Does this Chinese man like me? This is hands-down the number one question that women ask me every month.
Now, I’m not singling out this question — and, by extension, the e-mailers who ask it — to embarrass them! Who in love hasn’t experienced that uncertainty, when they’re not quite sure what’s going on and they crave a little reassurance? Besides, as I tell people, I’m a hopeless romantic and actually dig reading questions like this, which always come with these fantastic stories rife with the potential for incredible love. It’s a gift that readers share this with me!
But as I was reading my FAQs recently — which include this question, among others — I realized that, perhaps, the answers I’ve posted could use some updating and simplifying. Which would make things easier for women trying to know what’s going on with a certain guy in their life.
Just keep in mind that the following advice comes with a caveat — that I’m speaking mainly about men born and raised in Asia. If you’re dealing with a guy who grew up in a Western country (say, a Chinese-Canadian or Chinese-American), just remember that in most cases, they approach dating pretty much like you.
All that said…so how do you know if he’s into you?
Time. As in, how much time he’s with you. When Chinese men like you, they tend to go out of their way to spend heroic amounts of time with you. They’ll escort you to and from all your classes or out to your car. They’ll ride with you on the bus all the way to your apartment (and make sure you’re safely inside). They’ll give you rides in their car that are totally out of their way, just because they want to be with you that much longer. They’ll spend their entire weekends only with you (perhaps to the point that you might wonder if he’s actually pissing off his friends, who have no chance to see him).
Talk. As in, how much he communicates with you. Chinese men who are into you will generally make time to contact you frequently — if not every day, then several times a week. He’ll call or text you every single evening to wish you a good night or make sure you’re home safe. He’ll e-mail you every day or every other day to see how you are. He’ll make time to Skype or video chat with you on a weekly basis.
When you really think about it, this really isn’t different from what any guy interested in you would probably do — make lots of time for you, and talk to you a lot.
The main difference is something I mentioned before in my post about Indirect Dating and Chinese Men — that, in general, they aren’t going to discuss love and dating directly with you. In Chinese culture, people prefer to show their interest or affection. I think this is what trips so many women up — that they’re waiting for that verbal reassurance, when it’s just not going to come. If he is into you, the relationship will probably transition into something more serious rather organically — with a kiss, a touch or holding hands — instead of some sudden declaration of love.
So if you’re hoping for an “I love you” confession from him anytime soon, good luck. It took my own husband years before he could tell me “I love you” in English, and many, many more years after that before he could say the same thing in Chinese.
Instead, pay attention to his actions and not his words. And then you just might feel the love in the way he walks you to your car or your class, or calls you at night to make sure you’re safe at home.
Do you have a question about life, dating, marriage and family in China/Chinese culture (or Western culture)? Send me yours today.