Has marriage to a Chinese man changed your feminist views?

13 Responses

  1. Constance - Foreign Sanctuary
    Constance - Foreign Sanctuary May 16, 2014 at 9:59 am | | Reply

    Personally, I have never changed myself nor my views to ‘fit in’ or please anyone. Like John’s family, my husband’s family are very open-minded. Plus, I think it is my independence and ability to speak my mind is what attracted my husband to me in the first place.

    However, when dealing with people in Taiwan in general, I haven’t lost my voice but I have found more acceptable ways to express my opinions and thoughts. For example, when I presented ideas or positive criticism to my previous employers, I would talk about all the positive points and then I would suggest some changes. And most accepted my thoughts and made changes because they realized that it was in the best interest for them and their business.

  2. Grace Buchele Mineta
    Grace Buchele Mineta May 16, 2014 at 11:26 am | | Reply

    I like your answer. Japanese men also have a bad name in the dating game – it’s difficult to explain how some of those stereotypes are true for a lot of men, but not ALL men.

    There are exceptions to every rule.

  3. ordinary malaysian
    ordinary malaysian May 17, 2014 at 2:13 am | | Reply

    I sometimes find it hard to understand what “fitting in,” independence and feminism really mean. What is the big thing about “fitting in”? We are not talking about wearing an apparel. In any relationship, whether cross-cultural or not, you have to give and take if you want harmony and peace, not stress and strife. You don’t have to, in fact, you can’t “fit in” to anybody. In fact, you can’t even “fit in” to yourself, if truth be told. Does independence mean that you have to insist on doing things your way and not compromise or that you insist the other guy or gal is wrong or does wrong and you stand to censure and condemn and show your worth? Does being feminist mean that the other must do what you expect him to do because otherwise that’s sexist or perceived to be by those holding the same view as yours? Really, if you do away with the labels, they all boil down to being reasonable in the circumstance and and to live and let live, except where to do so would lead to a lot of pain and dire consequence then, perhaps, you would want to insist on being the labels or acting out your “convictions” Not condemning anyone here really, and certainly not Jocelyn! It just makes me wonder, sometimes, this obsession about seeing things in black and white, about…what have you?

    1. TLAG
      TLAG October 19, 2014 at 2:39 am | | Reply

      Good point!!!

  4. AG
    AG May 17, 2014 at 7:48 pm | | Reply

    Well, I am traveling in P.R.China right now. I just realized how americanized I am already since I have hard time fitting in Chinese way now. American way is independence. Chinese way is relationship building which is never my favorite part. Depedency is for poor who needs to help each other through all challenges and hard time. Independence is for rich who has all means alone to deal all situations without resorting to friendish or relationship. I am sure things will change when China become wealthy enough.

    Self-actualization needs material wealth as condition. Self-actualizers display independence, few friends, autonomy, which are amazingly signs of perfect introvert. When you are poor, you have no choice but kissing up all kinds of relationships to keep yourself alive.

  5. Sveta
    Sveta May 19, 2014 at 11:57 am | | Reply

    I’m not married, but when I dated a Korean guy, yeah, a lot of changes happened in my life, especially when it comes to the way I think and feel about certain things. One thing I learned from being with a Korean guy is to be okay with the fact that some guys are too shy to be affectionate in public, or that it often takes a Herculean effort for them to disclose what’s wrong. On a more positive note though, being with someone from Korea helped me expand the definition of masculinity and also helped me feel less ashamed of myself, or at least get over the fact that I did like certain feminist movies.

    Hope it helps!

  6. Julie
    Julie May 20, 2014 at 5:37 am | | Reply

    I’ve been asked that question as well, and I always find it a bit funny, because anyone who truly holds a view doesn’t “change it” for other people. I do stick to my core convictions, even when they fly in the face of some Chinese family members views, but I also make efforts to sacrifice some personal preferences to show that I value his family as well.

    When we were first dating, I think my gentle exterior led my husband to believe I was all sweet, and he soon discovered the sass that can come out. But he quickly realized that he admired my brain, and observed that compared to girls he had dated in the past, I was concerned about things other than shopping and going out to eat..that I had convictions, and that was why he loved me more than anyone he’d ever met.

    I think my husband has been in the difficult spot of actually figuring out how to stand by his wife when the culture expects something else…but he has done it, and I’ve come to realize that is a big sacrifice for him to make too.

  7. poonslayer
    poonslayer July 14, 2014 at 10:05 am | | Reply

    Women don’t need to be a “feminist” in the modern world if they have wisdom, morality and isn’t a sloot.

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