On Loving a Shorter Chinese Man | Speaking of China

40 Responses

  1. Christine
    Christine November 29, 2010 at 2:47 am | | Reply

    Thank you for writing this, Jocelyn. 🙂

  2. Jessica
    Jessica November 29, 2010 at 4:59 am | | Reply

    Cute post Jocelyn. My husband is tall enough for a Chinese guy, and taller than me anyhow. I’m about 164cm and he’s about 172cm I think, whatever that translates to it feet. He’s probably about the same height as my college boyfriend in America was.

    At the high school where I work in Beijing I have some seriously TALL students, like over 6 feet. It is a stereotype, but I think it is true that northern people are just bigger, and that, maybe combined with the fact that this younger generation is better fed than previous generations makes for some really tall kids!

  3. Sara
    Sara November 29, 2010 at 7:20 am | | Reply

    My boyfriend is as tall as I am but another thing is that he is younger. Before I thought that the guy should always be little bit older and little bit taller, but later I’ve learned that other things are more important than looks. I heard that Chinese guys usually don’t look girls that are even year or two older than them. Is that so?

  4. Michelle
    Michelle November 29, 2010 at 9:39 am | | Reply

    I decided to be more intentional in my blogging, so I’m going to start writing more in my public blog. Here is the address: http://mybeijingsurvivaldiary.wordpress.com/ Hope all is well! Thank you for the advice so far =)

  5. Judith van Praag
    Judith van Praag November 29, 2010 at 10:32 am | | Reply

    Dear Jocelyn,
    Upon seeing the title of your post I thought: Why does he have to be Chinese? LOL
    My husband is actually taller then I am (but 2 1/4 years younger) but my father was several inches shorter than my mother. You can see it really well on their wedding day picture, for she didn’t shy away from wearing her high heels. I don’t have that picture at hand, but I’ve got one on my website that shows the three of us (or four if you include the shortest member of our family Fat Pete).
    As for myself, my experience with shorter men is that I can look them in the eye without looking up and that gives me the feeling we’re the same height.

  6. Tiffany
    Tiffany November 29, 2010 at 1:40 pm | | Reply

    Actually, your husband really isn’t considered in Chinese society but more of the borderline average. When I grew up in Taiwan, one of beauty standard is to be flat-chested and unfortunately for me, I didn’t fit the bill. My husband, an Irish American, 6′-2″ and he really towers over my 5′-4″ height, interesting enough that he melts as I “ask” him to do things and he willingly do so. Other than the obvious difference, I think what connects couples is the inevitable and powerful emotion, “love” (at least I think it is more than just boobs, in my case:-)

    People always wonder what holds bi-racial marriages together – some speculate to be the curiousity of other culture, and some think the taboos that bear subtle excitement that others couldn’t experience…but truthfully, without love that binds all of us, one can ride the red dragon and still be bored with adventures.

  7. Tiffany
    Tiffany November 29, 2010 at 1:41 pm | | Reply

    I meant to say your husband is considered short in Chinese society…

  8. Kin
    Kin November 29, 2010 at 5:39 pm | | Reply

    ‘the greatness of a Chinese man isn’t measured in inches.’

    That’s a great quote.

  9. Chinamatt
    Chinamatt November 30, 2010 at 5:57 am | | Reply

    I should send this to my short college friend.

  10. Crystal
    Crystal November 30, 2010 at 9:06 am | | Reply

    I read a research which recorded all the differences between spouses in U.S. Different aspects were taken in account and all the gaps were taken in account. And what do you think was the rarest combination in married couples?

    It wasn’t different religions or different races, not a gap in education or socio-economic status. The rarest EVER combination was when wife was taller than husband!

  11. JT Tran
    JT Tran November 30, 2010 at 4:57 pm | | Reply

    Hey, just find your website and even posted this article on my Facebook. I’m 5″6 and pretty much every girl is taller than me. I’m sure it would have been great being tall, dark and handsome, but I think I can settle for being short, stunning, and smooth 😉

    I also run a blog which is aimed at giving practical dating/pickup advice for Asian Men. I’d love to do a link exchange if you’re down.

  12. juvy
    juvy November 30, 2010 at 6:37 pm | | Reply

    I’m a 6′ asian from singapore. single ladies, holla at me.

  13. sam
    sam November 30, 2010 at 7:09 pm | | Reply

    I’m 5’9, chinese, from malaysia. hi ladies. nice to meet you all !

  14. Tiffany
    Tiffany November 30, 2010 at 8:13 pm | | Reply

    Aside from the physical height, something I am compelled to mention. Today, women are much more independent than my mother’s generation who was more submissive. I am certain men from most western countries appreciate such female independence. This brings out another dimension of male/female attraction – while traditional view of Chinese female to be quiet and submissive, men stern with their social status and physical stature, many rules change when it comes to husband/wife matching. In the old time, match makers would look into 八卦 (a form of reading astrology of husband/wife to be) to make sure all stars lined up for both parties – the matchmaker bore more responsibility than just finding the “correct” suiter for a woman; the match maker earned her commission also based on such astrology and years after the couples were married. So it was quite a serious business.

  15. Andi
    Andi December 1, 2010 at 9:20 am | | Reply

    Your writing is gorgeous! I’m so glad you didn’t let height stop you from falling in love. 🙂

  16. Chinese Translator
    Chinese Translator December 3, 2010 at 11:44 am | | Reply

    I love your post, personally I am in relationship with a guy form China, my problem is not the height, is the weight he is very slim, and given the amount of food he shovel down, I admire his metabolize.

  17. hollee-x
    hollee-x December 4, 2010 at 4:07 pm | | Reply

    Jocelyn, I love your blog!

    Heh, it’s true~ When you are in love with someone, you begin to love all the ‘flaws’ about that person too. (Not saying that being shorter is a flaw!!)

    I’m only 5’5 but I still feel insecure from time to time about my height. I envy some of my petite girlfriends who can wear sky high heels and still only be average height. I love wearing high heels, but as soon as I put them on I become almost 5’10 – many Asian guys hit the 5’6/5’7 mark, I just hate feeling taller than a man…it makes me feel so…manly! LOL. But nowadays I just tell myself, ‘It’s not me who is too tall – you men are just too small!’

    One of the most handsome and gorgeous Chinese men I ever knew was probably only 5’4-5’5…but it certainly didn’t take away from his beauty. Luckily I have a shuai Chinese BF who is 182cm – I can wear my favourite shoes and he still makes me feel all woman, haha.

  18. skreader
    skreader December 8, 2010 at 8:57 pm | | Reply

    My parents were both western and my mother is taller than my father. Maybe because of that, I never really cared about height in relationships. Before I married I went out w/ men taller than me and men shorter than me. I generally preferred a man who didn’t tower over me. My husband and I are the same height.

  19. Sean Akizuki
    Sean Akizuki December 25, 2010 at 3:08 am | | Reply

    Hi! I would like to say that I’m actually Chinese (not Japanese, just using a pen name) and that, I’m actually 172 cm or 5’8. I’ve met a Swiss girl (not my girlfriend though) who is 5’6 tall. Actually I like petite girls. The last girl I dated was a Chinese girl who only 4’11 who I later broke up but still remained as friends.

    I even heard about petite Western women with tall Chinese husbands too. Quite a reverse isn’t it?

  20. Irvin Tan
    Irvin Tan December 29, 2010 at 9:50 pm | | Reply

    Wow, you look amazing in that dress! Where I can find a similar one in Shanghai?

  21. Linda
    Linda January 7, 2011 at 9:33 pm | | Reply

    My partner is 172cm (5’7 1/2) and I’m 167cm (5’5) Although he’s a northerner, he’s pretty short by most standards :)) I’ve always preferred my men either my height or only an inch or two taller – I don’t guys like towering over me!
    When I visited Dalian and his actual hometown, wayyy up near the top of China, I noticed there were a lot of rather tall men, say 6’2 +…In fact, go to Beijing or any northern city and you might spot men a lot taller, bigger builds (not like stereotypical super-skinny little Asian boys) and have surprisingly similar features to Koreans, who are reputedly taller than average for Asians too. Perhaps it’s true that northerners and Koreans share their neighbouring Mongolian features – big bones, narrow eyes, ‘horse muscle’, and the sharpest cheekbones you’ve ever seen! It really makes me wonder sometimes…

  22. Interested Observer
    Interested Observer February 15, 2011 at 7:03 pm | | Reply

    I read with interest your blog post on: “On Loving a Shorter Chinese Man”, and the comments from people that were posted after it. I just would like to add my observation and say that although one poster said that, according to her reasearch, the rarest type of couple was when a wife was taller than her husband, that, in my observation, that that exact type of couple is actually happening more and more often in America.

    I live in a suburban area in a state located in the American Northeast, and when I go to the mall, I see more and more shorter man-taller woman relationships and couples more and more often year by year. It is semi-routine now in the malls near where I live, (they are located near New York City), to see shorter men dating taller women and also shorter man-taller woman couples. In fact, regarding Asians alone, I have seen 3 shorter Asian Man-taller White/Latin Women couples in my local area Shop Rite alone, (a supermarket chain we have here in the Northeast). And that is not even counting the Asian Man-Woman of Another Race Couples that I have seen where the male is around the same height as the female.

    I have also seen in my lifetime at least 5 Asian Man-White/Latina Woman couples out there where the male is significantly shorter than his wife. Now I am not talking about 1, or even 2 or 3 inches. I am talking about 6 inches or more! I personally even know a Chinese Man/White Woman couple in which the Chinese Man husband is 5 foot 5 inches and his White Woman wife is 6 foot 2 inches! The Chinese Man husband used to be a youth minister at the Chinese church that I go to. I even personally attended their wedding at that very same church! Eventually, he and his wife left that church and moved away and he is now Pastor of a large church in Philadelphia.

    I think that it is great that more and more men and women are falling in love, finding their life mate, and finding true love as you said in your blog post by looking at who the person is on the inside and not the outside and not letting a little height, race, or physical appearance, in general stop them from finding happiness. And your marriage to your Chinese husband is an example of it, and I applaud you both for it. Your relationship fulfills more of the idea of “true love” than many same race relationships.

    I am glad that there are women out there who still believe in idealism and true love and are deeper people and believe that the measure of a man and his worth lie not in in how tall he is or what race he is or how strong his physical body is, but rather in his character, virtues, nobility, heart, and spirit. It is refreshing to hear that kind of thinking from a woman and to know that there are still women out there who are like this and who still believe in the ideal of true love and of what love really is and who still follow the older traditional way of looking at things of what makes a person attractive and who still hold in their hearts the fairytale way of finding true happiness.

    And, I might add, it extends to more than just men, it also extends to women just as much, regardless of how short or tall or what her weight is or whatnot she is as well. That kind of thinking keeps you young and strong, hopeful, healthy, and happy, believing that men and women are worth more than just their height and their weight, and their physical appearance period, and that it is the inside of a person that counts the most and makes them attractive and not their outside. And that you can still find true love with a person regardless of what their physical appearance looks like and regardless of what your physical appearance looks like also.

    Cheers to you, best wishes to you and your husband and family, and thank you for writing your blog post.

  23. Loving a Shorter Man at Shanghai Shiok! February 28, 2011 at 9:37 am |
  24. Tom T.
    Tom T. April 14, 2011 at 6:30 am | | Reply

    Jocelyn: You and your husband are a beautiful couple and I wish you two a lifetime of happiness and contentment. Your union is example of how love and understanding can overcome major differences in culture, nationality, ethnicity and even height.

    When I, an Asian man, married my wife, a Caucasian lady, many years ago, it was a rare pairing in America (and in the world) and I’m very pleased to see such union has become more and more common.

    I’m 5’10” and weigh 175 lbs. so there’s no issue about height. But I could imagine how many Asian men have to overcome the height difference when dating Caucasian women. I salute you and your husband for your courage and love.


  25. oegukeen
    oegukeen October 16, 2012 at 3:02 am | | Reply

    My Korean boyfriend is 3 inches shorter than me, which is still 2 inches taller than my ex-boyfriend who was European. I guess I never cared about guy’s height. There are things that are far more important in a guy for me than the length of his bones.

  26. Eileen黃愛玲
    Eileen黃愛玲 October 16, 2012 at 3:39 am | | Reply

    I love this entry. 😀 I honestly think you two look fabulous together.

    Honestly? I am not even 5”2 and I am always wearing flats. I can’t say I relate. Haha.

  27. ManilaMemories
    ManilaMemories March 21, 2017 at 2:15 pm | | Reply

    I fondly recall seeing a picture of my former Chinese Tai Chi instructor with his “white” wife (they had been together for several decades until his passing, a few years back) who was taller by what seemed like also around three to four inches….I think she too had become “fixated” by the “height” of his character…..:) For people to get past certain “superficial” barriers takes a higher level of maturity that is needed more these days….But I wouldn’t “judge” anyone who finds “discomfort” with another person’s “short-comings” (forgive the pun) even something like “height differences.” If for instance, someone were to “reject” me for something like that, I wouldn’t hold that against them….I feel everyone is “entitled” to their preferences, themselves included…..But I think for many, they eventually “overcome” biases that they later deem “irrelevant” once they become aware of the more appealing traits that they somehow had overlooked or had not discovered, early on…..And I personally would not mind being “friend-zoned” because I did not meet some height requirement….:)

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