John moved his suitcase into my home in China not long after our first kiss. I loved him, but never thought he'd move in right now.
There it was, a tiny blue duffel bag on the floor of the guest room. I found it Tuesday evening, after returning home from work.
It was John’s suitcase, of course. In a way, it was natural he would bring his things here. We hadn’t spent a day apart since that Friday, my birthday, when we first kissed. My apartment — with two bedrooms, a full bathroom and kitchen, dining room, TV and A/C — was far nicer than the cramped, sparse room in the peasant house that John shared with his friend. And, I had given John the keys — wasn’t that an open invitation?
Still, I couldn’t help wondering how he came to the conclusion — moving in — when we’d never really agreed on it.
It didn’t make sense to me because I didn’t think in the Chinese way. I didn’t see, as John did, that our dating, our kisses, our everything meant, to him, that we were heading towards marriage, eventually. He never said it then. But years later, he admitted that, since we had kissed (and more), our relationship was already settled in his mind.
I’m glad he didn’t say any of it to me. Maybe I would have been scared, to even imagine marriage just days after our first kiss. Maybe I would have overreacted, and complicated everything. Behind closed doors, my emotional fluctuations have frightened more than one Chinese man.
But he didn’t say it. And, I didn’t say what I felt in my heart either — that I believed John was the one.
Maybe that was why I wanted to keep him close, even though it seemed too soon to move in. I said nothing about the duffel bag, or how it was so early to live together. I stayed silent, instead enchanted by the idea of having him, and his suitcase, right by my side.
Were you ever surprised by how serious dating was in China? Did a Chinese ever move in with you before you thought it was time?
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Memoirs of a Yangxifu in China is the story of love, cultural understanding and eventual marriage between one American woman from the city and one Chinese man from the countryside. To read the full series to date, visit the Memoirs of a Yangxifu archives.
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[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Heidi Hooper, Jocelyn Eikenburg. Jocelyn Eikenburg said: Chapter 10: Did I Ask John to Move In? | Speaking of China http://ow.ly/1njuMt [...]
I must smile at your article…. I didn’t ask my Irish American husband to move in; however, I did ask him to marry me. Why waste time if you know he is the one?
Love
Tiffany
Thanks for the comment, Tiffany! It’s true, sometimes you shouldn’t waste time. I guess John and I were still pretty young. I definitely wanted to take my time. But I did believe he was the one. Now, how contradictory is that?
Anyhow, thanks again for reading, and hope to see you around again soon.
Nice post.
As a traditional Chinese man, I think it’s very weird for a person to come to other’s apartment even he/she gets the key.
I think the only reason is that he really was in a deep love with you and wanted to be with you all the time.
I think this situation usually happens to yong people, especially they don’t have much love experience, no matter what culture they live in.
Dear Adam,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this post.
Yes, I think you’re right, that John was very deeply in love with me, and he did want to spend more time with me.
Of course, it didn’t hurt that his current apartment was pretty minimal, and he preferred the amenities at my apartment (such as a shower with hot water) that his apartment didn’t have.
[...] than a month ago, John’s duffel bag mysteriously appeared in my apartment — as he moved in with me. Now that blue duffel bag had turned into a maroon wheeled suitcase we bought at the corner [...]
There alone, you can tell (thinking of our discussion on the “dating history”-post) that you can’t tell… year before last, the German debate competition had “Does it hurt society’s morals for people to co-habit?” as one of the topics; you are not supposed to live together before marriage, after all. Then again, you are also not supposed to do more than hold hands and maybe kiss before marriage, either
Thanks for the comment, Gerald — you always write thought-provoking things! It really is true that you can’t tell.