Weathering Cross-Cultural Love in China | Speaking of China

9 Responses

  1. J
    J December 28, 2009 at 6:58 am | | Reply

    I think a little arguments or quarrels are just one of those things which we cannot get rid of in our life. I personally think this is not a bad thing. I knew a few couple friends (known both husband and wife), who seem live with each other so well. However, their ‘news’ tend to be a big one which shocks me all the time. This is really sad. I rather have a little argument during my relationship not a big unsolvable problem at the end. So can I say that arguing is a way of communication between the couples? Maybe it is! At least it means they still care about each other.

    ‘俗话说得好,一个巴掌拍不响’。A healthy relationship is a two people thing if you agree. So I would like to share a few tricks about relationship here. We all have problems in our relationship, but how and when to discuss is the key. If I noticed that she is in a bad mood or she seems had a rough day, I’d rather work out myself by running or jogging around beach (quite similar to your approach, yoga is really good) although there is something in my chest that really needs to get out. Figures cross that she is not always in a bad mood. If she is, well…………I really have to change my girlfriend then……

    You know what, hug or cuddle is an amazing gift from god. It works well in my relationships so far. To fit into the topic and the nature of Jocelyn’s website, I have to say most of Chinese men lack of this exercise which is almost essential if your girlfriend or wife from western countries. Again lads, I am not saying ‘all of us’.

    Oh by the way, Jocelyn, the picture of yours is lovely. I really mean it.

  2. ellen
    ellen December 30, 2009 at 4:48 am | | Reply

    Hey Jocelyn,
    Another interesting post!
    I think arguments and turbulence will occur in any relationship, intercultural or not… of course cultural differences can add an extra dimension to the tension.
    My husband and I had a little argument yesterday regarding the execution of a British citizen in China, you are probably aware of the case. We often have complete opposite opinions on political issues and China’s attitude towards human rights, democracy, and so on… I tend to avoid these subjects because I know they are very sensitive to him and no matter what he will always defend his country. He can be very stubborn, and very annoyed by the fact that the West will only listen to Chinese people when they criticize their country (his words, not mine).
    I was wondering: how do these sensitive issues (Tibet, Urumqi, China’s “great firewall”, freedom of speech, human rights and so on and on…) affect your husband? Do you often have discussions about it? Or do you -like me- tend to avoid them (also on this blog maybe?)? And if you have different views, do they influence your communication?
    Difficult questions, I know, but maybe something to think about for another post…
    Hope your well, and looking forward to your “ask the yangxifu”-section. Well, this could be a question for her 🙂 All the best! Ellen

  3. ellen
    ellen December 30, 2009 at 7:37 am | | Reply

    ps hope “you are” well…sorry my spelling sucks!

  4. Melissa
    Melissa January 4, 2010 at 12:47 pm | | Reply


    I really identified with your article. My husband is from Guatemala. I think in the beginning we definitely under-estimated the cultural differences we had. We both assumed that there weren’t THAT many differences since his latino culture has become so Americanized and vice versa. We were definitely wrong. One thing you wrote really clicked with me. It’s more about how different cultures react differently to certain situations. We forget how we’re hardwired and often times we both find ourselves expecting to act exactly the way we would. But alas, with some time, effort and lots of loves we can overcome. The language barrier still rears its ugly head every so often, but now we just ignore it, talk about something else and then later come back to it when we’ve come up with the correct words to express ourselves.

    It’s nice to know we’re not the only ones with this challenge. But at the end of the day I’m sure you can agree that our lives are so much more rich and exciting because of the difference in cultures. Now, if only my spanish were as good as his english!

    Happy New Year

  5. RichFromTampa
    RichFromTampa January 6, 2010 at 3:04 pm | | Reply

    Thanks for keeping it real! InterCultural Relationships are not the easiest. Lots of attention is needed. Chinese aversion to displays & expressions of love,and affection take some getting used to. RichFromTampa

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