My Chinese Husband's Cousin, Looking For a Western Wife to Brag About | Speaking of China

52 Responses

  1. Kelly
    Kelly August 8, 2011 at 2:30 am | | Reply

    Oh gosh, my husband and I get this all the time, from friends and strangers alike!! All somehow think that we have a Rolodex full of names of foreign women for them to choose from!
    I try to take it as a compliment to myself (that they all wish they could have a wife as awesome as me) instead of thinking about how skeezy and mail-order-y it seems, or that many of them think it would elevate their status. But you’re right – it’s SO weird!

  2. Werther Armand
    Werther Armand August 8, 2011 at 2:36 am | | Reply

    Hi, I have been following your blog for a while. Like it very much about your insights in Chinese men and western women psychology. Just to stop by and say hi. Love your husband’s comment about his penis!

  3. HKGuy
    HKGuy August 8, 2011 at 2:43 am | | Reply

    Hi Werther, thanks for your support to this blog, but would like to make it clear that it wasn’t the “husband”, John who commented about his penis, it was that guy who asked John’s advice on how to get a western wife, commented about his penis.

  4. Sara
    Sara August 8, 2011 at 3:04 am | | Reply

    I know Chinese guys too that have asked me to introduce them to a Wester girl. I don’t know any Western girl at the moment who lives here and is interested in marrying a Chinese man. If my girl friend would ask me to help find a Chinese boyfriend for her, then it would be much easier to do!

    But you are right Jocelyn. No woman want’s to be a man’s accessory.

  5. Alexandra
    Alexandra August 8, 2011 at 3:23 am | | Reply

    Agree with Sara, easier the other way around. I’m sure I have a few of my girlfriends back home and half my family convinced to come to China though. After hearing about how honest real down to earth Chinese men look after their wives and girlfriends they are interested to see what these guys are all about.

  6. Sveta
    Sveta August 8, 2011 at 4:02 am | | Reply

    Wu Hao’s opinion seems kind of narrow-minded. Our female ancestors fought hard to disprove the idea that women are “ornaments”, whether Chinese or Western in origin. Besides, if he does get a foreign girl because of things he has, what if God forbid something happens and everything should be taken away? The girl will leave him. And marrying someone for the novelty of it, it doesn’t last long when real life and reality set in. I used to date a Korean guy, and at first his looks really enamored me, but the more time we spent together and got to know one another, the less I cared about his looks and instead paid attention to him as a person. (Hopefully I’m making sense…) Still though, thank you for bringing the issue up 🙂 Could I ask a question since issue was brought up? How do you tell a difference between someone who wants to have a girl as a trophy-wife and someone who is very genuine with his intentions in marrying her? Especially if it might relate to Internet talking and/or dating. Thanks in advance.

  7. Leo
    Leo August 8, 2011 at 4:32 am | | Reply

    Ooh 2 BMW’s? Hook me up 😀

    Just kidding.

  8. Claire
    Claire August 8, 2011 at 5:59 am | | Reply

    What a divvy…

  9. John
    John August 8, 2011 at 8:46 am | | Reply

    “But even if we did, introducing them to Wu Hao had the kind of cheap, mail-order-bride feel to it that no friend would get their friend into.”

    It levels the playing field. One would hope that black men in Africa tried to get mail order wives from the US, with an oversupply of black women. But, not happening! I rarely hear about Asian men wanting white women. Here in Singapore, they are looking for Asian women from poorer countries such as Thailand or Vietnam. But, never heard a Chinese man look for western women. A young attractive Singapore lady who worked for me back in 2003 had a totally different reaction to bigotry she faced while living in Australia. She said that some white classmates in her eleventh grade class literally spat on her in Perth back in 1999. Some white girls told her that if she ever looked at a white boy in a wrong way she will be taught a lesson. Until then she was not interested in white men…when she returned to Singapore she only dated white men….strange reaction, opposite of white you would expect. She told me that the only way she can deal with racist white females is to have a white trophy husband in her arms…and she did…got a husband from Perth, Australia and moved back there and I hear now she virtually walks around with her husband and daughter and thumbs the noses at all she perceives as racists. Never heard a male asking for a trophy white wife though! This is the first!

  10. Bruce
    Bruce August 8, 2011 at 9:42 am | | Reply

    From what I’ve seen around me, I don’t care if the couples are AMAF, AMWF, WMAF,BMAF,BFAM, if you treat each others like trophies, nothing will work out long term. Yes, Chinese men know how to take good care of their wives. We have alot of responsibilities when it comes to wives and families. If I was a single Chinese man, I would never treat a woman like a trophy. Also, if a woman knows that she’s a trophy , she might play hard to get and use that against you * hint ,hint*. This is what I’ve observed :). Finding caring, down to earth and understanding western women is not easy for long term committed relationship. You can’t just marry any woman including western woman. You need quality not quantity.”strong penis” lol beside sex , what else is there in life? Tell me. You need a Chinese man with strong personality and strong will to make a woman /western woman happy in all departments. Women get bored really fast if men don’t constantly find activities to do or things to talk about. So don’t hook any men up if the intention is to show off . You’re wasting your time and her time also. The secret of getting a woman in general hooked to you for life is to do anything and everything surpass her expectations!! Even though you’re not rich, she will think twice of leaving your sorry ass :). SHe is afraid that she won’t ever find another man just like you.

  11. 梅太太
    梅太太 August 8, 2011 at 10:49 am | | Reply

    My husband gets this a lot too. Others asking him to introduce him to a western girl. The funny thing is that I also get asked if my husband has a brother or cousin. I take it as a complement, they think my husband is amaizing so maybe a relative would be too 🙂 I don’t think my husband is a very typical Chinese man though (based on past Chinese relationships…) and all his male relatives are married. But I think I feel just as proud of having him holding my hand as he is of me holding his. Especially in China where we are a rare sight 🙂

  12. EM
    EM August 8, 2011 at 5:16 pm | | Reply

    It’s ashame that they wrongly assume Western dating standards are fundamentally the same as Chinese ones — everything’s about money, money, money (for the women) and beauty, beauty, beauty (for the men). Things couldn’t be more different.

    When I was thin, it made me really hesitant to date Chinese men.

    Luckily, now that I’m fat they won’t go anywhere near me. 🙂

  13. Kin
    Kin August 8, 2011 at 6:34 pm | | Reply

    Your husband’s right, these men really have no suzhi.

  14. Harrist
    Harrist August 8, 2011 at 8:23 pm | | Reply

    How stupid this man he is, only want woman but without know who she is, the most typical traditional and stupid Chinese man with full of feudalism concept and only want woman to have baby for him. would rather not to get know about him.

  15. sam
    sam August 8, 2011 at 8:55 pm | | Reply

    This man thinks women are there to be accessories. But then again, there are also white men who marry Asian women and treat their Asian wives as some kind of trophies, bragging that they’ve snatched Asian women from Asian men and think that Asian men are powerless to do anything about it. This guy, John’s cousin, is the Chinese version of the White men I mentioned. There is always a need, among a minority of men regardless of race, to prove that they are special, by marrying a woman from another ethnicity so that they can claim some bragging rights.
    @Jocelyn,
    I’ll be posting new comments using a new email address beginning with this posting because my previous email account was compromised. I m still Sam !

  16. Lily
    Lily August 9, 2011 at 12:35 am | | Reply

    While living in China I came across men like the one you mentioned. Before knowing anything about their hobbies or the likes, they would try to woo me by telling me how many houses and cars they own, how high their salary is and what not. It’s like, “hey, I just met this guy, he owns xx houses and xx cars and his salary is xx RMB. Well, what was his name again?”

    The good thing about it is that only people who are in for the money, houses and cars will want to be together with a guy like that. These guys’ attitudes show that they know little about most Western women, which also reduces the chances of them finding the show-off wife they are looking for.

    However, in Chinese men’s defense I have to say that most Chinese guys I met who want to find a western wife want to do so because they don’t appreciate of the fact that marrying in China is often more about one’s financial situation than about love.

  17. lol
    lol August 9, 2011 at 1:19 am | | Reply

    country bumpkin…This should be in a movie like a Chinese version of the Hangover. Bwhahahahahahahhahahaha

  18. John
    John August 9, 2011 at 9:58 am | | Reply

    “But then again, there are also white men who marry Asian women and treat their Asian wives as some kind of trophies, bragging that they’ve snatched Asian women from Asian men and think that Asian men are powerless to do anything about it. ”

    As I told you in my previous post, this is exactly what this Singaporean female does. She brags that she has snatched a white man from white women and these racist women cannot do anything about…actually I travelled last year with a Chinese American woman who was bragging to her brother that she snatched this white boyfriend of hers from “racist white girls” and they can do nothing about it…she was literally thumbing her nose at them and seemed like both of them enjoy doing it!

  19. Bruce
    Bruce August 9, 2011 at 12:48 pm | | Reply

    I’m don’t like the idea of snatching/stealing someone’s man/woman. I don’t like this kind of thinking at all. Everything should be mutual between two adults.

  20. John
    John August 9, 2011 at 3:23 pm | | Reply

    Bruce:
    Unfortunately it may be a globalized world, but it still tends to be tribal!

  21. V
    V August 9, 2011 at 8:07 pm | | Reply

    Hi Jocelyn! When I was out with my boyfriend at a party there was this annoying Chinese guy there who stuck with us like GLUE. Complaining about the quality of Chinese women and how he couldn’t stand dating them. Wanting to know how my boyfriend “got me” and how he really wants to be with an american girl. Ugh. Wanted him to drop dead. Can’t stand men like him – and most Japanese men unfortunately behave the same when meeting my boy. T__T

  22. Sean
    Sean August 9, 2011 at 8:56 pm | | Reply

    I just want to point out that Trophy Wife is not a Chinese concept. It’s very much an universal concept and has a long history in human societies. Just look at the wives of all the NFL players. I can bet you at least half of them were models of some sort and have blond hair.

  23. Friend
    Friend August 9, 2011 at 10:24 pm | | Reply

    I’m curious, but please don’t get offended. Have you all in China know of or ever heard of a Western woman being a mistress to a Chinese man?

    I read about foreign women being in affairs with married Chinese men, intentional or not. Also there are some people out there (in any country) who are into these type of open relationships, so i’m just curious if any of you all know or heard of any western mistresses.

    Actually, doesn’t have to be female, as there’s bound to be some Chinese men who like foreigners of the same gender.

  24. melanie gao
    melanie gao August 10, 2011 at 12:10 am | | Reply

    Yep, I believe there’s a lot of truth to this. Western wives can be a status symbol for Chinese men, just like a fancy car. I’ve heard several women complain about this – most of them divorced from their Chinese husbands.

    Luckily my husband has ‘suzhi’. 🙂

  25. Michelle
    Michelle August 10, 2011 at 4:01 am | | Reply

    I agree with Sean, I was just thinking that Western women for these types of Chinese men are like Play Girls for Hugh Hefner. Or all the other rich old men in America looking for a young, blonde accessory.

    What’s interesting is that I don’t think my boyfriend is attracted to Western women, by appearance, that is. Even though my thinking is super-Americanized, I think he sees the Chinese side of me more. Hmm…I wonder if it’s like dating two people…..

  26. ordinary malaysian
    ordinary malaysian August 10, 2011 at 11:42 am | | Reply

    Hmm, wanting to marry a Western woman as a trophy wife. Might as well marry a foreign mannequin. But I actually suspect that your husband’s cousin really wanted a western woman as a wife, seeing that his cousin has you as wife, only that he does not want to lose face by openly admitting to it. So, he went around this way which he thinks is macho without actually having to lose face vis-a-vis John!

  27. Bruce
    Bruce August 10, 2011 at 5:17 pm | | Reply

    Michelle,

    Those young , blonde women use rich , old men for their lifestyles and careers definitely.To tell you the truth, these kind of women are not ashamed at all. They know that those old men will die soon and half of the fortune with be theirs like Nicole Smiths( died). Come on, a 25 yrs old blonde marrying a 86 yrs old wrinkled ass? Currently, I know a Chinese man ( in his 50’s) and he loves beautiful women. We tried to hook him up but failed badly because most beautiful women we knew were taken. We have to be realistic here. The possibility of finding a tall, beautiful , kind hearted woman with class is low. The problem is not about finding one. The problem is not being used by a woman and treating you like a fool. I’m a long term kinda guy so I write like this. Sorry if I put it in your face like that. I treat my wife equally in every aspects of our marriage. Hey, we have joint bank accounts .

  28. James
    James August 16, 2011 at 9:27 am | | Reply

    Whoa! It’s like the whole Asian trophy wife thing except it’s reversed. I remember there was this thing going around the internet where Chinese guys would go up to foreign women, take pictures with them, and post them on the internet saying that they were their Western girlfriends. Weird stuff.

  29. John
    John August 16, 2011 at 10:14 am | | Reply

    Also know of a white American woman in Singapore last year who told her vistiing mother that she wanted to show two of her trophies given to her by her Chinese American husband…and then basically pointed at her two teen daughters who had ranked among the top in Singapore in math and science!

  30. Bruce
    Bruce August 16, 2011 at 4:28 pm | | Reply

    This is what I’ve learned . Never ever brag about how good looking your gf/wife is or how smart she is constantly to friends ,families, relatives or strangers. You know already that she has all the good qualities but don’t advertise all the time!!!!!!!!!!! The reason is that MOST women will use that against you. Even my wife is tall for her height, I still call her shortie (sacrastic remark). EVen she is smart , I call her a smart ass :). If people say she’s pretty, I say “yeah or no comments”. I don’t know if you guys get the idea here but if a guy constantly says” I have a tropy wife and she’s beautiful, smart blah blah blah”. I feel like this kind of woman will run away soon. The key is always keep your woman interested in you and it’s hard to find a guy just like you.

  31. a
    a August 16, 2011 at 9:52 pm | | Reply

    That man should not meet a yangxifu at all, if all that he can think of that a western woman or any kind of is a mere trophy at all then this reminds me a lot to a guy that said he would buy my sister a car if she wanted to be his girl friend or wife. As soon as I heard that, I told my parents that that kind of guy is lucky enough not to meet me when he had said that word. Other wise either I shall knock him down or I shall do worst. I said I’m not a saint at all but since I was grown up as a single male in my family, the word like that is an offence to all my sisters. And talked about his private parts like that, well how can he withstand with a knuckle hit and a hardest kick on his back.

  32. a
    a August 16, 2011 at 10:04 pm | | Reply

    Being sacarstic is also not a great idea. While we not wanted to show off our spouse, it doesn’t mean that we must being rude to them either. If me I prefer to fooling around but never show any sacarstic to my spouse especially tell some else about that. What I will do is winning her heart all the time by deeds and always be sure that she does the same to me either. Mild scolding, joking and having fun is great part of life it self. If I pick a spouse I prefer one that can make me shared everything in life with her and above of all she can make me feel free and have a sincere laugh to share with her.

  33. AG
    AG August 22, 2011 at 8:11 pm | | Reply

    If that guy has plenty of money, ask him to spend on ABC’s of attraction bootcamp in order to learn more about the game in western world.

  34. SBC
    SBC August 24, 2011 at 8:35 am | | Reply

    My bf tells me this thinking is quite common in chinese men and that secretly they all desire “white western women”. Since I am not white or western I know that they are not the only men, as a lot of Indian men also have these stupid stereotypes. As a woman, I feel rather insulted that men ANYWHERE think of women in such terms. I thought we were living in a civilized world now.

    But it is also good to know that not all chinese men are like this and some actually care about the person and not the “color/nationality”. Inter racial dating of the latter sort is very creepy.

  35. BRUCE
    BRUCE August 24, 2011 at 10:31 am | | Reply

    Men will always be men but we only think and talk about having different kinds of women but we don’t do it. Sometimes, I would walk around and I see beautiful women. In my mind, they are beautiful when they dress nice and sexy but I’m also thinking that no other women can replace MY WIFE. I always say it’s the inside that counts. A woman can dress nice and beautiful but when she goes home, she is very untidy and her personality sucks. Men like me, we’re looking for everything like looks, brain, caring, considerated, respectful,etc and being white won’t cut it with us. My friend says ” vietnamese women are gorgeous” . I replied ” yes vietnamese women can be extremely beautiful but looks can be deceiving like any kind of women”. Temptation of wanting other women when you have one already is bad for your health so we always have to fight temptation :(. Me : ” we have joints bank accts, I don’t keep track of money, your name on all warranty deeds and I give you my life already. What else do you want from me ? :)”.

  36. AG
    AG August 24, 2011 at 12:17 pm | | Reply

    Financial capability is just one of many attraction switches. His brother may need to work on other attraction switches. Take a bootcamp to figure out what other switches are.

  37. Teemeah
    Teemeah October 3, 2011 at 12:58 pm | | Reply

    You know even if we feel negative about this, this works vica versa as well. I don’t know if you’ve ever come across falco’s blog – an Asian guy blogging his thoughts about and adventures with Western women, he has a vlaid point he raises: there are also women who consider finding an Asian guy she could brag about, because they count as some exotic jewelry. http://ranierm.wordpress.com/2011/05/09/things-asian-guys-hate-non-asian-girls-that-have-an-asian-fetish/ So I think this can happen on both sides and I think we shouldn’t consider this as the way of majority thinking. I think if you see a guy who brags about his possessions, he is likely to be looking for a wife to brag about as well.

  38. Ollie
    Ollie July 26, 2012 at 7:30 pm | | Reply

    hilarious!! 🙂 I had no idea that foreign women could be valuable in such BMW way… I only recall that older member of my family seemed to be convinced that foreigners would never really understand chinese ways/culture. Your blog is here to prove me wrong 🙂
    I grow up in France (French born chinese) and have never dated any Chinese. Just kweilo. Realized I wasn’t attracted by Asians in general (is it because I didn’t grow up in Chinatown or in a town that had any Chinese boys? Don’t know…) so Wu Hao probably feels the same? You never know 🙂

  39. Ming Yue
    Ming Yue February 13, 2013 at 8:03 pm | | Reply

    I suspect that a lot of Chinese men want foreign wives because of the shortage of women in China.

  40. Georgina Ware
    Georgina Ware February 21, 2013 at 2:30 pm | | Reply

    Well I am a western girl and I found this very intresting, I keep going on dating sites and every time I am bombarded with African and Nigerian and Jamaican men rather to men I would rather go out with. So if I had a choice of an African or Nigerian or Jamaican man or the Asian man I know would look after me I would choose the Asian one. Its nothing personal I just get fed up of the Nigerian and African and Jamaican Men! regardless which country they live. I go away and don’t respond then think ‘maybe i’ll try again??’ so I go back to the dating site and it happens all over again and I get fed up of it again. Maybe I just attract the wrong ‘type’ of men or maybe its because im British National citizen and that is what attracts?? if it is the only thing that attracts, if this is the case then its just sad, sad, sad. I wouldnt mind being a trophy wife after all the nigerians and Africans and Jamaicans that come after me its a dream!! but I just give up looking even trying to look. I live in England, I like Japan never been to China but im sure if I went I would like it, is much colder in England. You dont want to date British men girls – its more thier attitude than anything that has a problem every british man I dated has ended on a bad note, so if you know any nice Asian men please pass this to them – im open for change and I am very willing to try anything new at lest once I just am fed up with Africans and Nigerians and Jamaicans.

  41. Georgina Ware
    Georgina Ware February 21, 2013 at 2:31 pm | | Reply

    Well I am a western girl and I found this very intresting, I keep going on dating sites and every time I am bombarded with African and Nigerian and Jamaican men rather to men I would rather go out with. So if I had a choice of an African or Nigerian or Jamaican man or the Asian man I know would look after me I would choose the Asian one. Its nothing personal I just get fed up of the Nigerian and African and Jamaican Men! regardless which country they live. I go away and don’t respond then think ‘maybe i’ll try again??’ so I go back to the dating site and it happens all over again and I get fed up of it again. Maybe I just attract the wrong ‘type’ of men or maybe its because im British National citizen and that is what attracts?? if it is the only thing that attracts, if this is the case then its just sad, sad, sad. I wouldnt mind being a trophy wife after all the nigerians and Africans and Jamaicans that come after me its a dream!! but I just give up looking even trying to look. I live in England, I like Japan never been to China but im sure if I went I would like it, is much colder in England. You dont want to date British men girls – its more thier attitude than anything that has a problem every british man I dated has ended on a bad note, so if you know any nice Asian men please pass this to them – im open for change and I am very willing to try anything new at lest once I just am fed up with Africans and Nigerians and Jamaicans.

  42. Georgina Ware
    Georgina Ware February 21, 2013 at 2:33 pm | | Reply

    Well I am a western girl and I found this very intresting, I keep going on dating sites and every time I am bombarded with African and Nigerian and Jamaican men rather to men I would rather go out with. So if I had a choice of an African or Nigerian or Jamaican man or the Asian man I know would look after me I would choose the Asian one. Its nothing personal I just get fed up of the Nigerian and African and Jamaican Men! regardless which country they live. I go away and don’t respond then think ‘maybe i’ll try again??’ so I go back to the dating site and it happens all over again and I get fed up of it again. Maybe I just attract the wrong ‘type’ of men or maybe its because im British National citizen and that is what attracts?? if it is the only thing that attracts, if this is the case then its just sad, sad, sad. I wouldnt mind being a trophy wife after all the nigerians and Africans and Jamaicans that come after me its a dream!! but I just give up looking even trying to look. I live in England, I like Japan never been to China but im sure if I went I would like it, is much colder in England. You dont want to date British men girls – its more thier attitude than anything that has a problem every british man I dated has ended on a bad note, so if you know any nice Asian men please pass this to them – im open for change and I am very willing to try anything new at lest once I just am fed up with Africans and Nigerians and Jamaicans

  43. Georgina Ware
    Georgina Ware February 22, 2013 at 2:10 am | | Reply

    Well I am a western girl and I found this very intresting, I keep going on dating sites and every time I am bombarded with African and Nigerian and Jamaican men rather to men I would rather go out with. So if I had a choice of an African or Nigerian or Jamaican man or the Asian man I know would look after me I would choose the Asian one. Its nothing personal I just get fed up of the Nigerian and African and Jamaican Men! regardless which country they live. I go away and don’t respond then think ‘maybe i’ll try again??’ so I go back to the dating site and it happens all over again and I get fed up of it again. Maybe I just attract the wrong ‘type’ of men or maybe its because im British National citizen and that is what attracts?? if it is the only thing that attracts, if this is the case then its just sad, sad, sad. I wouldnt mind being a trophy wife after all the nigerians and Africans and Jamaicans that come after me its a dream!! but I just give up looking even trying to look. I live in England, I like Japan never been to China but im sure if I went I would like it, is much colder in England. You dont want to date British men girls – its more thier attitude than anything that has a problem every british man I dated has ended on a bad note, so if you know any nice Asian men please pass this to them – im open for change and I am very willing to try anything new at lest once I just am fed up with Africans and Nigerians and Jamaicans.
    So if you can think of anybody else my email is [email protected] it is the only other way of metting others and having the oppertunity to meet others as well.

  44. zanni
    zanni April 8, 2013 at 9:31 pm | | Reply

    i got the opposite with my partner, hes scared to tell his family he’s dating a white girl. le sigh.

  45. Constance - Foreign Sanctuary
    Constance - Foreign Sanctuary February 11, 2014 at 2:49 pm | | Reply

    I know this is an older post but it happen to pop up in related posts and the title got my attention!

    I have a really good Taiwanese friend and she loves foreign guys. She has had several foreign boyfriends in the past but the relationships ended for one reason or another. She is now in her 30’s and alone. I feel rather sad for her as she is so focused on finding a foreign guy that she hasn’t given any of the Taiwanese men who were interested in her a chance.

    I guess my point is that many people have the picture of the ideal man or woman in their mind. Unfortunately for them, they may be missing out on something beautiful!! That’s why I tell my friend to give the Taiwanese men a chance, maybe one of them are her ‘Mr. Right.’

  46. Constance - Foreign Sanctuary
    Constance - Foreign Sanctuary February 11, 2014 at 2:51 pm | | Reply

    oops…happened!! I really need to proof-read before posting!

  47. starfish
    starfish January 17, 2016 at 10:17 pm | | Reply

    The root cause of this is colonialism. People always look to date “up”, and due to colonialism we attribute beauty and wealth with the western world — white people. It persists in every culture, be it asian, latin, indian, black etc.

    And it is definitely one reason that asian women pursue white men so rabidly: the illusion of status and money.

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