BBC News just featured me and my husband in an article titled “Mixed marriages in China a labour of love.” And even though I’ve already seen the article, I still can’t believe it. Wow!
If you haven’t read it yet, here’s a snippet of the full article:
“From the first time I started to love a Chinese man, hiding became part of my life,” says American Jocelyn Eikenburg.
She had moved to Shanghai in 2003 to be with her now-husband Jun Yu.
“In the past, students had been expelled for dating or marrying foreigners. We didn’t know what would happen if the university administration found out, so we told no-one he was living off-campus with me,” she says.
A foreign woman with a Chinese man is a rare pairing.
Within her small expat community the social isolation was almost immediate. She felt alienated by her girlfriends, who would openly express their distaste for Chinese men.
“I felt alone in being married to a Chinese man and I wanted to find other people to connect with,” says Ms Eikenburg about her decision in 2009 to share her experiences on her blog, Speaking of China.
My thanks to BBC Journalist Zoe Murphy for contacting me for an interview. You can visit the BBC News website to read the full article in its entirety. And as always, if you love it, share it!
And stay tuned — Zoe Murphy also interviewed Jo of Life Behind the Wall, so expect to see Jo on the BBC website as well.
P.S.: Note that the article originally misspelled my last name (which I’ve corrected in the quote above and have requested that the BBC correct). So in case you’re doing a double take when you’re reading it, no, it’s still Eikenburg.
Nice. Surprised too because bbc usually has the more hateful china rhetoric. Makes sense since it comes from the Anglo nations, aka USA and Britain. Thought they would concentrate more of the wmaf pairing rather than amwf pairing. Really surprised.
Hi there,
My English is not good enough to produce a nice comment to encourage you.
But I felt to write some thing to share your exeperiences: as people say: there are very few cases of chinese men married to western women and living in China, this is the case I do too. My wife is french and we are married in China 15 years ago and we have 3 children. This is a very special life but very very chanllenging in terms of culture, administrative problem, education for children, social relationship and communication difficulties. Nevertheless, we are now solid since ever.
I wish you my best
Wang la
This is great, Jocelyn! 🙂
“She felt alienated by her girlfriends, who would openly express their distaste for Chinese men.”
People who have a distaste for Chinese people whether man or woman have no business living or working in China. I have a deep and intense hate for the US South, especially after the role their reps played in the government shutdown and I would never live and work there. Sad to say there are many racist expats like this around the world who will put money before their racist “principles”. In fact, the most anti-non-white organization in the UK is over 50% funded by white Brits living and working on fat salaries in Asia and the Middle East. Only thing is they want a one way street. They dont want Asians moving to the UK whether through marriage or through jobs.
Congrats! I noticed the misspelling too when I first read the article following Sam’s comment in your previous post and the link to the BBC article he provided. It is nice that IR esp between WWAM is getting increasing coverage in the press.
Wowee, this is great! I have a quick read of the BBC Asia page every now and then and usually come across a couple of interesting articles. I like to do their quiz of the week’s news in the ‘magazine’ section but you have to be a bit of a BBC news nut – that’s my excuse for my usual poor score anyway haha
PS. Thanks for the link to Jo Gan’s radio interview a few posts ago, it was super 🙂
Hello,
Wow, those are great news Jocelyn!
@Jocelyn. Great post. You continue to fight against prejudice and continue to love your man. You really rock, girl. It is without wonder why other media such as the BBC has taken notice of your greatness. Keep up the great work. I wish more White boys will chase after Asian women.
Manny
You’re now a celebrity!
@Manny
Plenty chasing already. That is one of the main reasons white sorortities in Alabama did not admit Asian American women…and supposedly still have not.
Congratulations, Jocelyn. It was a good article.
I was interested in the graph. “In 1978, there was not a single inter-racial marriage registered in mainland China, according to government figures.” I sometimes forget how long ago I was married to my Chinese husband … 1967. (We were married in the US, not in China.)
@ David.
“Plenty chasing already. That is one of the main reasons white sorortities in Alabama did not admit Asian American women…and supposedly still have not.”
I do not understand your statement. Are you saying that the all-white sororities will not admit Asian girls because they (White girls) fear that the Asian women will steal the White boys thereby lessening the White girls’ chances of hooking up with the White boys? Admission or non-admission will not affect the White boys’ chances. If we White boys want to get Asian women, we will look for them anywhere and everywhere whether at a sororaity or elsewhere. Perhaps you can clarify your statement.
Manny
Congratulations, Joss! Way to go!!! Chinese men are great, and so are the women who love them. xxoo
“If we White boys want to get Asian women, we will look for them anywhere and everywhere whether at a sororaity or elsewhere. Perhaps you can clarify your statement.”
Agreed with this statement. However, I stand by my sorority statement.
I actually found this blog through that BBC article, so in a way, I’m glad. You have a very informative blog which is also somewhat relevant to my own situation, and it’s going straight to my RSS feed subscription.
So cool! I just showed my wife the line that read: “But when it comes to cross-cultural marriage, far more Chinese women date or marry Western men than the other way around.”
She got a real kick outta that one. Congrats!
@Manny
Always weary of white men with a faux attitude “oh well done white woman” then making a comment about how white men should be with asian women… the agenda is obvious.
Also what an odd thing, for Jocelyn’s friends – living in China – to openly express hatred for Chinese men. Even in white nations, women do not openly express hatred for another race’s men or women – because that would be racism – but deem it fine to do so for Chinese men??? On top of that, why are they in China in the first place?
@Jeff…odd but a reality. There are white expats from the US in Singapore, who wont let their children bring Chinese (or Indian/Malay) friends home. I have intense dislike for white southerners here in the US, but I will not move to the south…guess when it involves money it is a different story. The anti-immigrant British National Party is funded by white Brits living in countries such as Dubai and Qatar. Go figure!
What is alarming is this bit:
“She says she knows of educated, good-looking women who go to certain bars in the hope of meeting a Western man to marry.
“They have an image in their head and want to live ‘the dream’.”
A mixed marriage can offer greater opportunities to travel and educate your children overseas. Being able to speak English elevates you in terms of salary and job opportunities, she says.”
As if you had to marry a white man to be well educated and have opportunities. No other demographic does this e.g. Asians, blacks, eastern europeans going to the West – they all do so as families, not “marry a white guy”. The consequence is that any Chinese woman doing so (of which there are many) have essentially eradicated any trace of their heritage in the space of two generations. One wonders if they regret this when they become a grandmother. Or maybe the inherent belief of white superiority will go with them to the grave.
“No other demographic does this e.g. Asians, blacks, eastern europeans going to the West – they all do so as families, not “marry a white guy”. ”
Due to Section 214(b) not due to any familial reasons. In the late 1880s Chinese Exclusion Act was legislated to keep Chinese women out so that the single men return home. Section 214(b) was legislated to at first prevent Japanese women from coming to the US and marrying white men…not due to any familial motives of Japanese women, but due to the racism of the Daughters of American Revolution who did not like the idea of Japanese War Brides. So in return for allowing Japanese war brides, Section 214(b) was passed.
“The consequence is that any Chinese woman doing so (of which there are many) have essentially eradicated any trace of their heritage in the space of two generations. One wonders if they regret this when they become a grandmother.”
Wonder whether the Asian men from Korea, Japan and China marrying Filipinas, Vietnamese, Burmese women etc. think the same thing when they become grandfathers once their heritage is wiped out probably in two generations? Or have you assimilated into America, if you are in this country, and think that it is ok because “all Asians look the same”?
The (ancient and defunct) laws you mention may have had different intentions, but the results are plain to see. A legacy of asian war brides, and asian women seen as trophy mail ordered to fit.
As for your last paragraph, I’m sure they would… indeed many do not wish to marry someone outside their origins, but are left with no choice, because it is their women who have done exactly that. And furthermore, done so with such disparity (far more asian women marry white men that asian men marry nonasian women), that they are forced to make the choice – they too must marry outside, eradicating their heritage – or become extinct.
A horrible position to be left in, especially when one has no choice in the matter.
To add, it isn’t even a big issue for the white men who intermarry, because these tend to be older (much older), and thus have 1, 2 or even more previous families with their white wives. Essentially they get to continue their heritage whilst also ruining others. Asian men are finally waking up to this, not helped by their massive male-female gender imbalance.
think that it is ok because “all Asians look the same”?
===========
Actually this is a valid point to discuss. There is less cultural whitewashing if the two different partners of from the same region – e.g. Europeans, you have Swedish and English parents, German and French etc…. but to have one that is cross continental, undoubtedly there will be a culture clash, and you will find when they grow up the kids will side with one over the other, or risk continually having an internal battle between the two.
One good example is Eliot Rodger, son of a British man and a Malaysian Chinese woman.
“The (ancient and defunct) laws you mention may have had different intentions, but the results are plain to see.”
Ancient and defunct?
http://newdelhi.usembassy.gov/consular/refused-or-pending-visa/214b-refusal.html
Get your facts straight before your write nonsense.
“indeed many do not wish to marry someone outside their origins, but are left with no choice, because it is their women who have done exactly that. And furthermore, done so with such disparity (far more asian women marry white men that asian men marry nonasian women), that they are forced to make the choice – they too must marry outside, eradicating their heritage – or become extinct.”
More nonsense…there is no “Asian” heritage, and there is no “white” heritage….the latter lies in the delusion and imagination of whites, mostly white Americans. The fact is many Chinese in America wont marry Japanese or Korean women but will complain when Korean or Japanese women marry some other group.
“There is less cultural whitewashing if the two different partners of from the same region – e.g. Europeans, you have Swedish and English parents, German and French etc…. but to have one that is cross continental, undoubtedly there will be a culture clash, and you will find when they grow up the kids will side with one over the other, or risk continually having an internal battle between the two.”
More BS…historically Japanese and Koreans have been more of enemies than Japanese and British and Korean and British. Similarly, Croats and Serbs and Russians and Ukrainians have been more of enemies historically than either of them with the Chinese or Koreans…kids who are of mixed Ukrainian-Russian origin have a far harder time back in Kiev or Moscow than the Russian-Korean mixed kids…so your writings are full of crap.
And finally one fantastic example is Mikaila Conlin a product of Irish and Chinese….
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michaela_Conlin
Another good example of a pure blooded Korean murderer is Seung Hui Cho and another example of a purebred white murderer is Ted Bundy…so what is your point? For every mixed race kid who murders I can show you 1,000 white serial killers, and at least five Asian serial killers.