Over the past few months, I’ve gotten a number of e-mails from Chinese men in China that go like this:
I want to find Western women to date, but I’m too busy and don’t really have the time/resources to go out and meet them like you suggested. I was thinking about placing an advertisement online to find myself a yangxifu. What do you think?
I’m all for anyone taking a step towards love, even if it means placing an ad online in an expat magazine like the Beijinger. But should you rely on ads alone to find the yangxifu of your dreams? Not unless you’re dreaming.
First, there’s just the numbers — we all know single Western women still make up a minority of expats in China, even though more of them come to China every year. Then you have to ask, of these women, how many of them are actually looking at your ads? There’s no way to answer that, though I can tell you this — for some Western women in China, expat sites and even forums become rather depressing because they’re frequently packed with the worst kind of internet goons (this negative vibe turned me off from “expat sites” early on during my time in China).
Add to this the fact that it’s just tough to charm people through hard, cold black-and-white print — especially if you’re talking about single Western women who just happen to automatically exclude you because you’re Chinese. It’s sad but true — some of your target women still don’t see Chinese men as dating material, and they’ll skip your ad the moment they see your photo or the word “Chinese man.” There’s also the trust factor involved with ads — as in, can I trust this person — that makes it that much harder for a woman to respond to you.
That’s why I really believe that, if you want to find the yangxifu of your dreams, you’ve got to do it beyond print and online. Yes, it means going to new places, getting the courage to approach women you don’t know, and dealing with some rejection (which we all have to face). But when you do it in person, you have the opportunity to charm that woman, to woo her with your personality and character, to show you’re someone she can trust…to perhaps even change her mind forever about Chinese men. From my perspective, that alone makes it worthwhile to be out there. Besides, have you forgotten that Chinese saying — 好事多磨 [hǎoshìduōmó] (good things require more effort)?
So I say go ahead, place the ad — and then go head out the door and start looking in the real world.
P.S.: For some inspiration, I also recommend reading J.T. Tran’s dating tips for Chinese men.
What do you think?
Do you have a question about life, dating, marriage and family in China/Chinese culture (or Western culture)? Send me yours today.