In late 2011, Fred graciously shared his own inspiring story of how he fell in love with — and eventually married — a woman from Brazil.
Then last year, he started filling me in via e-mail on a new and completely different story. He decided to try and set up his Hong Kong nephew, who was in his late 30s and still single, with some American women he knew. As Fred wrote below, “I thought with 100 percent certainty that any man would leap to his death to be able to date not just one or two but three ladies!”
The story developed over the summer and just recently he updated me on what finally happened. Will Fred’s nephew find love in another country, just as Fred did? Read on.
Fred refers to that hugely popular post on the rarity of couples of Chinese men and Western women. I was speaking primarily about the situation in China, so what I wrote doesn’t necessarily apply to Chinese men who were mainly raised overseas.
I remembered how Jocelyn once wrote that many Chinese men hesitate to date Western women for a variety of reasons. Was this really true? I decided to find out on my own.
In early 2012, my mother learned that my half-sister’s son Yew — who lives in Hong Kong — was still single in his late 30s. So I called my half-sister and offered to find him some Western women in the US to date. I also welcomed him to come and stay with me in the US during his vacation to meet them. To my surprise, she agreed.
I found three charming white women who agreed to meet him and give him a chance. There was Jennifer, an attorney in her early 40s; Melissa, another attorney but in her late 30s; and Jessica, a registered nursing student in her 20s who happened to be my secretary’s daughter. I didn’t tell these ladies that Yew would meet all three of them, since they might think him a playboy and not want to date him.
After all three ladies agreed to meet Yew, I contacted my half-sister with this exciting news, expecting to make plans for him to come and visit here. But you wouldn’t believe what she said — he refused to date these women because he didn’t consider himself their equal. I was shocked and thought my half-sister lied when she told me this!
So I decided to call Yew and ask him myself.
“If you come here for a little summer romance, you can date not one, not two, but three ladies,” I said. “And then you can choose the best one for yourself.”
He said that he didn’t feel like their equal, and that it had to do with more than just the language barrier and the distance between them.
“Being an IT guy is not so bad,” I said. “You can make ends meet such as paying the rent and supporting yourself, and you can afford annual vacations to faraway places.”
But he replied that he didn’t see the point of a summer romance if there was no prospect of a future marriage.
“You can marry a Western women if you really set your mind to it, just like I did.” I thought with 100 percent certainty that any man would leap to his death to be able to date not just one or two but three ladies!
I added, “If you think you’re not the equal to the two lawyers, then take the young nursing student Jessica. She has no job yet and is attending nursing school full time. And she’s the youngest and prettiest of the three ladies, in my opinion.”
But in the end, my nephew didn’t come. He developed kidney stones which required surgery and had to use the summer to recuperate. Even worse, I had the embarrassing job of having to explain to these ladies that he wasn’t coming.
Later during summer of 2012, my wife and I left our two children with relatives to travel to Hong Kong to visit our relatives, including my nephew Yew. While there, we brought up the idea of dating these three American women all over again. And even better, in July 2012 I asked yet another white woman named Gina if she was interested in meeting Yew and she agreed — which meant he now had four potential women to choose from.
One evening, my wife and I went out to dinner with family at a fine Chinese restaurant. Our table included my half brother, my half-sister, Yew, Cheung (my half-sister’s second oldest son) and his wife, Yi Ling (my half-sister’s youngest daughter) and her boyfriend (who was Chinese).
Invariably, the conversation turned to the topic of love, marriage and relationships. Yew’s mother — my half-sister — doubted that Yew would ever find a good woman to marry. When I heard this, I knew it was a perfect time to bring up the idea of dating these four American women.
I said, “This time there are not one, not two, not three but four fine white American girls who are willing to meet and date him. All he has to do is come to California and stay with me once he gets more vacation time.”
I told him that my older brother, my sister and I all married outside our race and it wasn’t a problem. I even said, “If you date a Western girl, you will for certain have a lot of fun. I can prove it to you.”
Then I asked Cheung and his wife to kiss while I take their picture. They both refused.
I turned to Yi Ling and asked her to sit on her new boyfriend’s lap and kiss while I take their picture. They also said no.
“Now watch me and my wife,” I said. I put my right hand behind my wife’s neck, pulled her towards me and kissed her passionately. “You see! Are you now convinced that you will have more fun with Western women? Now does this inspire you to give them a chance?”
No one at the table laughed and they stared at me in disbelief — a response that shocked me. They didn’t understand my sense of humor and could not accept the idea of kissing in public.
Yew once again said that he didn’t consider himself their equal since he wasn’t as great as a lawyer.
I laughed. “You do not understand the American mentality.” I told him that many Americans will have an open mind and give people a chance regardless of economic background, race or status. I even suggested he could choose Jessica, since she is a young nursing student.
But he said, “I am Chinese and I do not believe she will be compatible with my background. You are different because you lived in the US for many years and are accustomed to American ways.”
Yi Ling even said to me, “Wow, you are completely like a ‘gwai lo’ uncle.”
I didn’t know what to do or what to say. So I just laughed as I realized I had to give up helping Yew.
Fred practices employment law in Torrance, California.
How did you meet? Why do you love him/her (or Chinese men/Western women)? How two different people “complete each other” in unexpected ways? We’re looking for a few good stories from Chinese men and Western women in love — or out of love — to share on Fridays. Submit your original story or a published blog post today.