Guest Post: The Unexpected Benefits of Long Distance Relationships | Speaking of China

18 Responses

  1. Maria Deng
    Maria Deng May 29, 2015 at 7:26 am | | Reply

    It is so nice to see a couple where the woman is Italian and the man is from a Cantonese-speaking area of China, sounds like my husband and I! It is quite rare and I’m happy to see it, finally! It sounds like you and Mr. B handle being in a long-distance relationship well. Come to visit Canada one day!

    1. marghini
      marghini June 4, 2015 at 9:16 am | | Reply

      Hi Maria! Hurray fore Italian-Cantonese couples! I would totally love to visit Canada one day, it is on my bucket list 😉

  2. Autumn
    Autumn May 29, 2015 at 7:57 am | | Reply

    You make an excellent point about taking each other for granted when you see each other daily. Yes, the smartphone comes out, you ignore each other for phone calls, etc.

    Or, in my Chinese-American guy’s case, you quit doing the laundry! Ah, for the days when bags of dirty laundry would disappear into the trunk of Mr. Wong’s car, only to return clean and neatly folded in baskets! Now Mr. Wong tosses the laundry in the machine, presses “start” and expects some sort of laundry fairy to finish the job. Sadly, sometimes the laundry fairy has no idea the laundry is in the washing machine and it sits there so long the load has to be run again.

    But I can live with this. If he quits cooking, though… (insert menacing minor chord of music).

    1. marghini
      marghini June 4, 2015 at 9:17 am | | Reply

      Quitting cooking is unconceivable. I think my relationship would be at serious risk if Mr. B quit cooking. However I am very lucky because he cooks AND does laundry. Yay!

  3. Constance - Foreign Sanctuary
    Constance - Foreign Sanctuary May 29, 2015 at 2:35 pm | | Reply

    A very interesting post!! I can see how a LDR can have its perks. You can learn a lot about each other because of the distance. However, I think there has to be a plan to unite at some point in one place. I had one friend who was in a LDR for years which ended because there was no hope of living together in the same location.

    1. marghini
      marghini June 4, 2015 at 9:20 am | | Reply

      Hi Constance! I agree, a LDR has to have a deadline, otherwise it turns into a dead end relationship in my opinion. I was lucky as my LDR only lasted a bit over a year so it qas quite manageable!

  4. Lina
    Lina May 29, 2015 at 4:25 pm | | Reply

    what a great post, Marghini is such a sweet girl and a great writer haha 🙂

    1. marghini
      marghini June 4, 2015 at 9:21 am | | Reply

      Thank you Lina! You are so kind 🙂 I am totally blushing.

  5. Marta
    Marta May 29, 2015 at 5:45 pm | | Reply

    Uuuh! This is a world’s exclusive! I think this is the first picture of Marghini and Mr. B. together showing their faces that I have seen 😛

    I agree on the positive side about LDR. However it only works if you have a clear plan and a date when you will be together. If everything it’s in the air it gets too difficult…

    1. marghini
      marghini June 4, 2015 at 9:23 am | | Reply

      ahahahah Marta you are so on spot! This is the first picture with Mr.B and me together that is posted on the internet. Slowly slowly my privacy concerns are getting less strict and I see why it could be beneficial to show people our faces (every once in a while!).

      As for LDR, I agree on having a clear plan and a deadline, otherwise it gets too complicated..

  6. Monica
    Monica May 29, 2015 at 6:28 pm | | Reply

    I agree with what she is saying about LDR, but I don’t think no one talks about the perks of being in a long distance relationship. A lot of people nowadays meet online or while traveling and have to make it work for at least a little while until they can be together. I’ve read a lot of articles about how to still have fun together via Skype. I’m finally ending my LDR this year and I am so happy to see it end. It did make us stronger and we got to know each other and cherish our time together. We also learned each other’s languages with the extra time we had apart. However, we had a set end date from the beginning and always made plans for the next time we would see each other. I think any more than a year or so, especially with no set end date, would be way too hard to handle. Communication is key in LDR, as with any relationship, so it takes a while to get used to but eventually it does get easier.

    1. marghini
      marghini June 4, 2015 at 9:31 am | | Reply

      Hi Monica!

      I am glad to hear your LDR was successful and you guys will be together soon. It is true, there are many ways to make a LDR more enjoyable and that certainly helps a lot. It gets easier once you learn how to handle the situation. With a bit of effort and a clear plan it is a challenge that can be easily overcome.

  7. Sarah
    Sarah May 29, 2015 at 7:18 pm | | Reply

    I agree with the above comments that an end date is important to the mindset of the partners.

    I am currently away from my husband, he is working in China and I am taking care of our baby in the UK, but it’s only 6 months and fortunately he’s managed 2 visits during that time (he’s on his way now, eeeeeee!). It must be hard for him because there are 2 of us to miss but he fills his time doing sport and my days are full with the baby! For our relationship, there may be benefits too!

    1. marghini
      marghini June 4, 2015 at 9:34 am | | Reply

      Taking care of a baby while your husband is far away must be challenging. However, 6 months is a short period of time so I am sure it will fly! Once you guys will be reunited, you will enjoy each other’s company a lot 🙂

  8. Susan Blumberg-Kason
    Susan Blumberg-Kason May 31, 2015 at 10:52 am | | Reply

    So fascinating! I always thought I would do well in a marriage to someone who travels half the time. We would appreciate our time together that much more and wouldn’t take each other for granted. I had a long-distance marriage for a few months each year and it was so much more difficult than I expected. This was before there was e-mail in China and certainly no texting or Skyping. That said, I don’t think long distance should be a deal breaker.

    1. marghini
      marghini June 4, 2015 at 9:37 am | | Reply

      Hi Susan!

      Long distance should not be a deal breaker in a otherwise happy and healthy relationship, I agree. It takes a bit of effort and planning, but it can be managed. At the beginning it may be harder than expected until you get used to the situation, but ultimately once you settle into it it gets easier.

  9. Meg
    Meg June 8, 2015 at 2:13 am | | Reply

    All of this has been really true for me. My partner and I have been LDR a few times in the last 5 years, about to do it again, and while it’s always hard to say goodbye, I do like the time for my hobbies and studies, and I LOVE the romantic, fully present visits! Thanks for sharing your story.

  10. JL
    JL July 9, 2015 at 4:50 am | | Reply

    I am loving this blog in general and this blog post in particular, as I’m currently in an LDR with my Taiwanese boyfriend. For the most part we’ve done really well and the time has gone quickly, but every now and then you hit bumps, and a reminder like this was just what I needed! Thank you, Marghini and Jocelyn!

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