My Chinese Husband’s Cousin, Looking For a Western Wife to Brag About

Wang, my Chinese husband’s cousin, seemed to have it all. A lucrative job as a real estate developer. Two new BMWs. Expensive suits. Nothing about him suggested his countryside roots — the same mountain village as my husband, where people still planted their own rice paddies, used wood-burning stoves, and had free-range chickens scurrying in and out of their houses.

But when he volunteered his silver BMW sedan as our wedding car in 2007 (of course, he couldn’t help but boast “oh, if you had mentioned this sooner, I could have prepared my bigger and better BMW.”), he discovered he was missing the ultimate accessory of all — a Western wife.

“He told me he wanted to find a yangxifu,” my husband recalled. “He asked if we could introduce him to some Western women.”

But we didn’t. Sure, we didn’t know any single Western women in China, since by then we lived in the US for nearly two years. But even if we did, introducing them to Wang had the kind of cheap, mail-order-bride feel to it that no friend would get their friend into. After all, he didn’t really care who she was, so long as she was foreign.

It’s just like I read over a year ago in a study about What Western Women Think of Chinese Men:

Those [Chinese] men with Western girlfriends or wives will brag about them, as if these women were a BMW.

Wang already had two BMWs to show off, but no such Western wife — never thinking, of course, that a wife, any wife, should never become a man’s bling.

“People who think this way have no suzhi,” my husband said as he frowned, using the word that Chinese often use to refer to the quality of people — which, in this case, was not much at all. “They turn their wives into objects, and  try to show they are better than others in such a low way.”

Still, Wang could have gone much lower, as we learned two years ago while visiting the Kaifeng Night Market. After we bought almond tea from a stall run by lanky twentysomething wearing a white kufi — the hat worn by the Muslim Hui minority in China — he nudged my husband. “Hey, do you think you could get me a foreign wife? I could buy her a house and a car.”

John grinned as he shook his head. “It’s not that simple. Western women have different expectations.”

Then the lanky guy leaned over and whispered something in my husband’s ear — which John told me about later. “He said his penis is very strong.”

What do you think about this?

57 Replies to “My Chinese Husband’s Cousin, Looking For a Western Wife to Brag About”

  1. Oh gosh, my husband and I get this all the time, from friends and strangers alike!! All somehow think that we have a Rolodex full of names of foreign women for them to choose from!
    I try to take it as a compliment to myself (that they all wish they could have a wife as awesome as me) instead of thinking about how skeezy and mail-order-y it seems, or that many of them think it would elevate their status. But you’re right – it’s SO weird!

  2. Hi, I have been following your blog for a while. Like it very much about your insights in Chinese men and western women psychology. Just to stop by and say hi. Love your husband’s comment about his penis!

  3. Hi Werther, thanks for your support to this blog, but would like to make it clear that it wasn’t the “husband”, John who commented about his penis, it was that guy who asked John’s advice on how to get a western wife, commented about his penis.

  4. I know Chinese guys too that have asked me to introduce them to a Wester girl. I don’t know any Western girl at the moment who lives here and is interested in marrying a Chinese man. If my girl friend would ask me to help find a Chinese boyfriend for her, then it would be much easier to do!

    But you are right Jocelyn. No woman want’s to be a man’s accessory.

  5. Agree with Sara, easier the other way around. I’m sure I have a few of my girlfriends back home and half my family convinced to come to China though. After hearing about how honest real down to earth Chinese men look after their wives and girlfriends they are interested to see what these guys are all about.

  6. Wu Hao’s opinion seems kind of narrow-minded. Our female ancestors fought hard to disprove the idea that women are “ornaments”, whether Chinese or Western in origin. Besides, if he does get a foreign girl because of things he has, what if God forbid something happens and everything should be taken away? The girl will leave him. And marrying someone for the novelty of it, it doesn’t last long when real life and reality set in. I used to date a Korean guy, and at first his looks really enamored me, but the more time we spent together and got to know one another, the less I cared about his looks and instead paid attention to him as a person. (Hopefully I’m making sense…) Still though, thank you for bringing the issue up 🙂 Could I ask a question since issue was brought up? How do you tell a difference between someone who wants to have a girl as a trophy-wife and someone who is very genuine with his intentions in marrying her? Especially if it might relate to Internet talking and/or dating. Thanks in advance.

  7. “But even if we did, introducing them to Wu Hao had the kind of cheap, mail-order-bride feel to it that no friend would get their friend into.”

    It levels the playing field. One would hope that black men in Africa tried to get mail order wives from the US, with an oversupply of black women. But, not happening! I rarely hear about Asian men wanting white women. Here in Singapore, they are looking for Asian women from poorer countries such as Thailand or Vietnam. But, never heard a Chinese man look for western women. A young attractive Singapore lady who worked for me back in 2003 had a totally different reaction to bigotry she faced while living in Australia. She said that some white classmates in her eleventh grade class literally spat on her in Perth back in 1999. Some white girls told her that if she ever looked at a white boy in a wrong way she will be taught a lesson. Until then she was not interested in white men…when she returned to Singapore she only dated white men….strange reaction, opposite of white you would expect. She told me that the only way she can deal with racist white females is to have a white trophy husband in her arms…and she did…got a husband from Perth, Australia and moved back there and I hear now she virtually walks around with her husband and daughter and thumbs the noses at all she perceives as racists. Never heard a male asking for a trophy white wife though! This is the first!

  8. From what I’ve seen around me, I don’t care if the couples are AMAF, AMWF, WMAF,BMAF,BFAM, if you treat each others like trophies, nothing will work out long term. Yes, Chinese men know how to take good care of their wives. We have alot of responsibilities when it comes to wives and families. If I was a single Chinese man, I would never treat a woman like a trophy. Also, if a woman knows that she’s a trophy , she might play hard to get and use that against you * hint ,hint*. This is what I’ve observed :). Finding caring, down to earth and understanding western women is not easy for long term committed relationship. You can’t just marry any woman including western woman. You need quality not quantity.”strong penis” lol beside sex , what else is there in life? Tell me. You need a Chinese man with strong personality and strong will to make a woman /western woman happy in all departments. Women get bored really fast if men don’t constantly find activities to do or things to talk about. So don’t hook any men up if the intention is to show off . You’re wasting your time and her time also. The secret of getting a woman in general hooked to you for life is to do anything and everything surpass her expectations!! Even though you’re not rich, she will think twice of leaving your sorry ass :). SHe is afraid that she won’t ever find another man just like you.

  9. My husband gets this a lot too. Others asking him to introduce him to a western girl. The funny thing is that I also get asked if my husband has a brother or cousin. I take it as a complement, they think my husband is amaizing so maybe a relative would be too 🙂 I don’t think my husband is a very typical Chinese man though (based on past Chinese relationships…) and all his male relatives are married. But I think I feel just as proud of having him holding my hand as he is of me holding his. Especially in China where we are a rare sight 🙂

  10. It’s ashame that they wrongly assume Western dating standards are fundamentally the same as Chinese ones — everything’s about money, money, money (for the women) and beauty, beauty, beauty (for the men). Things couldn’t be more different.

    When I was thin, it made me really hesitant to date Chinese men.

    Luckily, now that I’m fat they won’t go anywhere near me. 🙂

  11. How stupid this man he is, only want woman but without know who she is, the most typical traditional and stupid Chinese man with full of feudalism concept and only want woman to have baby for him. would rather not to get know about him.

  12. This man thinks women are there to be accessories. But then again, there are also white men who marry Asian women and treat their Asian wives as some kind of trophies, bragging that they’ve snatched Asian women from Asian men and think that Asian men are powerless to do anything about it. This guy, John’s cousin, is the Chinese version of the White men I mentioned. There is always a need, among a minority of men regardless of race, to prove that they are special, by marrying a woman from another ethnicity so that they can claim some bragging rights.
    @Jocelyn,
    I’ll be posting new comments using a new email address beginning with this posting because my previous email account was compromised. I m still Sam !

  13. While living in China I came across men like the one you mentioned. Before knowing anything about their hobbies or the likes, they would try to woo me by telling me how many houses and cars they own, how high their salary is and what not. It’s like, “hey, I just met this guy, he owns xx houses and xx cars and his salary is xx RMB. Well, what was his name again?”

    The good thing about it is that only people who are in for the money, houses and cars will want to be together with a guy like that. These guys’ attitudes show that they know little about most Western women, which also reduces the chances of them finding the show-off wife they are looking for.

    However, in Chinese men’s defense I have to say that most Chinese guys I met who want to find a western wife want to do so because they don’t appreciate of the fact that marrying in China is often more about one’s financial situation than about love.

  14. “But then again, there are also white men who marry Asian women and treat their Asian wives as some kind of trophies, bragging that they’ve snatched Asian women from Asian men and think that Asian men are powerless to do anything about it. ”

    As I told you in my previous post, this is exactly what this Singaporean female does. She brags that she has snatched a white man from white women and these racist women cannot do anything about…actually I travelled last year with a Chinese American woman who was bragging to her brother that she snatched this white boyfriend of hers from “racist white girls” and they can do nothing about it…she was literally thumbing her nose at them and seemed like both of them enjoy doing it!

  15. I’m don’t like the idea of snatching/stealing someone’s man/woman. I don’t like this kind of thinking at all. Everything should be mutual between two adults.

  16. Hi Jocelyn! When I was out with my boyfriend at a party there was this annoying Chinese guy there who stuck with us like GLUE. Complaining about the quality of Chinese women and how he couldn’t stand dating them. Wanting to know how my boyfriend “got me” and how he really wants to be with an american girl. Ugh. Wanted him to drop dead. Can’t stand men like him – and most Japanese men unfortunately behave the same when meeting my boy. T__T

  17. I just want to point out that Trophy Wife is not a Chinese concept. It’s very much an universal concept and has a long history in human societies. Just look at the wives of all the NFL players. I can bet you at least half of them were models of some sort and have blond hair.

  18. I’m curious, but please don’t get offended. Have you all in China know of or ever heard of a Western woman being a mistress to a Chinese man?

    I read about foreign women being in affairs with married Chinese men, intentional or not. Also there are some people out there (in any country) who are into these type of open relationships, so i’m just curious if any of you all know or heard of any western mistresses.

    Actually, doesn’t have to be female, as there’s bound to be some Chinese men who like foreigners of the same gender.

  19. Yep, I believe there’s a lot of truth to this. Western wives can be a status symbol for Chinese men, just like a fancy car. I’ve heard several women complain about this – most of them divorced from their Chinese husbands.

    Luckily my husband has ‘suzhi’. 🙂

  20. I agree with Sean, I was just thinking that Western women for these types of Chinese men are like Play Girls for Hugh Hefner. Or all the other rich old men in America looking for a young, blonde accessory.

    What’s interesting is that I don’t think my boyfriend is attracted to Western women, by appearance, that is. Even though my thinking is super-Americanized, I think he sees the Chinese side of me more. Hmm…I wonder if it’s like dating two people…..

  21. Hmm, wanting to marry a Western woman as a trophy wife. Might as well marry a foreign mannequin. But I actually suspect that your husband’s cousin really wanted a western woman as a wife, seeing that his cousin has you as wife, only that he does not want to lose face by openly admitting to it. So, he went around this way which he thinks is macho without actually having to lose face vis-a-vis John!

  22. Michelle,

    Those young , blonde women use rich , old men for their lifestyles and careers definitely.To tell you the truth, these kind of women are not ashamed at all. They know that those old men will die soon and half of the fortune with be theirs like Nicole Smiths( died). Come on, a 25 yrs old blonde marrying a 86 yrs old wrinkled ass? Currently, I know a Chinese man ( in his 50’s) and he loves beautiful women. We tried to hook him up but failed badly because most beautiful women we knew were taken. We have to be realistic here. The possibility of finding a tall, beautiful , kind hearted woman with class is low. The problem is not about finding one. The problem is not being used by a woman and treating you like a fool. I’m a long term kinda guy so I write like this. Sorry if I put it in your face like that. I treat my wife equally in every aspects of our marriage. Hey, we have joint bank accounts .

  23. Whoa! It’s like the whole Asian trophy wife thing except it’s reversed. I remember there was this thing going around the internet where Chinese guys would go up to foreign women, take pictures with them, and post them on the internet saying that they were their Western girlfriends. Weird stuff.

  24. Also know of a white American woman in Singapore last year who told her vistiing mother that she wanted to show two of her trophies given to her by her Chinese American husband…and then basically pointed at her two teen daughters who had ranked among the top in Singapore in math and science!

  25. This is what I’ve learned . Never ever brag about how good looking your gf/wife is or how smart she is constantly to friends ,families, relatives or strangers. You know already that she has all the good qualities but don’t advertise all the time!!!!!!!!!!! The reason is that MOST women will use that against you. Even my wife is tall for her height, I still call her shortie (sacrastic remark). EVen she is smart , I call her a smart ass :). If people say she’s pretty, I say “yeah or no comments”. I don’t know if you guys get the idea here but if a guy constantly says” I have a tropy wife and she’s beautiful, smart blah blah blah”. I feel like this kind of woman will run away soon. The key is always keep your woman interested in you and it’s hard to find a guy just like you.

  26. That man should not meet a yangxifu at all, if all that he can think of that a western woman or any kind of is a mere trophy at all then this reminds me a lot to a guy that said he would buy my sister a car if she wanted to be his girl friend or wife. As soon as I heard that, I told my parents that that kind of guy is lucky enough not to meet me when he had said that word. Other wise either I shall knock him down or I shall do worst. I said I’m not a saint at all but since I was grown up as a single male in my family, the word like that is an offence to all my sisters. And talked about his private parts like that, well how can he withstand with a knuckle hit and a hardest kick on his back.

  27. Being sacarstic is also not a great idea. While we not wanted to show off our spouse, it doesn’t mean that we must being rude to them either. If me I prefer to fooling around but never show any sacarstic to my spouse especially tell some else about that. What I will do is winning her heart all the time by deeds and always be sure that she does the same to me either. Mild scolding, joking and having fun is great part of life it self. If I pick a spouse I prefer one that can make me shared everything in life with her and above of all she can make me feel free and have a sincere laugh to share with her.

  28. If that guy has plenty of money, ask him to spend on ABC’s of attraction bootcamp in order to learn more about the game in western world.

  29. My bf tells me this thinking is quite common in chinese men and that secretly they all desire “white western women”. Since I am not white or western I know that they are not the only men, as a lot of Indian men also have these stupid stereotypes. As a woman, I feel rather insulted that men ANYWHERE think of women in such terms. I thought we were living in a civilized world now.

    But it is also good to know that not all chinese men are like this and some actually care about the person and not the “color/nationality”. Inter racial dating of the latter sort is very creepy.

  30. Men will always be men but we only think and talk about having different kinds of women but we don’t do it. Sometimes, I would walk around and I see beautiful women. In my mind, they are beautiful when they dress nice and sexy but I’m also thinking that no other women can replace MY WIFE. I always say it’s the inside that counts. A woman can dress nice and beautiful but when she goes home, she is very untidy and her personality sucks. Men like me, we’re looking for everything like looks, brain, caring, considerated, respectful,etc and being white won’t cut it with us. My friend says ” vietnamese women are gorgeous” . I replied ” yes vietnamese women can be extremely beautiful but looks can be deceiving like any kind of women”. Temptation of wanting other women when you have one already is bad for your health so we always have to fight temptation :(. Me : ” we have joints bank accts, I don’t keep track of money, your name on all warranty deeds and I give you my life already. What else do you want from me ? :)”.

  31. Financial capability is just one of many attraction switches. His brother may need to work on other attraction switches. Take a bootcamp to figure out what other switches are.

  32. You know even if we feel negative about this, this works vica versa as well. I don’t know if you’ve ever come across falco’s blog – an Asian guy blogging his thoughts about and adventures with Western women, he has a vlaid point he raises: there are also women who consider finding an Asian guy she could brag about, because they count as some exotic jewelry. http://ranierm.wordpress.com/2011/05/09/things-asian-guys-hate-non-asian-girls-that-have-an-asian-fetish/ So I think this can happen on both sides and I think we shouldn’t consider this as the way of majority thinking. I think if you see a guy who brags about his possessions, he is likely to be looking for a wife to brag about as well.

  33. hilarious!! 🙂 I had no idea that foreign women could be valuable in such BMW way… I only recall that older member of my family seemed to be convinced that foreigners would never really understand chinese ways/culture. Your blog is here to prove me wrong 🙂
    I grow up in France (French born chinese) and have never dated any Chinese. Just kweilo. Realized I wasn’t attracted by Asians in general (is it because I didn’t grow up in Chinatown or in a town that had any Chinese boys? Don’t know…) so Wu Hao probably feels the same? You never know 🙂

  34. Well I am a western girl and I found this very intresting, I keep going on dating sites and every time I am bombarded with African and Nigerian and Jamaican men rather to men I would rather go out with. So if I had a choice of an African or Nigerian or Jamaican man or the Asian man I know would look after me I would choose the Asian one. Its nothing personal I just get fed up of the Nigerian and African and Jamaican Men! regardless which country they live. I go away and don’t respond then think ‘maybe i’ll try again??’ so I go back to the dating site and it happens all over again and I get fed up of it again. Maybe I just attract the wrong ‘type’ of men or maybe its because im British National citizen and that is what attracts?? if it is the only thing that attracts, if this is the case then its just sad, sad, sad. I wouldnt mind being a trophy wife after all the nigerians and Africans and Jamaicans that come after me its a dream!! but I just give up looking even trying to look. I live in England, I like Japan never been to China but im sure if I went I would like it, is much colder in England. You dont want to date British men girls – its more thier attitude than anything that has a problem every british man I dated has ended on a bad note, so if you know any nice Asian men please pass this to them – im open for change and I am very willing to try anything new at lest once I just am fed up with Africans and Nigerians and Jamaicans.

  35. Well I am a western girl and I found this very intresting, I keep going on dating sites and every time I am bombarded with African and Nigerian and Jamaican men rather to men I would rather go out with. So if I had a choice of an African or Nigerian or Jamaican man or the Asian man I know would look after me I would choose the Asian one. Its nothing personal I just get fed up of the Nigerian and African and Jamaican Men! regardless which country they live. I go away and don’t respond then think ‘maybe i’ll try again??’ so I go back to the dating site and it happens all over again and I get fed up of it again. Maybe I just attract the wrong ‘type’ of men or maybe its because im British National citizen and that is what attracts?? if it is the only thing that attracts, if this is the case then its just sad, sad, sad. I wouldnt mind being a trophy wife after all the nigerians and Africans and Jamaicans that come after me its a dream!! but I just give up looking even trying to look. I live in England, I like Japan never been to China but im sure if I went I would like it, is much colder in England. You dont want to date British men girls – its more thier attitude than anything that has a problem every british man I dated has ended on a bad note, so if you know any nice Asian men please pass this to them – im open for change and I am very willing to try anything new at lest once I just am fed up with Africans and Nigerians and Jamaicans.

  36. Well I am a western girl and I found this very intresting, I keep going on dating sites and every time I am bombarded with African and Nigerian and Jamaican men rather to men I would rather go out with. So if I had a choice of an African or Nigerian or Jamaican man or the Asian man I know would look after me I would choose the Asian one. Its nothing personal I just get fed up of the Nigerian and African and Jamaican Men! regardless which country they live. I go away and don’t respond then think ‘maybe i’ll try again??’ so I go back to the dating site and it happens all over again and I get fed up of it again. Maybe I just attract the wrong ‘type’ of men or maybe its because im British National citizen and that is what attracts?? if it is the only thing that attracts, if this is the case then its just sad, sad, sad. I wouldnt mind being a trophy wife after all the nigerians and Africans and Jamaicans that come after me its a dream!! but I just give up looking even trying to look. I live in England, I like Japan never been to China but im sure if I went I would like it, is much colder in England. You dont want to date British men girls – its more thier attitude than anything that has a problem every british man I dated has ended on a bad note, so if you know any nice Asian men please pass this to them – im open for change and I am very willing to try anything new at lest once I just am fed up with Africans and Nigerians and Jamaicans

  37. Well I am a western girl and I found this very intresting, I keep going on dating sites and every time I am bombarded with African and Nigerian and Jamaican men rather to men I would rather go out with. So if I had a choice of an African or Nigerian or Jamaican man or the Asian man I know would look after me I would choose the Asian one. Its nothing personal I just get fed up of the Nigerian and African and Jamaican Men! regardless which country they live. I go away and don’t respond then think ‘maybe i’ll try again??’ so I go back to the dating site and it happens all over again and I get fed up of it again. Maybe I just attract the wrong ‘type’ of men or maybe its because im British National citizen and that is what attracts?? if it is the only thing that attracts, if this is the case then its just sad, sad, sad. I wouldnt mind being a trophy wife after all the nigerians and Africans and Jamaicans that come after me its a dream!! but I just give up looking even trying to look. I live in England, I like Japan never been to China but im sure if I went I would like it, is much colder in England. You dont want to date British men girls – its more thier attitude than anything that has a problem every british man I dated has ended on a bad note, so if you know any nice Asian men please pass this to them – im open for change and I am very willing to try anything new at lest once I just am fed up with Africans and Nigerians and Jamaicans.
    So if you can think of anybody else my email is [email protected] it is the only other way of metting others and having the oppertunity to meet others as well.

  38. I know this is an older post but it happen to pop up in related posts and the title got my attention!

    I have a really good Taiwanese friend and she loves foreign guys. She has had several foreign boyfriends in the past but the relationships ended for one reason or another. She is now in her 30’s and alone. I feel rather sad for her as she is so focused on finding a foreign guy that she hasn’t given any of the Taiwanese men who were interested in her a chance.

    I guess my point is that many people have the picture of the ideal man or woman in their mind. Unfortunately for them, they may be missing out on something beautiful!! That’s why I tell my friend to give the Taiwanese men a chance, maybe one of them are her ‘Mr. Right.’

  39. The root cause of this is colonialism. People always look to date “up”, and due to colonialism we attribute beauty and wealth with the western world — white people. It persists in every culture, be it asian, latin, indian, black etc.

    And it is definitely one reason that asian women pursue white men so rabidly: the illusion of status and money.

  40. So funny!
    I prefer Asian men, as I find I share more philosophical/cultural ideas with them in general (I had an eastern philosophy upbringing) but they never approach me, and I’m kinda old fashioned… I wanna be pursued. It’s a cultural thing – you can give them every high sign you can think of, bar stripping off in front of ’em, and they just don’t see it. They assume western women aren’t interested… *sigh*
    I don’t care about money, looks, height, weight, or anything but humour and intelligence… and yet I keep finding that Asian men think they aren’t attractive to western women unless they have all the ‘attributes’. Social conditioning sucks.

    I really love that the guy told your husband about his physical ‘attribute’. At least it was an honest attempt, in a way – straight to the house, car, and bedroom – no years of bullcrap stringing someone along! Better than wanting a Western woman as an accessory to the Beamer, lol.

    1. Thanks for the comment, Jaya, and for sharing your experiences. I think it’s not necessarily impossible to encounter a guy who might pursue you — the first boyfriend I ever had here in China pursued me to an extent, though it was definitely a bit more low key than what I was accustomed to. Cultural differences sometimes mean that we might miss flirtations, signals as well, so that’s always a factor. Looking back this guy really was pursuing me but I think I missed some of his signs.

      Hang in there. And remember, it doesn’t hurt to let guys know that you’re interested in dating Asian men — sometimes that might just be the encouragement they need to take the next step.

  41. Thanks Jocelyn…

    It’s not that I want an Asian man to the exclusion of others… after all, you love who you love! It’s just frustrating that Asian males just don’t seem to notice any interest on my part; or if they do, they think they’ve got it wrong. That happened to me once, and by the time we talked about it aaages later, that boat had sailed. Honestly, it was like something out of the dramas, lol, the confessions years later and the “I liked you for ages”, and the “I thought you wouldn’t like me and I was confused!” At least we had a laugh, but…

    And me being Australian, we don’t really ‘date’ as such, (dating almost looks like a sport, to us outsiders! lol). It’s usually through introductions or chance meetings, so it’s not like you announce to friends, relations or acquaintances that you’re wanting to ‘date’ people. It’s a totally different scenario. If I told someone I was interested in dating Asian men, it would come off sounding weird and slightly creepy, here.

    I spend a lot of time in Japan, and it’s a bit like ‘Water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink!’ Unless you are socially introduced, it can be almost impossible – totally different for the Western male, of course!

    Part of the attraction is that most Eastern men don’t have the colossal egos floating around in as great proportion as Western men, but that also leads to a self-given ‘no-confidence’ vote, at times… happy mediums, apply here, ????

  42. Hi Jocelyn,

    I really enjoyed reading your writings. I really need your help…
    I am a doctoral student in California and working on my dissertation about interracial marriages. The focus of my study is on Eastern men ( Asian or Middle Eastern men) married Western Women ( European American women). The aim of my research is to compare individualistic and collectivistic cult uremtogether and the influence of gender on cultures. This is a very narrow population and is very hard to find participants who meet this criteria.
    The survey of my study is anonymous and the information in the survey is hundred percent confidential. Therefore please if you know anyone, or any couple who meets this criteria please send the survey link to them. This is the link to the survey:

    https://alliant.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_3fycv5aP66bl4Xj

    You can just copy and paste it on a new tab and take the survey. You might also give them my email and then I can send them the link.

    Look forward to hear back from you.

    Warm wishes,
    Laleh

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