Guest Post: "I don't look at my daughter as Indian or Canadian. I look at her soul." | Speaking of China

31 Responses

  1. Constance - Foreign Sanctuary
    Constance - Foreign Sanctuary February 13, 2015 at 9:07 am | | Reply

    First off, their little girl is absolutely adorable – she looks so young and carefree and innocent in the photos!

    I think all interracial couples face concerns, especially at the beginning when my husband and I started dating. My husband’s father, although accepted me and really liked me, was scared that I would go back to Canada and leave my husband with a broken heart.

    With that being said, it is unfortunate that people some people have no concept that their words are hurtful and can sting.

    1. A.Madhavan
      A.Madhavan February 19, 2015 at 3:25 am | | Reply

      Thank you Constance.
      Yes, she is such a carefree kid!
      That is so funny – my MIL thought the same thing about me!
      I totally agree, and the reason why I wanted to write this was so that people can understand that what they say to mixed couples can be hurtful. People really have no clue!

  2. Lauren Mokasdar
    Lauren Mokasdar February 13, 2015 at 11:53 am | | Reply

    Gorgeous post and gorgeous child!! xx

    1. A.Madhavan
      A.Madhavan February 19, 2015 at 3:24 am | | Reply

      Thank you Lauren….xoxoxo

  3. Laura
    Laura February 13, 2015 at 1:24 pm | | Reply

    I love love love her blog!
    Sweetest daughter pictures ever! So natural so classic yet so personal.
    Thanks for sharing.

    1. A.Madhavan
      A.Madhavan February 19, 2015 at 3:13 am | | Reply

      @laura – thank you for reading! I am blushing 🙂

  4. Kimberly
    Kimberly February 13, 2015 at 1:53 pm | | Reply

    What a beautiful child! I am surprised and upset to learn about all the trouble people around are giving, and what specific things they say. We have a different situation here in China, where the belief is that if a Chinese (which they consider my husband to be) and a foreigner have a child, then that child is somehow smarter and better than other children. They are delighted to see us and our daughter and quick to point out that she is a “hun xue” (mixed blood) and how lovely she is.

    I wish all cultures looked at mixed race kids in a positive way. I learned a lot from this post and I hope that with more education and more exposure, these ignorant set-in-their-ways people will wake up and choose to see our world as wonderful for its diversity and what can happen when cultures mix together.

    1. A.Madhavan
      A.Madhavan February 19, 2015 at 3:11 am | | Reply

      @kimberly – that is so amazing to hear that biracial children are seen as superior…we need to move to China! LOL 😉

  5. Mahender
    Mahender February 13, 2015 at 2:22 pm | | Reply

    Simple superb

    1. A.Madhavan
      A.Madhavan February 19, 2015 at 3:21 am | | Reply

      Thank you Mahender

  6. Ri
    Ri February 13, 2015 at 6:17 pm | | Reply

    Such a beautiful little girl! <3
    And a wonderful post.
    It's difficult when people seem to think that because cultures are different, they're also mutually exclusive. Growing up in an eclectic mix of cultures and people helps work against that, but not everyone is that lucky to get it naturally. I have hope that more and more people will gradually realize that in the end, people are people and "different" doesn't necessarily mean "bad".

    1. A.Madhavan
      A.Madhavan February 19, 2015 at 3:23 am | | Reply

      I totally agree…I grew up in a very multicultural atmosphere, as well as my husband – his parents are mixed inter-regional Indian. It has been so normal for us that it shocks us to come across people who are so negative…about something they know nothing about.

  7. Leslie
    Leslie February 14, 2015 at 3:48 am | | Reply

    Oh my goodness, she is absolutely adorable. What a great post! I have 4 mixed kids myself and I often joke that we are just doing our part in turning the world mocha! 😉

    1. A.Madhavan
      A.Madhavan February 19, 2015 at 3:12 am | | Reply

      @leslie – Absolutely! Here comes the next generation of fabulousness! Get ready, world! 🙂

  8. R Zhao
    R Zhao February 14, 2015 at 11:57 am | | Reply

    It’s so complicated. Like Kimberly, my son receives a lot of positive attention for being biracial (we also live in China). People sometimes make strange or somewhat inappropriate comments but so far nothing I’ve really found offensive. I think some people say things out of curiosity or just to make conversation. The truly nasty stuff, I believe, comes out of a place of fear. What people don’t understand or what is unfamiliar to them, scares them, and the result can be bitter or hateful comments. It’s hurtful, but be grateful you are more open and accepting of the world than such people. How sad it must be to have such a limited view of other people and cultures.

    1. A.Madhavan
      A.Madhavan February 19, 2015 at 3:15 am | | Reply

      @ r zhao – I totally agree….I pity people who only stick to their own culture, who fear stepping outside it. They don’t know how many amazing things are out there….They are truly limited.

  9. David
    David February 14, 2015 at 12:51 pm | | Reply

    “then that child is somehow smarter”

    They may be on to something.

    1. A.Madhavan
      A.Madhavan February 19, 2015 at 3:21 am | | Reply

      @david….I think so too!

  10. AG
    AG February 15, 2015 at 11:49 pm | | Reply

    Ukrainian Girl Proposes in Panda Outfit : Now female do the proposal?

  11. Holly Hollins
    Holly Hollins February 16, 2015 at 3:58 am | | Reply

    “However, I hope that my children and grandchildren’s generations see love before color. Because that’s what the world needs – more love…a love that transcends borders and limitations.”

    I love that quote!
    And for your little girl, she’s so gorgeous!

    I’m sorry that things are tough…hopefully someday there will be more love for interracial romances and marriages than how it is now.

    Stay strong, Alexandra.

    1. A.Madhavan
      A.Madhavan February 19, 2015 at 3:21 am | | Reply

      Thank you 🙂
      I hope so too…every time I see a couple like us, I want to immediately hug them!

  12. Sorrel
    Sorrel February 16, 2015 at 5:31 am | | Reply

    Having experienced a degree of racist comments myself (but obviously not the same scale as your family is experiencing), I tell myself that it is the problem of the OTHER person, not mine.
    THEY are the one getting all uptight and upset.

    It is the narrow mind-set of the other person and they feed off my reaction – it pi***s them off no end if I don’t react.

    It can be tough at times, but the comments they make are irrelevant, as are they.

    In a loving and secure relationship, regardless of background or cultural mix, the opinions of strangers don’t matter. Children pick up on the emotions and reactions of the adults closest to them, so this is a valuable lesson you can teach your daughter.

    Good luck!

    1. A.Madhavan
      A.Madhavan February 19, 2015 at 3:20 am | | Reply

      @sorrel – I totally agree. In the beginning, when we were dating, it bothered me but then I got over it and ignored it. But now that we have a child – who is really so happy, pure and innocent – it is bothering me again. And now she is so verbal, I would just die if I saw her upset, and I also don’t know how to explain such people to her. I am trying to find the words….I hope I can give her confidence.

  13. Laura
    Laura February 16, 2015 at 7:12 am | | Reply

    Is it an issue if the woman is the one proposing?

    1. AG
      AG February 16, 2015 at 7:45 am | | Reply



      Not at all. In west, only unmarried queens have privilege to be the one proposing.

      She must be Ukraine Queen. Just kidding.

      This is actually good for Chinese guys since they are so passive in their courtship.

  14. Rachna
    Rachna February 16, 2015 at 12:07 pm | | Reply

    Just makes me so sad. I have seen that we (Indians) can be really cruel in our comments. It must be so much harsher for you and your family. Even though I am an Indian married to another Indian from different community, I hear so many stray comments. I wonder why they could not keep their thoughts to themselves, at least keep their mouth shut in front of kids.

    1. A.Madhavan
      A.Madhavan February 19, 2015 at 3:17 am | | Reply

      @Rachna – exactly! What hope do we have, when many Indians would prefer their own children to marry ONLY from their region/caste. Even a Tamil/Punjabi couple would be facing the same thing as us.

    [email protected] February 16, 2015 at 1:17 pm | | Reply

    You have a beautiful family! And the phrase “I look at her soul” is what caught me!
    Your girl is blessed to have the diversity at her doorstep. And people who have always judged you or your relationship have a poor life for themselves! I urge them to please keep this innocent lovely lil girl away from their opinions and judgments.

    I wish you all the luck and love! Remember, it’s you and your family’s happiness that matters 🙂

    1. A.Madhavan
      A.Madhavan February 19, 2015 at 3:16 am | | Reply

      Thank you Nancy…much love to you

  16. Joyce Ann Czarny
    Joyce Ann Czarny March 3, 2015 at 12:29 pm | | Reply

    Thank you for writing such a good article. And the photos’ are perfect. I am very inspired by your writing.
    What a beautiful family. Be kind to yourself and each other, the rude people are so sad and ignorant; we must never become like that – confused – and to me you and your family are not confused, but very clear.
    You might enjoy this website:
    words of peace global … some multicultural families appreciate this website and people who understand will always appreciate your family. ❤

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