“She Liked Having Threesomes”: Chinese Men Open up About Dating Foreign Women on Vice.cn

An article on the Chinese version of Vice caught my attention, with very personal interviews with Chinese men on their experiences and perspectives on dating foreign women. Intimate and illuminating, the stories provide a much-needed Chinese perspective on relationships between Chinese men and Western women and also touch upon stereotypes and prejudice. I’ve translated the piece in full from Chinese to English — and because it’s a long piece, I am sharing it in four installments.

Today’s first installment includes the introduction to the article as well as an interview with an IT specialist in Harbin, China, that might just make you blush a little. Stay tuned for the second, third and final installments!


“Tell me, why do your Chinese women all like our foreign men?”

“……”

“All of my foreign friends in China, even those who are considered the most unpopular men, all of them can find girlfriends here, and the girls are all quite pretty. Sometimes I think it is your cultural problem.”

“Don’t say anymore, OK? I already told you, this topic is meaningless.”

“But I really think it’s a problem of your culture.”

“Yes, our culture has problems, so let’s break up.”

For the last time, this was the last time I talked about this topic with my presumptuous white boyfriend. Of course, it was hard to say whether he really was my boyfriend. We only just used to hang out often, and we never clarified our relationship. When we were together for that half year, we had countless discussions on these issues – first these were discussions, then they evolved into disputes and arguments. Until the day before yesterday, I was finally tired and chose to break up.

I’m not a blind regionalist who can’t stop defending China’s exceptional culture with 5,000 years of history. But every time I hear this kind of talk, I can’t help thinking that the man who made that point is very low.  On the contrary, what I’m more interested in, is that for many outstanding Chinese men around me while living abroad, their living environment has still not escaped the Chinese community, and that emotionally speaking, they have almost never landed in the Western world.

I don’t know if this counts as another manifestation of some gender inequality, or if it is the existing reality of cultural colonization. Why it is that so few Asian men are together with white women? What is it that created this cultural stereotype? White men in China are in high demand, while Asian men abroad are not. So what are Asian men like in the eyes of Western women? Why is it that when Chinese girls are with white men, they are often accused of “attaching to foreigners” and “worshipping foreigners,” while when Chinese guys have a Western girlfriend, they are “bringing glory to the country”?

So I talked to four Chinese guys who have been in love with Western women to see how they felt about this topic. [Jocelyn’s note: today I’m sharing the first interview in the article — and I will publish the other three subsequent interviews as separate posts]

The city of Harbin, China, at sunset.

31 years old, IT specialist, currently living in Harbin, China

VICE: What kind of experience have you had dating Western women?

I had a brief relationship with a German girl; also a longer one with a Russian girl.

Did you meet the Russian girl in Harbin?

No, I met her when I went out for travel to Mohe, Heilongjiang, China. Just across the border is her country.

How did the relationship feel to you?

That was it. My English wasn’t very good, and she could only manage the most basic conversation, but English was the only language we could use for communication. When we couldn’t express ourselves clearly, we had to use body language and consult the dictionary.  People say, there are three things that don’t require language: soccer, music and sex. We tried all of them. In soccer, I couldn’t play as well as her. She used to be captain of the Voronezh amateur soccer team. Russians are too fierce. Her shots for goals were even more powerful than the strongest player in the dorm next to mine in college. In music, we didn’t really have a common language either. She liked local Russian folk music, which included some rather shrill instruments, while I only listened to Jay Chou. …

What about the sex?

Overall, it was actually not bad. But she had some peculiar idiosyncrasies – she liked having threesomes. At first it was really hard to accept. But later we tried it. Sometimes when we found another girl it was OK, but she specifically liked watching me and another girl do it. Sometimes she hoped to find another man, and that I really could not accept. Additionally, she was so strong, it was like she emptied out my manhood.

In terms of sex, do you think “made in China” has a disadvantage?

There are no disadvantages. I think this is guided by culture, where it’s purely Westerners creating a malicious portrayal of Easterners. I looked up information on the internet, and in terms of size Asian men don’t have an advantage. But research has found that women aren’t as demanding about size as the rumors suggest – it’s only men who aren’t confident about themselves that care.

So sex was never a problem in your relationship?

No. When we first got together, I was not confident, and I even thought, how could Asian men possibly match up with white girls. I was especially embarrassed. But in the end, she gave me a lot of confidence in this respect.

Apart from sex, what was her impression of Chinese men?

She really liked Chinese men. A lot of her friends had also dated Asian men. Some people say that in Northeast China there’s more male chauvinism, but I never heard her complain about it. She actually thought Chinese men were more responsible than foreign men, and the way they treated her made her feel more comfortable.

Have your friends ever dated Western women?

Around here, there aren’t that many foreigners to begin with, so it’s even rarer to see a Chinese man with a Western woman together. There aren’t any friends around me who have. Whenever she and I would go out, we would turn a lot of heads.

Did you feel a little proud?

No. Some people believe that going out with Western women gives you more face, but I didn’t feel that way. At first it felt like a fresh experience, but later on I got used to it and felt annoyed. Whether people praise you or not, who wouldn’t feel a little uncomfortable to always have people pointing at you.

What do you think of the prejudice Westerners have against Asian men?

I haven’t felt much prejudice myself, but I feel that most of the prejudiced people have never really had much contact with Asians – they just have a very superficial understanding. For example this topic of sex you’ve mentioned, you can see this kind of idea in the movies or advertisements, that men need to be solid, have these six-pack abs, Asian men are perceived as not having this kind of physique, so then they cannot be become a popular standard of attractiveness. Besides, many movies and TV shows deliberately make fun of Asian men, giving people this feeling that Asian men are very nerdy or stupid, which is completely different from the reality.

So how would you get rid of this stereotype?

Improve your language ability and express yourself. My English is no good, so there are times when I don’t dare to express myself. I’m afraid that this is an impression that foreign girls often have of Asian men, that we shrink away from daring to start a conversation. I think this is mainly because of language. But foreigners like these active and enthusiastic people. If you’re not willing to talk, how can someone be with you? Smooth communication can promote a relationship between two people.


What do you think of this interview?

P.S.: Stay tuned for the second, third and final installments of this article.

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21 thoughts on ““She Liked Having Threesomes”: Chinese Men Open up About Dating Foreign Women on Vice.cn

  • July 13, 2018 at 9:59 am
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    “I talked to FOUR Chinese guys.” Were there 4 different guys who made up the interviewing article? I thought there was only one?

    An article initialed with a Chinese girl who has doubts and couldn’t even answer the so called “cultural problems” questions from a Caucasian man she was with for a long time. That’s quite odd to me. She’s exactly one of the tons who could give an answer to that, one of the tons of ways to answer it.

    Are Russian women really so “western brain washed” against Asian/Chinese men? I heard more positive experience with girls from ex-Soviet Union countries who are open to Asian/Chinese than those Western ones.

    Reply
    • July 13, 2018 at 11:12 am
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      Hi Alex, as I noted at the top of the piece, this is the first installment of the article — I’ll be sharing the other 3 interviews in subsequent pieces.

      The start of the article was a conversation between a white guy and the author of the piece (a Chinese man), actually.

      Reply
      • July 14, 2018 at 10:17 am
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        Thank you for your answer. I did not pay attention to the first part of your introduction.

        “Yes, our culture has problems, so let’s break up.” My English is not that well I guess, I thought this means they were in a relationship, and automatically I assumed that it was a woman and a man, since they ” broke up.”

        If break up does not mean in separation status, I need to improve my English.

        Reply
    • July 13, 2018 at 11:57 am
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      “She really liked Chinese men. A lot of her friends had also dated Asian men.”

      That part of the interview should give you your answer Alex… 😊

      Reply
    • July 25, 2018 at 2:37 pm
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      Russian women with Chinese men? But then again, I first heard about such relationships perhaps a couple of decades ago, mostly involving women from Siberia and guys based in northern China….From what I have read, there are actually match-making services that cater to these groups. To each his or her own, I guess, but most of these pairings are, reportedly, for economic reasons. On a related note, more than 20 years ago, I used to be active on a particular online newsgroup, Soc.Culture.Filipino, where we would discuss and debate issues relevant to the Philippine experience, and I will never forget this one post, supposedly from an American woman describing herself as “blonde,” blue-eyed,” and “physically attractive.” She described herself as being around 30, and a single mom with a 9 year old daughter. She made it clear in her post that she was looking for a well-to-do Philippine guy to marry her and provide financially for herself and her child, and in return, she would fulfill all his sexual desires and be a trophy wife. She apparently wanted a Filipino was because her sister had married one and she observed that they got along fine! If anyone is wondering why I remember the details, well, it was, at the time, one of the most unusual postings I had ever encountered, and to my recollection, no one posted a response!

      Reply
      • July 26, 2018 at 11:24 am
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        I personally prefer to find a girl who is similar in social, economical, and educational status. However, when someone happen to be less established, I would still consider if other things feel well. However, I don’t think those kind of exchange without relationship is going to work. And that woman, not offence, is dumb.

        Additionally, what works for others not necessary means it would work for every one.

        Reply
        • July 26, 2018 at 7:37 pm
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          Happens all the time throughout history. It’s no secret, for example, that in the Philippines, many of the intermarriages between Philippine women and Chinese men were and are for economic purposes, and that further extends to most marriages between Philippine women and White men….And obviously, much of that occurs between males and females within the same race and culture. Is it unusual to see guys who drive fancy cars usually surrounded by attractive girls? I suppose not. I have said it before, but this is all related to female hypergamy and another term referred to “monkey branching.” I learned about all this from reading various online discussions and videos usually associated with MGTOW (“Men Going Their Own Way”) and “Red Pill” issues, not to mention private chats. I think we can learn a lot more from them than from ideologically-motivated “explanations” derived from AMWF culture. From what I understand, increasing numbers of Asian guys are tuning in and being influenced by MGTOW….

          Reply
  • July 13, 2018 at 10:24 am
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    Great article. I was borin in China, and moved to the U.S. when I was a kid. During my teens, I always liked white girls, and I dated a few of them. Long story short, I married my high school sweetheart, and she is polish/German. We been through a lot together like every other relationship. I have taken her to China and visited my family.

    There are a lot culture differences, but that only makes life more interesting!

    Reply
    • July 13, 2018 at 11:13 am
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      Thanks for the comment, Mike — nice to hear you and your high school sweetheart found a happily ever after. Cultural differences can make life more interesting.

      Reply
  • July 16, 2018 at 2:09 pm
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    Chinese women like western men? Everything is just a joke. .. I’ve seen some video’s Most Chinese women don’t like western men I can find some white girlfriends But white people look older Many American women are fat A typical Chinese man doesn’t like fat women .. If you go to yahoo Chinese men Then I saw your article Why don’t western women date Chinese men …………………… We can easily find a girlfriend in Russia But you still Why don’t western women date Chinese men …. I think it should be Chinese men don’t like American women? I read your article recently You don’t want Asian men to date white women

    Reply
    • July 17, 2018 at 9:58 pm
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      Actually, you misunderstand….Jocelyn is very much in favor of AMWF relationships. All you have to do is look at the pictures! My major disagreement is on an ideological level and the fact that a major thrust of this blog is to focus on issues that the vast majority of Asians, living there or abroad, are either oblivious to, or are completely indifferent about. And I especially object to the misuse of statistical data as a means of demonstrating politically-incorrect bias, and it seems always geared towards “proving” that any relationship disparities between AMWF and AFWM is the “fault” of “racist” White women as well as the media and entertainment industries. And prior to discovering this blog, I didn’t even know these issues existed! I can say with virtual certainty that such topics have RARELY or NEVER come up in any discussions I have had with fellow Asians, Filipino or otherwise. As far as people are concerned, this whole notion of dating and marrying is a personal matter between the parties, involved, and for people to attach any ideological interpretation to corresponding relationship patterns is plainly absurd, if you ask me or any Asians I know, personally. Go ask some “quality” Asian males, privately and without revealing their identity–you know, those who are “experienced,” “mature,” “intelligent,” and “informed,” what they REALLY think about AMWF relationships, and do not be surprised if you get a variety of answers–many of them, “unflattering,” but none of which involve “frustration” in being “unable to date White women.” To be fair, I know of a number of successful AMWF pairings and I certainly have nothing against that, personally, due in part to my own AMWF experience, but it is time to put to rest any claims of “Asian male emasculation,” and of supposedly “blaming” the media for their “role” in perpetuating that and related stereotypes, which hardly any Asian that I am acquainted with, is personally aware of.

      Reply
  • Pingback:"The Moment Our Eyes Met, I Froze": Chinese Men Open up About Dating Foreign Women on Vice.cn | Speaking of China

  • July 18, 2018 at 9:57 am
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    Well, it depends. Some people definitely feel “frustrated” for there aren’t many girls they could date, especially in the USA. I live in the south and it qualifies me to have a say here.

    I was frustrated a while ago. I came to the USA as a foreign student long time ago, and I don’t know many people, hence not many girls of my age I could have any connection with. I tried some mainstream dating services, pretty much all of you who live in North America know what they are, websites, apps, and so on. I barely get any responses, for I send out simple friendly messages to all profiles I think I liked to get to know that person, regardless the race, but mainly Caucasian/Hispanic here.

    With thousands of messages, there was not even few meaningful conversations. I tried many possible ways I know to improve my profile, but did not work well. There are many many other reasons could explain why it did not work, but personally I believe being as a Chinese/Asian is the major factor to contribute to my poor experience. I don’t believe I am “not social” or “lack of confidence in English.”

    When you want to find a relationship/partner, and there aren’t choices, that’s why they feel frustration.

    Reply
    • July 18, 2018 at 12:30 pm
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      I never experienced any frustration about a lack of dating opportunities, but then again, I am introverted and not really into socializing, much, but that’s my personality. Yet, I have actually turned down interracial dating opportunities because I really wasn’t interested, at the time. But the reason for my AMWF relationship–a story which I have shared, previously, is because we started out as friends and our feelings developed over the years….And only once did I ever accept a blind date, but she is also Filipino, but never again will I do that! Personally, I find the whole secular dating scene to be incredibly shallow and narcissistic, and realizing that much of AMWF culture is a reflection of that, which helps explain why a lot of Asian friends avoid anything like it, but they do not necessarily reject interracial relationships. They just do not subscribe to a belief system that depicts them as being “emasculated” and “blaming” that on the media. I know of a number of successful AMWF pairings, some lasting 30-plus years, plus this one Filipino guy who married his high school sweetheart and they have been together nearly 20 years….His wife–who is White, is a really pretty brunette!

      Reply
    • July 18, 2018 at 2:30 pm
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      ManilaMemories, I would add to what Alex wrote that that the issue of Asian male stereotypes is discussed within Asian America. Consider the recent emergence of the documentary The Ugly Model, which was incidentally produced by an Asian American woman and focuses on an Asian man who is a model. Here’s the summary from the website:

      Asian American fitness model Kevin Kreider has spent his whole life trying to answer the question: “Can Asian men be sexy?” This film examines the paradox of the handsome male model who feels unattractive, ashamed and emasculated because of his Asian ethnicity.

      Asian men have historically been portrayed as weak, unattractive and never getting the girl (or boy) they desire in Western film and media. We will debunk these myths by finding out how these stereotypes came about in order to dispel them. We hope Kevin’s personal story sheds more light on this topic and can help others who have struggled with shame and feeling less than no matter what race, ethnicity, gender or sexuality they may be.

      The film includes a number of interviews with prominent Asian Americans on this subject, including basketball star Jeremy Lin.

      The documentary was even highlighted on the Asian American news site AsAm News with the following introduction:

      I can almost hear the groans. You’re writing about AMSS, the Asian Male Stereotype Syndrome, again? Don’t you get tired writing about that?

      Well, yes! Like many adult Asian American men, I had to go through this phase of self-loathing, wondering where this shame and self-hatred is coming from. I know that there is a young Asian American boy out there going through this unpleasant phase and possibly thinking he’s ugly, he’s unattractive, he might even be thinking of harming himself.

      Reply
      • July 18, 2018 at 4:35 pm
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        Just to add to Jocelyn’s post, it’s also worth checking out this interview with Jeremy Long, an Asian male porn star who got into the porn industry for the express purpose of debunking the emasculating stereotypes of Asian men:

        Reply
  • Pingback:“It Was Her First Time to Sleep With a Chinese Man”: Chinese Men Open up About Dating Foreign Women on Vice.cn | Speaking of China

  • July 19, 2018 at 10:57 pm
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    OMG, this is why the AMWF “mindset” that fixates on this so-called Asian male “image problem” is so disconnected–yes, DISCONNECTED, from what REAL, “quality” Asian guys truly care about, and it’s not whether we are being negatively depicted as to our alleged lack of “sexiness,” “lack of physical attractiveness,” or whatever else seems to matter to, presumably, the majority of people who read this blog. Then again, I do not seek inspiration from the likes of a Jeremy Long (yes, I know about him), or some random Asian male model, whose name does not ring a bell for the vast majority of us. From my observations, the general view among my Philippine guy friends, for instance, is that all this stuff about Asian male “frustration” and “self-loathing” seems to exist only in the minds of those who are “secular,” “inexperienced,” “naïve,” and “immature.” Incidentally, I have actually read the late Alex Tizon’s book, “Big Little Man,” and found it deeply flawed. He was the kind of guy I would not want my sister to date and marry and I am so glad our paths never met.

    Reply
  • Pingback:“I Awoke to Find a Girl Lying by My Side”: Chinese Men Open up About Dating Foreign Women on Vice.cn | Speaking of China

  • July 26, 2018 at 8:18 am
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    He just found a girlfriend into threesomes that easily, like most foreign girls are actually like that, ummmm…?

    These are certainly enticing sorts of articles, fun to read of course, but I may say that I don’t really sense the ring of truth in it. If only, right.

    Seems to be enforcing stereotypes about foreigners more than an accurate assessment of most girls. Guess anything is possible, but I can’t help wondering if Vice in China is more clickbait than it is a good source.

    Reply
    • July 26, 2018 at 7:19 pm
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      There’s that word, again…”stereotype.” It seems we cannot post anything about people without avoiding any mention of it.

      Reply

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