Tag: Marriage in China

Advice and true stories about marriage in China, from one Western woman with a Chinese husband.

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Memoirs of a Yangxifu: Most Popular Posts

Chinese husband and Western wife getting married in China
What were the most popular (or in some cases, embarrassing 😉 ) moments from Memoirs of a Yangxifu?

Memoirs of a Yangxifu was the story of love, cultural understanding and eventual marriage between one American woman from the city and one Chinese man from the countryside.

What were the top 10 most popular moments, by views?

  1. Chapter 72: Private Parts in China. An embarrassing afternoon of trying to get my — well, you know — checked out.
  2. Chapter 1: My Heart is Shut Away, My Chinese Boyfriend is Gone.  As I took a weekend trip, to escape the muggy summer heat and a painful breakup, little did I know I was heading towards my future husband.
  3. Chapter 8: John is my Chinese Boyfriend. The night by the West Lake, when John and I officially become a couple. Continue reading “Memoirs of a Yangxifu: Most Popular Posts”
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Epilogue: The Destiny to Marry in China

Western woman and Chinese man marry in Shanghai
Six years ago today, John and I registered our marriage. Today, I look back on the series, Memoirs of a Yangxifu, and also announce a new posting schedule

In China, lovers are often said “to have the destiny to meet across one thousand li.” For my Chinese husband, John, and I, it wasn’t just one thousand li — it was ten thousand li.

Distance, of course, is all relative.

I grew up in the suburbs of Cleveland, Ohio, and John in the countryside of Zhejiang Province. I knew the distance between us, something around 8,000 or more English miles apart (almost 13,000 kilometers). But this kind of distance, where separation is measured by miles, by continents, is as meaningless as the “Model Unit” plaques adorning work units all over China.

So what is it that can turn a thousand li into ten thousand?

I wrote the series Memoirs of a Yangxifu to explore this idea, to look at what it took for one Western woman and one Chinese man to overcome the distance — cultural, mental, even physical — to become a couple. Continue reading “Epilogue: The Destiny to Marry in China”

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Ask the Yangxifu: Chinese Parents Against Divorced Western Man

Divided house
What happens when you're from a divided family -- and your Chinese girlfriend's parents don't approve of you? A divorced man from the UK loves his Chinese girlfriend, but isn't getting any love from her parents.

DivorcedintheUK asks:

I am divorced from my uk wife and have 3 Children in the uk. A year ago i met a beautifully sincere Chinese woman, we became very close friends and now we are inseparable. Her parents are totally against our relationship and insisted we split,well my girlfriend told them that she loves me and that we are going to be together no matter what they insist,(she lives with them still ) I was accused of many untrue things and i was out to con her  and beat her.

I have a well paid job and financially we are sound,

They say that as i have 3 children i am not suitable or good enough for their daughter, and she is embarrassing the family.

I have tried to be patient and understanding, but i need help. Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Chinese Parents Against Divorced Western Man”

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Ask the Yangxifu: When a Chinese Man Buries His Love

Broken heart
One Western woman reveals her love to a Chinese man, only to learn he can never love her back. Can she ever be more than just his friend?

LongingForLove asks:

I wonder about Chinese man act of love really. I have one guy from China and we become good friends first .We help and share stories together and have happy time also .One day i feel ” I love him ” but i don’t know what should i do really ? because he doesn’t show anythings to me that he love me ,only he always tells me that ” you raise me up.” So , i told him when i met him that ” I love you” and he replied me that ” i felt same like you ” but i feel uncomfortable if we thought like that .Whatever happen i expected we contact forever.

He told me that he is Chinese man and have tradition “love not easy” and love is in his heart . Please if you kind ,what should i do ? and his reaction to me friend or lover? Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: When a Chinese Man Buries His Love”

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Ask the Yangxifu: Chinese Men and the Marriage Proposal

Western woman showing off her engagement ring from a Chinese man
If your Chinese man likes it, how does he put a ring on it? Jocelyn takes on the topic of creative marriage proposals from Chinese men. (photo by wvermeulen)

Friend asks:

I was going to ask if you were going to make an entry on how chinese men propose, and maybe personal examples from you or others. Some thoughts ran around my head while I was listening to that cheesy but semi-adorable song by David Tao, Today you’re going to marry me (今天你要嫁给我). Although a lot of western guys come with a bunch of fun and neat ideas of proposing, there’s no lack of creativity from Chinese guys, shy as they may be. Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Chinese Men and the Marriage Proposal”

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Travel China with the Yangxifu: Suzhou’s Wedding Gown Street

Trying on a wedding gown in on Suzhou's wedding gown street
Are you engaged in China? Consider a visit to Suzhou’s Wedding Gown Street, where bridal beauty of your dreams is a bargain. My tailor-made dress, pictured above, cost only 400 RMB, including a bridal veil and gloves.

When you’re engaged and in China, thoughts of fancy might turn to, well, Suzhou. Not for the traditional Chinese gardens or homes. And not even for photo ops at the pagoda or Tiger Hill. You want Suzhou, because Suzhou is home to a fantastic wedding gown street (苏州婚纱一条街) — where you can get a tailor-made dream for less.

Located on a sprawling block within walking distance of Tiger Hill, Suzhou’s Wedding Gown street has none of the grace of its more famous neighboring attraction. It’s a depressing conglomeration of one- and two-story concrete stores with photoshopped signs and dresses that look dull under cheap fluorescent lighting — almost as if it were the wedding village for jilted fiancees. Yet, there are treasures behind those doors for the patient and persistent bride-to-be — with bargains that’ll have you saying a resounding “I do.”

So, what are your options? Continue reading “Travel China with the Yangxifu: Suzhou’s Wedding Gown Street”

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Chapter 58: China Marriage On My Mind

Wedding rings on a white background
In Shanghai, my Chinese boyfriend and I were almost as close as husband and wife. All of the signs said we were headed to a wedding -- so why did I have to ask?

There was no history of casual dating in John’s family. His maternal grandmother was a child bride, sent to live with her grandfather’s family when she was seven or eight, without the ability or understanding to contest her fate. She went from being a virginal pre-adolescent to a wife who would immediately bear children.

John’s mother, her daughter, married during the Cultural Revolution, in 1972 — with a “revolutionary marriage certificate,” stamped in red, to prove it. She was never a child bride, but still a stranger to this man, introduced to her through a matchmaker in the village, with a courtship that fast-tracked them straight to a wedding. Marriage was simply a practical matter, solving what the Chinese often refer to as their “personal problem.”

By the time I moved to Shanghai, John and I were as close as a husband and wife, living together and depending on each other. John had long decided we were a “settled couple” — that’s why he moved in with me in Hangzhou, only days after our historic first kiss. We had skipped casual courtship and went straight to something serious — serious enough to wonder about marriage. Continue reading “Chapter 58: China Marriage On My Mind”

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Ask the Yangxifu: Change your name after marriage in China?

 

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Gerald asks:

To change names or not [after marrying a Chinese in China], and if yes, how?

—–

When you marry a Chinese, it challenges many cultural assumptions about what matrimony is, and how we announce it. White dress or red qipao (or even both)? Hotel or church?

And, perhaps, even more puzzling — should she change her name, or not?

See, in China, women don’t change their names after marriage. In many Western countries, women do.

So, the question is, which tradition should you follow? Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Change your name after marriage in China?”

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China Blogs by Western Women who Love Chinese Men

Western women who love Chinese men
Some Western women who love Chinese men can blog too. Let’s celebrate these unique voices on the web!

(NOTE: For the most up-to-date list of these blogs, read my 2018 update of this list)

March is women’s history month, and just last week, March 8 was international women’s day. As we remember the women who make a difference in our world, there’s one minority voice we shouldn’t forget — the Western women who love Chinese men.

China blogs are still a man’s world, so our voices are often lost in the comments and trackbacks. But Western women who love Chinese men have a unique perspective to a woman’s experience in China — which makes their blogs even more valuable in the blogsphere. Here’s my list, in alphabetical order (according to the blog’s name). Continue reading “China Blogs by Western Women who Love Chinese Men”

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Western Wives, Chinese Husbands — Guest Interview Piece at Middle Kingdom Life

Western wife and Chinese husband on wedding day, walking under a trellis
Check out “Western wives, Chinese husbands” at Middle Kingdom Life, a collaborative piece by me, Susan Chi, Melanie Gao and Jessica Larson-Wang

Read this collaborative piece on interracial dating and marriages of Western women and Chinese men I did with Susan Chi, Melanie Gao, and Jessica Larson-Wang — for Middle Kingdom Life. It’s called “Western Wives, Chinese Husbands.”

We answer these questions:

  • Are Chinese men generally attracted to Western women? Are they representative of Chinese men in general?
  • Is there anything culturally unique about the psychology of Chinese men, as a group, that Western women should be aware of?
  • How are dating etiquette and customs different in China in regard to men than in the States?
  • What is the best way to find English-speaking Chinese men?
  • What are Chinese men looking for in a wife?
  • What are the advantages of having a Chinese husband in China?
  • What are some common problems Western women face with a Chinese husband?

A big thanks to Susan, Melanie and Jessica (who put up with my copious e-mails and crazy requests for things like photos)! Your voices truly made this a valuable piece.

So, take a look at the article — and share it with your friends, too. Enjoy!

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