Do Some Chinese Men Really Feel Inferior to Western Women? | Speaking of China

62 Responses

  1. Constance - Foreign Sanctuary
    Constance - Foreign Sanctuary October 20, 2014 at 7:46 am | | Reply

    Another great post, Jocelyn! Very interesting topic and quite thought-provoking as well.

    I cannot speak from experience because I have never dated a Chinese man and my husband was the only Asian I have dated but I can offer one particular incident that happened to a friend.

    I recall one time, several years ago, when one of my best friends (Canadian as well) just began dating a Taiwanese guy (my husband and I set it up). Everything was going well, they were going out on dates, going to the movies, they were both into each other and then, boom – everything stopped. He stopped calling, stopped texting, he ceased communication entirely. She was devastated. Being to good friend that I am, I called on her behalf and he said ‘Tell her to remember what she said during our last night out.’ And thinking it over, my friend said something that completely bruised his ego (to me, it was nothing harsh). But my husband, who also knows this guy, told my friend that people would tease him about the same thing in school.

    I am not saying that he felt inferior because she was a Westerner as maybe he would have done the same thing to any woman who brought it up, but it seemed quite drastic over something so trivial.

    1. fred
      fred October 21, 2014 at 12:50 am | | Reply

      @ Constance. What did your female friend say that bruised the Taiwanese man’s ego? I am curious.

      1. Constance - Foreign Sanctuary
        Constance - Foreign Sanctuary October 23, 2014 at 10:22 am | | Reply

        @ Fred – It had to do with his physical appearance.

        1. Anandiya
          Anandiya October 23, 2014 at 11:17 am | | Reply

          Please see my post below about the dark skinned Indian woman in Delaware. Skin color and physical appearance highly sensitive among Indian women particularly. Dark skinned women find it very difficult to find husbands..and for these women sometimes dowry demand runs very high as much as a million dollars US. Tall dark and exotic may be valued among white people, but to an Indian woman it is not just an insult…it means you wont get married unless you have loads of money to give in dowry.

  2. D-Maybe
    D-Maybe October 20, 2014 at 8:03 am | | Reply

    Maybe if the Chinese started to see that Westerners in their country no longer got paid more than they did for doing the same job, they would be less inclined to feel inferior to Westerners. I think some convergence in the wage levels has already taken place and, furthermore, China’s international standing is now vastly different from what it was 10 years ago, so it would be interesting to see if Western women have begun to notice a shift in the attitude of Chinese men toward them.

    1. R Zhao
      R Zhao October 20, 2014 at 9:52 am | | Reply

      I think the wage gap is one small piece of the puzzle, although I understand why some foreigners are paid more. If they aren’t hired locally, it makes sense that they are sent to China from their own country with a salary that reflects what theyd make back home.

      I agree that attitudes are shifting. I definitely sense it, especially when I go to Beijing. I live in a smaller city so people already have an inferiority complex about their relative standing in the world.

  3. R Zhao
    R Zhao October 20, 2014 at 9:08 am | | Reply

    This isn’t just an issue with Chinese men, it comes with any minority. It’s at the very heart of racism. I’m afraid it’s never going to change because there are always going to be suppressors. One day, however, the Chinese might be at the top of the totem pole looking done on white Americans, who knows? But one thing is for sure, there will always be people at the bottom. I think it’s the nature of humans.

    As for China, I don’t think it’s just Asian men who see themselves as inferior. I think some Chinese women do as well and they become enchanted with the idea of any white guy that will look their way. Whites are equally as guilty of coming here feeling superior, particularly Americans. If I look deep within myself, I know I’ve had this attitude, especially when I first came to China. I still have it now, I’ve painfully realized after the birth of our son. I tend to think my way of doing things is right and the Chinese way is backward. I’m trying to change my attitude because it’s often very unfair and closed minded.

  4. Dan
    Dan October 20, 2014 at 10:43 am | | Reply

    @ R Zhao

    Your child will be viewed as Chinese American in US. So you might want to prepare him/her for that.

    I think the damage of racism is to make people dislike who they are and feel inferior as a result. White privilege exists, and minorities can feel it. But you can learn not to let it become a problem in your relationship by rising above it.

  5. Eugene
    Eugene October 20, 2014 at 12:38 pm | | Reply

    Some Chinese men need to remember a few examples from the past…

    Donghua Li was a Chinese gymnast who gave up his Olympic career to marry a Swiss woman.

    Li Cunxin from “Mao’s Last Dancer” married a white American and later a white Australian woman, the latter have a family now.

    Last but not least, the legendary Bruce Lee was married to the former Linda Emory, also a white American woman.

  6. TLAG
    TLAG October 20, 2014 at 1:13 pm | | Reply


    Dear Joselyn

    I have spent a considerable period of time living in different countries including China. And not everyone is like you actively seeking to date Chinese men with a open mind.

    I have approached a few Caucasian girls. Honestly, some of these girls don’t even want to give me a chance to chat with them (I am not weird, I dress in a normal way, I am above 180cm in height and not a bad looking man). I wonder why they don’t even give me a chance to start a meaningful conversation!!!

    And of course, not all of them are like this. There was this girl actually start to make a move on me first! And we started dating, but it all change when we were attacked by people!!! And I can not describe it, it just too violent!!! I have to fought for our relationship!!! And eventually it became too dangerous for us!!! We have to broke up!!!

    This has change my point of view on people!!! Why is it so hard to date a Caucasian girl!!! I think I might be unlucky!!!

  7. Ri
    Ri October 20, 2014 at 2:09 pm | | Reply

    Hmm, interesting read! I’ve heard similar things from Japanese menーperhaps not as related to feelings of economic superiority, but there’s definitely an inferiority complex lodged there. One guy I know said it was more of a physical thing and he compared himself to white movie starsーthey’re physically bigger, are considered good-looking by both Asian and Western women… How could he compete? Of course, his argument was flawedーno one can really “compete” with movie stars, but the mentality still seems to stick.
    He even went on to explain further, that there are two separate ranking systems: “the Japanese guy”, where being attractive and successful is likely to do well, and then the “any old white guy” ranking, where that factor alone is enough to do well with the ladies. If the two ranking systems are put side-by-side, then the white guy winsーno matter how amazing the Japanese guy is.
    At this point it all seemed too depressing, so we changed the topic, but it was interesting nonetheless.
    Have you noticed any change in attitude since those first dating escapades? It may be hard to compare since you’ve been married so long, but have you heard anything from other Chinese men, or Western women in China that might signify a change?

  8. Sveta
    Sveta October 20, 2014 at 2:18 pm | | Reply

    I don’t think its only Chinese men that have the inferiority problem: I imagine that Koreans and others from Asia also suffer from that problem as well. I really blame the media for a lot of it, and yes, history is also responsible. In Korean dramas, when you have actors and actresses that have more of a western look, its really hard not to feel bad about yourself when you can’t meet the criteria. (One of the main reasons why I don’t care for American TV is that I don’t want to suffer from low self esteem like I did when I was a teenager and didn’t meet the blond hair blue eyed look.) When you also have history of colonialism and opium wars and when the nation suffers from humiliation after humiliation, its hard not to feel inferior to the conquerors, and that feeling passes down from one generation to another. Sadly enough, I can’t think of a way to get rid of that mentality.

    1. fred
      fred October 21, 2014 at 1:18 am | | Reply

      @ Sveta. I cannot believe that you have the inferiority mentality. I think you told me one time that you are Russian. Please remember that the great USSR won the war against Germany. Even the Germans who lost 2 wars still do not feel inferior. I am saying that you should not have a feeling of superiority but you should not feel inferior either. Please note that if you feel inferior, then you will somehow project this feeling in the way you behave and how you conduct yourself in life. The other person (eg. potential suitor) can sense it; then he will eviscerate you as a potential mate. I am not saying that you should be arrogant but rather have confidence in yourself and then you can catch a good mate.

      1. Sveta
        Sveta October 21, 2014 at 10:20 am | | Reply

        When I was a teenager I suffered from feeling inferiority. (Bad enough you’re going through physical changes, but then add the part where there are very little role models who have similar backgrounds or looks, then add my name which was difficult for people to pronounce, and also add the fact that I’m an ethnic minority in both Russia and America and where numerous people have attempted to convert me…) I am doing better now, but I’m just mentioning the possible reasons as to why some people feel inferior, and I wasn’t talking of myself, but just mentioning in general on how to get rid of the inferiority mentality. Nationalism can be a double edged sword, and if taken too far, Germany and concentration camps come into the picture. Some things are easy to ignore, and some are very difficult.

        1. Fred
          Fred October 22, 2014 at 1:18 am | | Reply

          @ Sveta. It sounds like you need a good man (perhaps Chinese) to uplift your spirits.

  9. D-Maybe
    D-Maybe October 20, 2014 at 4:34 pm | | Reply

    What Ri’s Japanese friend said is pretty much the story of all Asian guys.

    Black men also seem to be very popular with a large section of the Japanese female population though, which is rather unusual as Asians generally don’t hold black people in high regard. Personally, I reckon Tyson Beckford is probably the most beautiful man ever and the dude has like the perfect facial bone structure (he’s also 1/4 Chinese).

  10. Ken
    Ken October 20, 2014 at 9:14 pm | | Reply

    It is an issue of self racism. Chinese and Asians in general are more likely to be racist and discriminate against their own than outsiders. Of course unless those outsiders have darker skin than they do.

    White worship and I don’t use that term lightly exists until countries get wealthier. Japan had it in the 70s and 80s it faded in the 90s. Korea had it in the 90s and 00s. China still has it. You can tell when they have white monkey wanted to pretend to be a fake CEO as a white guy makes the company look bigger and more impressive.

    The pay gap makes this worse and feeds the egos of those who act like dicks in Asia too. For instance be white and you can get a university teaching job teaching English, no qualifications required. They get paid multiples of the local wages even if they are unqualified and incapable of the job. Which turns it into a vicious circle.

    Add in actual preferential treatment, and it actually turns into hatred. Korean men absolutely hate ESL teachers in Korea. As a Korean man you have to serve the army for 2 years, go to university and you start on the bottom rung. An ESL teacher doesn’t have to do any of that and starts about 30% up the ladder (but cannot go higher).

    Secondly it is a case of values. If you’ve ever seen Kill Bill part 2 the old wisened master talks down about Western women. The collapse of marriage in the west may well be indicators towards this. Men don’t marry in the western world because it is a bad deal for them, what do they get out of it? they can easily get taken to the cleaners in a divorce.

    This has manifested itself in Korea in the form of ‘Kimichi bitches’. Whereby just because you give me a child doesn’t mean you get a free ride off me, you must bring something to the table yourself.

    I have some horrible dates in HK whereby the traditional values of pink collar workers exist. You marry, wife immediately stops working and you’re expected to pay for EVERYTHING. Any money she earns she keeps. Men like me stop and think why on earth would I want that?

  11. Rdm
    Rdm October 21, 2014 at 12:49 am | | Reply

    I’m throwing out another perspective here.

    1) There used to be “Tulip mania” back in Europe. You can read in wikipedia. That’s the story everybody’s familiar with. What’s that to do with “Superiority” and “Inferiority”, you’d ask? I’m coming back to that.

    2) If you don’t mind, let’s go back further. Here’s another one too. People, maybe including my great great great grandparents, and yours, used to believe that the world is flat. It seemed true though. If you stare further, you see a flat horizon. Again, what’s that to do with “Superiority” and “Inferiority”. I’m coming back to that.

    3) Humans, with our ego, used to believe that we are center of the universe. The universe revolves around us. Until Galileo came and debunked the myth with his scientific proof, nobody would ever think twice about their belief.

    I’d call them “Herd mentality.” Now I’m coming back to our question of “Superiority” and “Inferiority”. Those few examples I’ve thrown out here are just an idea of “How does “herd mentality” affect the society we live in? “, “Is “herd mentality” sustainable or viable?” The question is “Intrinsic value” of each and every one of those examples. If they have “intrinsic value” on their own, they can sustain their reputation and their existence. Like Gold, instead of fiat money, Gold has fulfilled 3 requirements for being money, for centuries, for thousands of years because the intrinsic value of Gold meets the standard of being money.

    At the peak of “Tulip mania”, you can imagine people paying for a high price. Why? because “It’s Tulip! for god sake.” Because of tulip, people caved into the idea that if you invested in tulip, you can make profits although the intrinsic value of tulip is as good as your tomato and potato. The same can be said for the other two examples, the intrinsic values of those beliefs have zero although they hold water for certain periods of time. We are the center. The world is flat.

    Now coming back to our discussion,

    “Dating Asian men” seems socially awkward. That’s the “herd mentality” among westerners.
    A: “Hey my boyfriend is Asian.”
    B: “Ewww…”

    What is that phenomenon? What is that “Eww…” What’s the intrinsic value of “Dating Asian is socially awkward” statement?

    It’s because Asians are murderers? Because Asians are perverts, because Asians are serial killers? Because Asians are bla bla bla, ? No matter which valid arguments you bring forward to counter argue those accusation of “Dating Asian seems awkward”, the herd mentality will still say “Eww…”

    “I don’t know. It’s weird dating Asians.”
    “I am not sure. I’m never attracted to Asians.”
    “Well, it’s because he’s Asian.”

    My point is “Dating Asian is awkward” has no intrinsic value. But it still exists for “Herd mentality”. So when you’re one of Asians among those people with “Herd mentality” (No fault on their parts, it’s just the biological feature of we humans), you’re bound to have “Inferiority” although your “Inferiority” does not hold water.

    You think they think you have a small penis. Well, you can’t flash your pants and debunk the myth.
    You think they think you are socially awkward. Well, you can mingle around the party and speak in Chinese. Nobody will listen to that.

    So “Superiority” and “Inferiority” is circumstance- and time-based phenomenon.

    Now let’s look at the WMAF pairs. Is it normal? It needs no answer. The intrinsic value of “Dating Asian women” also has no value either. As long as you’re an Asian woman, the story is finished. It’s like “Hey it’s tulip. What more could you ask for?” Well, here’s another White lady who could also be as sensitive as Asian women, as feminine as Asian women, etc etc etc. But in “mania” phase and “herd mentality” period, nobody can’t argue their belief. The question is “Do those beliefs have intrinsic value on their own?”

    Like Susan, the commenter in other thread, says you’re married to a man. The characteristics, the traits, the peculiarities are the one you’re familiar with. You’re not marrying “Asian” or “White”, you are marrying a Man or a Woman.

    So the intrinsic value of “I’m marrying a Man” has huge value. That’s why we as human evolve through millennium of years.
    The intrinsic value of “I’m dating Asian man”, or “I’m marrying an Asian man”, or “My girlfriend is Asian” has no value. They do not hold water for long.

    So in those situations, “Superiority” and “Inferiority” in dating scene is subjective and at best can be described as “abstract” idea. Basically, I become “Inferior” due to your “abstract” idea of “me (Rdm) being inferior” although your “abstract” idea holds no water. The same can be said, I become “superior” due to your “abstract” idea of “putting me on to the pedestal” while in fact I am just as human as you are.


    The Dan’s statement of “White privilege”, I like to chime into that. But I don’t have time for now.

    PS. For my fellow brothers Asian, when you walk, for the love of god, just walk up straight, not like Duck waddling. Just walk like a Man. You are man. You are not sissy boy. Jeezus…..

  12. fred
    fred October 21, 2014 at 1:45 am | | Reply

    I can understand the mentality of feeling inferior. When I was younger some other children ridiculed me for being Chinese. The media aggravated the situation by portraying the Asians as terrible people (eg. Long Duck Dong from 16 Candles). Also, China was backward and communistic which was the antithesis of the West and was looked down upon for being backward and inferior. My cousin Yew, as you all recalled, said that he did not consider himself equal to them, and you can read my report as I tried to set him up with 4 American girls. In the dating scene, Westerns did not consider Asian males worthy for these reasons and among other reasons as well. But the funny thing is that Western men did not harbor this prejudice against Asian women as the WM/AF pairings seemed ubiquitous as evidenced by my informal study in Hong Kong which was published here on this site.

  13. jay
    jay October 21, 2014 at 1:51 am | | Reply

    Happened to see this post. Well, As a young guy(25 years old) I would say I really don’t care where the girl comes from if I like her. And the new chinese generation(except people from some southern provinces) is not that small, I’m about 1.78m, when I was in college I’m neither tall nor short, just an average height in my class.BTW, several weeks ago, when I was running in the park, I saw a white girl walking towards me with a book in her hands, very very beautiful, but I just didn’t remember to say hi to her…after one loop around the park, I begain regretting for did’t say hi to her, and in the following several days I come to the park everyday at the time when I met her, but never saw her again, still blaming myself %>_<%

  14. Bruce
    Bruce October 21, 2014 at 2:19 am | | Reply

    I’ve never felt inferior or superior toward other men. I just feel like that Asian men we should express ourselves more.

  15. Anandiya
    Anandiya October 21, 2014 at 4:04 am | | Reply

    At least in South East Asia and South Asia…once upon a time, forty years ago, they thought white women were easy to get…an African American guy travelling through the region told a group of young men that the white community will lynch you if you were seen alone with a white woman, let alone date her…he was from Texas..and I remember this guy vividly….of course they laughed him out of town and they laughed and laughed until they started to cry! Then twenty years later along came the internet and the news travels…now they believe the black guy from Texas…and after reading about lynchings of the yesteryears and recent events such as Jasper, Texas lynchings, they are careful, and they are afraid…guess the Chinese also read a lot despite censorship and they have a healthy dose of skepticism….and better safe than sorry especially if the couple plans on living in the USA!

  16. David
    David October 21, 2014 at 4:22 am | | Reply

    “You’re from one of the most powerful countries in the world.”

    China is not? Other than skin color of the majority race, there is not much difference in power. Both countries can annihilate the world if they want to!

  17. David
    David October 21, 2014 at 4:43 am | | Reply

    “When will we finally meet each other as equals in the dating world in China?”

    When racism finally disappears from America…or at least the crude versions of it…somthing that rarely if ever happens in China….James Byrd, Alfred Wright, James Anderson and plenty of others.

  18. David
    David October 21, 2014 at 4:51 am | | Reply

    “If they aren’t hired locally, it makes sense that they are sent to China from their own country with a salary that reflects what theyd make back home.”

    However, from my experience with people, I can at least say two instances where they tried to hire an equally qualified fourth generation Chinese-Korean American woman (PhD, MIT) on two thirds the salary than a white American woman (Phd Purdue)…both coming on a two year assignment on leave from their universities.

  19. David
    David October 21, 2014 at 5:02 am | | Reply

    “Honestly, some of these girls don’t even want to give me a chance to chat with them (I am not weird, I dress in a normal way, I am above 180cm in height and not a bad looking man). I wonder why they don’t even give me a chance to start a meaningful conversation!!!”


    You may be interested in this….until 2013, they would not admit any non-whites into their university based clubs in the US Deep South….

  20. David
    David October 21, 2014 at 5:04 am | | Reply

    @Dan…absolutely right.

  21. David
    David October 21, 2014 at 5:06 am | | Reply

    “And we started dating, but it all change when we were attacked by people!!! ”

    Sounds like Mississippi, Alabama, Idaho or somewhere down in the Deep US South or the Republic of South Africa…probably happens in Australia least in Queensland and Western Australia.

  22. David
    David October 21, 2014 at 5:11 am | | Reply

    “as Asians generally don’t hold black people in high regard.”

    I have seen a lot of dark skinned Thai and even darker skinned Chinese women with black men…It is also usually the darker skinned Japanese women with black men…Okinawans for example.

  23. David
    David October 21, 2014 at 5:16 am | | Reply

    “It’s because Asians are murderers? Because Asians are perverts, because Asians are serial killers? Because Asians are bla bla bla, ?”

    If it is a white woman involved, Eww in general means wrong color, wrong race…not white…many whites in the US, particulalry the south react the same way with regard to any non-white dates, not just Asian dates…there are white people in America who despise non-white folks with a passion although probably 30% of the population…many live in isolated communities such as Whitefish Montana…go down to Mountain Brook, AL, a prosperous upper middle class to rich white community…they still try not to rent or sell to interracial couples out there, even AWWM couples.

  24. Allen
    Allen October 21, 2014 at 12:57 pm | | Reply

    From my own perspective, absolutely strange that so many Asian men, when they experience racism from a white woman their self-esteem is damaged, because if they experience the exact same racism from a white man most Asian men (I hope) would want to kick that person’s ass.

    Sure it bothered me to experience racism growing up in the United States, but I’m more likely to feel anger rather than inferiority towards those I experience it from.

  25. Anandiya
    Anandiya October 21, 2014 at 7:33 pm | | Reply

    “From my own perspective, absolutely strange that so many Asian men, when they experience racism from a white woman their self-esteem is damaged, because if they experience the exact same racism from a white man most Asian men (I hope) would want to kick that person’s ass.”

    A man cannot kick a woman’s ass, can he? It wont be right, would it? And I dont see too many Asian men kick white man’s ass because of racism, not because he cannot do it, but because he does not want to end up in jail or get shot by police especially in the southern US, like many black men do…so they run for their dear lives.

    And this is not restricted to just men. Indian woman from the southern Indian state of Tamil Nadu was called dark all the time by her relatives. She dated a white man in Delaware…he called her dark exotic and beautiful, so did his sisters, parents and extended family. Like the friend of Constance, one fine day she climbed the plane without telling her bf left for Kansas…where she met a guy from the neighboring Indian state (Kerala) who was as dark as she was and they got married. The irony was they never told their families, because Tamils and Keralites never get along, and the families would rather had their children have a white spouse than a spouse from the other state, despite all the racism and bigotry.

  26. Anandiya
    Anandiya October 21, 2014 at 7:37 pm | | Reply

    Ew is the sound of the other white person (woman?) holding her nose as the person finds the relationship disgusting or even revolting…..reality of life.

  27. Sean
    Sean October 21, 2014 at 7:54 pm | | Reply

    There is slang in China:refill of 0.5 can not match pencil of 0.7.
    I think u know what I mean.
    Besides,I don’t think it’s because they feel inferior in front of white women but feel inferior towards white men who r the real competitors.

  28. Bruce
    Bruce October 21, 2014 at 10:54 pm | | Reply

    That’s why I do everything more than others so I will never be put down as inferior!!!!!!!!!! Yes, it makes you angry and anger turns to perfection and motivation. Do not compare yourself with movie stars! I don’t feel western movie stars are better or superior than me. I just don’t see that. Everyone has the potential to be the greatest. Freaking movies use alot of special effects and for every movie, they make you work out to look good for that part. Anybody can be muscular with the right diet and work out. Look at me now!!!!lol

  29. David
    David October 21, 2014 at 11:56 pm | | Reply

    This song was supposedly motivated by an AMWW couple who had to break up due to mormon church prejudices…

    1. David
      David October 25, 2014 at 12:47 am | | Reply

      Me bad…it was actually about a mormon volunteer in Japan who falls in love with a mormon Japanese in Japan in the early 1970s…actually happened and when he asked her out, fearing her community, she said no.

  30. TLAG
    TLAG October 22, 2014 at 12:59 pm | | Reply

    In my case, most white men who knows me are scared of me. The ones try to make trouble to me got their ass kicked badly. They could not even stand up!!!

  31. David
    David October 22, 2014 at 7:05 pm | | Reply

    TLAG, man, please publish your story. I would like to read it.

  32. David
    David October 22, 2014 at 7:07 pm | | Reply

    TLAG…one more thing…I believe your incidents happened in Australia and at least some white South African expats were involved…more often than not, they were involved in the Indian student beatings and threatened my former Singaporean boss’s niece all the time in Perth because she was rich Chinese married to a white Aussie…she and her daughter always received death threats but they did not make many threats against her white Aussie husband.

  33. Rdm
    Rdm October 22, 2014 at 10:28 pm | | Reply


    Here’s my $0.02 thought on your ranting here.

    1. When a person can’t write a proper English on paper and can’t even make a sentence in proper grammar (Considering he has a plenty of time to double check his sentences), that person tends to be completely incapable of making a decent conversation in person in English. Well in his mother language, he would be able to converse fluently. But since we are here talking about AMWF, which by the way says your partner is at least speaking the other language, you have to resort to communicate in English.

    What’s that to do with AMWF pairing, you’d ask. Well, most of the conflict, misunderstanding between couples usually stem from “Communication”.

    2. You’re saying
    “In my case, most white men who knows me are scared of me. The ones try to make trouble to me got their ass kicked badly. They could not even stand up!!!”

    Are you in your early 20s? When your hormones went haywire, you saw things differently.

    3. Violence
    Granted, there are certain instances where AMWF couples face unimaginable treatment in public. A couple of years back, I’ve seen a youtube clip where there’s a HKer guy in his late 30 or early 40 with a blonde girl (probably somewhere from Europe or Russia), and they were having drinks in a pub somewhere in Australia.

    The guy is a joke. The girl is for money for sure. If that’s the case, save your story for your generation. We’re seeing one side of the screen here in our laptops; somebody talking about their story and how he kicks other guys ass. But we’re not familiar with the actual reality of your AMWF pairs.

    4. Behave yourself
    If you behave yourself, most of the time you can prevent other people stare, look, potential insult from happening. Granted, it’s not perfect. But behave yourself. You said “I dress normal”. Yes, all Chinese guys I’m seeing in the US dress normal. With their outstanding haircut, and muscular structure, I’m sure you are normal.

    Well, hate to break it out to you, if you’re not tall, muscular, you’re bound to have some racist slurs. Don’t come up with “Hey I’m 6’1”, muscular” with verbal retort, I’m sick of those Asian guys ranting and ranting online, claiming how tall they are, how muscular they are.

    Look at @Fred who posted here his story, sure he would have encountered some forms of racism one way or another. But at least I can see from the picture how he would behave, how he spend time in the gym and he himself said he rarely encountered obvious discrimination. I’m giving you the example here.

    As my father said,
    “People treat you, not based on their attitude, but based on your personality and how you carry yourself. If you behave like a shit, even those people with good attitude will tend to treat you like a shit.”

  34. Ferguson
    Ferguson October 23, 2014 at 1:39 am | | Reply

    “Well, hate to break it out to you, if you’re not tall, muscular, you’re bound to have some racist slurs.”

    If you are not white you will get racial slur at least some of the time here in America or Australia.

  35. TLAG
    TLAG October 23, 2014 at 1:48 am | | Reply

    You are not me. You don’t know what I went through. I speak the truth and you have no idea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Rdm you are very judgemental.






  36. Rdm
    Rdm October 23, 2014 at 3:39 am | | Reply

    “If you are not white you will get racial slur at least some of the time here in America or Australia.”

    In terms of getting the racial slurs or discrimination, I can tell you from my experience that White guys also got their own share of discrimination. But the degree of discrimination is no doubt different from Asian guys. There’s no denying that.

  37. Rdm
    Rdm October 23, 2014 at 4:00 am | | Reply


    I’m just pointing out the fact that the story we hear from you is one sided. I can simply ignore you and leave your comment like it is. But at the same time, as a fellow Asian, I can’t let you go like this.

    First, don’t use “Capital” letter because it adds nothing to the online discussion.
    Secondly, don’t use “!!!!!!!!!” which again shows you’re in early 20s.

    Am I being judgmental? maybe or maybe not, depend on how you look at it. I’m just bringing some insight on to the discussion table.

    If you risk your life to save your ex who later left you in the dark, well, I hope you at least gained some experience in dealing with women.

    I’m not saying there’s no discrimination.
    I’m not saying we live in a perfect world.

    What I’m saying is we’re hearing one side of your story.

    1. TLAG
      TLAG October 23, 2014 at 11:54 am | | Reply


      You really making me laugh!!!

      I see you have many problem about what I said!!! I have my writing style and you have yours. So, if you don’t like what I wrote then don’t read it, it’s OK. I don’t mind!!!!!!

      Once again, you are assuming things. Assuming you know what happen between me and my ex. I have said, you have to encounter one of these things to fully understand the seriousness of this matter.


      I am just trying to share my experiences. You don’t have to tense up. I will go on and continue to share the experiences!!!

      But as I said in the other post before we started the conversation. I don’t want to be too negative and go into the details of violence.

      But sometimes it’s interesting and necessary to talk about these things. So, we can deal with it better in the future.

      Its like start dating and break up. Both are interesting to talk about!!!

  38. Bruce
    Bruce October 23, 2014 at 9:22 am | | Reply

    You can write your 5 pages and email to me at [email protected]. All I know is that everyone will face discrimination differently from America to Australia. You just have to be an extremely strong person in order to fight racism and discrimination.

  39. IC
    IC October 24, 2014 at 1:38 am | | Reply

    Cultural clash

    One time a blonde white lady who is into Asian men told me that Asian males are too rational in their thinking which is not good for emotinal stuff. She said a lot of black men who pursue their interest without any rational thinking.

    Western culture is highly competitive which is promoting your own kind and trashing others.

    Confucius culture is about harmony and humbleness which promote modesty and self-pity . You see lots of that in Chinese language especially Ancient ones which often refer themself in a very inferior tones.

    Westerners feel entitled superior in order to make themself happy. Orientals feel needed to be inferior in order to make other happy.

  40. Bruce
    Bruce October 24, 2014 at 7:46 am | | Reply


    Asian males are rational because they are responsible and think about the future . We usually think about future and our women well beings. That’s why I told all asian men not to be so serious and just have fun. Some men just pursue women for fun and will not be serious ( just playing around to see who will run away ). Yes, asians are mostly humble even though they are multi millionaires. Just like me , I always give you a chance to shine and be arrogant and later on I’ll show my true identity and climb on top of things. Later they’ll call me a master in many subjects. For asians, we only show off when we can deliver not just freaking talking and acting like superior when you’re nothing.

    Bruce Lee changed alot of westerner perceptions toward Chinese because of his “superior” movies!! Even til now, Hollywood is still copying his arts. Without Bruce Lee , there wouldn’t be so many action movies that used some kind of martial arts in the movies. Bruce Lee said that he wanted to change the perceptions of asians/chinese in America and he put on his note that he wanted to be the highest paid hollywood movie star ( He did accomplish that).

  41. Bruce
    Bruce October 24, 2014 at 8:52 am | | Reply

    Why do I keep on saying here that you guys should work out to be more muscular and dress nice and learn how to use weapons like guns , knives and learn everything there is to be learned !!! Learn how to build things by yourself around the home . Learn how to cook, clean, change car oil , replace a car engine , build a pond etc etc.. Even shanghai men will fear you man!!! Hey, when the time comes that others assume that you’re inferior, they will be destroyed dude!! This is how I’ve gained respects from others . We just have to do things that others will think twice ” this guy is not simple”. So please do not read stuff on internet that asian men are inferior and easy target because those things don’t represent us asian/chinese men as a whole. Freaking if you talk to me and my brothers , god brother and friends, we are just hot tempered . At our age, we just want to cool down and enjoy life. We have never felt inferior toward other white , hispanic or black men. We just don’t talk/express ourselves often so that’ll lead to others thinking that we’re inferior. Lots of things were invented from China by CHinese men like gunpower, toilet tissue , earthquake detector,printing press, paper, rocket & fireworks etc. You feel inferior is because you haven’t traveled around the world often . I have seen the world and I don’t think I’m inferior . Why? We learn from our mistakes and better ourselves. I’m good enough and more! I’m a good husband, her bodyguard ( protect the families ), a head of the household with leadership and more!! Look around my home and see what I’ve built that still make people scratching their head! ” How the hell this guy builds it?” and Listen to compliments all day long from white people, black people and asians. I’m not bragging here. I’m the real deal because I don’t believe in sterotypes and let that stop me or stop me from doing anything. America is just so big and normally you won’t hear an asian man kick a black or white guy ass but I have heard about it. My friend knockout men 2X bigger than him. He broke brick with his fist. He is just a powerful asian guy. It’s something that people don’t talk about it that’s all. You don’t hear white guys talking about asians make more money than them. It’s embarrassing dude . Nobody wants to put themselves down that they get beaten by asians (financially) and by minority. To tell you guys the truth, if asian men really express ourselves like westerners, you see some really great guys out there that you have not seen before and I’m one of them !

  42. TLAG
    TLAG October 24, 2014 at 10:52 am | | Reply

    @Bruce, IC

    I totally agree with you guys!!! Many Asian men think and do a lot but talk less things. Many Chinese think ahead and plan things long term and rational. I have mentioned patience is important in Chinese culture.

    For myself, I have lost a lot patience since the incident I encountered. I learn the hard way…

    And also, have you guys realised how much self restraint that Chinese people have placed on themselves!!!

    I posted a comment about kicking asses and Rdm immediately came out and tried to shut me down!!!

    Rdm immediately assumed that it was me who make trouble first!!!

    Seriously, I think Chinese people have been too hard on ourself sometimes.

    We always think it is our fault but very often it’s not!!!

    We need to change this situation. We need to get into mainstream politics, sport and entertainment industry more and more.

    I see this is the quickest way to make people understand and do some changes.

  43. Rdm
    Rdm October 24, 2014 at 11:09 pm | | Reply


    “We always think it is our fault but very often it’s not!!!”

    I agree that.

    I honestly do not think you are the one who made the trouble first. And I don’t think you understand fully well of my intention first.

    What I’m simply saying is Asian men, sometimes cry foul of other people staring at them, making fun of them, discrimination, racism, or whatever. They do exist, I agree. But you also have to look at the whole situation as well.

    Those rich Chinese snobs would say, “Hey I’m rich, I can buy a car, I can drive a car.” But if we don’t know the rules of driving, there’ll always will be discrimination and stereotypes. So for that, we have to improve ourself and better learn for our generation. I’m not picking on stereotype. I’m just giving you the example.

    The same can be said if A guy do look like a sheet even if he is with a Chinese girlfriend, he will be sneered and mocked, let alone with a White girlfriend.

    There are many times even a Chinese guy with his Chinese girlfriend got picked on, mocked, sneered if he does look like a sheet and his girlfriend is pretty. Go and walk in those school campuses where several teenagers hang out. You will definitely encounter taunting jokes.

    I’m not discrediting your experience. If you learn some good experience, then good for you.

  44. Bruce
    Bruce October 25, 2014 at 12:07 am | | Reply

    I’m the most impatient person here. I really don’t have patience at all. Well, I know a few U.S marine and cops that are Asians but not enough. TlAG, you have every right to protect yourself, gf/wife/families from life threatening situations. If you kill or hurt the other person, it’s not your fault because you’re not the attackers.

  45. Bruce
    Bruce October 25, 2014 at 12:32 am | | Reply

    TLAG, I’m happy that you protected your gf and yourself. You’ve standed up for yourself as a human being. At least nobody get hurt or sexually assaulted. You guys know my personality by now that if an attacker sexually assaulted or raped your gf/wife/family members, you have every right to do bodily injuries or to kill the predator. Hey, I am for it. Some states in America will allow you kill the child molestor/rapist .

  46. David
    David October 25, 2014 at 12:53 am | | Reply

    Many of you are mad about me ranting about the US South, this article is about one very racist town, where they dont lynch folks but do run you out of town with psychology, and most of the comments are from white southerners and they are saying it is pretty bad….I am pretty certain that no AWWM couple will be welcome there…yes you read it right even an AWWM couple…they ran a Honda executive out of town after he went out with a woman from Indiana, and both of them had barely lived for two years…she was a basketball coach for a university and was on a recruiting trip…when she got back his house was empty…he was gone back to Japan after the locals complained to the corporation.

    If one town is hostile to interracial couples in America, and a rich town that is, it is Mountain Brook, AL.

  47. TLAG
    TLAG October 26, 2014 at 11:34 pm | | Reply


    I agree with you on the rich Chinese snobs. That is something we should work on. These people have drift away from Chinese traditions. Since the economic reform started in China, people’s lives have changed enormously. But, as people’s lives improved, the mentality of the people also changed. I think this is because the economy develop too fast and people’s mentality have not yet able to adjust to the changes in their lives.

    Some people think by showing off their wealth is going to make other people worship them and also they don’t have to follow rules of the law. If everybody think like this then the society will malfunction soon.

    Luckily, things are started to change in China now!!! I think the Chinese leadership and people have realised this and start to do adjustments. But, this will take sometime, changes dose not happened over night.

    I believe there are things money just can not buy, such as true love for each other.

    I am positive that in the near future things will change for the better!!!

  48. TLAG
    TLAG October 27, 2014 at 12:44 am | | Reply

    @Bruce, Rdm

    After the incident I encountered, I have been thinking. This incident happened for many reasons. One of them is the “Caucasian superiority mentality” has been threaten. People are use to watching TV and showing Chinese men been small in physical size, withdrawal and often back down or run away when met with threats. This is could be due to China’s international stand (China has been weaken by hundreds years of war previously) and Chinese culture teachings. As I mentioned, emphasis on politeness is seen as been soft in Caucasian culture. Many Caucasian men think this is been soft when they deal with Asians.

    And I must admit, there are some Chinese people think they are now good enough to compete with people in other countries. I think they have been brain wash by Hollywood movies and TV shows.

    But not everybody think like this. In my case, I trained myself for good health and I know I can defend myself.

    And when they pick on me and my ex, I fought back. This was a big shock to them.

    I overcame few of them, then I can see the shock on their faces. Even the police were shock. I know what they were think, they thought ‘this is not right, Asian don’t fight back!!!

    And to my surprise, the police came and they allowed more people to have a go at us. And I think it was because they were surprise that I overcame a few people and was not going to back down. The police were smiling and want to see how long we will last!!!

    And everything just went downhill from there and became a mass!!!

    I know violence will lead to more violence but I don’t regret what I did.

    Because I know if I back down then they will keep picking on us and others like us. I know I must fight back to make a stand and a point to them so they will think twice when they see other like us!!!

    And as I mentioned, we must change this not just through defending ourself but also through getting into science, media, politics and sports. This is the only way to fix the source of the problems.

  49. Bruce
    Bruce October 27, 2014 at 10:21 am | | Reply

    Majority of white politicians don’t represent the whole population. I treat people with politeness too but they don’t know I have guns and knives all over my home!! I see a few asian join the police depts but we still need more. We have several asian politicians, mayor etc in California. We have 4-6 % asian populations in America but we don’t have enough asians who are gov’t workers, assemblymen/women, judges, policemen, mayors, city inspectors etc. I am sure there are very smart asians who are suitable for those positions but asians just don’t go into those fields. Maybe we face too much racism/discrimination that we don’t bother to run for office. We have so many asians who are graduated from Harvard, MIT etc but they don’t want to run for office. I think our population is just small. Can someone guess why we have so many politicians and economists that are Jews in America? Why can’t we be like them?

  50. Marie
    Marie November 8, 2014 at 6:13 am | | Reply

    Can’t speak for other cultures but this isn’t about Chinese men. The issue lies in the chinese culture, the way they are raised and how they idolize americans.

    We live in a multicultural city with a very large asian population and I cannot go anywhere with my husband without getting obvious “disbelief” looks from other asians. This isn’t the type of staring you’d get in China but rather: oh! He must be filthy rich to be with a white woman. Chinese culture being so male dominant, he would also get odd looks whenever I paid for the bill in a chinese restaurant. We came to the agreement that we would pay whenever eating out at our respective culture’s restaurants, to somewhat ease the discomfort.

  51. David
    David November 9, 2014 at 12:37 am | | Reply mean they idolize whites…many Asians in the city you live in are probably Americans some of them third or fourth short, Asian men are not shy, dont think they feel inferior, they are just afraid and with a good reason…if I see stuff like the atachment I will be afraid of not just taliking to white women, but will be very scared of white people too….

    Mentally unstable congressman elected by mentally unstable 90% white constituents including majority of college attending white women at the University of Georgia.

  52. Grace
    Grace December 11, 2014 at 12:13 am | | Reply

    Inferiority imposed on Asian men….

    This article coming from a white person…seems to say that it is the whites who think non-white men are inferior…..

    “The belief that men of color are “thugs” and thus somehow unworthy of white respect is a widespread belief that is often exploited by the media and politics. This creates bias towards Black and other minority men — a “rule” of inferiority — that is often deeply internalized by non-minorities. “

  53. Grace
    Grace December 11, 2014 at 12:38 am | | Reply

    “What is that “Eww…” What’s the intrinsic value of “Dating Asian is socially awkward” statement?”

    Eww is the voice of a white woman holding her nose as she talks in reaction to an interracial couple…happened to me many times!

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