Ask the Yangxifu: On Jiedi Lian, China's Cougar Love

12 Responses

  1. Pi_min
    Pi_min April 22, 2011 at 2:54 am | | Reply

    In China, it’s widely believed that the ideal childbearing age for a woman is between 24-28. So those who have hit 30 are “leftovers.”=====Yeah,it true. In traditional China, generally speaking, men married with women who are younger than men two or three years old.”simple and honest Ge Ge & missish and shy Mei Mei”^_^ LOL. But times sure have changed,many young people don’t care that old tradiational thought now,just like me. Frankly,fall in love with a mature “Jie Jie” is also great.

  2. Susan Blumberg-Kason
    Susan Blumberg-Kason April 22, 2011 at 11:49 am | | Reply

    My former in-laws in Hubei had friends who were 18 whopping years apart–and the wife was the older of the two. They had a long marriage lasting for decades (and for all I know are still married now). But when the husband turned 50, he refused to walk on the same side of the street as his wife.

  3. ordinary malaysian
    ordinary malaysian April 22, 2011 at 12:37 pm | | Reply

    Very true that traditionally Chinese people prefer the wife to be at least one or two years younger than the husband but as Pi_min said, nowadays 姐弟恋 aren’t so uncommon anymore as times and mores change. Unless, of course the gap in age is so large it shouldn’t be a problem. Whether or not the guy accepts the 5 years difference, it is difficult to make out from the little that is said. But the ways of the heart are indeed mysterious and difficult to fathom. Who knows, when love blossoms, what is a 5 years age gap? So, take heart, magic may yet be in the air.

  4. Woman
    Woman April 22, 2011 at 4:32 pm | | Reply

    Like those before me, most people I have met in larger cities are perfectly happy dating whomever their hearts desires (and sometimes ego as well). But it seems that in the smaller cities where the twenty-first century has yet to poke it’s head still do care what those around them think of them.

    From what I see, Chinese still date to marry, and marry to continue the family line. It is not all that often do I see, hear or experience men or women casually dating.

    What gets me is the whole “leftovers”. Chinese leftovers…well they are not so tasty. But left over Western food? I wonder what China would have called single women over thirty if they had pasta or pizza in their traditional food?

  5. Sara
    Sara April 22, 2011 at 7:41 pm | | Reply

    I would say, that go for it Jie Jie! As Jocelyn said the Chinese guys that date and marry foreigners aren’t probably the most traditional ones, and are already being adventurous to even date a laowai girl. My Chinese boyfriend is little bit over 3 years younger than me and sometimes joking and calling me 雪芳姐姐 Xuefang Jiejie (as my Chinese name is Xuefang).

    So good luck and remember to come back later and tell us have your relationship with the guy developed to the next step 😉

  6. Iknowwhatyoumean
    Iknowwhatyoumean April 22, 2011 at 8:48 pm | | Reply

    I wouldnt read too much into the casual mention of ‘cougar’. Of course, it depends on your understanding of him as a person. Sometimes, my boyfriend is quite direct and abrupt but only because english being his second language, he doesnt always follow the mannerisms and etiquette.

    Also I agree that men who date foreign women are already quite non traditional. So he may not care about age as much. Plus 5 years isnt all THAT much I think. According to my boyfriend, people in the bigger cities have a MUCH different thinking and are not so traditional in their mindset. even if they may come across as more traditional.

    All the Best!

  7. Sarah
    Sarah April 27, 2011 at 12:58 am | | Reply

    I think this topic is amusing. Not in a bad way, and I feel that people should date whom* they want. I find it amusing because really, 5 years isn’t that much but even in my family, I’m an American, if I dated anyone younger by a year is pushing it and more than two is cause for cradle robbing jokes. Of course, that’s also only because I’m a girl…I think…None of the guys in my family, except one who dated someone 20 years younger (and looked down upon behind his back), have dated anyone more than a year or two younger, were teased. Sorry for all my bad sentence structure. lol

  8. Tanya
    Tanya May 4, 2011 at 12:56 am | | Reply

    An Australian girlfriend of mine married a Chinese man 7 years her junior – it does happen. They’re a really wonderful couple! They have been married several years and have a son.

  9. Kevin
    Kevin May 21, 2011 at 1:27 am | | Reply

    It is difficult to say because you run the risk that it may not work and you have become older, but is it not a risk in any relationship? I know many friends who have been in a relationship with someone since high school, and been together for 9 to 10 years and then breaking up. Oh, I should mention they are Chinese…. and well, for the girl, it’s a pickle. So, what I mean to say is that these risks exists at any age level. You might even hear that 2 childhood sweethearts had got married in their early twenties and by their early thirties, they have divorced… again, the girl is already in that ‘danger zone’ age.
    I would really tell you to just think how you feel about him and if you think it is love, then, you choose. In most cases you have seen in previous posts of encouragement, age and giving birth has not much to do about you loving and being loved. If you do find love with that guy and feel great with him as much as he feels great with you, then, was age ever the issue?

    All I can say is that you should listen to your heart and your head, but don’t let your head rationalise too much because love is irrational… Your head only tells you the obvious (is the guy reasonable, handsome, violent, caring…etc), but your heart will tell you if you love that person despite all that your head keeps telling 🙂

  10. Beth
    Beth August 5, 2011 at 5:07 am | | Reply

    Coming late to the discussion, but just want to say that I am 32 and have dated several Chinese guys who are in their 20’s, and either don’t care or prefer an older woman.

    And in my opinion, OP, your friend likes you 😉

  11. Joe
    Joe January 4, 2012 at 10:51 am | | Reply

    Ni hao. No offence, but the fact you’re even asking strangers on the internet shows that (at least subconsciously) you’re not really sure and perhaps don’t really see any long term future for the relationship.
    People should stop caring what others think and just get on with it. Live for the moment and enjoy dating in the now. We’re a long time dead. Happy New Western Year!

    Ps – I guess you’re not still dating now. Do tell -x-

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