Should Speaking of China Help You Meet New People/Dates? | Speaking of China

Should Speaking of China Help You Meet New People/Dates?

(photo by Matthew Niemi via Flickr.com)

While I take this Friday off to celebrate my wedding anniversary with John, I thought I’d pose a question that’s been on my mind.

Many readers have told me they would love to actually MEET someone through Speaking of China. While I never intended nor envisioned this site to be an “online dating” or “personals” destination, I’ve begun to find this idea intriguing — especially since I feel as if Speaking of China attracts some amazing readers (who might just hit it off in real life).

Now don’t worry, I’m not about to drop-kick the current website and suddenly set up some specialty Match.com! If I was to ever realize this idea, it would most likely reside in a page on the site  — think the personal ads section in newspapers or magazines. In other words, it wouldn’t in any way impact the blog.

So I’m asking you. Do you think I should offer some way for people to meet someone on my site? 

If you say “yes”, then I’d love to know about what features you would like to see — and even what kind of experience you might want.

If “no” is your answer, I’d also like to know your reasons.

In any event, sound off in the comments and let me know what you think.

I’ll be back on Monday with some fabulous new content. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get ready for hot date with my husband! 😉

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37 Responses

  1. fernandocruz
    fernandocruz July 26, 2013 at 4:17 am | | Reply

    YES!I think it would be nice if this site really helps people,that really matters.

  2. chinaelevatorstories
    chinaelevatorstories July 26, 2013 at 7:38 am | | Reply

    I think this is a great idea! Happy anniversary!

  3. IC
    IC July 26, 2013 at 7:43 am | | Reply

    Wow, this idea might potentially make you wealthier than Mark Zuckerberg if just fractional Chinese men from China sign up.

    This might be unique market not occupied yet.

  4. Sveta
    Sveta July 26, 2013 at 10:23 am | | Reply

    I actually would like to see the idea implemented. I would ask for country/state features, that is members that come from specific country or state be sorted out. Maybe free email or something, or if you’re thinking of making it paid, at least make it a one month trial or something…

  5. Jack
    Jack July 26, 2013 at 11:43 am | | Reply

    Yeh sure, although there are some sites out there already :
    eg. http://www.hey-ai.com

    But I think I like how you have so many blog posts and advice on interracial relationship – something I found lacking on those sites where its mostly just a forum.

  6. aiyangxifu
    aiyangxifu July 26, 2013 at 2:23 pm | | Reply

    @Sveta

    Successful internet business are always free for users like google, facebook,ect. For dating site, it is even more important to have large users base to attract more users the way like facebook.
    When you have enough user base, there are many more ways to make money including advertisements, sale of product or book, organizing events,ect.
    Any internet business charging users will not last very long.

  7. aiyangxifu
    aiyangxifu July 26, 2013 at 2:26 pm | | Reply

    I support this idea. To be successful, you need to set up certain way to prevent abuse or criminal activities. With adequate safeguard, users should have fun with such site.

  8. Manny
    Manny July 26, 2013 at 2:31 pm | | Reply

    @Jocelyn. Yes! Absolutely yes!!!!!!! I know many of my fellow White boys who would love to have an Asian or Chinese gf and who have great difficulties finding a China doll. Fortunately, I have my own China doll right now and so your idea is a little too late for me. But it can certainly help many of our fellow White boys who love Asian girls. So, I think this is one great idea.

    As IC above stated, if a small fraction of the Chinese men and/or women uses this site’s services to find love, you will be one filthy rich fat White girl. You go, girl!!!!! You rock!!!!! I beseech you to open this site up for dating!!!!

  9. Allen
    Allen July 26, 2013 at 4:27 pm | | Reply

    ^Creepy and disrespectful buddy.

  10. Fred
    Fred July 26, 2013 at 5:22 pm | | Reply

    Hi J.E. I hope that you remember me. If you are going to launch a dating component to your website, please don’t forget certain legal considerations. As a lawyer, I feel that you should be forwarned. For example, proper disclaimers, screening, etc. Feel free to contact me and we can discuss the matter. I think you have my personal tele # and email.

  11. Sara
    Sara July 26, 2013 at 8:34 pm | | Reply

    My first thought was no, because it could really attract some not-so-great users… but then I thought that although it has the potential for attracting certain trolls and perverts, any adult using the internet to try to meet people should already be well aware of that possibility and use the service at their own risk.

    I am a little concerned though because it seems that, just by the nature of the site, it could encourage labeling the users, not as real human people with interests, hobbies, jobs, world views, etc., but simply as “single Asian guy” “single Western girl”, while not doing much to break down stereotypes.

  12. Someone
    Someone July 26, 2013 at 10:50 pm | | Reply

    Yes, it’s potentially a great concept, but it all depends on the implementation.

  13. Blossom
    Blossom July 26, 2013 at 10:51 pm | | Reply

    I am curious as hell to know what everyone looks like! A dating option is a great idea, but I would still be curious about those that aren’t single… : )

  14. cheng yong
    cheng yong July 27, 2013 at 12:36 am | | Reply

    I think its probably ideas that setting in Jocelyn Eikenburg’s mind for while, however personally I would suggest that only qualified fans can make actual meetings, that way can block some perverts or fake booty seeking men in all different areas, its pretty disgusting see bunch of foreign men who have nothing to do, all day without strong purpose of life. so, I think you should ran some tests or let people fill in some sort of mental tests or background check to ensure the person’s true ID, then there should be many female” judge team” to make final decisions that after both people seeing or understanding each other’s background, and wanting and needs, having a willingness to meet then make arrange or meetings, instead of blind dates, and every creeps can show up, so memberships, and background check is very necessary.

    and I am a tough and responsible Chinese guy who has in 5 years relationship with my American gf

    regards.

  15. HAMLover
    HAMLover July 27, 2013 at 5:40 am | | Reply

    Sounds like a good idea. Don’t want to be funny but @Manny don’t be greedy! You white guys don’t need help…there are a million websites out there already.

  16. Henry Yeh
    Henry Yeh July 27, 2013 at 8:08 am | | Reply

    We’ll probably see a bunch “me love you long time” Asian women sign up instead.

  17. SBC
    SBC July 27, 2013 at 1:43 pm | | Reply

    I ll agree with Sara. Hey-ai, which is similar is also a asian man-white woman dating site (it says asian men foriegn women but its basically asian men looking for and only paying attention to.. white women with anime/manga fetish). Of course genuine love stories do come out of such socializing, but in general I find the idea of dating based on specific race, a bit problematic. Also the intelligent dialogue that has been going on until now might be marred by intentions very similar to what Manny has stated in his post more explicitly (and with lesser sophistication than others who might not accept it but share his opinion).

    The idea of users connecting with each other might be interesting I suppose, but my understanding is that many already have a partner (?) which is why they are here. Of course single people need love too. So maybe if you have connections in China it could be a website for locals and foreigners to interact? Sorry I think the dating website specific to certain races just isn’t my cup of tea and so my answer will be a big NO.

  18. Laura
    Laura July 27, 2013 at 7:26 pm | | Reply

    Hi Jocelyn,
    Is a good idea but as Fred mentioned before you need to pay special attention to all the legal concerns and ask yourself many questions…
    – Will you screen the “candidates”? (Moderate somehow?)
    – Where does your “liability” and ” responsibility” end?
    – Will your site be able to handle that traffic if it becomes successful?
    – How many personal details should people disclose ?
    – What about if a couple goes on a date and something happens to her or him? (what kind of action could you take in here?)

    Long time ago I saw in Youtube a video about a Singaporean man who started an online dating business for Sugar dadies and sugar babes. That kind of website is not approved by many people and some of them are looking for an opportunity to declare it Prostitution in a new way (mainly because those women do get money from men in exchange of other services that include sex very often, some get a credit card, cash, monthly payments,…). The woman who uesd to work in the US Government was asking him plenty of questions mainly related to his actions. He was saying he “screens” the profiles…but if one of the girls get murdered or raped..? He said: no thats not my responsibility, i am just providing a service.
    I know is not the case of your site but I suggest you think about the actions you could be demanded from it…

    🙂

  19. askdsk
    askdsk July 27, 2013 at 7:44 pm | | Reply

    A good intention, but a bad distraction. Don’t do it.

  20. HAMLover
    HAMLover July 27, 2013 at 8:29 pm | | Reply

    Maybe Jocelyn’s intention is not to be so “formal”guys? I mean maybe she was just going to profile a reader who asked to, and then any potential suitors will contact them directly if they want to converse/communicate with them. I think this situation would be fine. The responsibility is then up to the parties who asked to be involved, so to speak.

    It does seem as other posters have pointed out, that many are already in relationships though? I guess Jocelyn must get a lot of direct emails though from single people if she has put the call out.

  21. Laura
    Laura July 27, 2013 at 8:54 pm | | Reply

    HAMLover,
    Yes, it won’t be something like a dating site, as Jocelyn mentioned in this post it would probably be a new page in her site.

    I am sure she receives quite a lot of emails in private, actually my first communications with her were via email also.

  22. Leah
    Leah July 28, 2013 at 4:34 am | | Reply

    I think it’s a good idea, but I think you’ll need a pretty good screening process to keep the bad apples out! Maybe have applicants fill out a questionnaire that gets displayed with their profile (their background, why they’re interested dating western women/Chinese men)?

    You could set it up like the OK Cupid forums, so members can talk amongst themselves. Maybe after a new user has made 10 posts on the forum that have been approved by moderators and been a member for at least a week, he/she can start contacting other members?

    You’ll probably need a few people to moderate, because if you want to uphold the spirit of the blog comments, it might be a lot of work…

  23. zhongguoyemen
    zhongguoyemen July 28, 2013 at 11:29 am | | Reply

    YES!

  24. Claire
    Claire July 28, 2013 at 1:10 pm | | Reply

    This is a great idea, there must be so many like minded single people who visit this site but have no way of meeting or seeing each other.

    The only downside is these things tend to come with a fair bit of baggage, so to speak, like having to have disclaimers, keeping it current etc. It can be hard to think of a solution without too much hassle – maybe people could create a profile which is moderated but the communication is done themselves via email.

    HAMLover’s idea of having a post to profile a reader would be good, if people aren’t too shy.

  25. Someone
    Someone July 28, 2013 at 11:47 pm | | Reply

    I tried out Hey-Ai and while it’s a good concept, the site has become overrun by the younger and more immature crowd. It’s a difficult place to be for someone looking for someone serious. Way too many trolls there to stand out from the noise.

  26. Bruce
    Bruce July 29, 2013 at 12:16 pm | | Reply

    I agree 100% with Fred. You will have rapists and murderers waiting for opportunities. I think this website should only be AM/WF . Do not include a WM/AF section. You will have alot of asian hookers trying to advertise here. Let’s see if I’m right or not. You will see lots and lots of WM putting up ads on searching for AF than vice versa. Asian men like us most likely won’t seek out WF. I wish I’m single right now so I can pose tons of pictures here.. yum yum

  27. Fred
    Fred July 31, 2013 at 3:47 pm | | Reply

    @ Bruce. Please be advised that if Jocelyn opens a component for dating and meeting, she may not be legally allowed to limit the access to only Western women and Asian males as doing so will likely run afoul of discrimination under the federal Civil Rights Act. I cannot advise her on the laws of her state where she resides, but in California which more or less has the same laws as other states, she can get into trouble under the laws, such as “Fair Employment And Housing Act.” Sec. 51 of the California Civil Code et. seq. a person or entity which provides services cannot discriminate on the basis of age, religion, ethnicity, sex, etc. If a non-Asian male seeks to place an advertisement to look for an Asian female, and if he is precluded from access, then it is discrimination on the basis of race. Why can an Asian male be permitted access and not a White or Black male? Her site will be shut down and perhaps sued as well.

    @ Jocelyn, if you are going to open it up for dating, you cannot limit it based on race, or else you can be in trouble for discrimination (aside from other problems such as how much to charge for access, legal liability, screening, etc.). You can post a preamble such as stating that this site is primarily for AM/WW but does not limit it to this type of paring.

    So, you must think hard before proceeding.

  28. Bruce
    Bruce July 31, 2013 at 8:24 pm | | Reply

    Fred,

    Screening is what I worry about!!!!!!!!!! There was a guy from Match.com/Eharmony who was a rapist. He went on a date with a woman on there. Later, he raped her so she sued that company for not screening that rapist completely. How many people are honest like you and me seriously? Some men are very sick man. Some white men ( western men) are brainwashing asian women into having orgies , swinging etc. Of course, we want more people to meet here but we don’t want abuse from phonies!! Fred , you and I know that WM will out number AM here once you launch another dating site here. I’m 90% sure . Go to Craigslist or other websites and you know what I mean. Seems like everything is about sex now and forget about traditonal relationship.

  29. David
    David August 1, 2013 at 7:53 am | | Reply

    After reading the comments I am very convinced that Jocelyn should not be matchmaking…legal, racial, sexist and all other kinds of problems.

  30. David
    David August 1, 2013 at 7:55 am | | Reply

    And, one more thing…I am very concerned that Nazis and other bigots of the League of South or the American Renaissance variety will also show up…unwanted company, if you ask me.

  31. Bruce
    Bruce August 1, 2013 at 10:13 am | | Reply

    I want to see more AMWF dating websites and chat rooms but in honest ways. I really don’t like the idea that you get hooked up with someone from a website and the only reason is SEX. I like the healthy, honest approach. I would like people to meet here and meet and eventually build up to a relationship. I know men including myself are sex maniacs but things just get out of hand sometimes. Ask yourself a question right now. Why do men and women must find partners again and again? why? Well, people just get lonely and bored. They want to share their lives with someone. How many times you can hang out with your buddies? I hope this future website will attract genuine men and women. Also, this website is not a vehicle to pick up WF for SEX . Why do I stay on this website and not other sex driven websites ? Men like me are attracted to healthy things period and I do know what is healthy.

  32. Fred
    Fred August 2, 2013 at 1:18 am | | Reply

    @Bruce. I know that having a dating site can lead to some liability especially if Jocelyn charges a fee for listing. But if she were to do it for free and simply provide a forum for discussion and meeting place on line, then she can reduce her liability against charges of not screening rapists. Those other dating sites which faced liability were advertising, charging fees, offering a service, and promising finding love etc. and thus they will be held to a higher standard and my require some form of screening. However, if J.E. simply offered a free forum for discussion and meeting for couples AM/WW but not excluding other pairings, then she should be ok. It is no different than a classified ad in the L.A. Times which contained things such as “male seeking female for relationship.” Because the L.A. Times did not promise love but simply offered an ad space for a fee, it cannot be held liable if a woman is raped as a result of finding a man in the ad. So, J.E. will have to determine what level of services she wishes to offer.

  33. Bruce
    Bruce August 2, 2013 at 2:52 pm | | Reply

    Fred,

    Okay, let’s launch a free dating site then. I love it !

  34. Fred
    Fred August 2, 2013 at 4:35 pm | | Reply

    @ Bruce. I love it also. You go, Jocelyn. You have mine and Bruce’s blessings now.

  35. Le
    Le August 5, 2013 at 10:05 am | | Reply

    Hi Jocelyn,

    Dating or matching is a big and lucrative business in China now, given so many singles are there. There are several really big online matching websites, at least one of them is listed on NASDAQ.

    Those websites have the resources to do background check and protect privacy and all the other related issues.
    With your expertise, they’d love to hire you as a special consultant for western-Chinese couples. Even part time, it is well paid. You can help more people with their platform.

  36. Vincent
    Vincent November 20, 2013 at 10:40 pm | | Reply

    No. http://www.hey-ai.com/ already serve the function.

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