We're Going Home -- To China | Speaking of China

72 Responses

  1. David
    David October 7, 2013 at 10:58 am | | Reply

    Racism seems to take its toll in America. Melanie Gao moved south to Tennessee from China and the marriage was over in just over a year, and seems like Jocelyn cannot take it anymore. Cant blame you. Last november in Mississippi a WM-AW couple was chased during the riots after Obama won the elections. A dark skinned Turkish man with his white looking Turkish wife was nearly beaten up near Tuscaloosa, Alabama a few weeks before the sorority desegregation incident. Dont ask me for links. I know these people. Well there is racism and prejudice everywhere. However, never saw any blogs by Jocelyn on prejudice until she came “home” to America. Wrong parts of America? May be. [State] definitely is. However, although prejudice exists in Asia, I have yet to hear of an A-W coulple, whatever the combination being chased, run out of town or beaten up unlike at least parts of the US. Sorry to say…but that is the world we live in 2013. Wishing Jocelyn and her husband every success in their future endeavors.

    1. Susan
      Susan October 7, 2013 at 12:11 pm | | Reply

      Really, David? That is just awful.

      I guess we’ve lived in a bubble, because my Chinese husband and I, in all of our 22+ years of marriage and life in the U.S., have never experienced anything like the racism you describe. The worst for us is the occasional stare we might get from people, generally when we’re in a small town on a road trip or something.

      That said, I would never want to live in Alabama, Mississippi, or any of those other places that seem to harbor so many racists. We are fortunate to live in a comparatively progressive place.

    2. Melanie Gao
      Melanie Gao October 7, 2013 at 10:27 pm | | Reply

      Hi David! Ah, I wish I could say it was racism in the US that drove my marriage into the ground but it wasn’t that simple. In fact I’d say racism had almost nothing to do with it. The things that happened were going to happen regardless of where we lived or how people the people around us regarded us…

      Jocelyn I’m so happy for you! I can’t wait to read your posts from China. It’s hard to believe you and I have switched continents. I wish you all the best, sister. 🙂

  2. Eileen黃愛玲
    Eileen黃愛玲 October 7, 2013 at 6:37 am | | Reply

    Wow, that’s exciting! You will be living in Hangzhou or….? My husband and I really like Hangzhou – very beautiful!

    “But after a while we couldn’t imagine living forever in the US; it never felt like home and never fully ignited our dreams and our potential.”
    I can relate to this and can totally understand where you’re coming from. 🙂

    I wrote it differently:

    “While living abroad, I never truly felt homesick when I’ve always felt disconnected with my birth country. I never felt I was truly home; I was merely a visitor. It was as if I was a stranger at somebody’s house and I was invited for dinner. The hospitality was sincere and the food was tasty, but I felt foreign in a culture I supposedly grew up in.”

    Or maybe I don’t fully understand but either way, I am happy for the both of you.

    I would like to meet you in Shanghai, if that’s possible!

  3. Jenna Cody
    Jenna Cody October 7, 2013 at 8:42 am | | Reply

    Hooray for you!

    If you ever hop across to Taipei let me know. It’s easier to travel to Taiwan from China now.

    I understand completely about feeling like you’re going to the place where you can realize your full potential. I will admit that never happened for me in China (my issues in China are well documented on comments here) but it did happen in Taiwan. Here, I still feel a bit foreign – I can’t help but not – but I feel just as foreign in the USA! I also feel somewhat at home in India, where I studied abroad, and the destination of my first major trip…so it’s like I have three partial homes, but no one home. That was difficult to accept for awhile, but now I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that I’ll never be “home” in terms of place, so I have to define home differently.

    To put it another way, I went from

    鏡湖三百里,菡萏發荷花。
    五月西施采,人看隘若耶。
    回舟不待月,歸去越王家

    to

    “此心安處是吾鄉”

    …a smart move for anyone, but if you’re going to build lives in other countries and then hang them up like stored clothes in garment bags as you move from ‘you’ to ‘you’, unzipping and airing them out only every few years or on short visits, it’s especially important to carry ‘home’ with you, rather than seek to define it by a location that doesn’t exist.

    On another note, it’s great that you’re excited to live with your in-laws. A lot of my Taiwanese female friends, upon finding out that their in-laws intended to live with them, are less than thrilled. It has to do with in-laws’ expectation of control and ‘final say’ in the house due to their age and, you know, filial piety.

  4. AG
    AG October 7, 2013 at 8:52 am | | Reply

    Yes, totally understand. Congratulation for home coming.

    It is very interesting that most Westerners fall in love of Chinese culture are often themself very sensitive type.

    Looking around world, Sinophiles are mostly super intellectual types (like Joseph Needham).

    It takes one to know one.

  5. R Zhao
    R Zhao October 7, 2013 at 9:42 am | | Reply

    Congrats! Can’t wait to hear more about your plans and how it is settling back in to life in China. How long has it been since you and John were last here? Dare I ask–do you think the pressure to have a baby is going to be stepped up? (That’s always the kind of stuff I worry about).

    I am a bit envious. . . . you are lucky to have known your home is in China. After nearly a decade here, I still look forward to the day I can settle back in the US, though sometimes I worry that I won’t quite fit in there. Being stuck between two countries and cultures is sometimes bittersweet.

  6. ordinary malaysian
    ordinary malaysian October 7, 2013 at 11:28 am | | Reply

    I think most of your readers would love to read the posts written while you were China rather than the ones from US. I don’t know. I may be wrong. But personally for me, your “China posts” as opposed to your “US posts” possess an immediacy and intimacy lacking from the US ones. Wish you and John a happy return to Hangzhou and happier days together there.

  7. George89834
    George89834 October 7, 2013 at 11:34 am | | Reply

    With the way things are going in at least parts of this country, I would not blame you for leaving, and if you ever start a family, you really dont want them to be influenced by this…

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/20/university-of-alabama-whi_n_3965522.html

  8. Linda
    Linda October 7, 2013 at 12:33 pm | | Reply

    I am so happy for you to begin your next chapter of life in China! I can’t wait to go back to China either. I will be back in April ’14! Let’s try to meet up!

    All the best,

    Linda

  9. Susan
    Susan October 7, 2013 at 12:35 pm | | Reply

    Congratulations to you and John on your planned homecoming, Jocelyn! I loved your description of the family life you are looking forward to returning to. The good tastes and smells, close family ties, and new frontiers of hope and opportunity sound wonderful.

    I wish you all the best, and hope you’ll keep posting!

  10. Lina
    Lina October 7, 2013 at 12:45 pm | | Reply

    I wish you a safe flight and hope everything there will be OK 🙂 I’m so happy for you, I can understand your love to new home 🙂 btw. when you mentioned you will live next to your in-laws it made me think about a joke in my country: the best mother in law is mother 102 (that’s what we say to say ‘number one, the best’) – 100 m away from house, 2 m under the ground – very mean but that kind of in-laws humor is quite popular there 🙂

    I hope I can join you on south in HK soon and we can meet 🙂 cannot wait for post written from China

  11. Shameme Adams
    Shameme Adams October 7, 2013 at 1:08 pm | | Reply

    It’s me Shameme Jocelyn, all the best when you go to visit Jun’s family in China, you must take me with you someday (one of my greatest dreams is to see China)!. Enjoy the food and the sights and don’t forget about us!. Still haven’t heard back from Martyn about my surgery but sure it’s all o.k and in the pipeline. I’ve had a lot of emotional stuff on recently but you know me, I’m fairly strong and doing my best to stand upto it all. Clifford sends his love and hope to speak soon!. Safe trip to China. Shameme x

  12. lenore
    lenore October 7, 2013 at 2:09 pm | | Reply

    Wow! I’m so happy for you! And jealous too! I hope it brings you lots of inspiration for writing and for life. You don’t need my help making friends in China, but just for the fun of it, check out my latest blog post, “How to make friends in China.” Sending you and John all my happiest wishes!

  13. David
    David October 7, 2013 at 2:14 pm | | Reply

    “I guess we’ve lived in a bubble, because my Chinese husband and I, in all of our 22+ years of marriage and life in the U.S., have never experienced anything like the racism you describe. The worst for us is the occasional stare we might get from people, generally when we’re in a small town on a road trip or something.”

    So Cal, San Francisco, Seattle or even better Honolulu, Hawaii? I am very sure it is not Brigham City, Utah. They dont even accept AW-WM couples there, granted they are mormons, but still!

    http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,943966

    1. Susan
      Susan October 7, 2013 at 3:38 pm | | Reply

      You are right, David, we do not live in Brigham City, Utah. But no, we don’t live in a progressive coastal area either (sigh). We’re in a small but bustling Midwest college town, surrounded by ultra-conservative bible thumpin’ farm towns. But right where we are, there are a lot of mixed-race couples, international couples, and so on. The University is pretty dominant to the culture here, which probably helps!

    2. Shanghai Ronin
      Shanghai Ronin October 11, 2013 at 11:46 pm | | Reply

      I’m actually from Utah, although not Brigham City (may as well be though, it was very isolated). I grew up in a small town in Utah with a population of under 40,000 people, and my mom was the only Asian person in the entire community (she is a refugee from Vietnam, but married my dad after they met in the war).

      Anyway, we had to deal with double bouts of racism there (not only were we a minority in race, but also religion—we were one of the few dozen families that were not mormon).

      People were racist to us, but I never encountered outright violence. And while it was tough (we were constantly called Chinese, getting starred at, etc) we never packed our bags up and left; no, we continued to live in that town, and eventually everyone learned to warm up to us. My mom kind of became a weird local celebrity since she was the only Asian, and while some people wanted nothing to do with her other people really accepted her into the community.

      Anyway, I don’t think AMWF relationships are truly banned in Brigham City (tried to open your link, but I think China’s great firewall blocked it for me); and with all the mormon missionaries going around the world, I can’t help but think that mormons might actually be more interracial than not. But anyway, I will admit it is no cakewalk to live in countryside Utah as a minority. Still, my mother and I were able to do it and I really think it built character and made us into the people we are today.

      I’ve encountered TONS of racism in China and Japan; but no one will physically hit or abuse you here because of this (but then again, this didn’t happen to me in the states either).

      One example. At a certain university in Shanghai, the class leader invited my friends (the two foreign exchange students) to come to the airport with the class to pick up UN interpreters scheduled to attend a conference at the uni. My friends were delighted, got up early the next day and were ready to meet pro-interpreters. However, when they tried to get on the bus, the Chinese administrator said: “What? You can’t come. We don’t want FOREIGNERS coming with us. Go back to your dorm.”

      Which is ironic, because I thought the UN was more about bringing the world together…

      Anyway, good luck to Jocelyn! It seems like she is more suited for life in China than in the good ‘ol USA!

  14. Nicki Chen
    Nicki Chen October 7, 2013 at 2:34 pm | | Reply

    Such a sweet post, Jocelyn. And such a sweet photo! I wish you well on your return to China.

    You said you “found your calling as a writer,” and that’s key. Self-actualization is an old overworked word, but it’s true that both husband and wife need to find satisfying work of some kind or other. It may be nice to live in a place you love, but even better to find productive work there. Fortunately, a writer can work from anywhere, and since China is your subject, that’s an added bonus for you.

    I miss living in Asia–the friendly people, the colorful sights, the villages and beaches. But we lived there a long time ago, before anyone had internet access, before I was a writer.

    Like many of the expat wives I knew in Manila, I felt frustrated, unable to pursue the career I’d prepared for, teaching. (Foreigners generally couldn’t get work permits for teaching in the Philippines.) Instead I studied Chinese brush painting. I became president of the nursery school I sent my children to. I took courses for an MBA, served on the school board at the International School. Finally I gave up on teaching. After many years I got serious about writing. I’m glad you found it much faster than I did.

  15. Fred
    Fred October 7, 2013 at 2:59 pm | | Reply

    @ Jocelyn. I am absolutely delighted for you and John that you two are going to pursue your dream of living happily ever after in China. I feel a little sad as well because the U.S. will lose two good persons like you and John. This will be America’s loss and China’s gain. I certainly hope that you will not shut down this blog when you two are living in China.
    I am wishing you two all the best.

    Fred

  16. David
    David October 7, 2013 at 3:33 pm | | Reply

    “I feel a little sad as well because the U.S. will lose two good persons like you and John. This will be America’s loss and China’s gain.”

    Our own doing.

    I believe Ms. Chen lives somewhere in coastal Washington state…a very tolerant place.

  17. Nicki Chen
    Nicki Chen October 7, 2013 at 3:42 pm | | Reply

    True, David. I do live in a very tolerant place north of Seattle. But many years ago when my late husband moved to my hometown, he was the only Asian in town. Still, it wasn’t a big problem. I’ve scheduled a blog post about “My Interracial Marriage” for next month. It explains one incident with some North Carolina transplants and how that worked out.

  18. Meng Lelan
    Meng Lelan October 7, 2013 at 5:30 pm | | Reply

    Awesome. I think your posts coming out of China are going to be very interesting, more so than your posts coming out of the US. Really I’ve never felt at home at the US myself even though this is supposed to be my home country so I totally understand your thinking. I may be studying abroad in Hangzhou or Taipei in the summer of 2015, hope to see you there.

  19. Emily
    Emily October 7, 2013 at 6:10 pm | | Reply

    David:

    I have been a lurker on this site for a little while now but your comments make me feel compelled to post.

    First off, I do not for a second deny that racism exists in our country (America). It does, and it often manifests itself in shocking and harmful ways. There is absolutely no excuse for these blatant acts of racism you describe.

    However, acting as though the only tolerant places in America are, “So Cal, San Francisco, Seattle or even better Honolulu, Hawaii” could not be further from the truth. My story is just one example you could hold up.

    I am a 21-yo white girl and my boyfriend is a Chinese overseas student. Yes, we attend university in the DC area, which is more liberal and tolerant. But this summer, he spent almost a week visiting me in my hometown in southern Virginia.
    Of course, my parents and people I knew liked him just fine. But we spent the whole time going around the area together: to parks, to restaurants, to local amusements, the whole nine yards. I wondered if people might stare at us, so I was actively keeping an eye out. But guess what? Nothing happened! We were just an ordinary young couple like everyone else. For every heinous racist act, there are many more ordinary stories people just loving who they want to love. I feel like you’re leaving out that side of the story.

    Climbing off my soapbox: congratulations Jocelyn! I can’t wait to read about your life in China once more.

  20. Tracy Slater
    Tracy Slater October 7, 2013 at 6:24 pm | | Reply

    Congratulations on the upcoming move, Jocelyn! And your in-laws sound like total sweeties. I’ll be sending you both Thanksgiving and housewarming wishes in November from Osaka.

  21. David
    David October 8, 2013 at 9:00 am | | Reply

    Emily:

    Yes, I live in the DC area, not too far from all the circus that is going on right now. Northern VA has changed a lot since I first came here in the late 1970s. Since then, I have been all over the world, but now live again in Northern VA. In 1979, the American Nazi Party HQ was very close to the place where I live but since then they have moved to another part of the country….I believe Idaho. Guess your folks are probably around Tidewater or Hampton Roads or Roanoake-Blacksburg are. People in places such as Danville, Lynchburg and Caroline County are not very accepting. A friend of my cousin’s worked in Caroline County as a doctor. Both he and his wife are from India. He is from the south and very dark and she is from the north and looks nearly white, like one of those Indian movie actors. They were perceived as a black-white couple when they worked there to fulfill their requirements for getting US residency. He was harrassed and she was nearly beaten up for being with him. They called him all the foul names that they use for black people. They really thought he was black and she was white. He moved to Alaska where he was a flying doctor. Now lives in the Seattle area. To be fair this was in 2002. But, I do not believe Caroline County has changed much since then…and if you tell me your are from Caroline, I will be floored.

  22. chinaelevatorstories
    chinaelevatorstories October 7, 2013 at 8:09 pm | | Reply

    All the best for your move! Am looking forward to your China stories.

  23. Susan Blumberg-Kason
    Susan Blumberg-Kason October 7, 2013 at 9:15 pm | | Reply

    Congratulations on your upcoming move! How wonderful that your Hangzhou parents put on an addition for you and John. I can’t wait to read about your adventures back in China!

  24. David
    David October 8, 2013 at 11:49 am | | Reply

    IC:

    No. As dark skinned Asian as it gets. Just stating the facts based on my experience. Let us not forget at least three racism posts by Jocelyn while living in [State] and [State]. True, Speaker Boehner’s daughter married a Jamaican black, but what kind of difficulties they go through living in western Ohio, only they can tell. BTW if I was a white supremacist, I would never divulge the fact that a mixed race kid is a PhD engineering student at a top engineering school.

  25. Sara
    Sara October 7, 2013 at 10:22 pm | | Reply

    Welcome back to China! If you and John even come to Guangzhou, you two will always have a guestroom ready at our house. At the new house with the parents, are at the old house where we are moving later this year. I have never been to Hangzhou, but I would love to visit.

    I came to China with different thoughts than you, it was a big dream for me, something I had hoped and planned for a long time. But still I had no idea how China would help me to find my love and career.

  26. David
    David October 8, 2013 at 8:17 am | | Reply

    Susan:

    Some of those bible thumping towns in the middle of the country are tolerant of interracial dating and marriages. Most of these are generally located in Minnesota, Iowa and Illinois. On the other hand, mormons are not generally accepting even of AW-WM couples. The lithmus test for how deep racism runs in a particular area depends on their acceptance of AW-WM couples. That is why Quinionnes missed an opportunity. He should have sent a AW-WM couple with the WM’s parents screaming. After that, if the old ladies sobbed and insulted the Asian woman, then you can say that these are extreme racists with utter contempt for anything not white. If you want to go even further than that, use a white American male-white Turkish female couple and get the reaction. Using black-white couple does not tell us anything.

    Using AM-WW couple may tell us something but still not as much as using AW-WM actors. Actually I have on hand experience with this back in 1984, before most of you were born. I was in the top Agricultural college in Indiana, and was quite convinced that most white students, particularly white women, were pretty close minded if not outright racist. If you tried to stop them to ask for directions they will keep walking, something I did not experience in Winnipeg, Canada, a town much more whiter than the one in Indiana. To dispell my “myth” one of my colleagues invited me to his home. Unfortunately he ended up proving my point. No, they did not stop me from coming into their home. They were pretty fascinated with an Asian. After all, I was just a visitor from Asia. His sister in law was visiting and she was not too enthused about my presence but did not say it out loud..just did not want to talk to me. Then a phone call came and the woman became violent ill. She bawled uncontrollably and went to the bathroom to throw up. Fearing someone died in the family, I bid them goodbye and walked a mile home to my graduate dorm. Next day my colleague did not show up and he did not for several days. When he returned he told me that it was no big deal and I should have stayed. Never went back to his home. Eventually he retired and in 1995, nearly eleven years after the incident I told his former colleague about it. “Oh that?” he asked. “It was not life or death.” She received a call from her son in the army based in Honolulu that he was engaged to his Japanese-American girlfriend..he got married and as of 1995, the parents had completed disowned him…dont know what happened since then, except that the couple’s daughter is in the PhD program in engineering at a top school.

  27. Bruce
    Bruce October 8, 2013 at 9:19 am | | Reply

    Yes, we will miss 2 wonderful people from America and good people are hard to come by . I think it’s a wise decision to move. A lot of Americans have given up their citizenship already for tax reasons. We are slaves to banks here in America. You know I’ve always wanted to live a simple life. I used to work 7 days a week but now I don’t really have much DRIVE to push myself. We’re just burned out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like I want to move ,too

  28. IC
    IC October 8, 2013 at 10:23 am | | Reply

    @David

    Are you really a white supremacist promoting hatred through different angle? Your consistent negative view and comment indicate so. You just pretend to be Asian guy here. I see these kind of white guys playing whinning Asia guys on the net all the time to enjoy the schadenfreude.

    @those who think Asian guys are sexist
    Here is your evidence.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S51xk68WO_g

    Enjoy with pain.

  29. Bruce
    Bruce October 8, 2013 at 2:36 pm | | Reply

    Life in America is just too fast pace! Good luck in China!

  30. Manny
    Manny October 8, 2013 at 2:52 pm | | Reply

    @ Jocelyn. Hey Babe. I just got wind that you and your hubby bubby are moving to China. I wish you and him all the best. May you two find true happiness whereever you two go. I only wished that you will remain true to the red, white and blue by staying here instead of the far, far East. Thanks for the many posts. I hope that you will continue to update us.

    Once in awhile, if you could be nice enough to write some posts on WM/AW pairings, I would mighty appreciate your efforts. As you know, I have a fixation for those China dolls, and so if you could grant me my wish I would be much obliged.

    Manny.

  31. David
    David October 8, 2013 at 3:13 pm | | Reply

    “Once in awhile, if you could be nice enough to write some posts on WM/AW pairings, I would mighty appreciate your efforts. As you know, I have a fixation for those China dolls, and so if you could grant me my wish I would be much obliged.”

    If white man from the US goes to Asia to run after Asian women, no one will threaten him. On the other hand if it was the other way around, the Asian will be be run out of town, at least in the US south.

  32. Manny
    Manny October 8, 2013 at 3:20 pm | | Reply

    @ David. I normally do not comment here on this site, but when I do so, I write something worthwhile. After reading your comments which are so negative about us Whites, I cannot help but reply to your comments.
    I can tell you that as a southern White boy living in S. Carolina involved with an American born Chinese gal, neither she nor I have faced any criticisms, slurs, or demeaning comments about our interracial relationship. I think you may be exaggerating a little or perhaps you encountered these negative experiences many decades ago when the South was wrought with racial bigotry. Now, in modern times, we Southerners are no longer like those of the prior generations. Perhaps you can truly be honest and tell us that you are focusing excessively on those negative experiences and hence overlooked those positive ones. This is perhaps why you are recounting the negative so much. Try to be positive, my brother.
    I made known to many of my fellow White boys that I have a excessive compulsive love for Asian girls and none of them lambasted me for harboring this view. In fact, they encouraged me. Now that I have my China doll, some even admire me because she sure is darn pretty. So, good luck to you and stay positive. Perhaps one day, you will end up with a pretty southern White or Black girl. In fact, I feel proud whenever I see some Asian boy walking hand-in-hand with a pretty White girl.

    See this essay written by a fellow White boy who encourages you Asian boys to pick up on White girls and bang her senseless:

    http://www.sccs.swarthmore.edu/users/01/cabrad/fetish.html

    Manny

  33. Bruce
    Bruce October 8, 2013 at 3:54 pm | | Reply

    Just don’t be too negative . Many of you people here don’t even know how I look like or what I do for a living but I still support you guys. You just can’t judge a person by what he says here. For the next ten yrs, China will be the place in this world to be successful!! I’m serious!

  34. Allen
    Allen October 9, 2013 at 3:57 am | | Reply

    All the best to John and Jocelyn.

  35. David
    David October 9, 2013 at 7:10 am | | Reply

    “After reading your comments which are so negative about us Whites, I cannot help but reply to your comments.”

    Only whites in certain parts of the country, and what do you expect when you hear stuff like this about white people from certain parts of the country…from white I think is your part of the country…

    http://totalfratmove.com/every-sorority-at-alabama-blackballed-two-black-girls-for-being-black-what-a-goddamn-joke/#cRvejLFxy1zrfPGc.99

    http://www.businessinsider.com/the-machine-university-alabama-all-white-secret-society-2013-10

    These people are so segregated that they dont even have the most accepted minority women in America as a member…Asian Americans born and brought up in this country let alone Asian.

    And I am sure, many of them think along these lines…

    http://newsfeed.time.com/2013/09/16/miss-america-victory-marred-by-racist-slurs/

    Everything is based on experience, and I am telling you mine just like you posted your experience in Hong Kong some months ago. Of course, having said that, white mormons are the worst, even more so than the southerners.

  36. David
    David October 9, 2013 at 7:24 am | | Reply

    Interesting some folks think I am a white supremacist and others think I hate the whites…I am just a messenger…facts…that is it!

    “I can tell you that as a southern White boy living in S. Carolina involved with an American born Chinese gal, neither she nor I have faced any criticisms, slurs, or demeaning comments about our interracial relationship.”

    Except for mormons no one really opposes a AW-WM relationship. Then again, the news I hear from the UA is they are relieved about no Asian applying for membership in a white sorority because the white guys in the frats are at an “impressionable age.” Go figure.

    ” I think you may be exaggerating a little or perhaps you encountered these negative experiences many decades ago when the South was wrought with racial bigotry. Now, in modern times, we Southerners are no longer like those of the prior generations. Perhaps you can truly be honest and tell us that you are focusing excessively on those negative experiences and hence overlooked those positive ones. This is perhaps why you are recounting the negative so much. Try to be positive, my brother.”

    Tell me honestly, how many white men including from the south you see in Hong Kong or Singapore scouring for Asian women to date, and then go back home to the South, Athens, GA or Tuscaloosa, AL and see how many Asian men scour for white women..the Asian men know their place…the sororities making news send a clear signal to Asian men…dont mess around with the women here. So as Faulkner once said, in the south, “past is not even past.” Well even in LA or SF you wont find too many Asian men looking for white women…they are afraid, dont want to loose face or just being careful…they know their history from back home and the history of the USA…and the US current events. I was actually surprised to find a lot of people familiar with the UA nonsense back in South East Asia.

    “I made known to many of my fellow White boys that I have a excessive compulsive love for Asian girls and none of them lambasted me for harboring this view. ”

    Agreed. Many probably like the opportunity to do the same.

    “In fact, they encouraged me. Now that I have my China doll, some even admire me because she sure is darn pretty. So, good luck to you and stay positive.”

    You have not refuted anything I said.

    1. mgeisuo
      mgeisuo October 10, 2013 at 11:37 am | | Reply

      David… welk said. Most asian women are sex dolls

  37. Manny
    Manny October 9, 2013 at 6:25 pm | | Reply

    @ David.

    “You have not refuted anything I said”

    David, my bro, I am not trying to refute your observations. I have no doubt that you have experienced instances of racism and I have no doubt that your cited links above to those instances of racism are true. What I am saying is that you are placing excessive focus on the negative and nothing on the positive. I am saying that you should be positive and you will have a beautiful White girlfriend (if your goal is to seek one). My goal was to seek a beautiful Chinese girl and I got her despite my many past failed attempts. Persistence pays.

    “Everything is based on experience, and I am telling you mine just like you posted your experience in Hong Kong some months ago. Of course, having said that, white mormons are the worst, even more so than the southerners.”

    I am glad that you remembered my posted experience in H.K. Did you learn anything from my shared experience with you? You recalled that months ago I wrote about my adventures in Hong Kong when I tried to pickup on those H.K. Chinese girls. Was I scared? Absolutely. Nevertheless, I tried knowing full well that I could be rebuffed and even face the possibility of violence against me because of my white skin color. There have been incidents when Chinese and other Asians have discrimianted against foreigners on the basis of our race. See

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SevMK99vZTQ

    As you can see, a White British man was beaten by Chinese men for allegedly defiling their women. This was street justice. No trial. No conviction. As you can see, a White man in China faced lynching for allegedly defiling a Chinese girl.

    Here is another pattern of discrimination by Asians against foreigners in Japan:
    http://www.japanfocus.org/-The_Asahi_Shimbun_Culture_Research_Center-/2932

    Here is another incident of racism by the Chinese against Blacks:
    http://popupchinese.com/lessons/sinica/racism-in-china

    We can sit here all day and exchange horror stories of racisms such as Whites discriminating against Asians and other non-Whites, or Asians discriminating against Whites and Blacks. This will lead to nowhere. The point I am trying to tell you is that I tried to chase down a H.K. Chinese girl while in Hong Kong last year but failed. I came close to getting one in Discovery Bay had it not been for the interference of my sister. The point is to stay positive and focused on being positive and good things will come.

    Don’t focus on the negative racism too much because it will be your own undoing. Persistence pays as I now have an ABC China doll. I could have taken your negative attitude and say to myself that I will never succeed with a Chinese girl because Asians discriminate against us White boys. But I chose to disassociate myself from the negativism and focused on the positive.

    Ask yourself, if the Chinese and other Asians discriminate aginst us White boys so much based on those above links which I cited, then how come WM/AF is so common? Well, it is becausae we White boys stay positive and do not let those Asian racists win.

    So, David, go out and have some fun and chase down a tall hot white blond haired blue eyed girl for yourself, and don’t forget to fuck her senseless in bed. Make the sex so good for her that she will beckon for more. This is how you can overcome racism and the negative thoughts in your mind.

    Good luck.

    Manny.

    1. TLAG
      TLAG April 26, 2014 at 9:27 pm | | Reply

      @manny

      You have use a very bad example. You mentioned a British national was beaten because he try to defiled a Chinese girl. You think they should not beat him??? So, what do you suggest they should do???

  38. Bruce
    Bruce October 10, 2013 at 12:23 pm | | Reply

    Seriously, most Asian women are not sexual at all. I don’t understand what people are talking about . I have Asian female friends, aunts and sisters man. Stop spreading the rumor please.

    Manny, most Asian men are traditional and that’s why they will never pick Caucasian women as gfs or wives. They always think white women won’t be that good for marriage materials.

  39. Rdm
    Rdm October 10, 2013 at 12:24 pm | | Reply

    David,

    Most white women here won’t hear you out because they’re still enjoying what White men in the past centuries had done – Colonialism, Looting, Vandalism, Pillaging.

    Going against White men will disrupt the benefits of White privilege. So they’re just playing along in the system that was created for the benefit of “White”. So they won’t hear. The only one who hear you out is “Manny” who again in the past couple of months have been spewing out all comments from his grandfather brothel adventure in China during WWII, and his ABC girlfriend or China doll, all of this plucked out from his lower bottoms.

    What I see is things are changing with China rise.

    Japan rise is a bit of under US hegemony with US base in Okinawa.
    S.Korea rise is also under the US hegemony umbrella.

    China rise is totally different. China don’t give two shits about US.

    With recent Government shutdown, China is pointing US to keep their fiscal house under control. That’s the sign of US is in decline and the rise of China will totally overturn the past centuries of Westerner hubris and arrogance.

    China is 2nd largest economy.
    China just passed the US as the largest Oil Importer.
    China has many countries currency swapped with Renminbi.
    China CNOOC is the largest takeover of Canadian Nexen.
    China is the big player in Asia now. US Kerry is still joking in Asia APEC with his gray hair. Everybody knows who’s the player in Asia.

    Connect all those dots and you’ll get the idea.

    Only European White women see Asian men as equals, not like those stuck up American women except Jocelyn of course.

  40. Bruce
    Bruce October 10, 2013 at 12:25 pm | | Reply

    You guys don’t know this but most Asian women are very controlling and I mean most not all.

  41. Rdm
    Rdm October 10, 2013 at 12:28 pm | | Reply

    Bruce,

    Don’t pay attention to Manny.

  42. Si
    Si October 10, 2013 at 12:42 pm | | Reply

    Wow, some really weird tangents here. People should really ignore the trolls.

    Congrats Jocelyn, I am envious for your chance to live in China again.

    I too dream of moving back to China one day soon. I grew up in HK but my parents moved us to Canada when I was 15. I have always considered it my life’s mission to move myself and my small family back home and to undo what in my mind was my parents greatest mistake.

  43. Geek
    Geek October 10, 2013 at 1:24 pm | | Reply

    @David

    “Life is not fair; get used to it.” – Bill Gates quotes

    Stopping whining about it. Your negative energy is killing yourself and others.

  44. Allen
    Allen October 10, 2013 at 4:52 pm | | Reply

    Trolls are stupid.

    To the legitimate posters who are Asian men, I say this with love to my brethen. Do you numbnuts realize that perhaps 95% of the female posters here are either married to, in relationships with, or are open to dating Asian men? Think about that before you post something.

    The women posting here include different ethnicities including Asian.

    I say this as someone who did my share of venting early on and have expressed displeasure at some of the stuff I’ve read online. And have since decided for the most part to stop.

    @David. You say you are a MESSENGER. Well, a messenger delivers a message only once. We’ve read your spiel. Stop sounding like a broken record.

    Surely you’re not trying to dissuade couples from getting together because of what racist people think. That’s just weak. You’re not giving non-Asian women in relationships with Asian men enough credit. They tend to be the strongest minded women I’ve met who take no crap from prejudiced folks.

    Oh, and there are 50 states in America to choose from if some places are more hostile than others. Just FYI.

    I’ve added enough to the derailment of a positive blog post, so I’ll stop. Hope the rest can do the same.

  45. David
    David October 11, 2013 at 7:26 am | | Reply

    Well let us put it this way: Jocelyn did not complain about racism while in China, but she had at least two posts complaining about discrimination in the US. One came out in November 2011, I remember pretty clearly…that is about three months after she came back to the US…well, perhaps she would have had a better experience in Cerritos, CA or Seattle, but one cannot expect much enlightenment in [State] or at least parts of [State]. So based on evidence she faced racism in [State] and [State] due to her marriage..nothing new there. I would definitely like to hear from Jim Boehner’s daughter who is married to a Jamaican but I believe they all keep a low profile. And let us not forget one blogger’s wedding broke up after she moved to the US South from China and three other marriages involving Indian Americans and white women that I know of broke up after they moved to Dallas, Texas from the northeast and California. Everyone back in CA are stunned that this 28 year old marriage did not survive. I strongly suspect racist pressures down south. So, no this was not supposed to be a tirade against white women in America, many of whom, including many Obama voters wont date non-white men…I agree. But, that is not the issue here. The issue is whether presence of AM-WW couples in racist areas like Tennessee and Dallas lead to break up of even the most loving marriages. I would like to see the divorce rates of such marriages in California, Hawaii and Washington State Versus the US South, [State] or places like [State].

  46. AG
    AG October 10, 2013 at 9:05 pm | | Reply

    Asian, especially Asian American, should be happy instead of whining.
    http://kff.org/other/state-indicator/life-expectancy-by-re/

    You guys enjoy highest life expectancy and income in USA.

    Really like “Life is not fair; get used to it.” – Bill Gates quotes

    At end, happy or not, it is all in your own head.

  47. Sveta
    Sveta October 10, 2013 at 9:20 pm | | Reply

    Home actually is a foreign concept to me. The only time I feel that is with my parents. I don’t fit in anywhere; not with Russian people, not with Jewish people and not with Americans, maybe that’s a reason I love reading so much; an escape to disappear and become invisible.

  48. David
    David October 11, 2013 at 2:04 pm | | Reply

    “So, David, my bro I recommend that you take my advice and chase down some hot White girl and bang her senseless and make her screem in ecstacy. Then she will come back to you beckoning for more. This is how you will overcome your negative attitudes toward us Whites.”

    You still do not get it do you. I have negative attitude towards white people in some parts of the country..[State], parts of the midwest and yes the white royalty supreme…the southern whites. I am perfectly ok with the west coast whites and north eastern whites.

  49. Manny
    Manny October 11, 2013 at 2:48 pm | | Reply

    @ David

    “You still do not get it do you. I have negative attitude towards white people in some parts of the country..[State], parts of the midwest and yes the white royalty supreme…the southern whites. I am perfectly ok with the west coast whites and north eastern whites.”

    Your disdain toward white people in [State] and other southern states and not other Whites in other parts of the country makes you no greater of a person. By saying that you have a negative view of whites from some part of the country while not holding the same view for others from another part of the cournty is clear evidence of bigotry. If we Whites say that we do not like Chinese from Hong Kong but like the Chinese from Shanghai, it is still group hatred. I think some will argue that you are an Asian “racist” with a dislike for some Whites.

    Guess what? I am a southern white boy. Implictly I fit into your category where you are supposed to dislike me because of my bigotry. Well, I have to tell you that neither I, my family, nor any of circle of friends have any bigotry (to the best of my knowledge). So, your disdain for southern whites like myself is misplaced. I have an ABC girlfriend; if I were prejudiced, then why in the god damn world will I go out with an ABC gf? So, you are wrong about us southern whites. Also, ask yourself this question: if we southern whites are prejudiced, then how come many of us voted for Obama? You see! Your disdain is misplaced.

    Here is my amended advice to you: go to those parts of the country (e.g. [State] or a southern state) where you say that Whites there are not to your liking, and then pickup a super hot white girl. Then seduce her by fucking her senseless and then make her scream in ecstacy thereby conquering her heart. Then you will say that you will no longer have such disdain for those regional Whites.

    Good luck.

    Manny.

  50. David
    David October 11, 2013 at 7:13 am | | Reply

    Manny:

    All one way street. You have not refuted anything I said. Plenty of white American men in Asia looking for Asian women but not vice versa. The incidents you describe are few and far between as far as adversity to white men dating Asian women are concerned. In the US it is more so in the mormon communities. That is why I said Quinniones lost a great opportunity..he should have had an Asian woman with a white male with the white male’s mother screaming at him…then we should take the public reaction. Too bad racism always seem to be black and white at least in the media.

  51. David
    David October 11, 2013 at 7:16 am | | Reply

    “You guys don’t know this but most Asian women are very controlling and I mean most not all.”

    Asian women are very aggressive. If they want to get something they will get it. My experience at least.

  52. IC
    IC October 11, 2013 at 8:02 am | | Reply

    @David

    Yes, what you said is true. So what? Even General Colin Powell called USA a ‘racist’ country. Focusing on negative only gives your depression. You do not live for the negative moments.

    You will not change people the way they are, at least not in short term. Racisim or ethnocentrism is related the to original size of ethnic groups. Like organization or corporation, smaller the size, more cohesive the people. Most white people are from small ethnic group stocks with numerous language and different traditions in Europe. You gonna have hard time to change how they behave with that genetic background. It is already big step foward to have all white people to marry each other in USA. Even large country like Germany, unified Germany is only recent phenomenan (Austria and Swiss still refuse to join in). Most German history were that of small kindom or tribes like Prussia, Agnles ect. They even hated and fought each other most the history.

    Tribal mentality is result of small tribes which is prevalent most world. Chinese Han have been living in large empire over thousands years. The tribal mentality is greatly weaken ( or in another word `least racist’). Yes, racsim is relic of small tribal society. Racist behavior is similar to high school kids drama. You need another thousand years to breed this out.

    Tribal mentality is quite prevalent in Africa and Middle east too. Their racisms do not matter too much to most people because they are not at high end of power structure in this world.

    Look at bright side, human hitory is that of progressing to globalization due to technology advance and enlightment. People with experience of large melting pot from large empire will have easier time to adapt. If one day, the whole world merges into one nation, Chinese Han will have most easier time to adapt.

    IC-I see. or Incorrect politically.

  53. Holly
    Holly October 11, 2013 at 8:13 am | | Reply

    Yay! I’m so happy to hear that you are finally moving back after all this time! Glad to hear about that! And hope to continue to hear more of your preparation back!

    Spreading happiness your way!

  54. Manny
    Manny October 11, 2013 at 10:57 am | | Reply

    @ David. For every negative incident that you quote, there are probably several times more positive ones. You should follow the brave and not the timid. I consider myself a fairly brave White boy who tried to chase down hot Asian babes and succeeded. There were no pressures by anyone who tried to stop me. Only some questioned me by asking me whether I wanted to be in an interracial relationship, but none tried to dissuade me or prevent me. If they tried to stop me, I will ignore their ignorance and strive toward my goal which I eventually achieved. So, now I have a hot ABC girl in my arms every weekend and holidays.

    So, David, my bro I recommend that you take my advice and chase down some hot White girl and bang her senseless and make her screem in ecstacy. Then she will come back to you beckoning for more. This is how you will overcome your negative attitudes toward us Whites.

    Good luck.

    Manny

  55. Manny
    Manny October 11, 2013 at 11:06 am | | Reply

    @ David. I forgot to mention that once you have the hot White girl and hook her as your gf, she will end your negativism once and for all.

    I am certain that Jocelyn’s husband once had many reservations about dating a White American girl like Jocelyn. Jocelyn even wrote in her post (Rarity of Chinese Men with Western Women) that John’s family took the attitude that he (John) can have a White girl as a friend but not for marriage. But once his family met her, all stereotypes and misconceptions dissipated forever. She conquered John and his family’s heart. So, David, open your heart and let the White girl inside you. She will open hers and even she will eventually open her legs for you. Let her conquer your heart just as Jocelyn conquered her husband’s; then you shall perhaps live the dream of happiness just as John and Jocelyn.

    Good luck.

    Manny.

  56. Ashleigh Son
    Ashleigh Son October 11, 2013 at 11:59 am | | Reply

    Whew! It has been a while since I commented on this blog, since I have been in school. Anyway, I just couldn’t resist saying congrats, Jocelyn, that you are moving to China! Is this a permanent change? I hope you take lots of pictures. I do so enjoy all of your posts. xoxox

    Now… David… I had to laugh when you mentioned Brigham City, Utah. I am from Provo, Utah, (which can’t be that different than Brigham City) and am a Mormon. That article you posted was from a website that specifically HATES Mormons with a passion and is completely inaccurate.

    Just to dispel that stereotype, I am a white girl married to a Korean guy. We haven’t encountered much racism. We do get stares from people (usually teenage girls who think Brandon is cute, or people of the older generation that think interracial dating is unusual) but nothing that is bothersome. As a couple, we fit in perfectly in Utah and were surrounded by love, friends, and lots of support. Racism is a huge no-no in Utah just like it is in many other “progressive” areas. AKA it is socially unacceptable. As a matter of fact, I get told at least once a week how cute Brandon and I look together. FROM people in Utah. Currently we live in Washington and I have a large blog following from around the world, including many people that I have been acquainted with in Utah. Just had to step in and say something.

    Whoever acts like a racist in Utah is definitely not the norm and will lose lots of friends and be shunned. I think there are “swine” in every state, so unfortunately bad situations happen, yes. But this is no reflection on the typical Mormon. Believe me.

  57. Rdm
    Rdm October 11, 2013 at 1:30 pm | | Reply

    Jocelyn and John,

    Great wish for both of you going back to China. You always have strong supporters here.

    You have a pioneer like
    Charlotte MacInnis (aka Mu Aihua) American whose generation dates back to WWII in China.

    Best of wishes!

  58. David
    David October 11, 2013 at 2:09 pm | | Reply

    Ashleigh Son:

    What would you do is from ABC, not exactly an anti-mormon site although ex-mormon is and with some good reason..though some of it may be exaggerated. John Quinniones is the last person you will call as anti-mormon. But, I still think they should have put an AW-WM couple to measure the depth of racism. On second thoughts, they should have put you and your husband with your dad yelling at you and then gotten the public reaction.

    1. Ashleigh Son
      Ashleigh Son October 12, 2013 at 1:29 am | | Reply

      Hmmm that would be interesting…. Man, those old ladies made me mad with their bigoted reactions. Sometimes I truly believe some old people were flat out raised wrong with how rude they could be. It was an interesting video, although I don’t know how legit it was…. If it were me and my husband, I would have reacted very badly to those people (given that it is a real video and not scripted). I think racism in any form… or bigotry in any form for that matter… is unacceptable and whoever is involved with it makes an idiot of themselves.

  59. Bruce
    Bruce October 11, 2013 at 2:14 pm | | Reply

    Rdm,

    It’s okay whatever people say. I’m not a little kid who get mad over nonsense things. I have never been a negative person so it won’t affect me anyway. The word ” impossible” is not on my book. Also moving to China for 10 yrs is not a bad idea either when you have the skills and knowledge. There are more opportunities there .

    Like I said before that if I’m single again in the next life , I will not have problems picking up women . You just need to stand out and go above and beyond other men. It’s just part of life that when you’re a nice guy, you will stay on the friend zone. when you’re funny, witty w/ leadership, strong minded and strong physically, women find you attractive. When women arrive at your home, they know that you have great capabilities in whatever you do already. I’m telling you again that if a woman doesn’t find anything good or excitement in you, they won’t be turned on. They ‘ll be like dead fish.

  60. David
    David October 11, 2013 at 3:33 pm | | Reply
  61. Manny
    Manny October 11, 2013 at 4:28 pm | | Reply

    @ David.

    You misunderstood what I said. I said that many Whites voted for Obama but he did not win in many southern states though. I said “many” but not the “majority” of Whites voted for him. I agree that the Republican Party in the Southern states is comprised of an overwhelming amount of white people, but still many voted for Obama.

    You need to have confidence in yourself and go chase down a hot white girl and make her your gf in order to cure yourself of your mistrust of the regional Whites.
    You can start by initiating a conversation with her and then ask for her number; then ask her to meet you for lunch or coffee; then gradually take more steps to win her. Then the white girl will be yours for the taking, bro.

    Good luck, bro.

    Manny.

  62. askdsk
    askdsk October 13, 2013 at 11:23 am | | Reply

    It is a decision with future implications, particularly when you have kid (kids) eventually. I think you create a family unit somewhere, if not anywhere. I would seriously consider relocating inside US before moving back to China. Forget what you heard in the media about US education system, Chinese system is still far worse and outdated. Also, China might seem better at the moment because you have only limited yourself to one version of the American life.

  63. NoiseGrinder
    NoiseGrinder October 14, 2013 at 10:34 am | | Reply

    Manny’s got a point here.

    I’m Chinese local myself, and always find myself surrounded by past positive/negative thoughts, the more I think, the more I would amplify. “You take things too seriously”, as my cousin once told me. Maybe it’s relevant to the environment and culture I grew up with.

    Got rejected by 2 asian girls recently, been down for a while, feeling much better now, lol.
    I would chase western girls in the future when it comes to 缘分, hell, I won’t give shit about how other people think.

    Just my two cents, anyway 🙂

  64. Gail
    Gail October 15, 2013 at 10:14 am | | Reply

    I’m really sorry about all the hardship you’ve both had to endure while here. I only hope that you find your happiness and strength back in China. Both you being there now means I have 3 good friends there; I think it’s time to find the money for visit!

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