The #1 Thing That Matters When Struggling With Foreign In-laws | Speaking of China

5 Responses

  1. Miriam
    Miriam November 7, 2016 at 1:22 pm | | Reply

    Such lovely pictures of you both – you both look blissfully happy 😀 😀

    My situation is the same, with my other half being the youngest of three sons. Much less pressure this way!

    My experience with my in-laws has actually been really positive (and with my own family as well). I think the main reason is there are plenty of failed marriages between people of the same race in my family, as well as difficulties within Chinese marriages among my in-laws, so I think people have learned not to judge!

    I understand that problems with in-laws must be tough though and totally agree that turning to a supportive partner is the best solution.

  2. Marta
    Marta November 7, 2016 at 4:17 pm | | Reply

    I completely agree with you. If your partner does not support you and his parents’ opinions are always more important than yours, that sounds like a recipe for disaster. Personally I don’t think I would stand it for long as I don’t believe parents should influence the life decisions of their adult children.

    I have been very lucky with my in-laws. My husband has a strong character and that might be part of it, but they are also pretty nice and I have received zero pressure about getting married and having babies. And he is the only son!!

  3. Helen Wilson
    Helen Wilson November 8, 2016 at 7:24 pm | | Reply

    I’m really loving “Speaking of China” and all the posts about AMWF relationships. About 30 years ago I met my Chinese parents in law, I was terrified and very shy,they were very excited to meet me along with many assorted family members. My husband had 10 brothers and sisters and they all had wives and husbands and kids. My mother in law, although she told me she didnt want me and her son( he had become the eldest son since his elder brother had passed away) to be married because I looked odd in the family line up, took me under her motherly wing along with my eldest sister in law and proceeded to patiently teach me Cantonese for daily life and help me overcome culture shock. My mother in law chatted to me happily and matter of factly never minding that at first I didnt know what she was saying. Bit by bit I learnt thanks to her, she was an amazing teacher. She said it like it is, questioned me continually ,made me speak, corrected me, spoke her mind. She kept throwing my husband and I hints about good foods to eat if you were trying to get pregnant, what not to eat, and at Chinese new year gave us massive plump, good for fertility fruits. When I was pregnant with my first child she came to all the antenatal appointments with me giving me advice all the time as we waited hours to be seen At the time I was young and submissive and my husband and his parents made all the decisions, he told me that his parents came before me and I must respect them. I really had no say in anything.

  4. Ryan
    Ryan November 9, 2016 at 12:00 pm | | Reply

    Any openings at Liying Temple for expatriate Buddhists? Or we could be your adopted kids or something. The US is imploding, and a nice temple in the mountains would be a VERY welcome respite…

  5. Ruth - China Elevator Stories
    Ruth - China Elevator Stories November 14, 2016 at 1:28 am | | Reply

    I completely agree! It’simportant no matter the culture, but with Chinese in-laws often wanting to be involved in their children’s life a lot, having your husband on your side is really important.

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