Here in China, my US life feels like a dream

Was that really me? Were we really there?

The thought crossed my mind as I scrolled through the photos of John and me in the US. In one, I crouched before the cream-colored house in the suburbs we once called home. In another, he posed like a triumphant warrior before the rolling hills of Ohio we hiked every evening.

Some two weeks ago, I slept under the roof of that cream-colored house in Ohio and meandered through the trails in those hills. But now that I sleep under the roof of a white-washed home in rural Zhejiang and hike through mountains filled with bamboo and pines, my former life in the US feels like a fantasy — as if someone photoshopped me and John into those photos.

And oddly enough, it’s not the first time I felt this way. Whenever I’ve traveled between China and the US, my life in the country I left behind always seemed more like a long, extended dream to me. Not even artifacts of that previous life — such as those photos — could completely dispel this feeling that it was all just a hallucination.

Maybe that’s what happens when you’re in an international, cross-cultural relationship — where you straddle two different worlds. It’s not just geography that separates China and the US; different cultures and languages only serve to reinforce the separation. Meanwhile, I’m surrounded by people here in China who couldn’t really understand what it was like for John and me to live in the US — while in the US, most people I know don’t understand life in China. Sometimes, I feel as if these two separate worlds of mine will always remain strangers in a sense — where never the two shall meet.

Perhaps that’s also the power of living in foreign countries. Suddenly, you realize that the reality you knew growing up isn’t universal…that reality changes when you cross borders and oceans.

In the meantime, I’m enjoying my new reality in China. And someday, when I return to the US for a visit, perhaps this will all feel like a dream all over again.

Rachel DeWoskin Interview in Asian Jewish Life

Screenshot of Rachel DeWoskin interview in Asian Jewish LifeThis week, my interview with writer Rachel DeWoskin just hit the presses at Asian Jewish Life! Many of you already know Rachel through her beloved memoir Foreign Babes in Beijing or her debut novel Repeat After Me (two of the quintessential books featuring foreign women who find love in China).

Here’s the intro to the interview:

During the mid-1990s, Rachel DeWoskin first dazzled audiences as the unlikely star of the Chinese soap opera Foreign Babes in Beijing — an experience she captured in her 2005 memoir of the same title, exploring life and love (both onscreen and off) in a changing China. Foreign Babes in Beijing has been published in six different countries and is currently being developed as a television series for HBO.

More recently, Rachel DeWoskin has dazzled readers with her award winning fiction set in Asia and beyond, exploring themes such as sameness and difference, empathy, women’s relationships and the Jewish experience. Her 2009 debut novel Repeat After Me won a Forward Magazine Book of the Year Award. Big Girl Small, her 2011 novel, received the 2012 American Library Association’s Alex Award and was named one of the top three books of 2011 by Newsday. Rachel DeWoskin was also the 2011 recipient of a three-month M Literary Residency in Shanghai, where she completed the screenplay for American Concubine and was inspired to develop a forthcoming novel to be set in Shanghai.

While Rachel DeWoskin currently resides in Chicago, where she is a faculty member in the Creative Writing Department at the University of Chicago, she returns to China every year and considers Beijing a second home.

Asian Jewish Life sat down with Rachel DeWoskin to learn more about her ongoing relationship with China, her forthcoming novels and screenplay, and her interest in exploring Judaism — including in Asia — through her writing.

Read the full interview online at Asian Jewish Life. And as always,  if you love it, share it!

From the Archives: On Family in China

Black and white image of a tree on a farm
As I struggled to remember all of the names for my Chinese relatives, I began to feel lost in the family tree. (photo by Kinsey)

As I transition back to living in the family home with my inlaws, brother-in-law, sister-in-law and niece in China, I went back through the archives and pulled a few classic posts related to my family in China.

The Chinese Relatives Name Game. Now that I’m in China, no doubt I’ll continue to struggle with all of the names of different relatives — just as I did a couple of years ago when I wrote this post.

My Chinese Husband’s Cousin, Looking For a Western Wife to Brag About. Family say the darnedest things sometimes — including when it comes to who they want to marry and why.

Ruzhui: When Chinese Men “Marry Into” Wife’s Family. Ruzhui, where Chinese men “marry into” the wife’s family and have the child carry her name, turns Chinese marriage tradition upside down. And interestingly, it happened with a relative of mine.

I’ll be back on December 9 with some fresh content!

From the Archives: Holiday Shopping Ideas

Good Fortune Earrings in Copper
Red “good fortune” earrings with a copper backing (from Jean Toh’s Etsy.com Store)

Today is the infamous Black Friday in the US, the official start to the holiday shopping season. While I’m still transitioning over to China, I thought I’d pull a few posts from the archives for a little holiday gift inspiration.

BTW, for anyone doing a little online Black Friday shopping interested in Asian and Asian-inspired gifts, be sure to visit Zengerine.

Great Gifts For Your Chinese Zodiac Year (Ben Ming Nian). If you or someone you love was born in the Horse Year, make 2014 an especially auspicious one with these gift ideas.

Holiday Gift Roundup Post. Consider this your one-stop shop for all suggestions on what to buy that special someone — whether family or friends — in China.

I’ll be back on December 9 with some fresh content!

 

From The Archives: Favorite Interviews on Travel, China and More

Tom Carter showing his camera to some new friends in China. (photo courtesy of Tom Carter)

As our departure for China fast approaches, thoughts of air travel, China and settling down occupy my mind. What better, then, than to reflect my current transition — and state of mind — then to share with you three archived interviews that touch on these themes?

Tiffany Hawk Interview: Love Me Anyway. While obsessing over my upcoming long-haul flight from New York City to Shanghai, my thoughts drifted back to this interview with Tiffany, a former flight attendant who turned her airline adventures into a fabulous novel with a little AMWF romance. Tiffany also shares her tips for overcoming jet lag.

Tom Carter Interview – CHINA: Portrait of a People. The breathtaking photographs Tom graciously shared in this interview about his collection of photography covering every province in China excite me about my upcoming move.

Ember Swift Interview Part 2: How China Changed Her Life. For anyone like me, who’s getting ready to settle down in China for the long haul, Ember’s interview is sure to inspire.

I’ll return with fresh content on December 9, 2013!

 

From the Archives: Chinese-Western Holiday Dinner Ideas

With Christmas coming up — and here in the US, Thanksgiving just around the corner — thoughts soon turn to entertaining and dinners. And if you’re in a Chinese-Western cross-cultural relationship or marriage, how can you reflect that in your holiday meals?

While I’m preparing to move to China next week, I thought I’d dig into my archives and share a few holiday food-related entries, plus link to my favorite Asian-style holiday turkey recipe on Food & Wine (sure to impress your Chinese and Western loved ones during the holidays)!

My Holidays Start With Five-Spice Turkey and Chinese Dumplings. In my home, I know it’s the holidays when cranberry sauce, hand-rolled Chinese dumplings and five-spice turkey hit the table.

Carolyn J. Phillips On Charming A Chinese Family Through Food. Carolyn is a yangxifu who devoted her adult life to mastering the art of Chinese cooking — and she dishes up her secrets and sumptuous recipes in this interview.

Soy-Sauce & Honey-Glazed Turkey. Soy sauce, honey, ginger, sesame oil and five-spice give this succulent turkey an Asian flair. I’ve prepared this at four times already and it always comes out moist and flavorful (so I’m told at least, since I’m actually vegan), and makes for fantastic leftovers. I usually add a little wine (shaoxing-style wine or a rice wine like sake) to the marinade as a slight variation to the recipe, a nod to my mother-in-law’s home-cooking (she almost always adds a little shaoxing-style wine to her meats). And if you’re hungry for more holiday dinner inspiration, check out the full menu that includes this turkey.

What are your must-have holiday meal traditions? Share your ideas — or even recipes — in the comments!

My “hard-to-buy-for” Chinese father-in-law

(photo by Geoffrey Gilmour-Taylor via Flickr.com)

That hard-to-buy-for person? To my parents, that could have been John’s father — given the conversation we had yesterday about what to give him for the holidays.

“Wouldn’t he like, say, one of those pocket knives?” my dad asked. “Or a letter opener? Or even a tool kit?”

But John shook his head “no” at every suggestion, leaving my dad surprised and even laughing. After all, we essentially vetoed what he considered the top three must-have gifts for the average American guy his age.

While John’s dad was only a few years younger than my dad, he was a world away when it came to interests and needs. Unlike my dad, John’s dad wasn’t one of these handyman types who liked tinkering around the house, and would never have imagined that anyone needed a special tool to do something as simple as opening a letter. He cultivates bonsai in the garden, dabbles in painting and calligraphy, pens his own articles and self-published books, and reads the newspaper from front to back everyday. And while I’m sure some American men out there must share his passions, I’ve yet to meet him.

It’s no wonder, then, that cross-cultural gift-giving challenges so many of us — enough to keep a steady stream of “what should I buy him/her in China” e-mails flowing into my inbox.

In the end, my parents settled on an engraved pen — sure to please a certain “cultured” retiree in Zhejiang with a penchant for writing.

P.S.: Have a hard-to-buy-for person in China on your list? Check out my gift guides.

“Won’t you miss the holidays when you’re in China?”

(photo by christina rutz via Flickr.com)

“Won’t you miss the holidays when you’re in China?”

I couldn’t fault American friends for asking. It’s not just that John and I are moving back to China permanently. We’re also leaving the US on Thanksgiving Day, which means we’ll miss that holiday as well as Christmas, the king of them all.

It’s true. Perhaps years from now, I’ll wax nostalgic for those Thanksgiving dinners that filled the house with the smell of sage and pumpkin spice, or how I used to trim the tree together with my family, or eating figs and chocolate truffles on Christmas morning. And I’ll miss my family in the US once I’m far away.

Yet ever since I’ve married John, my idea of the holidays has changed forever. It’s not just about my American holidays — it’s also about his Chinese holidays too, which I’ve come to miss since we’ve stayed in the US. At the same time, even my American holidays feel different with him in my life, where five-spice turkey and Chinese dumplings complete my Thanksgiving dinner. The holidays just aren’t the holidays anymore without him and the unique, cross-cultural world we’ve created together.

If anything, I’m not worried about what I’m missing because I married John and am moving my life to China — because I know I’ve gained so much more.

From the Archives: Why Would You Want To Go To China?

A stack of moving boxes
(photo by Chris Schauflinger)

It’s 31 more days until we board a flight back to China — and that means moving to-dos are starting to take over my schedule. Which is why I’m taking a break this Monday from posting and running a few posts from the archives (related, of course, to the idea of moving or moving to China). I’ll be back this Friday with some fresh content!

Why Would You Want To Go To China? When someone asked me why I wanted to go back to China, I couldn’t help wondering if it was curiosity, or something else.

On Moving: My “Too Much Stuff” And My Husband’s Little Blue Duffel Bag. One tiny blue duffel bag. That’s all my Chinese husband brought over to my apartment in Hangzhou years ago when he first moved in with me.

Ask the Yangxifu: Love and Location Dilemma With a Chinese Man. A European science graduate student loves a Chinese man, but doesn’t love the thought of sacrificing her career to live with him in China. Can they overcome location to be together?

Featured on BBC News: “Mixed marriages in China a labour of love”

Mixed marriages in China a labour of loveBBC News just featured me and my husband in an article titled “Mixed marriages in China a labour of love.” And even though I’ve already seen the article, I still can’t believe it. Wow!

If you haven’t read it yet, here’s a snippet of the full article:

“From the first time I started to love a Chinese man, hiding became part of my life,” says American Jocelyn Eikenburg.

She had moved to Shanghai in 2003 to be with her now-husband Jun Yu.

“In the past, students had been expelled for dating or marrying foreigners. We didn’t know what would happen if the university administration found out, so we told no-one he was living off-campus with me,” she says.

A foreign woman with a Chinese man is a rare pairing.

Within her small expat community the social isolation was almost immediate. She felt alienated by her girlfriends, who would openly express their distaste for Chinese men.

“I felt alone in being married to a Chinese man and I wanted to find other people to connect with,” says Ms Eikenburg about her decision in 2009 to share her experiences on her blog, Speaking of China.

My thanks to BBC Journalist Zoe Murphy for contacting me for an interview. You can visit the BBC News website to read the full article in its entirety. And as always, if you love it, share it!

And stay tuned — Zoe Murphy also interviewed Jo of Life Behind the Wall, so expect to see Jo on the BBC website as well.

P.S.: Note that the article originally misspelled my last name (which I’ve corrected in the quote above and have requested that the BBC correct). So in case you’re doing a double take when you’re reading it, no, it’s still Eikenburg.