“Frank” asks:
I am a 24 year-old Chinese man from Beijing. I am currently in California in the US. Your articles reminded me my memories of dating Western women back in Beijing. I do find myself very attracted to Western women. And I have a strong will to develop a long-term relationship, or even marriage, with Western women. I am currently a student and will graduate next March. Due to the nature of my job, it would be better for me to stay in the states and work there (I’m pretty sure I could find a good job here). It’s also highly possible that I would finally end up in Chicago or NYC. I think it would be better if I could find my significant one who have been to China rather than date a local in the states. Given the truth that I would not live in Beijing for a long time period in the next few years, what is your advice for me to find someone who will come back to U.S. soon?
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That’s great you’re a student, because colleges and universities are some of the best places to meet women to date. You’re also lucky to live in California, which boasts a surplus of Asian studies programs (check this list of programs arranged by state to see if your institution hosts one). Asian studies (or better, Chinese studies) majors, whether undergrad or graduate students, are the folks who are most likely to have spent some time in China and have an interest in China.
If your university has an Asian studies program, see if they host a Chinese language corner (where students get together to practice their Mandarin Chinese on campus). This is a perfect chance to meet lots of people at once. Ideally, they already have one, so all you have to do is figure out the time and just show up. But if not, here’s an opportunity for you to approach the department and offer to help set up a Chinese language corner. Tell them you’ll recruit your fellow native Chinese speakers to make it a valuable experience for anyone who attends.
Some Asian studies programs also put on events during the school year that could offer opportunities to mingle with women interested in China. For example, I once attended a one-day China conference at Oberlin College that was open to the public filled with young people (including young women).
What if you’re too busy between now and March – and want to wait until you end up in a big city like Chicago or New York City? Then you should get to know the site Meetup.com, where you can discover Chinese language and culture meetup groups in these and many other cities. (See my search results for New York City and Chicago to give you a taste of what’s out there.)
Good luck – and here’s hoping in a few years I’ll be getting an e-mail from you about your upcoming wedding in America.
What advice do you have for Frank?
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Do you have a question about love, dating, marriage or family in Chinese or Western culture? Send me yours today.
*waves hands* I’m a Chinese Studies major at a university in Michigan. (and one of the few in Michigan to have a Chinese Studies program! And no, it’s not MSU or UofM…I’m not that smart, unfortunately 🙁 ) There are a loads of us Chinese studies majors that are western women whom like Chinese guys 😛
For Frank, you’ll definitely find your Western dream girl. There are many of us out there that do like all guys, including Asian guys. If you end up in Chicago, I’m pretty close and I have family that live in the suburbs there. Who knows, maybe 缘分 will let us meet 😛
In the past, I’ve used couchsurfing.com to meet up with locals when I’m traveling. I try to look for people who have an interest in China or know Mandarin Chinese so we have a common interest, especially if I’m traveling with my husband (who is Chinese). This was a great strategy for us when we backpacked in Europe. Some people also go to Couchsurfing meetings/meet-ups, which are usually weekly, if not more often, in large cities.
I haven’t used couchsurfing much recently, but if I were to move to a new city or travel, I’d probably try it again. I’ve had a lot of luck meeting up with people (as well as hosting and being hosted, but that might not be exactly what you are looking for). Maybe it’s worth a try?
The dating landscape for asian men in general is pretty grim but its getting better as people become more culturally aware and stop looking down on asian men. A lot of it has to do with the racist media, so don’t be surprised when women, including asian women who will flat say ‘I don’t date asians’.
There’s actually a lot of uneducated or degenerate people in the U.S and Australia who are anti asian men. i.e anglo countries. You’ll be far better in wealthier european countries like france norway, switzerland, sweden etc.
The dating culture is generally toxic though, because young people are sex crazed and the model for male desirability in the U.S are basically tall, well built, gym obsessed muscle guys.
Here are some articles for you to read.
http://www.dailylife.com.au/news-and-views/dl-opinion/when-asian-men-are-seen-as-undateable-20131209-2z107.html
http://mic.com/articles/74135/are-asian-men-undateable
Racist people lead to racist media…media sells what people want. Racist white people in South Carolina legally murdered a 14 year old black boy, George Stinney and the media wrote supporting it….and there are still many racist whites who support what happened in 1944…ie., using the death row inmate analogy, remorseless killers and their supporters.
If you are in California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington or Alaska you are ok dating white women…in the south you may be attacked physically for being together…in the rest of the country, well, cant say! In general, you are safer in China or Singapore if your wife is white, than in the US, with California and Hawaii being the exceptions.
Hi David, I’m from Michigan, a large diverse area from West Michigan. It’s actually somewhat common for some AMWF relationships or interracial relationships for that matter. I guess you gotta pick the right cities. Or gotta find them for that matter. Chicago, Grand Rapids MI, Seattle, maybe NYC? I dunno. but where there is more diversity, more acceptable for interracial relationships.
I know Jocelyn, you were from Ohio, and had problems there as you stated from past posts… but eh. (not gonna lie, since I’m from Michigan, Ohio is not my favorite haha! 😛 ) but anyways, yes you have to live in an area that’s diverse.
The fact you are putting yourself out there has been a good start. There are always woman you can meet in America who will date you. It is easier to get along with people who appreciate and understand your heritage. I would suggest not to limit to China experiences. Many women went to other Asian countries or non-EU countries. Open to all the possibilities.
About the challenges on dating market, you have to rise above it. Don’t take it too personally. I am sure you will find someone if you keep looking.
The posts suggesting contact with a chinese studies program are good ones. It worked for my Shamghai husband-to-be, we are getting married in 8 days.
If there is one place truly Christian in America it is Grand Rapids, not the fraudulent Christianity that they follow down south…which is more like white skin worship. The place south of there is more Dutch, where people speak Dutch like they used to back in the 19th century Netherlands…there are Dutch church services and the constituents joined the Hispanics and fought against English as the official language proposal in the US congress back in 1995.
As far as the AWWM relationships are concerned, you find them in most places. The acceptance of such couples measures the intensity of racism in the community…for if they dont accept this most accepted couples, the community is very racist. AMWF couples are accepted most in Hawaii and in parts of California and other west coast states…my experience with the midwest is pretty mixed…back in 1983 when I started to attend a midwestern state school in Indiana, very well known throughout the world, no interracial dating or marriage was acceptable even AWWM.. however things have changed since then.
Hi to all and Jocelyn and frank . Just wanted to say as advice is be yourself be nice and get out tree and meet people. Be careful because some people will not always have your best interest at heart but as a warm and friendly person as some people online can attest to if you were ever in New York City or Philadelphia and you wanted a friend to show you around I am certainly here for you to help you anyway I can. 🙂
Even you are living at Cali doesn’t mean you will get dates.. Naive nerdy guys won’t be that appealing to popular on all kind, so do the reality check, yo , don’t get shot on the street somedays while you are still too younger to get your head straight , got a girl who have mutil issues , or physopath, one night stands then break your hearts many times , ya sound a traditional guy , so get a Chinese girl probably for the best. Keep yourself alive and going back to school is the probably best thing to do from now and then