two-hour flight away. We’d be talking about say, Sichuan, and a guy would say, “We should go there” or “I’d love to show you around Chongqing” or something like that. While it seemed quite bold, I realized after a while that it was just polite talk. So the advice to look at actions over words is excellent!
    Susan Blumberg-Kason recently posted..Book of the week–The Secret of the Nightingale Palace

  7. Oegukeen from Loving Korean
    Oegukeen from Loving Korean February 22, 2013 at 1:29 pm | | Reply

    Interestingly, “How to know if Korean guy likes me?” is also the most common question I get on my blog.

    It’s really difficult to be in love and not sure if you’re in for a heartache or the most magical time of your life.
    Oegukeen from Loving Korean recently posted..Should I learn Korean language to have a Korean boyfriend?

  8. askdsk
    askdsk February 22, 2013 at 1:48 pm | | Reply

    In the west, rhetoric matters a lot more. A Chinese guy might not care about the words you wish to hear. That is the cultural difference.

  9. Bruce
    Bruce February 22, 2013 at 2:10 pm | | Reply

    In the past , if I liked a woman I would like to know her more and more because we dated to get married :(.. Yes , we just pay more attention to women who we like. It’s all true!! That’s why we are different from other men who only use sweet talks and cheap words. Sweet talks and cheap words actually work though and women fall for it quickly. Of course, if you have actions and sweet words , more power to you. So before you leave the house, rinse your mouth with honey. Damn you’re be dynamic!!

  10. Bruce
    Bruce February 22, 2013 at 6:47 pm | | Reply

    Before I leave my office, I just want to say give that asian/chinese guy a chance. Majority of them do want to date and get married. One spoiled apple doesn’t mean we are all players! One asian guy I knew was one of the sweetest guys out there. He got dumped by his gf so after that he just became a player . He picked up extremely beautiful women from Latinas ,black women to white women. He is married now. He said he felt so lonely even though he was with all those women. Seriously!!!! Chinese men are very different! We don’t just go out on the street and talk to women trying to get their #’s and bring them home and you know what… If you women out there who want to have family values and respect etc, Chinese/Asian men should be on your “hot list”. I know I I know you want a muscular, built, tall man and show him off in public holding hands and show him off to your friends for approval right? If you only base on that, I’m sorry but you know we all age and can’t maintain our physique for long. When I say this… that doesn’t mean I’m fat or skinny..

  11. forest
    forest February 22, 2013 at 9:18 pm | | Reply

    May I add that spending time a lot and talking a lot are clearly signs that someone likes you. But he/she may like you as a friend. Only when he/she feels comfortable and responses to physical touching should you conclude he/she likes you more than just a friend.

  12. Dennis Jin
    Dennis Jin February 24, 2013 at 6:30 pm | | Reply

    lol Take myself as an example of encountering a cute Caucasian girl, I would literally gaze at her for a long time when walking by. Not sure if it’s appropriate, but I tend to ignore all the Asian girls’ presence and look past them to the particular Caucasian gal in eyes. In that way I think I could stand out the fact I’m not that kind of Asian guy who’s into Asian girls.

  13. Laura
    Laura February 25, 2013 at 12:03 am | | Reply

    In general, I would say that these signs are somehow international. If he likes you he will act that way.
    Is pretty easy to know when someone is just playing around or really into you.

  14. Claire
    Claire February 25, 2013 at 8:45 am | | Reply

    It took me more than a while to notice things like him going out of his way to do things for me – made me feel so bad when I started realising and looking back at things that had happened :(

    One thing that infuriates me is when they decide not to contact you and expect you to carry on as normal. I can’t talk about this too much because it will put me in a bad mood! haha

  15. kevin gao
    kevin gao February 25, 2013 at 11:25 pm | | Reply

    great post! i decided to comment to let you know i’ve been reading your blog for months now and love the stuff you’re sharing with the world. i’m an abc guy, so not the audience group you discuss, but so much of it is relatable and interesting :)

    1. min
      min December 5, 2013 at 2:19 pm | | Reply

      yeah, i agree. the information are reliable and interesting.

  16. centaur
    centaur February 26, 2013 at 4:05 pm | | Reply

    If you are not sure, find a chance and kiss him.

    If you are sure he likes you, well, charm him into marrying you.

    :-)

  17. Sara
    Sara February 27, 2013 at 12:32 am | | Reply

    I would add, does he give you little presents? For a while when I met my husband at first I liked him but didn’t know how he thought about me, but he would randomly (I thought) give me presents like a bookmark from a trip, a drink or snack in class, a potted plant for Thanksgiving day, etc. As he kept giving me little presents it helped me realize his feelings more. Good luck! :)

  18. Friend
    Friend March 13, 2013 at 10:14 pm | | Reply

    If a man from Asia likes you, he will want to tag along naturally rather than direct asking out. As in, start off with friends first before anything. I’ve heard from Foreign women how guys in Taiwan (and throughout China and Asia to an extent) are comparably shy. The thinking from the Asian guy’s perspective is he wants to pursue friendship first and won’t say or do things to jeopardize that level of relationship. Like if he can’t be your lover, at least he’ll be your friend or some type of acquaintance.

    A lot of times, dating a man from Asia is more like hanging out with a friend than being pamper by a boyfriend (sort of). In time, if a man from Asia gets more closer to you, he will start showing more paternal characteristics. Like he will start nagging over little things, or being overly watchful (as if he is more like your father or older brother). Sometimes, it can be overwhelming and sometimes guys from Asia need to tone it down. But overall, it isn’t that bad cause along with those paternal characteristics, he will be more attentive, and do a lot of little to small things to show he cares. At the level of the relationship, even though it’s still dating, if you get to that part, it will seem as if he already considers you his other special half.

    I’m generalizing quite a lot but more or less, a lot of guys are kind of like this.

  19. Friend
    Friend March 13, 2013 at 10:22 pm | | Reply

    Actually, ignore my recent post.

  20. pretty_m
    pretty_m December 5, 2013 at 2:29 pm | | Reply

    i just feel glad that there is a website like this. it is very informative. it truly helped me understand more my chinese boyfriend. i agree, it is important to appreciate their actions better than their words. because my chinese boyfriend, actually i call him my husband already, is not good at expressing his emotions through his words but he is real patient to help me study chinese language, he is real patient to talk with me long hours, and even though his friends complaining why he does not go with them anymore to play ma jiang, he still have chosen to just fight for our relationship. ^_^ in return, i have shown him who really i am by being loyal to him, loving him with respect and trying to use my skills to help him build a good family for us. ^_^

  21. Bruce
    Bruce December 6, 2013 at 4:47 am | | Reply

    They said ” knowledge is power”. Knowledge turns to action is power!!! Without action, knowledge is just sitting there and nothing will happen. Having a circle of friends will be much easier for a future relationship to develop. Currently I know 3 Chinese women are trying to hook up this Chinese man with another woman that I know right now. You know in the past. I’ve tried to ask girls out directly too . Sometimes, it worked and other times no.

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