London Woman Wonders About Chinese Man At Office | Speaking of China

15 Responses

  1. Sally
    Sally December 17, 2010 at 5:39 am | | Reply

    So am I right in thinking that Chinese guys would never ask a western woman out directly?

    What do they think about seeing older women?

    I personally think Chinese men are charming!

  2. sam
    sam December 17, 2010 at 7:56 pm | | Reply

    if i m interested in a western woman, i would ask her to go out with me. sometimes, you have to take chances. who knows ? by the way i would like to share a story about me and a western woman a few years ago. i got to know her through a friend of mine who’s a colleague of hers. after a while, i decided to do something OUT OF THE ORDINARY. i began sending flowers to her almost daily to her workplace, but of course i told the people at the gifts shop not to tell her my name if she were to ask. after a few weeks, i showed up at her office, after work, to ask her to go out with me. i asked her about the flowers i sent to her. and she was like………all i m going to say is she was a bit surprised. and she did go out with me a few times. but in the end, because of her work commitment she had to go back to the europe. so london woman, if your chinese guy is interested in you, i hope he asks you out.

  3. Richard
    Richard December 17, 2010 at 11:20 pm | | Reply

    This is why I enjoy Jocelyn’s site so much. She gives useful suggestions that are culturally specific but allow enough flexibility for differences among the men of that culture.

    As for the question asker, 2 things come to mind. The first is that she should examine closely her feelings. Often, when someone has just moved to another country, it’s easy to become attached to the closest person. Given that she spends so much time in the office, it’s only natural that those are the easiest to attach to. But office romance is not necessarily the healthiest or easiest relationship to maintain, as Jocelyn’s past experience shows. Perhaps casting a wider net at first and meeting more potential partners would be helpful. After all, you hardly know the guy, and anything going badly would cause issues at work.

    The second thing is that the man in question may not know that you’re single. Heck, that’s why I don’t even approach women older than 25 anymore; they’re *highly* likely to be involved or married. This is doubly true for foreigners. I would wonder if she has a husband in the UK. Of course, this goes for the reverse as well. Check out his status before anything happens. Chinese men can be notorious about hiding a mistress here and there.

  4. AMWW Magazine
    AMWW Magazine December 18, 2010 at 3:29 pm | | Reply

    Let me chime in with a quick tidbit to Jocelyn’s advice. When it comes time to plan the outing, always ask “What’s your schedule like?”

    That way, you can discover what nights he has free and when he doesn’t and can plan around that. That simple line works WONDERS for planning any date with a girl or guy.

    Once you know when both you and he are free, you can then start planning the shindig, call up your friends, and then casually mention it to the co-worker that you’re going bowling or something on the night that you’re both free. Voila!

  5. AloneInHongKong
    AloneInHongKong December 19, 2010 at 11:34 pm | | Reply

    Hi all, it’s my first post here, well but I am sure Jocelyn for sure know who I am. I am just a local HK guy who likes western girls.

    to Sally: I dont think any Chinese/HongKongese man will never ask a western woman out, there are certainly different types of HongKongese man too. But I am sure, as long as the man is interested in you, you can feel that he will like to get closer to you, and provided that the atmosphere is totally comfortable. If, for instance, as a western woman, if you are always surrounded by lots of charming western man, I think Chinese man, especially those who are a bit shy, will afraid to approach you, not to mention asking you out. (He might think that you are not attracted to Chinese culture/men) So to answer your question, I dont think chinese men will never ask a western girl out, at least if there exists a western girl that I like, I would do so. 🙂

    To the author: Yes I agree, I can’t see any strong signal from the man that he is in to you. But I am glad to hear that he can speak German, has been travelling around the World, probably he’s a bit westernized, so it’s easy for you two to break the culture/language wall, which is certainly a good thing. Let’s see how it goes, keep us updated.

    PS: I am happy to see that there western woman in this blog saying that Chinese man is charming, in the past, I used to think that Chinese man is un-datable for western woman since we are not attractive from western woman’s perspective ( at least this is still quite true in Hong Kong, but sure about the case in China)

    Nice to meet you all.

  6. Madpapper
    Madpapper December 20, 2010 at 4:54 pm | | Reply

    To Richard,
    “Chinese men can be notorious about hiding a mistress here and there”.
    Dick, do me a favor, carefully wording your words. It is misleading for what you said since most of Chinese men don’t even have a mistress. In fact, we take our relationship seriously, at least all my friends are.
    Back to the topic, again great advices from Jocelyn. Just don’t rush it, If I were you, I will make more friends first which gives you some time to watch and learn. And believe me, your new Chinese friends may love to help you out.

  7. Sally
    Sally December 21, 2010 at 8:17 pm | | Reply

    @AloneinHongKong – I never thought about dating a chinese guy however now living in China I think they’re very nice.

    I’m interested by what you said about Chinese guys never asking western women out…why is this? Would they never suggest anything or try to get to know the woman?

  8. Grace
    Grace December 22, 2010 at 3:03 pm | | Reply

    People are plain afraid as is..the Osmonds had the perfect words three or four decades ago…

    There was a girl, there was a boy
    If they had met they might have found a world of joy
    But she lived on the morning side of the mountain
    And he lived on the twilight side of the hill

    They never met, they never kissed
    And they will never know what happiness they missed
    For she lived on the morning side of the mountain
    And he lived on the twilight side of the hill

    The Asian ma-western woman relationship is similar to this…literally he lives on the morning side of the mountain (the East) and she lives on the twilight side of the hill (the west)!

  9. AloneinHongKong
    AloneinHongKong December 23, 2010 at 3:00 am | | Reply

    To Sally:
    Glad to hear that you have developed interest in Chinese guys. When you said you never thought of dating Chinese guys, do you mean initially you thought we chinese guys are totally un-dateable, or do you just mean you have never thought about that?

    Again, I dont think Chinese guys NEVER ask western woman out, I just think that the dating process is a bit different. In the Chinese way, let’s say a guy met someone new, he would first try texting, calling the girls few times to get comfortable first. (This could actually take weeks or months). Now when the guy starts to feel comfortable, he would ask the girl out, but normally we dont just say “Hi, I like to hang out with you”, no we dont, instead, we try to find some excuses, like “Well I need to buy a birthday present for my mum, do you think you can go shopping with me, etc etc” Why? Because we like implication, we dont like anything that is too direct. Also have you heard about “face” or some kind of self-respect in Chinese culture, we are so afraid of failure, that’s why it takes lots of courage to ask a girl out.

    But again, dont try to generalize, there are certainly some Chinese guys who are confident enough, it’s just that in general, chinese guys dont ask a girl out in the very beginning. Hope it helps.

  10. AloneinHongKong
    AloneinHongKong December 23, 2010 at 3:03 am | | Reply

    Sorry one last comment to Sally,

    I think it’s important that if you project a feeling to chinese guys that you always hangout with Western man, woman, Chinese guys may step back a bit, as they think that you might just want to hangout with western people.

    I think it helps if you hang out more with Chinese people, then those Chinese guys might think “Oh, she is fine with us, chinese people, so we are not someone who is too special for them, so we can ask her out”

  11. Sally
    Sally December 23, 2010 at 10:12 pm | | Reply

    I never thought about it!

    My first day in Beijing I discovered the guys are so friendly and genuine. Then when I started work I started to fancy a guy.

    I think I’ll see what happens in the New Year 😉

  12. Sally
    Sally December 29, 2010 at 10:12 am | | Reply

    I read that if you show interest in a chinese guy he might make a move..hmmm

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