Chapter 24: Tied in Chinese Knots over John | Speaking of China

5 Responses

  1. Gerald Schmidt
    Gerald Schmidt February 16, 2010 at 7:24 am | | Reply

    I had interesting discussions about the different attitudes toward relationships (a.k.a. marriage life, this is China, after all).

    China: you are married, so you gotta stay together.
    The way this seems strongly related to the strong social stigma attached to divorce, for women, seems pretty patriarchal and misogynist to me. Especially when it gets to the point where women will stay with husbands who have affairs, et cetera, just for the sake of keeping up appearances. Harmony? No, just silence.

    “The West,” of course, has the attitude that, if there are problems, one may just as well decide to go separate ways – and here, I prefer China: people who have decided that they make a good couple will do their darndest to stay together, be good together. And, not least, they will accept that everyone has good and bad sides, look for the good sides in the relationship to have the upper hand – and not look for the “perfect” partner, influenced all the while by the likes of Brangelina, thinking they could have somebody better rather than seeking to appreciate the relationship they do have.

  2. Iknowwhatyoumean
    Iknowwhatyoumean May 2, 2011 at 9:13 am | | Reply

    Sorry for spamming every post of yours from a year ago. But quite simply: My feelings EXACTLY. And the advice Swallow gave you is the exact advice one of my chinese girlfriend gave me: focussing on the good in our relationship right now than worrying about what the future might hold.

  3. Bruce
    Bruce May 2, 2011 at 6:46 pm | | Reply

    You’ve found the right website! You are not spamming in my opinion.
    You are concerned about your relationship and you want to find out
    More information that’s allllllll.Just be true to yourself and love yourself first ;therefore, you will find happiness in life. Love your chinese bf llike any men.Don’t see him as a Chinese man, white man, Indian man etc, see him as a person who you will love forever.You always have to treat your wife or husband as equal.Of course, everybody has a short fuss and I have a temper also.It’s how you make it up with your gf/bf and make him/her understand that you are not mad at allllllll.You are just expressing your points of view, dear. It is fine to give each other a silent treatment but not too long okay.once , he/she knows your personality, everything is back to normal in minutes. Men suppose to have a big heart and we should not keep little things inside of us. We are meant to do big things. Attention all men out there,!! let it go. I think women find it so attractive w/qualities like that in men . I’m speaking from my experience. Anyway, don’t worry so much.with time and patience, your bond will be stronger. Don’t give a damn what other people think because he is Chinese. You need no approval from anybody on this planet to date or marry someone who is different ethnicity.Trust and love conquer all.

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