I wonder about Chinese man act of love really. I have one guy from China and we become good friends first .We help and share stories together and have happy time also .One day i feel ” I love him ” but i don’t know what should i do really ? because he doesn’t show anythings to me that he love me ,only he always tells me that ” you raise me up.” So , i told him when i met him that ” I love you” and he replied me that ” i felt same like you ” but i feel uncomfortable if we thought like that .Whatever happen i expected we contact forever.
He told me that he is Chinese man and have tradition “love not easy” and love is in his heart . Please if you kind ,what should i do ? and his reaction to me friend or lover?
In today’s China, love and marriage is often a practical matter — even as more and more couples marry for love.
Most Chinese men must provide an apartment, a good salary and (increasingly) a car before a woman will say “I do.” Without these — for example, as a cash-strapped student, or a young professional with a pretty empty bank account — he might eschew dating altogether, and and especially if you’re a foreigner. Chinese women already expect a lot, so surely you, the foreign woman, would demand even more.
At the same time, when you marry a Chinese, it’s like marrying the entire family — so family opinion matters. Some families frown on having a foreign daughter-in-law, thanks to stereotypes (such as how we’re all “sleazy seductresses”). Unless he’s unconventional or defiant, he’d rather marry the Chinese girl they had in mind, instead of alienating his family (the most important source of social support in his life).
It’s not surprising, then, that love doesn’t always equal marriage, especially with Chinese men and foreign women. And it’s even less surprising that a true love might be buried away forever in his heart. I can’t tell you how many Chinese men I’ve met who had to leave a love behind, or let love go in the name of marriage (incidentally, they often refer to marriage as “solving their personal problem”).
So, what’s a girl to do?
You can always continue the friendship, in the hopes he might change his mind — but that’s a very, very big hope. Chances are, he’ll never be more than just a friend, even if he really does love you. And if that’s true, you can either bury your own love, or leave the friendship. They’re not easy choices. But, then again, as your Chinese friend said, love is not an easy matter.
(P.S.: To learn more about the traditional Chinese view of love and marriage, pick up the novel Waiting, by Ha Jin)
Do you have a question about life, dating, marriage and family in China (or in Chinese culture)? Every Friday, I answer questions on my blog. Send me your question today.