To The Girl Tired of Hearing, “Why Would You Date Chinese Men?” | Speaking of China

15 Responses

  1. Svetlana
    Svetlana May 16, 2017 at 7:10 am | | Reply

    It’s sad that things have not improved 🙁 I have a half Chinese son, and ever since he came into the world, race became less and less comfortable. I recall meeting a very attractive 18 year old Burmese guy, ( tall, well muscled, dark and handsome, long story short, baby’s father and I are no longer together) when I told him my son is mixed, and that his father is chinese, he was shocked. And comments that once I could ignore, I no longer feel comfortable hearing them because I wonder if they mean my son as Well?

  2. TLAG
    TLAG May 17, 2017 at 1:16 am | | Reply

    Prejudice can exist in anyone’s mind. Does not matter if he or she is from Asia, America, Europe or Africa.

    I have met people from everywhere and a lot of them have not so good ideas about people from other countries.

  3. David
    David May 17, 2017 at 1:54 am | | Reply

    Most white women who find Chinese men not datable likely find other non-white men not datable. I have come to the conclusion it has very little to do with race but racial privilege. If a white woman marries a white man, their daughter, like Emma Stone in Aloha, will have the privilege of hogging all the roles in for instance Hollywood. Being white you get to play white roles and whitewash minority roles. You can give lip service to equality of opportunity and get away with it. Now if your daughter is only half white, she is as good as Asian or black and you get fewer opportunities. Just taking Hollywood as an example. In many other professions also privilege and more options exist for white people. That is the main reason why a white Catholic from northern US prefers to marry a white protestant from the south, although they have nothing much in common other than their white skin color. eg. Governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina. If life is lot easier for the kids, why would n’t a white person marry another white, and who cares about culture as long there is skin privilege.

  4. James
    James May 17, 2017 at 1:19 pm | | Reply

    I recall a survey that had a 2×3 design (male, female) x (Caucasian, black, and Asian) and the Caucasian female-Asian male had, by far, the lowest votes in any of the categories. As an Asian American male, I’ve dated women of all races but, for the longest time, I’ve felt that the Caucasian women I’ve dated would leave me sooner or later (when they’ve found someone else, probably Caucasian). While that may say more about me than my Asian heritage, knowing myself, it is the Asian factor I’ve felt that has driven this perception and much of that is the result of having grown up in a society that is dominated by Caucasians, both around me and thought the media.

    1. DAN YEH
      DAN YEH June 6, 2017 at 6:00 am | | Reply

      With 40 years of actual experience of being an Asian male married to a blue-eyed wife, I totally disagree with your low self esteem way of thinking. A marriage is normally built on a relationship , unless you married a gold digger, and a wife will not leave you for somebody else unless there is something not quite “kosher” with you foundation.

  5. TLAG
    TLAG May 17, 2017 at 2:18 pm | | Reply

    Like Jocelyn said ‘Tired of hearing’ about prejudice ideas! After dealing with a lot of narrow mind idiots. I also found myself tire of talking with people who have that kind of ideas. And Sometimes, just sometimes, I think, may be we should just let the narrow mind idiots get together and date each other, so thay will not pollute the open mind population!

  6. David
    David May 18, 2017 at 3:09 am | | Reply

    White women who do not want to date Asian men are generally loathe to date other non-white men. It all comes down to privilege rather than racism per se. If a white woman marries a white man her kids will get privileges that non-whites can only dream of. Top among the white skin privilege is the privilege of playing whitewashed roles in Hollywood….Yellowface, brownface, etc. If you are a non-white you do not get to play white roles, while the reverse is true. With that kind of privilege which white woman will not want to marry a white man!

  7. ManilaMemories
    ManilaMemories May 18, 2017 at 2:58 pm | | Reply

    Seriously, based on experience and observation, having a chip on one’s shoulder–a thinly-disguised contempt for those who simply exercise their right to date and marry who they choose and to exclude anyone for whatever reason, that is one thing that can make a guy very unappealing to women–of all races….

  8. DC Memories
    DC Memories May 19, 2017 at 12:59 am | | Reply

    Open contempt is exhibited by folks who say that it is a preference to date and marry based on skin color. Others are only reacting to it. Sure there are preferences and there are always reasons for these preferences. Whites prefer to date and marry whites, mostly due to the privilege it gives their children. It is the contempt of some (most?) white folks who say it is a preference made them vote for Trump. Not economic or other reasons. And people like me and others like me rightfully have contempt for folks who exercise their right to date and marry based on skin color or vote for Trump. In particular, I have utter contempt for white women who voted for Trump after all his sexist shennanigans. If you are a non-white not having a chip on your shoulder is not going to make the guy appealing to these racist women. Not having contempt for these racist white women who believe this nonsense and who likely voted for Trump is not going to change anything either. In fact, these are the kinds of people who have made DC a mess that it is today!

  9. ManilaMemories
    ManilaMemories July 3, 2017 at 3:32 pm | | Reply

    How is it “open contempt” to suggest that it is a “preference” to “date and marry on the basis of skin color?” Also, who came up with the idea that “Whites marry Whites” because of the “privilege that confers to their children?” If that is the case, then what of those White men and women who have non-White spouses/significant others? Do they, therefore, deprive their children of any claimed “privilege?” Seriously–and I’ve said this before, prior to “revisiting” the AMWF “scene” earlier this year, it never dawned on me that I would encounter such views within related blog posts and comments…..

  10. Sui Kwok
    Sui Kwok August 24, 2017 at 5:36 pm | | Reply

    Yes it’s the same for every women regardless of race or country. For some odd reason many men believe that they own women from their own race, which is a disgusting mentality.

    Chinese women who are with White guys in China, such as myself, constantly get asked why they are dating a laowai, or told that “laowai are not reliable” by people who should rather mind their own business.

    What I believe is that only love matters, it does not matter which races, and when two people love each other, it’s no one else’s business or right to judge.

  11. Robin Wu
    Robin Wu October 10, 2017 at 12:15 am | | Reply

    It’s all about different standards in Asia and the west. But i never rely on theory. We have billions of Asian compared to non Asian people and the only men that always look for wives in poorer countries are white men. Meaning? It’s hard for them to get their own women.

    1. ManilaMemories
      ManilaMemories October 11, 2017 at 12:07 am | | Reply

      Years ago, I came across reports of Russian women–usually based in Siberia, marrying Chinese husbands, supposedly for financial reasons….If true and I have no reason to doubt it, that would appear consistent with patterns showing that women have this tendency to “marry up” in order to improve their financial status and those actions cut across racial/cultural/ethnic barriers. That would also shoot down the assumption that “only White men” seek women in “poorer” countries as there is also increasing evidence of Chinese men seeking wives elsewhere, especially in Southeast Asia, partly as a result of China’s one-child policy that has reduced its female population to where eligible men outnumber available Chinese women.

  12. britishlass
    britishlass December 19, 2017 at 5:32 pm | | Reply

    I’m so tired of hearing this too… Do you know what else I’m sick of hearing? “Oh wow so you’ve got yellow fever! You’re such a rice queen!” “Aren’t there any white guys where you live?” “You’re using them to improve your Chinese right?” “Are all asian men bad in bed?” Ughhhh.

    People constantly ask me why I date asian men and I want to ask them
    “Why do you date men?” And most likely get this response : “Well that’s a bit of a silly question…”

    I rest my case.

    Most of the time though, what hurts most is how other asian women and men look at me when I’m with an asian man. Sometimes I feel like they think I’m not good enough; judging by their facial expressions. Other times it’s with awe, confusion or hostility.

    Yet, no-one bats an eyelid when they see a western man with an asian woman.

    So it’s not just westerners that get this attitude so wrong but in fact pretty much ANYONE.

    What could be more wonderful than a mixture of 2 very different cultures, races, backgrounds coming together?

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