Ask the Yangxifu: Motherly Chinese Ayi Not Motherly To New Girlfriend

9 Responses

  1. Magnus
    Magnus May 27, 2011 at 7:35 am | | Reply

    what a mess. an ayi introduced by a previous girlfriend? Oh my.

    By the way… why does this guy have an ayi?? Can’t he do all the household stuff by himself??

  2. Rebekah
    Rebekah May 27, 2011 at 9:11 am | | Reply

    I COMPLETELY agree with Jocelyn. Their really isn’t anything you can do about the Ayi, and you DEFINITELY cannot have her fired…But, like I did to my boyfriend when he used to compare me to ex’s(yes, he is now broken of this habit!), just ignore any pro-ex statements and change the subject. A good example of this would be when my ex would say to me: “Why can’t you drink beer like a normal girl? One or two and you’re buzzed”. I used to yell back:”Because I’m 5’9″ and weigh 250lbs!” but now I don’t say anything, I just look at him, blink a few times and ask him to pass me another beer! haha!
    Does your boyfriend realize that his Ayi’s statements hurt you? I think you should maybe ask your boyfriend in a non-confrontational way how he feels about her suggestions that his ex were better. Does he know she says this stuff around you? If he does and he lets it go, maybe you should too. Or you can tell him that it really hurts, and that it especially hurts because you have com to care for her as well, and it upsets you that she doesn’t accept you. Either way you have to make the decision…either stay quiet about it or say something and hope it doesn’t cause too many waves….Good Luck!!!

  3. ordinary malaysian
    ordinary malaysian May 27, 2011 at 9:52 am | | Reply

    Messy situation, really. But foremost in my mind is why can’t the boyfriend do without the aiyi? if the whole thing is going to make the girlfriend upset. Doesn’t the boyfriend know? And if he knows, I think he needs to tell the aiyi to stop trying to meddle. Or PERHAPS the aiyi doesn’t even see it as meddling, just a gossipy thing? I think the girlfriend should let the boyfriend know how she feels, of course not in the confrontational manner like Rebekah suggested. Or like Jocelyn suggested, just ignore what the aiyi says. Sooner or later, the aiyi will see that whatever she says will not impact on their relationship anyway and will eventually come to accept the relationship, especially seeing also that she quite likes the girlfriend.

  4. sean
    sean May 27, 2011 at 10:12 pm | | Reply

    Having lived with a Chinese woman for more than 20 years, one thing I can assure you is that ignoring her or changing the subject won’t help. Even if she stop talking to you, she’ll still talk to the ex. I am sure you don’t want that.

    What you should do, in my opinion, is have an open conversation with your boyfriend and the ayi face to face so both him and her know what you are concerned with. The main goal is to let them both know what’s comfortable and what’s a line that she shouldn’t cross: it’s ok to keep her around but she should not interfere with your relationship with your boyfriend.

    Now, how well is your relationship with your boyfriend’s family? In a situation like this, if you can get their sympathy it may help to put pressure on your boyfriend to act. This depends on family dynamics and personality. I would say talk to both of them first and see if things do change.

    Best of luck!

  5. George Ja-Xin Yu
    George Ja-Xin Yu May 29, 2011 at 4:20 pm | | Reply

    The 3 of you (you + ayi + bf) need to sit down together and have a serious conversation about this issue. It’s completely unacceptable for her to say stuff like that and your boyfriend needs to know about it.

  6. Jessica
    Jessica May 30, 2011 at 7:28 am | | Reply

    I agree with George. Why can’t your boyfriend, as the ayi’s employer, put an end to this? She’s not his mother. She doesn’t have the right to meddle in his relationships. Really, boyfriend needs to put his foot down and tell the ayi that the ex girlfriend is not to be discussed with the current girlfriend and that his intimate life is not to be discussed outside the house. The ayi’s behavior is ridiculously unprofessional and a huge violation of privacy. I would find it a little concerning if the boyfriend is just ok with this.

  7. droplet
    droplet May 31, 2011 at 11:07 am | | Reply

    Stop being a child and have her fired. You over analyze the situation. Either your boyfriend knows nothing about this behavior and you need to tell him so he can actually do something about it (fire her or have her stop the silliness) or he knows and you have a bigger problem. Make it clear to him that this is not to continue under his watch or you will leave.

  8. Zictor
    Zictor June 1, 2011 at 10:25 pm | | Reply

    Sorry folks, but I think this boyfriend needs to man up a little bit. Seriously, what’s the deal with letting the ayi do this? I’ve read about how some single men develop this weird relationship with their ayis and they end up becoming more important then girlfriends. I find that pretty ridiculous and a sign of a guy who has mommy issues.

    If he doesn’t want to get back with his ex (who seems quite pathetic) he should tell the ayi to cut it off.

    My opinion.

  9. Henry Yeh
    Henry Yeh June 7, 2011 at 7:34 pm | | Reply

    Sounds like his aunty is overly protective of his ex. They’re probably related by blood.

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