“The Moment Our Eyes Met, I Froze”: Chinese Men Open up About Dating Foreign Women on Vice.cn

“Her name was Olivia, and she was extremely passionate. … I still remember when I handed the drink to her, the way I felt when she raised her head to look at me. The moment our eyes met, I froze, because her laughter was too enchanting.”

This is the second installment of my English translation of a Chinese-language article on Vice.cn featuring interviews with four Chinese men who dated foreign women. Today’s interview is with a Chinese man who is an architect living in England, and he has dated women from many different countries there.

If you missed the first installment, have a look at “She Liked Having Threesomes”: Chinese Men Open up About Dating Foreign Women on Vice.cn. And stay tuned for the third and final posts!


24 years old, architect, living in England.

VICE: From what countries are the women you’ve dated?

Actually quite a few. America, England, Brazil, South Korea, Poland, Vietnam, Switzerland. I came in contact with all of these women after arriving in England to study abroad.

Which girl left the deepest impression with you?

Currently it’s this girl from Brazil. Her name was Olivia, and she was extremely passionate. I was particularly impressed by her when we first met. I worked at a pub at the time, and she came by herself to have a drink. I still remember when I handed the drink to her, the way I felt when she raised her head to look at me. The moment our eyes met, I froze, because her laughter was too enchanting. I think I must have stood there for a while, and now that I think about it, I imagine I must have looked especially ridiculous. I also remember when she noticed I didn’t say anything, she asked one thing: “What do you find in my eyes?” She was laughing as she asked me. I will never forget this.

Having dated so many foreign girls, do you have any vanity or sense of pride?

Yes, in China. Many people will look at me, so there times when I feel a little vanity. And overseas as well. Even though people won’t say so, but I’ve felt that they think it’s strange to see white women and Asian men together, so I can feel I am relatively special.

Why do you think Westerners feel it’s strange? Is it because of stereotypes about Asian men?

Exactly. Most people believe Asian men, particularly Chinese men, are very nerdy. Dating Asian men, it’s just like what we call “science and engineering dudes,” and these men are not the most popular no matter where you are. Western women prefer athletic, humorous and sociable guys, as they were taught by their culture. It’s the complete opposite of our educational environment. Of course, there are times when I feel that this stereotype has some basis.

Does this influence your relationships with foreign girls?

Yes. Honestly speaking, especially in England, the locals are very traditional. My former English girlfriend didn’t have a high estimation of Eastern culture, and thought that the Eastern way of being more restrained was not a good characteristic. Her only goal to date me was to learn about Eastern culture, so she could add some content to her report…she always said, “All of my friends don’t like Chinese men because they think you’re too awkward.” But I felt her xenophobia was also rather awkward.

Are there many Chinese men around you who have dated foreign girls?

Very few. I only know of one friend who has.

Is it easier for Chinese women to find foreign boyfriends?

Yes. There’s a big difference in how foreigners treat Chinese men and Chinese women. For example, when there’s a party, the best place for people to hook up, they will invite the Chinese women who are studying with us to go, but won’t invite Chinese men. It clearly shows that, overseas, Chinese men are not as welcome as a group.

As a Chinese man, how do you break through this kind of “dating barrier”?

To connect with foreign women, you need a lot of confidence. This is the core problem, which affects your language, communication and personal charisma. So, if you want to date foreign women, perhaps you need to have confidence in yourself first. I know many guys who were these huge ladies’ men in China that, after coming to England, never mind that they had no luck with the women, they found it was strenuous to get accustomed to life overseas.

When I first went there I was like that, I had no confidence to speak up among foreigners. But in China, a foreign man who can’t even speak Chinese clearly can get a Chinese girlfriend. It’s not just that they are more “coddled” because Chinese women like foreign men. It’s also that foreign men will confidently express themselves no matter what, and let others get to know them.


What do you think of the interview?

P.S.: This is the second installment of my English translation of a Chinese-language article on Vice.cn featuring interviews with four Chinese men who dated foreign women. If you missed the first installment, have a look at “She Liked Having Threesomes”: Chinese Men Open up About Dating Foreign Women on Vice.cn. And stay tuned for the third and final posts!

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3 thoughts on ““The Moment Our Eyes Met, I Froze”: Chinese Men Open up About Dating Foreign Women on Vice.cn

  • July 17, 2018 at 11:21 am
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    I do not understand the confidence part, if someone couldn’t even speak a foreign language well, to tell others his/her thoughts.

    His English girlfriend I think is weird. Being with someone awkward does not imply that she’s awkward as well? He could totally fight back by saying “I do not represent all Chinese men.”

    The other thing to notice, is that it used to be “good grades” Chinese students would go abroad to further their education. Most of them would be not so “social” compared to common foreign natives.

    Reply
    • July 18, 2018 at 1:53 am
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      I agree with you, “Alex,” especially the part about “‘good grades’ Chinese students.” Indeed, if they are so dedicated to their studies, they would likely be “less social” than their counterparts who are “natives.” But here in the U.S., college for many is often more about “partying” and less about “studying,”

      Incidentally, I can see a hint of resentment in that second interview, regarding so-called “stereotypes” about Asian men–it’s all about lumping all of us, Asian guys, together, that this website seems to thrive on. Incidentally, I would feel the same reservations about extending an invitation, made worse by the fact that they are from, where, mainland China? Just for that, alone, I would tend to avoid them unless we have something in common, that I know of, beforehand, but, otherwise, being that they were indoctrinated by their country, and we likely have major ideological/political disagreements, no, I would prefer not to make friends…..If I knew that these students are overseas Chinese from Singapore, the Philippines, Taiwan, etc., I would be more open to friendships….I recall reading that other blog about a certain Chinese student who found a GF–now fiancée, in Finland, and recalling how he and she used to argue about politics and how he used to “blame” her opinions on “Western bias.” But me being from the Philippines, I can tell you what attitudes people, over there, have about mainland China and they are not necessarily “good.”

      Reply
  • July 28, 2018 at 8:47 am
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    Soy un hombre joven blanco he visto al hombre chino ser menospreciado por las chicas chinas y extrangeras blancas o negra etc q me hicieron llorar no podria creer tanto racismo los otros hombres blanco o negro lo inferiorizaban hasta q yo le mostre a Mario Lunas y no combertimos en experto en seduccion y ahora el se da el gusto de humillar al tontos/as racistas y por ciertos los esteriotipos existen son reales

    Reply

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