I’m continuing the celebration of International Women’s Day with a post saluting outstanding women with blogs on AMXF (Asian Male, Non-Asian Female) relationships. Woo-hoo!
As you know, I just updated my list of blogs by Western women who love Chinese men — and it’s well over 50. It’s an inclusive list, but keeping up with all of these fabulous ladies is no small task. I spent nearly a day on that post. Yes, an entire day! Still, I’m happy to do it because the women in this community rock. We have a unique perspective on life — whether that’s life in Asia, our home countries, or elsewhere in the world — and that deserves a shout-out once a year!
But I’ve come to realize we’re not the only ones with a huge community. You should have seen the many blogs I discovered just by white gals in Japan blogging about their mixed-race kids and families! And I realized that if I were to simultaneously keep up with all of the communities in Japan, Korea, India and beyond…well, my head was spinning at the thought.
So here’s the deal — to keep things simple here, I’m highlighting the major AMXF blogs in the community authored by women in this post. They’ve attracted a decent following, fill an important niche, or are written by prominent women (including authors). Either way, chances are you’ll enjoy them as much as I do.
That said, if you know about another AMXF blog, by all means please let me know! While it’s impossible for me to spread the love in this post to every single other AMXF blog out there, I’m always happy to give them a link back.
And if I’ve missed a blog that deserves a spot in this post, share it with me in the comments and tell me why I ought to feature it.
Black women Asian men. The ultimate blog for the AMBW (Asian men/Black women) community run in part by a Black woman in a relationship with an Asian guy. It’s regularly updated and loaded with gorgeous photos of AMBW couples as well as their love stories. As if that wasn’t cool enough, the blog offers links to AMBW meetup groups around the US, as well as lists of AMBW books, movies and music videos.
Diary of a White Indian Housewife. Years ago, Sharell left behind her unremarkable life as an accountant in Australia for the wonders of India — and has never looked back. She met her husband in India and carved out a successful career for herself as a travel writer (she manages the About.com India Travel page). These days, she focuses more on her work for About.com than her blog, but the site is still filled with outstanding posts (such as on whether Indian men like white women and how her parents reacted to her relationship) and she promises to update us every now and then. Don’t miss Sharell’s inspiring memoir about her journey to India, Henna for the Broken-Hearted.
English Wife, Indian Life. Sometimes it’s the smallest decisions in our lives that change everything — like how Lauren was on a vegetarian forum and just happened to respond to someone messaging her (something she never usually would do). That conversation introduced her to her future husband. Last year, she officially left her pharmacy job in England to move to India, where the couple married and now live happily ever after — while Lauren, of course, grapples with this foreign country and culture. It’s fun to read Lauren’s posts because they’re so immediate, filled with the excitement and frustration that comes from such a huge life change. Best of luck to this lovely couple!
Fusión LatinAsia. A blog en español and English by Sandra Santiago (who is based in Texas) especially created “for the Latina stricken with the yellow fever.” This site offers lots of great posts on relationships between Asian men and Latinas (such as Would a Latina girl like an Asian guy like me?) and has even helped support readers in their quest for romance (see I want an Asian Boyfriend…case closed!).
The Good Shufu. Once upon a time, Tracy Slater (a self-described highly independent feminist) had the academic career of her dreams, teaching writing at a Boston-area university and living in the city she adored. But when she fell in love with a Japanese man, all of a sudden she began contemplating a life together with him in Japan, which meant letting go of her career and the life she worked so hard to build for herself in Boston. Once moving to Osaka, she became an illiterate housewife trying to build the very family she never imagined she wanted. It’s an incredible transformation — and not surprisingly, she’s turned her story into the forthcoming memoir titled The Good Shufu (to be published in 2015). Tracy is such a gifted writer and I eagerly await what is sure to be one standout book.
My Korean Husband. Nic from Australia is married to Mr. Gwon and she has grown a huge following through her funny comics, videos and other posts about everything from their marriage (such as this how we met video) to life in Korea and even the odd K-pop-related conversation. It’s a delight to visit and read/watch, so it’s no wonder this is easily the most popular (and most entertaining) blog on this list. Nic has a comic book in the works about how she and Mr. Gwon met and more, so stay tuned for that!
Linda Leaming. During her travels through South Asia in the 1990s, Linda discovered the Himalayan wonderland of Bhutan — a country that, in her words, “would rather have Gross National Happiness than Gross National Product” — and that one trip turned into a lifelong love affair on many levels. She met and married a Buddhist artist there and they adopted a girl as well, but most importantly she found the happiness that comes from following your own heart. You can read all about it in her fun memoir Married to Bhutan. And if you loved that book, don’t miss her forthcoming A Field Guide To Happiness: Twenty-Two Things I Learned in Bhutan.
It’s March, with International Women’s Day coming up this weekend, and time to update to my list of blogs by Western women who love Chinese men!
This year, my list includes over 50 different blogs. I’ve still grouped the blogs loosely according to their focus, and tagged first timers on this list with *NEW* for your convenience.
One more thing — after coming across a handful of blogs that hadn’t been updated at all since 2010 (the first year I ever shared this list), I decided it’s time for some housekeeping and a new rule: blogs must have been updated within the past year to make this list.
So, without further ado…(insert drumroll of choice)…here are the blogs!
*NEW*Michelle Maisto. Pretty much anyone in a Chinese-Western cross-cultural relationship will invariably find themselves having an occasional disagreement about a simple question: “What should we eat for dinner?” That’s the subject of Michelle’s memoir titled The Gastronomy of Marriage, which explores how she and her Chinese-American husband managed to make room at the table for all of their different eating preferences. Her blog is loaded with lots of Chinese food porn (naturally!) but also stories about being a mom to their little girl (who she’s teaching Mandarin — yes!).
*NEW*Rhiannon Jenkins Tsang. A British woman truly ahead of her time, Rhiannon made her first sojourn to China in 1986 — what I wouldn’t give to experience that China through her eyes. She later met her husband, who is from Hong Kong, at Oxford; the two of them live with their family in the UK. Her first novel, The Woman Who Lost China, just came out in 2013 and will surely appeal to anyone fascinated with the country and its tumultuous past.
Susan Blumberg-Kason. Once upon a time, Susan was a yangxifu, spending time in Wuhan with her Chinese husband and first child. She’s since moved back to her Chicago roots, remarried and added two more children to her family, but is forever connected to China. She offers tidbits of everything from Jewish Asia to raising multicultural kids, as well as regular reviews on Hong Kong/Shanghai/China-related books. If you’re living in or near Chicago, or passing through, check out her book, All the Tea in Chicago. Susan, we all can’t wait to read your forthcoming memoir, Good Chinese Wife, which will hit the shelves in July 2014!
The Downtown Diner. Melanie Gao has no pretensions about herself. Her blog is a homey, welcoming little slice of the yangxifu blogosphere, self-described as “Made famous in Beijing, now operating out of Nashville, Tennessee.” She has spoken out about her recent divorce from her Chinese ex-husband and will always remain my unofficial twin (we really do look alike). Thanks for keeping it real, Melanie.
Wo Ai Ni. Rhiannon, an American woman who met and married her Chinese husband in the US, creates a whimsical collage of an intercultural family on her site. It’s a snapshot of daily family life — including two blonde-haired children from a previous marriage, and four young half-Chinese kids.
Food
Madame Huang’s Kitchen (Formerly Out to Lunch). Carolyn J. Phillips doesn’t just have a Chinese husband. She loves to eat too, and shares her passion with the world through some of the most authentic and mouth-watering recipes for Chinese food on the web. Don’t read on an empty stomach, and be on the lookout for her upcoming illustrated book on all of China’s great cuisines. Called All Under Heaven, it will be published by McSweeney’s in April 2015. She just came out with a fantastic downloadable Dim Sum Guide. To learn more about Carolyn and her work, check out my 2012 interview with her.
Rice and Pasta, Please. “‘Rice and Pasta.’ That’s what I tell people when they ask what we eat at home.” This blog is a fusion of two cultures, her husband’s Shanghai background and her American one, and covers everything from their family’s love to their love for food. Her 2013 post on Anhui bing has me longing for my mother-in-law’s homemade bing!
Taiwan Xifu. The Taiwan Xifu dishes out posts on some of the best eats in Taiwan, with a dash of Chinese culture thrown in for good measure. She’s even got some fantastic recipes and has blogged extensively about foods for zuo yuezi.
Menglelan. American Menglelan (not her real name) is a teacher and, in my mind, a pioneer — the first blogger on this list who maintained a blog in traditional Chinese! She writes about eclectic topics (including the occasional post on guys!), but the Chinese-language nature of her blog makes it worthwhile reading for anyone studying the language.
Personal Stories
*NEW*AMWF Couple. She’s white and British, he’s from Hong Kong, and they’re happily dating in the UK. You’ll enjoy her posts on how they met and how they started dating (his story versus her story).
Chocolate Chick in China. This African-American blogger is an English teacher based in Nanchang, and you’ve got to love a woman who writes this in her About page: “I have always been fascinated by the 5000 year old culture and also all the handsome single Chinese men that may never find love due to the fact that they overpopulate the women. so off I go to China to find a different way of life and maybe a husband too.”
Ember Swift. This Canadian woman is a singer-songwriter, musician, writer and blogger who writes some of the most fascinating and powerful posts on this list about her life (from her marriage to a Chinese guy to raising their kids). Don’t miss the interviews (one and two) with her that I posted up in 2013 just before Chinese New Year. Congratulations to Ember on the birth of her son in December!
*NEW*Jules in 中国. American Jules had a banner year in 2013. She and her Chinese beau finally tied the knot in China with all of the pomp and circumstance you’d expect (photos, ceremony, the works), and now she’s pregnant and they’re back in the US. Hence, Jules is thinking her blog might need a name change.
*NEW*可爱老外(Ke’ai Laowai). After falling madly in love with a Chinese guy she met on the Internet, this Canadian woman packed everything up and moved to China. It’s an epic backstory that could easily become a book or movie. She blogs about her life in China, including the occasional post on being in an AMWF relationship.
Life Behind the Wall. The first blog on this list by an African-American woman with a Chinese husband (they’ve recently divorced). Jo Gan, who teaches Business and Communication at an International College in Hangzhou, is one extraordinary woman, and her writing provides insight into a life rarely chronicled in China. Those new to her will enjoy her post on dating Chinese men and her latest forays into the dating world.
*NEW*The Mandarin Duck. Anna was born in Russia and raised in Germany, but she ultimately discovered her love and future in China. Married to Jin, who hails from the Anhui countryside, she has written some of the most fascinating reports about life in her husband’s hometown — from water issues in the winter to their traditional Chinese New Year. She’s preparing to move back to Shanghai in April after finishing her master’s degree in China and International Politics, and I’m looking forward to her future adventures in China.
Mingbai. A Dutch woman with a Chinese husband runs a China consulting and travel business, and maintains a blog written in Dutch mainly about travel destinations in this great country.
*NEW*Olivia’s Choice. If the community had a magazine, chances are Olivia Lau could easily be the covergirl. This beautiful and stylish woman from Australia was living in Hong Kong, where she met and married a local man and also ran her own online fashion store. After their epic proposal, pre-wedding photos, and the big event itself, they’ve moved back to Barcelona to work in Olivia’s family store. Wishing this couple the best in 2014!
*NEW*Pausa Monk. Laura, who comes from Spain and is engaged to a Chinese guy she calls Tony, “lives in a changing China and loves it.” Her blog is a hodge-podge of whatever happens to be on her mind — I’ve found her posts on China misconceptions and spending Ramadan in Shanghai fascinating. Check out her how-we-met story titled He Calls Me “Guapa” in the Double Happiness archives.
*NEW*Pocket Full of Dreams (in Polish). Aldona hails from Poland and she’s currently dating a lovely Chinese man, with plans to marry him this year. We’re looking forward to following her wedding preparations in 2014!
Tales from Hebei. Canadian Kelly Sandor has taken her marriage to a Chinese husband, and turned it into one of the funniest blogs on this list (her recent post on strange things about English definitely made me smile). Kelly’s blog is highly addictive and relatable, but also includes some practical advice (don’t miss her FAQs part one and part two on buying a home in China).
Wrapped in a Chinese Leaf. Sarah is an Irish woman studying for her master’s in international business, but she also knows a thing or two about international relations, thanks to her Chinese boyfriend. She loves telling stories through words, and you’ve got to love this post about a Chinese feast, including her confession that she was clumsy with the chopsticks (been there!).
This is the first Chinese New Year we’ve spent with the family in China since returning home and it has been one explosive holiday (pun intended)! So in lieu of the usual Friday content, I thought I’d share the day’s excitement with you through photos.
Wish you all success in the year of the horse! 马到成功！
Red couplets — just written by my father-in-law — frame the doorway to the family home and welcome the new year (and the Spring)
My husband John gives our bedroom door a thumbs-up, now that we have a freshly written “success in the horse year” (马到成功) pasted on for good luck!
Visiting the ancestors’ graves, offering them dinner, incense and money for the afterlife.
Family bustling in the kitchen to prepare the big new year’s eve dinner, known as nianye fan (年夜饭)
Before we even sit down to dine, ancestors eat first. Here my family sets the table for them in the entrance way, right down to lighting the candles.
John sets the firecrackers out by the gate to the family home.
Burning money for the ancestors while setting off firecrackers in the background.
The best meal of the year, nianye fan (年夜饭). Since 10 of us sat down for dinner, my mother-in-law said we needed at least 20 different dishes on the table. My favorites? Taro root, winter bamboo, vegetarian meatballs, and water chestnuts.
The whole family gathers around the table for dinner.
Giving the kids in the family hongbao (red envelopes filled with money) for the new year.
Raise the red lanterns! It’s nightfall and the year of the horse is galloping our way.
It’s never too late to follow your heart to Asia. Just ask American writer Janet Brown, who went to Bangkok at age 45 to teach English and ended up falling in love with her newfound home (and, for a brief time, a Thai local). She captured this experience in her memoir Tone Deaf in Bangkok, which reads like a valentine to the city and Thailand itself, the country where she feels most at home.
Then Janet returns to Bangkok at 60 and wonders: could she still remain closely connected to her two sons in Seattle and live happily in Thailand at the same time? That’s the question at the heart of her second memoir titled Almost Home, a book where she also explores the possibility of putting down roots in three other Asian locales — Beijing, Hong Kong and Penang.
Not surprisingly, while Janet currently calls Seattle, Washington home, she has just returned to Asia this year for some traveling and hopes to continue her love affair with the continent.
You’re currently in Hong Kong and have plans to return to Thailand. It must be exciting to return to two places that feel like second homes to you and reunite with close friends there. What does it feel like to be back?
Coming back to this part of Asia is always like leaving one life to step into another. It’s exhilarating and joyful and a tiny bit exhausting at first, because to enter one life you have to be prepared to completely leave the other, if only for a little while. I think we call this jetlag, but it’s really the effects of time travel.
As you chronicled in Tone Deaf in Bangkok, you fell in love with your Thai language tutor, who was much younger than you. Did your attraction to him surprise you and if so, how?
When I first met the man I fell in love with in Bangkok, I didn’t even think we’d be friends. He was so conservative and quiet, but that turned out to be a professional mask that covered the face of a rebel. I fought the attraction as it grew, telling myself it was one-sided and absurd, concentrating on the work of learning Thai and getting to know the person who was teaching me to speak it. Because of the age difference between us, I was hesitant right up until the moment that he first kissed me.
What did you learn from this brief romance? And what did it feel like to see him years later, as you recalled in your book Almost Home?
I learned that love takes many forms and can be expressed in ways that don’t depend upon a sexual relationship. After our physical intimacy ended, we continued a close and loving friendship up until his death. We met each time I came to Thailand on vacation and stayed in touch through email and photographs. I urged him to marry the woman who became his wife and celebrated the birth of their daughter. Even so, when he first brought his family to see me after I moved back to Bangkok and they came on vacation from Italy, it was much more difficult than I had expected. Although we had become friends, the underpinning of that relationship was still the memory of bodies in a dark room, laughing.
Perhaps the greatest gift he gave me was coming to see me without his family the very last time I saw him, ten months before he died. The bond between us was very strong and very tangible; I feel a deep and inerasable loneliness now that he is no longer in the world.
Where will you spend Chinese New Year? What are your plans?
I’ll be in Bangkok this Chinese New Year, as I was three years ago, on Yaowarat Road in Chinatown as the Lunar New Year celebrations began. It was wildly crowded and I left after an hour of walking and staring. I’d left my phone at home and when I entered my apartment, it rang. “I saw you in Chinatown a couple of hours ago. Why didn’t you answer your phone?” The voice at the other end of the line didn’t surprise me. We always found each other in unlikely circumstances, from the moment we first met. Now I find him in unexpected places, with memories that are so strong that they blot out the world for a minute and once again I’m in another life.
As someone who found a new life, love and adventure in Asia over the age of 45, you’re truly an inspiration. What advice do you have for women over 45 who want to follow in your footsteps, including dating men in Asia?
Janet Brown
I think women in their forties now are much more open to adventure than their counterparts were twenty years ago. But to those who think they have to settle into a lackluster middle age, I urge them to take a risk and explore different ways of living—and loving. Skydive, damn it.
Bathman Mahalingam (Chinese/Tamil) and Shirley Choong (Chinese), Kevin Bathman’s parents.
Chindians are people who identify as both Chinese and Indian. But, as Sydney-based social entrepreneur Kevin Bathman puts it, “the Chindian culture is often a forgotten and unrepresented subculture.” He hopes to change that through the Chindian Diaries, his storytelling project that captures and documents the lost stories of Chindian marriages and families.
The Chindian Diaries began in 2012 when Kevin started delving into his own Chindian heritage (his father is Chinese and Tamil, his mother Chinese) and felt compelled to write up and share his family stories. Then he invited others in the Chindian community to join in through the website and Facebook page, and soon more stories and photos documenting Chindian interracial marriages and families started coming in. The Chindian Diaries’ Facebook page (over 3,000 likes and counting) and coverage in the media ( The Diplomat, The Star, New Straits Times, Australia’s Special Broadcasting Service and more) attest to the project’s growing popularity and success.
I’m thrilled to introduce you to Kevin Bathman and the Chindian Diaries through this interview, which covers Kevin’s family, his favorite couple on the Chindian Diaries, why he believes there are fewer couples of Chinese men/Indian women, what it was like to spend Chinese New Year in his Chindian family and more.
In the course of the Chindian Diaries project, you’ve shared your own family stories. Could you tells us any fascinating or surprising things that you have learned about your own family?
Kevin Bathman (photo by William Yang)
When I first started this project, we were told to delve deeper into our family ancestry – something that I hadn’t done but had been meaning to do for a while. Some of the surprising facts I found about my paternal side of family include how my Chinese grandmother was disowned by her own family for marrying my Indian grandfather. This led to my Dad not having known the Chinese and was only exposed to the Indian side of the family.
I also learned more about my aunt, who had a staunch Catholic upbringing and all her siblings married three different races in Malaysia — a Chinese, Indian and Malay partner. It’s more common now but in those days, it did raise a few eyebrows in the family!
You’ve noted that the majority of Chindian marriages are those where Chinese women marry Indian men, leaving Indian women marrying Chinese men in the minority. Do you have any thoughts on why this happens?
There are no concrete data or evidence that has ever been collected on this subculture. So, while its hard to gauge the number of Indian men marrying Chinese women, and vice versa, there are some theories.
In those days, a male child (sons) played a more dominant role in the family, and many went against their family wishes and married their Chinese partners. They chose love over family obligations. A daughter, on the other hand, was thought to be more subservient and followed the wishes of the family. But, not in all cases obviously.
Could you mention one of your favorite couples on the Chindian Diaries?
Mollynah Goh’s Chinese Peranakan father and Indian mother
Born to an Indian Mum and Chinese Peranakan Dad has made me appreciate the three cultures that run in my ancestry: Baba Nyonya, Chinese and Indian.
Although my Mum, Pandari Devi speaks Tamil, English and Malay and my Dad, Roland Goh speaks Hokkien, English and Malay, we only speak English at home.
My parents met in 1975 when they worked at the same medical company in Negeri Sembilan. Back then, Dad was a supervisor and Mum, a lab assistant.
According to Mum and Dad, when they first met – it was love at first sight for both of them!
Nervously, Dad had approached Mum while sending some chemical samples to the lab and had asked her out on a date. Mum recalls feeling smitten after being asked by a good looking Chinese man.
They had to date in secret as they knew their parents would not approve of their union, particularly both my grandfathers. My maternal grandfather, Varatharajoo wanted Mum to marry an Indian man and my paternal grandfather, Goh Heng Chuan wanted Dad to marry a Nyonya woman.
Although my grandfather Varatharajoo was Indian, he could speak Hokkien fluently due to the fact that most of his friends were Chinese. But to him, it wasn’t enough for him to allow his eldest daughter to marry a Chinese man.
Eventually my grandfathers found out about their relationship and restricted them from meeting each other. On one occasion, Mum tried to sneak out from the house to meet Dad but was caught by my grandfather. She was grounded and had a curfew placed on her.
Despite the odds, they were in love with each other and tried their best to see each other. This continued for 2 years.
Bit by bit, they managed to convince both my grandfathers about their relationship. And when my grandfathers finally saw how serious they were in getting married, they finally relented.
After both the families met, my grandfathers agreed that true love and their children’s happiness were more important than keeping with tradition.
Story of Mollyna Goh for The Chindian Diaries
Since the year of the horse is upon us and everyone’s getting ready to “guonian” here in China, I have to ask — what was it like celebrating Chinese New Year in your home? Did your family give the holiday a little Chindian flare?
Our Chinese New Year fare was a big feast when my Chinese grandmother was still around. She would cook a whole tableful of traditional Chinese dishes, but also would include many Indian dishes which she mastered as well. After my Chinese grandmother passed away, we did less of the traditional dinner, and chose instead to do our meal in restaurants.
From conversations with other Chindians, there was always evidence of both cultures in their celebrations. You normally get the Indian relatives visiting a Chindian household during Chinese New Year, and the Chinese relatives visiting them during Deepavali, the festival of lights for Hindus.
The Indian and Chinese cultures are very similar in many ways:
1. Cultural norms like the colour red. To the Chinese and Indian, red is an auspicious colour especially for weddings, whereas white is deemed inauspicious. Widowers of both cultures wear this colour.
2. Family values, respect and looking after the elderly have high significance in both cultures.
3. General living etiquette (e.g. remove shoes before entering the house).
4. Roles of women and men in the marriage
Many of my readers have cross-cultural families with mixed-race children. Since you grew up in a cross-cultural family as a mixed-race individual, do you have any advice for these families? Specifically, how can they help their children celebrate their heritage on both sides of the family?
Looking over the interviews with Chindians, most of them do feel a sense of belonging to both. Whichever culture they resonate more, depends on their upbringing. With Chindian weddings, for example, most of them have the traditional Chinese tea ceremony and the Indian temple wedding to honour both sides of their heritage.
I have yet to meet a Chindian that has disregarded one side of his or her culture. Some of them have grown up without any cultural barriers or issues, but yet some of them felt ostracised by one of the races, or worst, both.
As their grow up, they eventually find the beauty of coming from a mixed background and most of them are proud of their Chinese and Indian background.
While it can be a trying time growing up as a mixed child, the thing to remember is they have the best of both worlds, and that they can use it to their advantage.
My advice to mixed-race families is to honour all the cultures, and to expose their child to as many of the cultural practices and traditions, so that it is not forgotten.
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Thanks again to Kevin Bathman for doing this interview! Visit the project’s website and Facebook page to learn more about the Chindian Diaries and how you can get involved.
Back in December, many of you — including myself — followed a rather disturbing news story regarding racist backlash against Lorde and her Asian boyfriend James Lowe. Many readers sent along links and encouraged me to write something about it. That proved challenging in December when I just moved to China and was juggling a ton of post-moving/settling in issues that drained my energy, along with some technical difficulties for my website. Well, it’s nearly a month since the incident…but never too late for me to put my 2 cents out there and start out 2014 with a bang.
——
Sometimes people say to me, Why do you write about your relationship? You’re a white woman dating a Chinese man, so what’s the big deal? Thanks to what happened in December, I have a new answer for them: Lorde and James Lowe.
For those of you who were hibernating in December or busy with Christmas shopping, here’s the scoop:
After Kiwi chanteuse Lorde apparently said (to someone, somewhere—I literally can’t find any sources on it besides teens on Twitter) that Justin Bieber and the members of One Direction are “ugly,” wounded superfans began firing back with a barrage of potshots at James Lowe, Lorde’s rumored boyfriend. In the way that the overemotional rantings of the ignorant so often do, the attacks turned racist almost immediately.
I was still dazed and jet-lagged in the wake of an exhausting move from the US to China, but even then the news hit me hard. In the midst of the Christmas season, traditionally that time of “peace on earth and goodwill to all men”, here was a gang of cyberbullies spewing racist comments about Lorde and her boyfriend (see this story for examples) and laughing about it. And to date, no evidence has surfaced proving Lorde made the alleged “ugly” remarks about Bieber/OD…which makes me wonder if someone just went ahead and fabricated the whole thing as an excuse to humiliate Lorde.
Ugh. It’s just chilling to see this sort of thing.
But Lorde isn’t alone in her experience. After all, I’ve had to moderate hundreds of racist comments on my blog, and still receive the occasional hate mail because I’m married to a Chinese guy and blog about it with great pride.
What happened to Lorde stands as a very public example of how the Anglosphere (people in English-speaking countries) still harbors negative attitudes about dating Asian men. As much as it shouldn’t matter who you date, the racist reaction to Lorde’s boyfriend only proves that other people will make it an issue when your special someone happens to be an Asian guy.
Maybe you’ve never been publicly insulted like Lorde, but might understand this in a different way. Perhaps your great uncle made a racist comment in passing about your Asian boyfriend or husband. Or someone said you shouldn’t move back to China with him because the society is too patriarchal and you’ll be oppressed by him. (Never mind, of course, that your guy is such a kind and caring sweetheart who has never been oppressive or sexist towards you.) Or what if, like Grace of Texan in Tokyo, you discover that “You will need a coping mechanism to deal with the question ‘Why don’t you just date a white guy?’”
Please, especially if you’re a non-Asian WOMAN, you need to speak up against this shit. You need to be the counteractive voice to these idiotic children. Write something, post something, or share this. You say you like Asian culture? Then voice your opinions.
Amen.
And Lorde, if you’re reading this, know that you’re a sister in the community of Western women and Asian men. We’ve got your back, girl.
In April, I launched a new series called “Fenshou”, featuring stories of love lost and unrequited love. This tale, which kicked things off, described how an engagement to a fellow from a prominent Beijing family went awry — and also got readers talking.
During March (the month that includes Int’l Women’s Day) I sent a shout-out to all the Asian men out there, asking you to comment in on what you love about us (or that special woman in your life). And, boy, did you respond!
Of all the memoirs by Western women who loved Asian men (and wrote about it), The House on Dream Street by Dana Sachs remains one of my favorites. The writing is exquisite, but more importantly she shares her own vulnerabilities on the page and becomes one of the most delightful narrators I’ve ever encountered.
So imagine my excitement when I discovered that Dana came out with a new novel this year called The Secret of the Nightingale Palace featuring not one, but two stories about Asian men and white women falling in love. The romance at the heart of this novel — which relates to its intriguing title — just stole my heart away. Plus, the book explores a side of World War II that we all too often forget — the US internment of Japanese Americans.
Jocelyn and all the western women still reading this thread, maybe we should have a thread where Asian men can comment on what they love about western women.
Centaur, I can’t agree more! What a great way to honor the Western women in your life — or just honor us in general — during the month that includes International Women’s Day.
1) Your eyes. Deeply set, bright, shaded with long lashes, infinitely seductive. They can have so many colors — blue, green, gray, brown, … , and the color can even change with sunlight. If I stare into them, I’d forget what I was saying.
2) Your hair. Curly, soft, fine, always makes me want to run my fingers through it.
3) Your nose. Long, high, strong (no, I am not making fun of you). It gives your face so much character.
4) Your narrow cheekbones. Contrary to the typical Western view, we don’t find high cheekbones very attractive.
5) Your curves and long legs, they give you such a feminine look.
6) You know how to handle high heels.
7) You enjoy sex. You are open, evolved, and sexual.
8) You are affectionate and you love kissing.
9) You know how to put on makeup.
10) You like to work out and you age gracefully.
It’s March 8 — International Women’s Day — and time for an update to my list of blogs by Western women who love Chinese men!
Last year, I had a little over 40 on my list. Now we’re up to over 50, so the community keeps growing! I’ve still grouped the blogs loosely according to their focus, and I also added a *NEW* tag to denote all new additions to the list.
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Our Chinese New Year fare was a big feast when my Chinese grandmother was still around. She would cook a whole tableful of traditional Chinese dishes, but also would include many Indian dishes which she mastered as well. After my Chinese grandmother passed away, we did less of the traditional dinner, and chose instead to do our meal in restaurants.
Looking over the interviews with Chindians, most of them do feel a sense of belonging to both. Whichever culture they resonate more, depends on their upbringing. With Chindian weddings, for example, most of them have the traditional Chinese tea ceremony and the Indian temple wedding to honour both sides of their heritage.
It’s March 8 — International Women’s Day — and time for an update to my list of blogs by Western women who love Chinese men!