Fenshou: Dreams of a Romantic Fairy Tale Kiss | Speaking of China

23 Responses

  1. chinaelevatorstories
    chinaelevatorstories June 21, 2013 at 3:12 am | | Reply

    The beginning of the story is written beautifully, it sounds like the beginning of a novel or of a movie.

  2. chinaelevatorstories
    chinaelevatorstories June 21, 2013 at 3:13 am | | Reply

    Oh, and good luck with finding your true love, Sveta! Sometimes things don’t work out one way because they are supposed to work out another way.

  3. Sveta
    Sveta June 21, 2013 at 9:52 am | | Reply

    Thanks for posting my story 🙂 Glad you enjoyed it chinaelevatorstories

  4. Bruce
    Bruce June 21, 2013 at 10:06 am | | Reply

    You will find your Chinese/Asian man soon. The best comes last.

  5. Fred
    Fred June 21, 2013 at 10:51 am | | Reply

    @ Sveta. Wow! What a great story!!!!! I loved it. Your desription of the events in detail made me feel as though I was observing them as they occur first hand. I was feeling for you vicariously as my heart was palpitating at an irregularly fast rate when I was reading your story. I am so sorry to hear that this Chinese man failed to pursue you any further.
    Firstly, you are a great Western woman for having the willingness to give an Asian boy a chance to date you, whereas few Western girls — especially girls from a Southern U.S. state — are willing to date us Asian boys. So, you deerve high praises, girl.

    Secondly, I can definitely relate to his story. I suspect — though I cannot prove it — that he was “sitting on the fence” just as I did at one time. As a Chinese man myself, when I was contemplating to date or not to date those “wild, loud and crazy” Western girls, I experimented a few times just to see if they were compatible. I suspect that he was experimenting with the idea and thus he opted to see you just as an experiment in order to judge things.

    I am stil flabbergasted though that you, as a southern girl from Texas, is willing to give a chance to an Asian man, whereas most Southern girls will simply shun us. Thus, I conclude that you are one of the greatest Western girls in the world.

    My questioin to you is: What made you willing to date an Asian man? Curiosity? Experiment? Sporting? Sexual conquest? Looking for genuine love?

    Keep up the good work, girl!!!!!!!!! Praise the Lord.

  6. gang chen
    gang chen June 21, 2013 at 2:06 pm | | Reply

    great story Sveta. I am just curious, do people here in the US do this kind of “disappearing” act as well and how often you run into this kind of people? There are several posts in this blog already, regarding western women were in a relationship with a Chinese man, and all the sudden, the guy just vanished. I am wondering whether, especially in mainland China, because we were so suppressed by the society/government, we developed such a tendency of running away from things, things we felt we had so little control over. While this tendency will certainly stay with people for a long time, but we need to realize we are in a different world now, we have so much more control over our lives, therefore we can take risks, and “live” a little.

  7. Ashleigh Son
    Ashleigh Son June 21, 2013 at 8:53 pm | | Reply

    Sveta, thanks for sharing your story. It was really touching. I felt bad afterwards. May you find the love you are looking for. And perhaps this time he will be even more handsome than you hoped. 🙂

  8. Blossom
    Blossom June 21, 2013 at 9:50 pm | | Reply

    Thanks Sveta for your beautifully written story. I really don’t believe it was anything you did wrong. He obviously liked you because you were holding hands in public. As a western female I understand the confusion though, especially given that you had fun (damn those hamburgers!) AND had a significant online history as well. Maybe he was worried that romance would detract from his PhD? Good luck finding your sweet love. x

  9. Sveta
    Sveta June 22, 2013 at 3:58 pm | | Reply

    Thanks for the well-wishes everyone, unlikely though they may come true. He was an international student I should mention, not Chinese-American, but Chinese-Chinese. I was curious and wanted to see what it would be like, that’s the reason I gave him a chance. The disappearing act, I run into it all the time from Asian men. no matter the nationality. I had some Korean-American men disappear on me, some Korean-Korean disappear on me, and Chinese-Chinese disappear on me. For me its very common to run into those type of men. Pity I cannot develop immunity against it 🙁 Thanks once more for the well-wishes.

  10. Sveta
    Sveta June 22, 2013 at 3:59 pm | | Reply

    Even right now I’m going through a disappearing act where I simply TALKED to the guy and didn’t even do anything affectionate!

  11. Mary
    Mary June 23, 2013 at 3:31 am | | Reply

    Thank you for the story!
    I’m also wondering about the “desappearing” as I had it happening not long ago with a Chinese guy that I had come to really really like … Not really desappearing in my case, but withdrawing any sign of romantic interest completely and abrubtly decreasing communication after six month. I think what makes it hard and confusing is that those Asian men seem to be so caring, reliable and seriously be interested (compared to the men I see where I live) that when it happens it is very very surprising, hurtful and disappointing. Maybe Jocelyn could have a post that elaborates on this behaviour, possible reasons, and how to deal with communicating or acting around those men when it happens?

  12. Bruce
    Bruce June 24, 2013 at 9:32 am | | Reply

    We don’t just disappear. Maybe those Chinese men think that it takes a lot of work for having IR. You just have to make it more inviting and that these men feel more welcomed. Chinese men are attracted to this kind of environment. It’s all of feelings. Once, we’re comfortable and We feel that there is potential for a solid relationship then we’re hooked. You all know that we’re serious about marriage and relationship already. It’s a given. We’re very different from other types of men.

    Bruce

  13. Fred
    Fred June 24, 2013 at 5:43 pm | | Reply

    @ Sveta. In response to your experience that those Asian boys are doing disappearing acts on you, I have the perfect solution for you. I suggest that you should date an ABC boy who are not quit 100% Chinese and not quit 100% Westernized either. You should be able to have more successes. We ABC boys are a little “wild” just like the American guys, but yet calm, cool and collected enough like the CFC (“Chinese From China’) boys. What do you think about my solution?

  14. Fred
    Fred June 24, 2013 at 5:49 pm | | Reply

    @ Mary. I agree with you and wish that Jocelyn will write a post about the “disappearing acts” of those Asian men. I, too, want to know why this phenomenon is happening. So, Jocelyn, if you are reading these comments now, please tell us about the “disappearing acts.”

  15. forest
    forest June 24, 2013 at 9:05 pm | | Reply

    Could it be this Chinese guy is over sensitive about small things which stops him from further commitment ?

  16. SBC
    SBC June 25, 2013 at 6:40 pm | | Reply

    Thanks for sharing your story. It is beautifully written. I agree that Jocelyn should do a post on the disappearing acts.

    One reason why they disappear is probably that they are sitting on the fence? So instead of informing you they sort of just slink away. I know a few female friends who had this experience with no asian men too.

    Its a hard thing to counter, as obviously you dont want to play games or test someones feelings. Yet devoting more than the other person usually ends up hurting the person who is more invested. I dont have a perfect solution. But I think from experience you might want to steer things too. If he runs, he wasnt into it anyways.

  17. Bruce
    Bruce June 27, 2013 at 7:48 pm | | Reply

    Think about it. How come Chinese men can be so caring to Chinese women ,but not Western women? Can Western women be more attentive like Chinese women? I’m a Chinese man myself and I do like caring women in general. If we show interest toward you and you don’t show some feedbacks, we will disappear for sure.

  18. gang chen
    gang chen June 28, 2013 at 11:34 am | | Reply

    @Bruce: I am a Chinese man too. I think it goes both ways — they need to be attentive to what we say AND we need to speak in a “language” they understand, it has to be mutual.

  19. Bob
    Bob July 1, 2013 at 4:29 am | | Reply

    I’m confused, why does she even want to specifically look for an ‘Asian love’? It should be about the person. Sure most of the times culture plays a big part in their quality as a person, but still forget about Asian and move on, I reckon…

  20. Naomi
    Naomi July 2, 2013 at 6:11 am | | Reply

    What a lovely and well-written story. I hope you find your “fairy-tale ending” one day!

  21. HongKong
    HongKong July 2, 2013 at 8:24 am | | Reply

    @Sveta,

    I feel like it is against my moral if I do not reply you, why? my message consists of 2 parts. 1) I was once that “disappeared” Asian man, and 2) I have also been a victim of a “disappeared” western woman too.

    1)
    I have dated this British girl for 2 to 3 times. We kissed few times. After the 3rd date, I realized that I do not want to develop a relationship with her, because I think it’s not going to work and she was a bit too “aggressive” (not a perfect word, sorry for my limited adjectives) when I am not fully ready. Please allow me to keep a bit secret why I thought it wouldn’t work, but the point is, sometimes it can be personal reason (feelings) or it can be pressure from family or friends or something has gone though our life. (Please do not forget that you have only seen this guy few times, inspite of the kisses and hand holdings)

    However, I didn’t know how to reject someone, I thought I should see her less and less so as to dilute her feeling towards me. I know now I could have done better. Sveta, I know it hurts your feeling when things change such abruptly. Sometimes Asians, in general, are not as expressive as the non-asian, hence we had no clue but to disappear, though that has nothing to do with you. We hate rejecting people.

    2) Now comes the second part, how I became a victim. There was another western girl (From the USA) that I have dated few times before, she seems to like me so much, keep calling me, waiting for me outside of a restaurant just to see me for few seconds earlier. How sweet? yes, I liked her so much at that time.

    However, after a week long business trip, things have changed suddenly. She stopped contacting me, and just text me and say all is over. I have no clue why.

    Summary:

    – I am sorry for your experience.
    – “disappearing” happens to people from other countries too, not just for Asian.
    – many things could have happened beyond your control, do not take it too personal.
    – I thought many times what could I have done wrong, but if I still have no clue, then we should not blame ourselves too much.
    – I have learned that, regardless how strong the feeling is, time is always needed to know somebody better and deeper. The more you know about this person, the less chance these sudden “accidents” will happen between you two because you know what kind of person he is.
    – Hope that helps! last but not least, if you have tried to reconnect by mentioning the positive things you have done, (as mentioned by Jocelyn), and still there is no reply, maybe it’s not a bad idea to move on…. But please do not lose trust on us just because of few bad experiences. you never know.

  22. Edward Chin
    Edward Chin August 7, 2015 at 10:33 pm | | Reply

    Beautiful but feeling hungry at the end. Sounded like he could have a loving girl but he blew it. Many would be very happy in his shoes to be loved.
    Keep it up and you are right….go slow.

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