On the HuffPost: Why Won’t Western Women Date Chinese Men? (From the Archives)

why-wont-western-women-date-chinese-menIt’s always a pleasant surprise when your friend shares a link with you on social media — and it turns out to be an article you wrote a few years back.

That happened to me just the other day. There it was in my social media messenging app — a picture of Jun and me under the title, Why Won’t Western Women Date Chinese Men? It was the first piece the Huffington Post ever published from me. Cool to see it’s still getting read, even after two years.

If you’ve never read it, here’s an excerpt:

“Whenever I arrive at the airport in America, the first thing I notice is our men, how handsome and how tall they are,” one of my white female colleagues mentioned over lunch. “I’ll just stare at them for hours, as if I was Chinese and had never seen a foreign man before in my life.”

At least that woman wasn’t as blunt as another colleague, who used to bicycle with me through the streets of Zhengzhou. As we stopped on the corner of a side street and watched the mostly-male populous pedaling past us through the intersection, she grimaced.

“Chinese men don’t really seem that attractive.”

“How can you say that?” I asked her.

“I don’t know… they just aren’t.” She sounded too casual for a woman who just dismissed the entire male population in China.

How could these women just write off all Chinese men as undateable? The question haunted me as I pondered my crush on Tian. But it wouldn’t be the last time I would find myself up against these ideas. As I continued to date the locals in China and eventually married a fellow from Hangzhou, I would come to realize that most expat women in China agreed with my Zhengzhou colleagues. And sometimes, their dislike was just shocking. A European woman I worked with in 2001 famously told me that, while she found all Chinese men completely repulsive, she considered Chinese children so adorable.

Check out the full piece at the Huffington Post. And if you like it, share it just like my friend did.

It’s October 7, the last day of China’s National Day holiday. Here’s wishing all of my friends in China had a great break! I’ll be back on Monday.

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10 thoughts on “On the HuffPost: Why Won’t Western Women Date Chinese Men? (From the Archives)

  • October 7, 2016 at 11:02 am
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    One’s meat is another’s poison, that’s all. We Chinese males view western females the same way you described in the post. As to the marriage of both sides, most of them are based on economic consideration. And you also forget one important part of this, that is, online dating. There are many Russian girls who wish to date with me, though I have told them clearly I am married.
    Another thing is that many western females do not have personal contacts with real western men, they get their impression of such males from movies or TV dramas or novels. It has a long history, like Jane Austin, Emily Dickinson, who never saw a handsome male beyond the villages they lived in, but who were able to conceive readers that they lived in a royal palace which threw a party every night with tons of handsome men attending.

    Reply
    • October 7, 2016 at 6:25 pm
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      My impression of Chinese men was formed by my interaction with them, and while I was open to a relationship, the impression I formed through my experiences was (overall) not a good one.

      Unlike Chinese women of the same age who lack social experience and are therefore likely to form ideas about relationships from TV and books, many non-Chinese stopped believing in the ‘fairy-tale’ romance of 19th Century literature once they left school.

      I find many Chinese males I interact with immature, uncommunicative, demanding, childish, quite disrespectful and quite insecure.
      I have been stalked by Chinese men that don’t understand that ‘no’ means ‘no’, whereas most ‘western’ men get the message when it is spelt out.
      Chinese men that I have met don’t understand how to negotiate or compromise seeming to prefer to sulk or shout to get their way. This is NOT attractive.
      I don’t accept this from a 10 year old child, so I would not accept it from an adult man.

      I am not so superficial as to be drawn to looks or wealth, (I was harassed by a wealthy guy in Tianjin who thought he could ‘buy’ me – he was just plain creepy and disgusting, but some Chinese girls I knew thought I should string him along because he had money), as these can disappear over-night. Character and principals, honesty and integrity last longer.

      Reply
  • October 9, 2016 at 2:41 am
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    I’m a 6″2′ full-Asian men in the US, with graduate degree, of Chinese and Japanese heritage. Not as handsome as John, but not bad-looking as well.

    Why won’t Western women date Asian men?
    Pardon me for my blunt language. I just wanna help explore the truth.
    Of course there are outliers, but I wanna speak in a general sense.

    1. Biologically, we Asian men are poorly endowed. East Asians, both men and women, look juvenile, under-developed secondary sexual characteristics. Asian men are relatively slender with high-pitch voice, seem to be emasculated, not manly enough, so not even considered men by most Western ladies. In comparison, Asian women are extremely desirable by men since they are biologically more petite and feminine with very tolerant personality. Asian women significantly took away by men of other races, leaving most single Asian men “unwanted/wasted”.

    2. Socially, we are men of color. Precisely speaking, we are not at the bottom of racial hierarchy in the US. However, living as “non-White”, there are inherently social disadvantages. We are born powerless, so we need to work hard to compensate that insufficiency.

    3. Culturally, we are incompatible to Western Civilization. Asian men are perceived as mean, rude, misogynists by default. Even the American-born Asian men who are familiar with Western culture don’t do significantly better than fresh-off-the-boat counterparts, when dating outside the race. There is a deeply-rooted Sinophobic history in the US since the first Chinese railway workers arrived the US during Gold Rush, such sentiment of “Yellow Peril” is still influential today.

    Even anti-miscegenation law was repealed after 1967, Asian men don’t really find acceptance from women of other races, especially those of European origin. “White men” took away women of color a lot, and you seldom see the other way around. If it happens, mostly BMWF (“Black Male”-“White Female”).

    That’s why we Asian men study so hard to achieve in higher education: we have strong self-awareness that if we don’t make $ 50,000 annually, probably women of other races would not give a s**t about us. Thanks to American capitalism, we can use income to compensate biological and social insufficiency: become a sugar daddy. If you check the online dating statistics from OkCupid, Asian men almost did the poorest among the males.

    I did approach Western women in the bars when I first arrived the US, and I got shot down by Western women, 100% of time. Mental health matters. Now I focus on women of color since they find me more acceptable and more willing to treat me nicely. I don’t aim to destroy or dilute the “Whiteness” or “racial purity” of America. I believe equality and respect regardless of race. Just the sad fact that most women are shallow as hell, not 10% insightful as Jocelyn that they can’t see any good or attractive trait from Asian men.

    Reply
  • October 11, 2016 at 3:37 am
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    Gee 200 years of humiliating and dehumanizing us kind of affects the way we’re perceived.

    Reply
  • October 12, 2016 at 5:50 am
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    @KM..agreed. By western if you mean white, until the 1980s many white American women would not even share a dorm with a non-white woman. Read Michelle Obama’s story at Princeton in August 1981. Some Japanese American women at Princeton also had the same experience as Michelle Obama in the 1980s. Those things no longer happen and the aversion is now only towards dating non-white men. So I do not believe it has anything to do with being Asian. the question is are you white or not…racism plain and simple. A lot of expats feel the same way as this woman in her previous blog. I am certain she does not date any non-whites. I have had diehard Obama supporters in California-white women-who have told me that they don’t find any non-white men attractive including Obama! If you do not believe me, note that just over 50% of white women say they will vote for Donald Trump and those that vote for Clinton, don’t be so sure they will date non-white men! Some will, most will not.

    And more thing. Since June 13, 2015, when Donald Trump announced his candidacy he has degraded many women, particularly Hispanic women, and the white women in the media had little or nothing to say. Some even laughed as though it was a joke. But, then the video showed up him disparaging a white woman, and all hell broke loose…sacred white womanhood…he crossed the line…and the rest of this month and early November will be history!

    Reply
  • October 12, 2016 at 5:54 am
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    @Sorrell…too much generalization about Chinese men. But, no problem. Myu views on white American women are based on experience and other people’s experience, However, you don’t string along any rich guy or any guy of any race. There once was a young British woman named Lucie Blackman. Took the advice of some Japanese woman and strung along a filthy rich guy named Joji Obara…and she was history.

    Reply
  • October 12, 2016 at 5:57 am
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    “Just the sad fact that most women are shallow as hell, not 10% insightful as Jocelyn that they can’t see any good or attractive trait from Asian men.”

    Sadly not just the white female Trump voters!

    Reply
    • October 13, 2016 at 3:45 pm
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      Ya, self-proclaimed hipster-liberal western women, most of them would never date a man of color.

      Western society stigmatize those western women who are willing go interracial.

      With Afro Man: Coal Burner
      With Asian Man: Gold Digger
      With Hispanic Man: Drug Addict

      And stigma comes with lower social status and alienation, as punishment for interracial relationship.

      And I don’t really expect Western women to treat me nicely anymore since I am at the bottom of racial totem pole, while they are on the top.

      Reply
  • October 14, 2016 at 11:39 pm
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    @Jamie [email protected]…if they ever find out that Trump had grabbed an Asian or any other non-white women, his racist white female supporters such as Ann Coulter, Laura Ingraham and Scottie Hughes will throw up on TV and cut and run! But, I do not believe Trump (like his mentor Roger Ailes of Fox News until August 2016) ever touched a non-white woman in any manner. Actually I have not even seen them shake hands with a non-white woman.

    Reply

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