sex in singapore asks:
Any idea why my Singaporean (Chinese) lover is so terrible in bed? He is 35, has had long term relationships, has been exposed to the west as he is a successful producer and has been all over the world, he is exposed to the concept of good sex through films and media… so why is he so clueless? He doesn’t even try. In the past his gfs have been Chinese and Singaporean.. When I asked Chinese friends they say in Chinese culture men are less romantic and more passive and don’t want to give pleasure to women. Others say Asians are just not as passionate as in european countries for example. Again I find this hard to believe, I am sure there are many Asians who know what they are doing.. but I do hear western men talking of their Chinese girlfriends and how they have never had orgasm etc. I am interested to know what you think of Chinese/Asian sexual relationships and whether it is in fact normal for the sex to be so … bad? I think this is unlikely and I think it is simply that my guy for whatever reason is just totally clueless. But can any generalisations be made on this subject? thanks!
The best sex I’ve ever had has been with Chinese men (including my husband). And that tells me that there are plenty of wonderful lovers to be found among the sons of Han.
Still, while I’ve experienced the best of times in bed with Chinese men, I’m willing to admit I’ve had my worst of times too. And a recent sex survey did say that Chinese men feel less satisfied as a whole with sex than Westerners.
But does that mean bad in bed is the norm? Or that Chinese men are less passionate or romantic as lovers? Those are questions that I bet the “Asian men have small penises” camp would love to jump on.
Personally, I think Chinese men have the goods and ability to be truly sexy, and truly great lovers. So what’s the difference then?
Well, Chinese men live in a culture where sex is much more of a taboo.
Take my husband, for example. He grew up in a home where love was expressed indirectly, where no one ever hugged or kissed in public — or even hugged or kissed him. His parents never talked to him about sex or dating, and sex education at school was a joke (he had to learn about it from late-night radio shows, his friends, and later the Internet).
Or what about my first Chinese boyfriend? The first time he had sex with a girl (not me), he had no idea what to do, and she had to show him how. (I will say he turned out to be a fantastic lover, despite this story he told me).
I’m also reminded of the Asian Playboy, and what he once wrote about Asians:
Because of the generational gap between Asian fathers and their American-born sons, Asian men often miss out on the dating tips most American men get from their dads.
While he wrote that with Asian American men in mind, chances are, Chinese men in China aren’t getting any dating tips from their dads either.
When it comes to sex, I think Chinese men are probably not as well-informed by their families, schools and the culture as a whole. And they’re generally not socialized to talk about sex or express their sexuality.
So, for some men, that can lead to problems — one, that he’s too sexually repressed to perform well; or two, that he’s less likely to communicate about sex in bed. Believe me, movies don’t enter into the equation. He could watch the most accomplished sex scenes in all of cinema — but if he doesn’t allow himself to be sexual, or to talk about it, it’s going to be that much more difficult to be good in bed.
Remember, these are simply potential problems for some, but not all, Chinese men. After all, if all Chinese men were so terrible, how is it they’ve still given me the best sex I’ve ever had?
So, if you can’t work it out with your Chinese boyfriend, never fear — there are still sexy Chinese men out there who could rock your world. 😉
What do you think?
Do you have a question about life, dating, marriage and family in China/Chinese culture (or Western culture)? Every Friday, I answer questions on my blog. Send me your question today.
108 Replies to “Ask the Yangxifu: Sex and Chinese Men”
Puh-lease!!! Chinese men and Singaporean men — they’re not one and the same thing!
I’m no expert on this subject, but to me the existence of the 《金.瓶.梅》 (dots added to split the characters up just in case Nanny takes exception to mention of that book (incidentally, there seem to have been a few films made in Hong Kong, Taiwan and Japan based on that book [ahem])) and plenty of less explicit mentions in Chinese literature suggest that any stereotype of Chinese men being bad lovers is a recent phenomenon, and the traditional prudishness of institutional Communism has helped to give that stereotype a basis in reality. Unfortunately, Lee Kuan Yew seems to share the prudishness of the CCP’s old guard.
Many Singaporeans are very conservative..they wont bed till marriage.
the pretty ones have been in bed before marriage and you will never know. it happens
It’s not true!!!! There are lots of Chinese men that can rock your boat like there’s no tomorrow and begging for more hot , sweating sex. My Chinese friends and I talk about sex all the time and how on giving women the most explosive orgasm of their lives. sexual positions and other hardcore , back breaking positions. I think we just have to communicate constantly about sex in order to tell our brains and bodies to perform. I hope I’m not too graphic about it. My cousin and other asian friends have caucasian wives and they’re married for yrs and yrs. I haven’t heard or seen anything bad about their marriage.
Its due to immaturity…Talking openly about sex is Taboo in East Asian countries like Korea and China. So parents don’t really talk about this openly and the fact that the younger people are so preoccupied with their studies leaves little free time like dating.
Western societies and Eastern societies are very different regarding to sex. Westerners focus on sex all the time and everything is based on sex like Commerical ads, movies and products. Kids in High school here in America have boyfriends when they’re 13 to 15 yrs old and in China 19 or older.
Asian men focus on so much on career and studies than chasing after women.
well, for a start, NOT all chinese men are the same. it really depends on where they’re from. regarding singaporean men, by that i mean chinese singaporean men, there is a degree of truth that the majority of them are prudish. i would advise ‘sex in singapore’ to talk to her guy i.e have a honest conversation on the subject. talking to your friends, by the way is not going to help you, it might be a bit of a help but the issue here is you and your boyfriend and at his age, 35, he should be mature enough to have a conversation with you on the subject. hope it helps. oh by the way, i’ve been told that i ‘perform’ well by the caucasian women i’ve been with over the years. open conversation does help. hehehe ! and happy new year ! ok ok i know its a bit late !
Sorry, but most Singaporean men are just lousy when it comes to love in general. The ones I’ve met, anyway. I don’t think Chinese are unromantic or unaffectionate, they just have a harder time expressing it. It’s not only culture and upbringing – personality is a big factor as desire, libido and intimacy levels vary from person to person. I’m thankful that my Chinese boyfriend is extremely demonstrative and romantic, and likes to make an effort, even if it’s gimmicky events like Valentine’s Day, for which he is already planning, haha! 🙂 Perhaps it’s because he’s Northern Chinese – I have heard that Northern men tend to be more forthright and direct about their feelings and affectations, whereas Southerners – HK, most Chinese-Singaporean men etc tend to be more tender and indirect.
Anyway, he should make more of an effort to satisfy your needs and wants – you might have to be straight with him, tell him what you need, and give him hints as to how he can improve. He should be willing to learn – see it as a challenge! It’s actually a pretty common relationship issue, I don’t think race or nationality hold much bearing. Good luck!
Has anybody seen Lust Caution? that was one hot movie with some crazy sex scenes, not to mention a great storyline.
Maybe the guy just have a low libido, anybody from any group can have a low libido. Is he involved with another woman, find you sexually unattractive, having health issues ( erectile dysfunction, pme)? He’s only a lover, you can always trade him in for an upgraded version.
Why hello there…
Americans are open about love and sex . It’s very normal to see display of affection , kissing ,and hugging. I don’t know but it feels natural to pick up the opposit sex here. I don’t know if my ancestors were from the North of China or not ,but our family members are very tall and extremely DIRECT, and we’re not quiet or soft. We show alot of hand and face gestures when we talk. Just put alot of emotion to everything. All my brothers and I do manly activities like hunting,shooting at outdoor gun range, fishing , bodybuilding etc and we’re Chinese , too LOL. I like bodybuilding a lot and planting plants and gardening . I do emphasize on “COMMUNICATION”. For example , I’m just a perfectionist in regards to everything. I like to fix and solve problems either a relationship or a freaking plumbing problem. Trust me! your partner will tell you what he/she doesn’t like. My wife gives me hints all the time and vice versa. If you a rough and hot temper person like me, try to show that when you’re expressing your feelings but don’t show that all the time .. it depends on each situation you know. I can be detailed ,caring and sensitive ,too. My wife says I’m a man’s man with alot persistence and leadership and kind hearted ,so she’s getting a man of both worlds 🙂 . Yes, if a woman is not sexually pleased , you should do research on how to correct the problems. Women need to be warmed up at first like foreplay for 15 to 20 minutes and you have to take off your eskimo clothings and show some skin man. Maybe do some flexing and posing of your powerful chest , biceps and triceps. It works for me :). You have to tease your partner all the time. It’s a life time teasing commitment. If she loves this sex position or spot , try to put additional secret techniques into your lovemaking. LOL I sound like a sex therapist ahhahahah j/k 🙂
Jules, low libido is due to lack of exercise or exttreme exercise. Eat more beef and other meats to boost up your testoterone. Too much veggies and friuts will lower your testoterone level. Libido is driven by testoterone. Send that guy here, I’ll boost up his testoterone level 1000 times and push his butt/body to the limit with weights training and protein shakes ( amino acids included) . I sound open minded but actually I’m a conservative and very humble.
OMG Bruce, if I start dating my love interest, I am going to send him to you to talk to.
YOu make some really interesting points, I’d like to find out what you think about this..
My guy, (don’t laugh) was a buddhist monk, trained in shaolin temple for like 13 years. He is really confident and masculine, ofcourse I fancy him, but I do wonder about what to expect him the sexual department since I know he hasn’t even kissed a girl.
What you mention about the exercise- he is not into the heavy duty routine, but he eats healthily, goes to bed early, wakes up early, and exercises regulary. So do you think his libido will be in tact?
I know he thinks I am beautiful and he has been confident enough to ask me out on dates twice, but due to his spiritual background, I’m like Jesus, I don’t know if this man will ever get sexy thoughts about me. Could you give me some insight of a man’s perspective of a first time crush, losing virginity, he hasn’t had a girlfriend before, what could be going through his head? What is the first love like for a guy?
Honestly! What are odds, falling in love with a buddhist monk.. lIke a white girl and chinese guy wasnt rare enough. I had to bloody search all over the net for a blog like this one for some information on this type of relationship but ABSOLUTELY NOTHING on a chinese monk who was in a temple for most of his life, what are the odds.
so I have been hassling poor Jocelyn with tons of questions…
Start a sex blog Bruce, and I am sending my guy to you when we get married, lol! or at best, i am gonna be reaping the benefits of his kung fu practice so your services wont be needed, hehehe
Okay, I can sympathize and many will pridefully think that they’re the best thing ever. But personally we can expect too much. 😉 There’s nothing stopping you from showing him the ropes and how to do it all. The role of a teacher can be very satisfying. 😉 Rock his world and if he doesn’t try to reciprocate and work harder at him, then you have an excuse to say the hurtful things, ruin his pride and leave him. 😛
&& Sounds really interesting Jin. I want to know how you met this guy!
give me your email, i will write to you. xx
OMG Jin! ha ha ha LMAO :). I really understand your situation right now ,because we have a similar REAL story between 2 married women and a Buddhist monk here. This monk was extremely horny like hell!!!!!! The was story was spread all over the community OMG :). He was kicked out of the temple already for being horny :). soo funny. I have lots of jokes about monks,but anyways it’s too much for you guys here :(.
haha yes, although it does sound a little different because it sounds that guy just had a sex problem! whereas my fella seems to have practiced buddhism very well and not one of the corrupt ones. unfortunately, i have heard stories of the porno mags etc being sneaked in temples, but honestly, my guy fits the pictures of a sensitive, honest, humble, bashful type even though he is quite modern! but two married women? oh dear, no wonder he got kicked out! saucy!!! : D
The funny thing was that 2 married women fought over this monk. I guess he was powerful in the sex department *tickles* :). Is your monk still going to the temple right now? Maybe this monk will rock your world so be careful , dear. He might kick through the door at night with all the sexual tension over years of neglects.I know I would … Well, I think you have a slim chance if he has NOT leave the Buddhist beliefs behind. You should give him the sexy “looks” and slowly touch his hand at times when you talk… and maybe use your foot to tap his when the timing is right when you talk. Please compliment about his physique. There are no rules nowadays that women can’t court men. IT’s 2011 now .SO DO IT !!!!!! My wife courted me ,so why not you do the same to this monk , Jin. Nobody cares anymore. Give him hugs when you meet him and do the same when you say goodbye. Maybe all this flirting and touching will create “Desire”for you two. Thanks for you email, Jin. I have to work out now. My 80lbs dumbbells are waiting for me :). I’m working on my round , juicy chest today. OMG all melon hmm hmm hmm hehehehehhe.
btw, tell him to cut down on tofu, garlic and spinach. I have my reasons so do it 🙂
Sex in Singapore,
All I know is that you just have to communicate with your partner on why you’re not sexually satisfied and what you like or dislike. I know some weird people that like their hair to be pulled while doing it. Maybe he is too tired after a long day at work or he is stressed out over work that would interfere with his performance. You know the biggest sex orgain is your brain.Chinese men /Asian men in general are very family oriented and they tend to focus on careers ,so I think we don’t always “focus” mainly on sex like those horndogs. My Chinese pals told me that their girl friends love having sex with them. One of my best friends said that he gave his girl friend several orgasms on one night and she felt soooooo good that she was exhausted and had to stop and said ” no more you’re too much”. One ex-gf of his always called him and wanted to come back because he was such a good lover. He was very detailed in describing his sex acts to me 🙂 from performing oral sex to toys….. and an** sex ,too ? This guy is kinky though. Well, I guess he is still my very good friend so he tells me everything. So, there you go . These are the Chinese guys that I know and I’m a Chinese guy, too. I think you see a few AM/WF relationships in the public that is why you have doubts on whether an Asian man can satisfy you sexually. Do not listen to those asian women/ Chinese women with white boyfriends/husbands for advices. Most of them are hypocrites. When we don’t understand a group , a person , a culture , we tend to critize and sterotype. I’m very confident that asian men or a Chinese man can satisfy you 110% completely. WE can satisfy you sexually, spiritually and financially. I bet my life on this.
What a juicy post!! After spending three weeks in China, for the most expensive booty call of my life (actually with my boyfriend) I can attest that my Chinese man is an example of those who CAN please a woman (over and over again… ). I think that from all races there are men who know whats up and some that don’t. Its important to have a solid sense of communication, confidence, and trust in each other. If the relationship has a good foundation and chemistry based on the other aspects I think it is possible to improve the sex.
Great post, Jocelyn. Avoids the bullshit with half a phrase and goes straight to the heart of the matter. From asking Western friends who dated Chinese guys, I heard stuff that pretty much corresponds to what you wrote about “I enjoy it, but he’s uncreative”, “It works itself out”. Even with the upbringing handicap, anything can be learned if you have an open mind.
People still need to talk about it.
Let’s promote hardcore pornography in China so average 1.3 billion Chinese men can learn 101 sex positions.maybe we get executed for doing that. Chinese are not exposed to xxx movies like here in America.maybe that will solve the problems once and for all.
From my experience, there always be complaints from the opposite sex doesn’t matter if you’re asian or white.
@ Alexandra, this could be juicier if you guys/girls want to.
It depends on your mood also when it comes to passionate lovemaking. Some days you want it slow and some days you want it fast and really hard , rough sex. Sometimes, you really want to throw your woman in the bed and get undress in seconds and give her the ride of her life. squeeze each other bodies and slap her butt! ohhh!!:) :o. Try to have sweating, heart pounding sex like you’re working out in the gym non stop for 30minutes. Your gfs/wives will LOVE IT, BABY!! I taught my friend to fly 3ft in the air while doing man on top position and he said his gf loved it so much. He said that I’ve corrupted him hahahahah .
sweating like taking a shower . alll wet from head to toe man. Want to know how to accomplish this? Hit the gym. It’s about attitude, personality, the commitment to better yourself constantly.
I don’t know if I would laugh or cry if someone asked me anything like “Sex in Singapore” asks. Like, hello? Aren’t Chinese men individuals as well? Who has gone to bed with the gazillion Chinese men in China (or men of Chinese ancestry in other countries as well) to make assumptions about how all of them make love?
If I had problems in bed with a (say) German guy, the last thing I’d do is ask in a blog about Germany if all German guys are as clueless in bed as this particular guy. The problems are more likely to be found in the couple or in the guy himself, rather than in his ethnicity.
I’m a European woman with a Chinese husband. I won’t say how he is in bed (nobody cares) or how all Chinese men have sex (I have no idea), but the fact that there are so many women (Chinese or not) married to Chinese men proves that… they are like any other men, some will rock your socks and some with make you prefer to play Trivial than to make love.
I recommend S. i. S’pore to talk things over with this guy… and to read “L’Amant” (translated “The Lover”, I guess, by M. Duras).
🙂 Happy 2011 everybody.
@ Aorijia, I agree with you.
In general, people are so stupid that they don’t think like us. The sex industries, movies , hustler magazine, and playboy magazine create this idea that sex has to be wild , exploding all the time lilke daily, weekly, monthly etc. It’s not true. Whenever you’re a minority either in a relationship or a ethnic minority in a country of majority , you’ll always being sterotype, look down , put down and make all kinds of assumptions. The majority way of thinking is not always right. Sex is important but it’s not everything, dear. What about attributes like caring, modest, considerate, commitment,supportive etc in a person ? Do you think a white man with an asian woman is about sex? I don’t think soo. or do you think it’s about control over a submissive asian woman? I don’t think so. If there’s no love in a relationship why the hell a woman will stay with a man?You know that here in America 50% divorce rate man. Money and sex are not the two main things that split a couple. Our minds are corrupted by the media.
I read this blog post and all the comments… at times biting my tongue, and at times laughing my arse off. From the comments of Asian (Chinese/Singaporean’s) are just immature, to being conservative and a man named Bruce suggesting to introduce a whole boat load of porn (and getting executed in the process made me chuckle and almost spit my coffee on the screen)… to many other ideas.
Sex is taboo here in my personal opinion because most of the people are embarrassed about it. It used to be something that was only done to produce sons, women were taught to take it and not enjoy it, something that only happened behind closed doors and only with married people… wait. Does this not sound familiar to the way most western cultures were at one point? And look where we are now.
I’ve had some great sex with Chinese men. I’ve had some terrible and awkward sex with Chinese men too. I’ve had some amazing sex with foreigners. And I’ve been sorely disappointed with many foreign men as well. One thing that set Chinese men apart from Western men, Western men I found, are more willing to just let go and enjoy the moment. The Chinese men that were awkward and not all that good, I did find they were more open to suggestions and ideas on how to be a better lover. And enjoyed learning new things. Where many western men (who were living in China) seemed to be under the impression that they were god’s gift to women.
The big one, is having him overcome the thought that a woman’s vagina is dirty. And sex is supposed to be fun. And adult/sex toys are not a replacement but an addition. But many of the foreign men I have been with fall into the same boat.
Have any of you women ever had the conversation of the “female orgasm” with your Chinese friends? The Myth. The Legend. The Thing that does not exist? LOL!!! First time I had one with a previous boyfriend (he was 43 at the time) he thought I was dying. But all that is changing. Be it for the good or the worse. It is. Slowly, when talking to friends about sex, there are less red faces and more flowing conversations from all at the table. My students feel more comfortable asking questions and more willing to do research on their own.
That brings up another point about sex in China. When will it get good quality sex toys through out the country and not just those gummy-bear like material???
the last comment was great omg ~ Thank you hahaha
Sounds so weird of me to say this, but one of the fun ways of igniting a man’s passion is to play mysterious to them. It’s kind of like playing hard to get. Try not to let the guy touch you (or at least not too much) nor let him see you naked for a few days. It will be like you’re teasing the guy. Then when you want to get intimate, he’ll want to go all out.
Sometimes, it might not work.
Friend; that may or may not work depending on your relationship. Or how comfortable you both are. With my boyfriend when he is away on business, I tease him to death. I take pictures, send them to him at random times through the day. But not every woman would be comfortable doing this. I know a couple that have come up with a gesture; sliding a finger along their left ear lobe. It simply a message that they can send to the other to let the other know that their thoughts are going more towards the benefits of being in a steady relationship. It is a private thing, done in public, even with their parents at the same table, done to get both of them on the same page.
Personally…. I just like writing him erotic messages of what I want him to do to me when he gets home.
If I can make you chuckle and almost split on your screen, that’s wonderful. It’s an ice breaker for me. That means you like to be teased and tickled :). Sense of humor is important to me iin real life.People think Chinese men are quiet and soft spoken but not this guy here :). Have you women noticed that I’m the only Chinese man that write on this section? Maybe other Chinese men have better things to do than expressing their ideas and feelings here. I really like one of the women idea that suggested to have a community for white women / Chinese Men c ommunity in China.I love equality. It’s a two ways street. I don’t want too much white men/asian women couples to out number white women/ asian men. That’ll lead to more sterotype and stares!!!!!!
Chinese men are not quiet Bruce. When you get a cup or two of bijiu in them!!!! LOL!!! But then again… who does get quiet after bijiu?
Seeing as I live in usually smaller cities in China… no matter where I go, no matter what I am doing, or who I am with, I get stared at and more often than not followed.
It could just be that you are comfortable enough with yourself to express your thoughts Bruce!!! LOL!!!
I love it when you laugh your ass(arse) off LOL :). I can modify a huge ,long ,stainless steel /rubber sex toy on a chainsaw motor ( without blades of course ) and ship it to you overnight on Fedex. knock yourself out ,baby until eyes roll backward ! lmao :). I really don’t know people just don’t treat each other like humans anymore. We like freaking objects now. Western men think they’re god’s gift to women is because they really don’t understand the reason those native women are nice to them is to get a better life and get the heck outta CHINA.
I understand why people stare because they don’t see alot of you or me in that particular part of the country. Anyways, those stares in China are harmless. I would love to walk side by side with ya to ease the pain :).
I’m very direct and express my “feelings”and communicate all the time. This Christmas 3 of my neighbors whose are white put season greeting pictures in my mailbox.
Yes, you can get executed for being a rapist and sentenced in China and the rapist’s family has to pay for the bulllet. We will save millions in America and get ripped of alot of scumbags if we have laws like that here in America.
LOL!!! Bruce you are indeed a wonky one. People stare because they’ve never seen an Amazon Woman with weird arsed coloured hair walking down the street before!!!!
Nah… I am used to it. Most of my Chinese friends rather not be seen with me on the streets. They get embarrassed at the attention.
Don’t tell me that you don’t like men like me. I’ll light up your life. I like excitement.
You light up like a Christmas tree????
Yes, I can light up like a Christmas tree, but only for a special woman :). Do you want me to send you a Chinese man to rock your world instead of that vibrator/sex toy?I’m married , so I have to send my buddy to accomplish this “mission” *tickle* LOL . He is my best friend. 6’2″ , muscular, muscles ripped all over body. Beside the body, he’s nice, super smart and makes mucho Dinero and he was a male model. He has a great sense of humor just like me. This guy can make you happy every inch of your cute body . I caught him having sex with a gal and he almost broke the bed! the bed was squeaking like crazy and that gal was moaning like crazy. Afterward, he had to adjust the bed legs and I asked him and he said he loved it.. pounding hard and fast and rough and grind until his pelvic area and the gal’s pelvic area all RED. I said “why do you talk and sound so much like me?” that was soo funny. I guess we both like rough sports .That’s why I still talk to him til now as of January 2011 even though we live in different states . Woman,
it’s just an offer. You don’t have to accept it.
Send him. Just so for the novelty of looking eye to eye with a Chinese man.
Being so tall here in China, I have discovered that many of the men I have gotten to know, find me VERY intimidating simply because I am tall. Has anyone else come across this?? And then because they are shorter than I, I get the feeling that they are trying to make up for being short. Then I usually end up feeling as if I am on the wildlife channel with a man puffing up his chest, trying too hard to impress me.
Now… since you light up like a Christmas tree… how much is your electric bill? Do you carry a portable generator when you go out? Or run on wind power???
LOL!!! Let’s stop hijacking this comment thread.. but thank-you for the chuckles!!!!!!!!
How tall are you , Woman? I’m 6’1″. I would love to look eye to eye with a woman. Woman, look in my eyes ! Please don’t wink or else you’ll miss all the glory :).
Hummm…. this is turning into a conversation!!!
I am just over six foot one… I cannot even recall the last time I spoke eye to eye to someone.
Of course I shall wink and do the double blink… it will be like a movie out of focus!!!
I love your Ass Plug Challenge! over 6’1″ huh? Nice height. Do you like to wear high heels ? Love women in RED high heels!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!oh ,baby!
I would probably wear red high heels if they made them in my shoe size. What store do you visit??? Did you vote? LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just took a peek at your site for one minute only. I’m a very busy guy, my dear. I work 7 days a week. Lots of KY Jelly for the ass plug! ohhh :).I love the beads that you can pull out from the “arse” LOL. soo juicy OMG soo creamie . What if you can’t pull them out ? call 911 duh!! You think that this Chinese guy knows nothing about sex toys huh? hahaha j/k.
Sorry to be a kill joy guys, the posts are becoming annoying, seedy and irrelevant to the issue at hand. I get an update for each message on this post because I am interested in this topic, and I don’t want to have to opt out and miss out on any possible serious discussion so please… much love,
I think Jin Feng has a good point here, given that many people are getting notifications on this. Bruce, Woman, I will get the two of you in touch so you can continue this discussion offline. Thanks to everyone who contributed to this discussion.
Sorry forgive me. I saw the ” blah,blah, challenge”so I made a comment. I won’t contact woman offline for that. Okay, let ‘s get back to the s
I have to reassure you , this blog and the general public 1000 times that Chinese Men can sexually pleased and satisfied White Women. From my personal experience and the Chinese men that I’ve seen and talked to , their White wives are happy and they also have children . One of my clients have a white gf, she really wants to marry this Chinese man. The gf’s sister insists them to be married. This Chinese guy English is not great either. In addition to this Chinese man, there are more than a dozen Chinese men that I know that have White wives. I went to tactical handgun training last yr and there were White women that are married with Chinese husbands. Why ? Let’s sit down and think for a minute. If you’re a White woman and you’re not attracted and sexually aroused to this Chinese guy . Why do you want to marry him? THis is basic. Think about it. Marriage is a TOTAL PACKAGE not just sex alone. Sex, compatibility, responsibility(commitment), understanding, unity , communication = Marriage. I’m speaking from my experience
Nice words Brian. Are you on facebook? You should have your own blog. Yeah my personal concerns were not over the fact that he was chinese, but that he has was a MONK. lol but we’ve been over that. still good speach : ) ohhhh why is he taking so long. I’d love to find out for myself you know? than maybe i would have more to contribute on this post : )
Frankly my dear, I don’t need my own blog, I need a TV SHOW in China . I don’t have time for Facebook.Your monk has angry issue , Jin. Monk suppose to be calm like water. Should I teach this guy a few moves of Tai Chi to cool him down? Have you and him tried to hold hands or even tried to touch each other hands? Normal couples will show their true personalities within 6 months when you know them (regardless of race ). I argue with my wife sometimes , but we make it up in MINUTES! We know each other characteristics. The sex was good after an argument. <——YOU KNOW WHAT I TALK ABOUT PEOPLE . I don't think I have to draw pictures for you guys . sorry, I'm just being sacrastic. I can guarantee that there will be more and more Chinese men just like me expressing their sexualities or talking about human sexualities. The Presidents of both America and China are meeting today for dinner. Americans are afraid of Chinese World dominance like currency and Chinese influences in the World. I don't know if that will have any influence on desire of Chinese Men or sexual desire for Chinese Men. I'll let you guys decide on this . Change is here!
Bruce, I don’t think you are reading what I said. Why do you keep saying he has an anger issue, what would even given you this indication?
We have not held hands yet, but he held my hand when he measured his against mine. Is this supposed to mean something? He held my hand up to see how our hands fits and then went to find out my shoes size and measured his foot against mine. Is there some significance to this?
PS. I found your comments about what a monk should be like to be a bit condencending because you are accusing someone of having anger issues without reason and the comment about teaching my guy a few moves tai chi to be a bit arrogant considering you are talking about a kung fu master trained in the shaolin temple for 13 years. i think you mistake my monk for your monk you mentioned earlier. they are completely different personalities.
Is this the same guy you talk about from Europe? Is this the guy that hasn’t
Called you? Please clarify.
Maybe I mixed up the monk with the guy from Europe from
another section that you mentioned .sorry, I hurt your feeling lol.
Hey, just me and you are talking in here.can you make me laugh?
If you can make me laugh, any men will drool over you.
I feel bad for taking up space on this post when it is irrelevant to the topic. It is the same person and I still dont know where you get “anger” issues from. I think you have misunderstood something.
Am I the only one uncomfortable with Bruce’s overly flirtatious/narcissistic comments here? Sounds a bit like overcompensation if you ask me. You must have an abnormally trusting relationship with your wife, Bruce, if she can read these comments and not be bothered. Or maybe she doesn’t know.
I apologize, Jocelin, for both his comments and mine, but I had to say something.
correction, Jocelyn. I have a student who spells it the other way.
My wife and I are both in professional fields. We deal with people every single day. We can joke around and talk about anything. If she reads all my comments , she is going to laugh. I can guarantee you. I talked about wild sex with her last night, she just laughed like hell. See you judge me already by reading those comments. Do you talk about sex with your wife/husband? there you go. Now you know why there is so much sterotype on Chinese men? If I open my mouth and talk about sex , you will call me flirtatious and dirty. If white men talk about sex and be flirtatious and dirty , it’s acceptable for them. Isn’t it hypocritical of you to say /think like that . Seriously, we really have to talk about this openly here. Jocelyn is an understanding person and I know she will understand. Btw, I’m with my wife 24/7, 365 days a yr and married for 10 yrs and I’m close by her constantly for your information. I told you guys already that if you don’t know a person, a group, a marriage , a culture, you will criticize and sterotype. Really, you can’t believe that all those comments are coming from a Chinese guy do you ? You guys know the answer already so let’s move on with the subject, Chinese men and sex! I want to know why aren’t there more Chinese men commenting here. why???? I know the next move is to attack me with your comments ,but that doesn’t solve anything at all. YOu know there will be more sterotype about Chinese men and sex skills if you don’t discuss about it. Doesn’t matter if the subject/problem is small or big, we still have talk about it. If you let it slide , the problem will be bigger . How come those women don’t talk about white /black men and sex etc ? why asian men? If you ‘re going to let other people step on you or bully you , they don’t back down. If you don’t fight back , you will be a victim. I make my point. I want honest replies here. no sexist replies. Peace
I got together the other night with some of my Chinese- er… I do not know the proper term… boys??? And we had dinner and a fun time.
This topic has been on my mind (I mean I am a boiling red blooded woman who is usually thinking about some form of sex so… yeah.. I shall continue), and I got to thinking.
In the world, there seems to be a huge stereotype of Chinese men being terrible in bed. And from some of the boys (ok… they are not gentlemen… well sometimes they are!!! But men?) I was with, were telling me about some of the stereotypes of Western women. How they will have sex with strangers at the drop of a hat, how all we do is talk about sex, we are very adventurous and so on…
In some ways, I do agree- speaking only for myself when it comes to speaking openly about sex. I am not ashamed or embarrassed about it. But sex at the drop of a hat with a stranger? I don’t think so!!! And I think it is fair to say, that I do not know any woman who would.
But then this topic popped up in my head, and I asked it in reverse, as I know most of them have had sex at one point or another with a Western woman.
Their answers shocked me. Then I laughed.
Basically their answers were, “softer than Chinese woman”, “better boobs”, “ass moves like congee when I beat it” (had to teach him the word spank), but over all, they said the same things as I have said. Some of the Western women they have been with were with were terrible in bed, some were adventurous and some were amazing.
I thought it was a pretty interesting dinner conversation, and thought it would be interesting to share it, just to point out that different cultures have stereotypes of both cultures.
Read my comment again. Where did I mention you being a Chinese guy? Where did I stereotype you or your culture? Maybe you can stop thinking you’re such a victim and get off your high horse. Even if a white guy made a comment like: Bruce says:
January 13, 2011 at 9:50 am
Don’t tell me that you don’t like men like me. I’ll light up your life. I like excitement.
I would still feel uncomfortable. Maybe cuz I wouldn’t like my husband even playfully flirting with a woman online, but that just reflects my personal feeling, it’s not an attack on the Chinese culture. Btw, I’m Chinese-American.
You’re just too serious. When you have time please change your handle “Tired” to some names that have more energy. Now, I feel kinda tired ,too. Can you give us some input on Chinese men and sex instead of focusing your absolute attention in me? We need at least 15 different people here with different names.
Bruce – you and Woman were having a one-on-one flirty convo that had nothing to do with the original post.. and someone mentioned it. Why are you even offended? Anyway, except for all the irrelevant stuff, you had some great points about communication when dating. Now get one of your hot friends to add their two cents, I want to see what another Chinese guy has to say already.
I still waiting for more Chinese guys to comment here and I ‘ve been waiting for one week already. What’s up man? Both of my Chinese guy friends are more muscular than your Chinese guys that you normally see in China. Seriously, my friends live in California and I don’t know if they have the time or want to give comments here. I don’t have their permission to post their pictures here ,sorry. You know that I love body building and 90% of my asian friends are into fitness and muscles. One guy’s bicep is like 20 inches and another guy is all cut up and defined. I do have their pictures here but I can’t post them without their permission. Last week, we talked about sex with white women and asian women and we came to the conclusion that both types of women are the SAME except for personalities. They dated a few white women and they said they got approached by white women , asian women , hispanic women. When I was in California, women approached me and really liked me like icing on cake :). They are powerful Chinese men like me . Do you think the sex is weak with white women? hint hint.
are you saying you’re like the asian Hoolio Iglesias?
You’re funny and some people take your comments too seriously. LIGHTEN UP FOLKS.
I like Hoolio Iglesias’ songs and his father is pretty good ,too. Iglesias is slim but I’m like a “green giant”( peas commerical) to him. 6’1” 207 of muscles baby ! I have to pose at least once a day to see if my physique is still the same. Good luck for being TOO SERIOUS in life. You’re just putting more stress on your brain and heart. I’m a health freak, I should know. I laugh with my families , clients and friends every single day. Critical, so you’ve been reading my comments ,huh? Those comments are harmless and I just don’t like to cut corners. I like to open up people’s minds!! Well, SEX is just like life itself. You need to go through hardship and good times in order to realize what you need to improve on life. You just have to explore your body and every inch your partner’s body to find those spots that she loves you to focus on. You know everyone is built differently when it comes to those arousal areas. I truly feel that sense of humor , sex and communication(feedbacks between partners) play a big part in every relationship/marriage. When you bring up sex with your lover , don’t you have to do it in a funny way? or you want to talk like or be like a “dead fish” hahahahah lol :]. If she laughs and says “oh yeah baby, I would love to duplicate that feeling tonight again”, then give it all to her 🙂 and more. Btw, whatever you couples do, take a show first and clean those areas that sun don’t shine . This is getting too much for me . too funny . can’t stop laughing. 🙂
Critical, It’s Julio Iglesias not Hoolio Iglesias.
It’s so funny because 4 Chinese men that I know including one of my brothers call me or text me regarding sexual acts or fantasy. I guess I talk about sex all the time so now they release the animal in them. Chinese men do talk about sex. You just have to know how to open their thoughts and mouth. Some texts and comments from my friends are nasty and very very fun at times.
Oh My Goodness. Some of these comments are so funny.
Months back, when I started dating my Chinese bf I was immediately whisked back to the UK for some personal reasons, way before we ever got the opportunity to `do the good deed` lol. I was gutted about that. But I liked this guy so much we decided to continue in a LDR, mainly communicating over QQ, chatting over the internet every evening with the man you love sucks, but it’s better than nothing, right? It was only so long I could keep up the innocent girl act. So I was so surprised when one evening he said ‘Honey, you make me hard… :o’ and I burst out laughing. I wanted him to think I was a good girl so we hadn’t really talked about sex very much. I think initially we were both too shy. Then suddenly, on that day a slew of dirty confessions came pouring out: about what he dreamt of doing with me, how he wanted to satisfy my body and how sometimes when he thinks of me he misses me so much and has to ‘take care of himself’. The dirty perve! Hehe.
One morning he told me he had woken up and needed to pee, then coming back he said he ‘couldn’t aim his JJ properly’ since he had just dreamt of me and subsequently had morning wood. That totally set me off giggling and made my day. He had some interesting questions of his own to ask me, it seems no holds barred.
Finally we are back together and those fantasies have become reality – he’s a fantastic lover and definitely stayed true to his word! He satisfies me, that’s all I’m saying. He can be such a pervert but in such a funny way. I love it. Maybe it’s a Northern thing because the guys over there seem so virile. So anyone who says Chinese men don’t think about sex or are asexual/inept you are so incredibly wrong. LOL.
Chinese men are MEN before they are CHINESE!
I don’t know about other people out there ,but I have my ways of making Chinese men talk about sex. Seriously, I just don’t get it though. Asian guys/ Chinese guys talk about sex with me all the time. My close friend ( Chinese) calls me from California and he comments constantly on wild moves ,everything and anything regarding sex. It’s soo entertaining to talk about sex and laugh my ass off. We were emphasizing on talking dirty ,too. Soo hilarious lol ” Is this what you want huh?” lol heheheheh lol
What?s Happening i am new to this, I stumbled upon this I’ve found It positively helpful and it has aided me out loads. I hope to give a contribution & assist different users like its aided me. Good job.
Too much sex can do more harm than good sometimes. Everything in moderation is the key. We are too concentrated on sex in America like Stripper clubs ( everywhere), sex toy stores( everywhere), xxx video stores ( everywhere), and you can order xxx movies when you stay at a hotel also. You can buy viagra and cialis online if you want to. Most people can’t even differentiate between sex and love nowadays. Average person(s) are having more and more sex partners . why? Well, they always want to find another person who wants to have sex like those porn stars. In reality, most people don’t have sex like that.Porn stars are having a hard time with normal relationship/marriage right now. To them, it’s exciting to have a promiscuous lifestyle . Only people have tons of time on their hands think about sex all the time. We have too many sex addicts in America due to over exposure to sex and that’s a fact. Thinking and having too much sex can ruin your relationship/marriage ,too because you have a sick mind and everything revolve around sex.Who wants a life like a Nympho?I think you guys watch the news and you hear stories like ambassador or lawmaker turned rapist! I think having the best sex life is a normal sex life without all this exaggeration from the media on what the sizes of penis or breasts. If a person ( male or female) of any race focuses on sex ONLY, you really have a serious problem. Still remember this phrase ” you’re my best friend, my lover , my protector and provider”. See people (males or females) only seeking sex , don’t LOVE you. I PICK LOVE OVER SEX ANY DAY. As Chinese man, this is how I feel.
This is so cool to read. Not just about sex (but surely a very attractive part), but the openness and depth of the ideas exchange here between west and east. Man, a real eye openner! Will write a bit more tomorrow as need to get up early to make the dollar.
Ok, I came stumbling upon this blog searching for something on Ashkenazi Jews+Chinese marriages. Good blog and participation from the commentators. But then I came stumbling upon some comments here which are really irritating. It´s obvious that the fellow is still at puberty… and possibly a virgin.
“Seriously, my friends live in California and I don’t know if they have the time or want to give comments here. I don’t have their permission to post their pictures here ,sorry.” He probably doesn´t live in the USA and has imaginary friends.
“You know that I love body building and 90% of my asian friends are into fitness and muscles. One guy’s bicep is like 20 inches and another guy is all cut up and defined. I do have their pictures here but I can’t post them without their permission. Last week, we talked about sex with white women and asian women and we came to the conclusion that both types of women are the SAME except for personalities. They dated a few white women and they said they got approached by white women , asian women , hispanic women. When I was in California, women approached me and really liked me like icing on cake . They are powerful Chinese men like me . Do you think the sex is weak with white women? hint hint.” I can spot that boy from a thousand miles away. Can´t you?
Please, Mdm. Eikenburg, I think you are turning genuine people away from your blog by allowing such comments to be published. You should have a two-strike policy in place.
Yes, I’m a boy and they are my imaginery friends lol hehehehehhahah laughing so hard. My friends and I are not genuine people :). It’s all true!!! you win 🙂 I won’t argue with you. Thank you for profiling us , detective! Do you think it’s easy to find friends to come to this website to make comments? it’s impossible! They will pass by and look at comments but actually typing comments ,it’s slim chance. Yes, this is my 3rd strike and I’m a phony :(. I haven’t seen you commenting much here and giving more info and input my friend. Where have you been ? busy? Okay you are a genuine person and from now on you take care of commentings here :). Soo irritating huh? Once you start socializing and dealing with real people, you will know that life is not smooth sailing all the time. Wanna meet me in person and show you guys if I’m a little boy or not or to confirm what kind of job I do ? I’m happy most of the time and I deal with people every single day in the financial / real estate world. In the past, I couldn’t sleep over some cases and was really stressed out but now I’ve changed my ways of thinkings about life. I’m a happy person now and I’ve helped friends to get out of depression. Good luck on profiling me :).
Kong Kek Kuat ,
For your information, it’s polite to ask for permission before you post a picture. We must understand privacy and confidentiality.I think you know why people don’t just go to a blog and type comments already. Hard working people really don’t have much time to waste especially people living in California . If you’re living in a $700k to $1.5 million dollars home ( California ) , how much do you have to make per month ? $4k to $7k per month mortgage payment only and not including utilities ,gas, and food? Time is money. Those guys will say , ” Bruce, are you crazy? I have other commitments . I’m going to do something more productive than talking nonsense ” Do you know what will attract people to a blog? Answer: sex, Gossips or naked pictures of celebrities. I like hardcore stuff like using profanity and bad words but I will not do it here because I respect this blog. Unlike my friends’ jobs, I only have to report to myself . Do you guys know that there are more asian comedians now? They’re using the ” F” word all the time and their jokes are rated x. I think you react like this because you can’t image Asian men can act or say things like this. Google : zhangster and cocky asian men ( asian comedians ) etc . I don’t think you know the meaning of irritation or stress . I deal with irritating, rude people all the time. No big deal ! What can a person do or can accomplish if he can’t tolerate a little bit of irritation from others , clients , wife/gf, mom and dad? Tell me people ! Now, I don’t think Jocelyn will ban me. My heart will be hurt you know 🙂 lol. If majority of people want to ban me, I won’t stop them to be honest and of course , you know you guys have to vote to be more sincere. To prove that I’m an honest person, my words are like contracts, I won’t say one word and go on my merry way ( crying like hell ) . I have learned alot from dealing with people in general. Actually, loud , expressive people are NOT bad at all. You should watch out for the silent one . Sayonara
Just can’t resist to write another comment here.Last night , my chinese friend called me again.Whatever I write here is out of honesty , if you men out there don’t believe what I write , it’s your loss, not mine. Who freaking put so much effort writing this stuff ? Don’t we have jobs and other responsibilities ? He calls me at least 2 to 3 times a week regarding his work and his home renovation. He started to talk about sex with his gf and they are having really gooooood screaming sex!! He jumped to another story saying that he was with another very HOT white woman ( tall , long legs, slim ,sexy) before and she loved the time they had sex together. She commented to him ” I didn’t know that Asian men can be this strong, powerful ,sexual and your member (penis) is bigger than my white ex bf” My friend replied ” it’s just sterotypes , even black men have small penis too” He said all those women want his genes and baby. I said ” women are very smart , they know what they want ” You have to know that 2/3 of the vagina is filled with sensitive nerves and 1/3 does not have much nerves. He told me he loves rough sex and giving pain to those women . PAIN = PLEASURE :} . He is my best friend and we are very manly Chinese men. The way he says things just tickle you and amaze you. Well, he said the relationship with the white woman didn’t work out was because he was looking for a woman with substance like more connection, more warmth and caring . He didn’t like women who were just dating around behind your back and didn’t care about anything. I think Chinese men are caring men so we always look for that. I don’t know why but I like caring woman ,too. Alot of white women told me that they had dated or married to asian and they loved asian men because we are CARING and we have soft skin , more responsible etc , the list just go on. Some white women say ” I only date asian men but now they just want their own women” .
Bruce is a good fiction writer. I’m guessing a 13 yr old living in his mothers basement.
hahaahh lol 🙂 “13 yr old living in his mothers basement”. My basement is for sipping red wine and entertaining guests 🙂 not for living :). I think you’re a 13 yr old kid comparing with me ;). I have nieces and nephews in their 20’s . I’m an old man traps in a young man’s body 🙂 . I will never grow up and that’s the secret of looking young , hint hint . I won’t feed your comment 🙂 unless you promise me to hang around here for another yr base on your performance and commitment . Bye for now hahahha :).
Your Chinese lover need to watch more porn and use his imagination more…
As a Chinese guy who was born after 1990(90后）, I guess I could add some good points here even though I never had sex with a Caucasian girl. (which I’m so yearning for…)
Born and bred in China, yes, I was never been told things related to sex by my parents. I think they’re awkward to mention it in front of me. And in school, as well, I have so far gain the chance to attend only 2 biology lessons in regard to human reproductive organs (which are purely academically oriented) .
Granted in general we haven’t been healthily and comprehensively instilled in the knowledge about sex, we mainly gain access to ” how it works” by ourselves. For instance, Japanese porn plays a big role in modeling our mind about sex( which I do not tend to enjoy because the female actresses were Asian gals).
Also among our peer young generations, sex is not the topic of taboo any more. But in most cases we makes jokes about it (blue jokes) and we show considerable curiosity and interest.
btw, there seems a few people born after 1990. (Probably I’m should have been young to be concerned about marriage)
I would be very interested to talk to you about the dating etiquette of chinese boys/young adults as you grew up there. As a chinese born/grew up in America I have absolutely no idea what is in the mind of a chinese boy. I have heard their reserved and very polite. So I have no idea when/if their flirting or interested. I have heard mixed responses about the topic of sex.. whether its open or they only sleep with those they are in serious relationship with etc. I would be open to talk about anything about western women as I grew up here. Let me know! Thanks!
We have a few male pornstar here in America ;however, I haven’t seen porn for soooooo many yrs. Porn from Japan is soo hilarious sometimes. Soo funny man! I remember 20 something yrs ago I received 100% score on my High School sex education exam and I was the only kid who got everything correct in my class. Seriously, I don’t even want to look at xxx movies or magazines because those things will corrupt your mind. Beside, porn exploits alot of young girl ( 18 to 21 yrs old) . If you’re 25 to 26 yrs old then that’s different. Come on, doing porn at 18 when the brain is still developing.
Does your husband care that you are posting that you had slept with other men before? I’m not looking down on you, I am just curious!
On this, the man just needs to be more confident, that’s all it comes down to. It doesn’t matter about his nationality. I like what Bruce said. Hit the gym, pump up the testosterone. No need to watch pornos or read about sex. It’s obvious how sex works, I mean, come on.
I understand everything about stress and over working on your career. Some men don’t have sex at all when they have lots of stress. Other men use sex as a stress reliever. I just met a few old friends two months ago that I hadn’t seen over a decade and they were either bald ,fat or old. They claimed that stress and high living standards were the reasons. Just don’t let your body loose! You have to maintain your body ( health) by eating more fruits , veggies , fibers and blend in with resistent exercise ( dumbbells, heavy wieghts). Exercise can take care all of the problems like low sex drive , eliminate stress , build more confidence, give you more energy all day long , slow down aging, make you horny and more …. Damn, make me wanna bang some more wieghts today !! Sex is also important because it just make you glow! Have you seen those women who don’t have sex at all and never taken good care of themselves? They just look dry and old. Now you know what I mean. If she wants rough sex , give it to her!! Some women don’t like soft sex all the time like ” a dragonfly touching water “. My advice is : Do not give up on anything in life. Learn how to motivate yourself either in the bedroom or in the office.
Had some interesting conversation with Asian girls. Good to share here. My multiple sources (3 in total), the Asians girls who are adventurous, report their findings. Do Chinese guys measure up? Some do, and some don’t as expected. Most guys are just average, meaning enough to do the job. Some white dudes are not doing so well in this regard either. It certainly depends on the individual when it comes to sizes. However, most Chinese guys need to work harder to please their women. This is a skill, not a born trait. Learn some good manners in the bedroom. 🙂
Sex and dating is not talked as much in the culture. Don’t let that stop you from being “educated”.
I think it’s not about size all the time.It’s how you make her feel about you is the skill ! Making her feel good about you and doing things in the bedroom can satisfy her already. Like I said before that I liked women with big breasts but at the end, the personalities, the caring and the attitudes turned me on more than her breasts. Later on, I never thought about her having big breasts. Just a nice, caring, respectful woman period !Big breasts, medium size breasts or small chested women are very sexy. It’s how a person carries herself or himself!!!! Just like for some women looking for ONLY size down in that dept is like ONLY looking for big breasted women. We are looking for everything in a person not only thinking about sex! I don’t know but the intelligence, the cuteness of a woman can turn on a man sexually already. It’s just in your mind guys. Just keep things interesting all the time and you’ll be fine. Believe me women don’t look for size and men are the same.. We don’t only search for women with big butt, big breasts etc. If we feel good with those women then we will want them and its not sexual .
If people are willing to reason, they will draw conclusions it is the quality of the lover counts more. But many will side with stereotypes and think “I won’t date him because I heard they have shortcomings and do not know what to do.” Some men (Asian or not) certainly do not measure up and are lousy.
What’s worse, people will eventually internalize these prejudices and lower their own expectations. I thought experiences from Asian girls can help to counter the wrongs. We have heard the other ladies opinions.
I do think good sex educations help. Most Asian guys do not get this growing up comparing to their other peers.
The point is that you can be good at sex. You are not good having nothing to do with being Chinese.
I don’t care if you’re dating someone or a married couple.. You always have to build up this sexual tension between you two. You know nowadays both men and women are working and we are exhausted at times. We do forget to have sex because we are too occupied with our jobs, kids and worries. We must be understanding and not selfish about our needs. People who think about sex all the time are sex addicts and they do need help and therapy. For normal people out there, you always have to set the mood slowly on a weekly basis. Just whispering a sexual comment to your partner can spark some interest or little kisses here and there spread over weekdays/weekend will help also. First of all, we are not 18 or 22 yrs old that can jump into action in seconds. I understand that we can have mood swings ,stress ( from work) and other elements that can affect our interest in sex and performance. We look happy that doesn’t mean our minds are clear and free! It’s okay for you to tell your man what you like or dislikes. If he doesn’t like something you’ve requested in bed then you have to ask why and educate him. Maybe something you request is degrading in his opinion but with some talks he will accept.
Here comes a book – sex with Chinese characteristics.
Although your skills in the bedroom and penis size depends on individual, media has not been kind for many years. In China, it was not talked about openly as much. Poor sex education contributes to the problem. In western countries, Asian men in general don’t have too many opportunities to have sex with non-Asians. Asian boyfriends are good long term prospects, but poor choices for casual sex. Sex is something that requires knowledge and experiences.
Another factor is that many Asian males are not comfortable discussing sex with women (and men). Western societies have changed for women to do so for sexual equalities. I won’t want to see Asian men being overly sexualized to become another stereotype. Nerds are still being called nerds, but they are just becoming cooler for some reasons. But most can use some boost for the moment.
I’m back again after 101 times !!! ahahhahahaha heheheheh. You think this subject is over? It’s over until I say so :). LOL. Yes, Asian men should have more hook ups and more casual sex. The more #’s you can get, the more opportunties you will succeed with women. Don’t be too negative when you talk to women! They don’t like that.
i dated a chiense guy for short time …. Sex was averge …. i think it depends upon person , not culture or race ….. – He was just utterly booring when comes to matters of The bedroooooom … ! at times was trying bedroom talk, he tuned me , you sound like working woman (lol) chiense dont talk about sex – (we,re just doooo it) ! Bedroom talk was just get Mr Lu in the mooood ) if u know what i mean) I think his organsims is making money (work is high) ! i told him to face , u hv low sex drive ) he pretty much liked it once day 🙁
chinese girlfriends never have had orgasm before? as in never had with them? False and funny because i can vouch for all my gfs(all chinese) have all had orgasms, how often depends how much I try. I’ll leave it at that.
For what it’s worth, I want to add my 2 cents of experience in this as an Asian man who is able to speak fluent English and a bit of other languages, have good education, and dress well… still, just by my being an EAST ASIAN man, it seems that 90-96% of White women from any country (although places in Europe is better) still I am at disadvantage compared to White, Black, Latino, even Arab men.
It is not fair, but anywhere we go, seems like us East Asian men are the least desired out of all men to White women.
I think portrayals in Western media of course has huge immeasurably large effect on this, but also just naturally what gets White women excited apparently is not Asian men. If anything, it seems they naturally desire Black men most and East Asian men least.
So because of this, like many Asian men, I also grew to just think that Asian men had no hope to be with WF. For all my life I automatically thought that White women would never desire Asian men sexually… and yes, being desired SEXUALLY as MEN is ESSENTIAL. Admit it.
This was how I was, until a European Goddess (wonderful Polish girl) actually shattered that limiting belief by introducing me to the pleasures of AM/WF sex. My happiest times in life were with her and even though we’re not together anymore, I will always love and be grateful to her.
So I think it is possible. But even then, she approached me first, as I would never have approached her because I thought all WF are out of AM league.
But yes, sex is so very essential. It shows you desire and accept the other and is greatest expression of love and longing. To ignore it in AM/WF is plain wrong.
I genuinely believe if more WF and AM were having sex with each other, word of mouth will spread how AM are excellent romantic partners, boyfriends, husbands, LOVERS, period.
Then, we would see more and more AM/WF pairings until a point where hopefully this becomes more normalized and accepted instead of the “bizarre circus show”-like reactions people give when they see AM/WF couples in public.
The best sex I have is from Chinese men so far. (Well, chinese american :were born in America: )
I’ve had one chinese boyfriend some years ago and really enjoyed having sex with him. Felt pretty good. Even though it was his first time.
I am currently dating another chinese guy now and sex is amazing with him .
I can’t get enough of it.
I don’t know if its with all chinese americans but the thing in common with these two are that they are Fuzhounese chinese.
And they have been the best sex partners I’ve had in my life.
And these two that I have had experience with makes me think that the asian or chinese rumor about having small penis size is a lie. They are pretty good size and not small in my opinion.
Isn’t it too late to know?
I am an older Chinese male. Have been in the United States for a majority of my lifetime. Have had many girlfriends of many ethnicities: Caucasian, Negroid, and Mongoloid. Apologies for the lack of political correctness in using the traditional delineations of racial types.
These are my self-observations. The equipment of the majority of Asian males are physically smaller proportioned than either Caucasians or Negroids. The Asian penis is thicker proportionately, however, so their penises are thicker relative to their lengths. The penis structure also lends itself to greater hardness than the other two ethnicities.
What has not been discussed is the duration of the Asian male sexual act. Similar to the lack of public discussion of penis size maybe 30-40 years ago. It’s only with the social onslaught of the internet where non-Negroid females actually discovered that penis sizes varied according to ethnicities. Pictures, videos and blogs abound about the size of a male’s penis. The last ten years has practically exhausted that component of the discovery process to the point where it is a given that Negroid males have the largest sized penises, and the Asian males have the smallest sized penises.
We’re at the beginning of the stage of discovery of another component of the sexual act: duration of the sexual act. Initially, the lack of discovery and discussion is politically correctly constrained. The average male ejaculates within three minutes of penetration of a female partner. The average female orgasms in seven minutes from initial penetration. The disconnect between male and female orgasms have been supplanted with reworking the other areas that are workable: prolonging foreplay, delaying entry, etc.
Asian males, however, have been able to stimulate female partners for longer periods. I believe this has much to do with the Asian male’s penis’s hardness. The hardness insulates the male penis from stimulation more, hence “delayed” orgasm. In my youth I was able to maintain an erection and thrust for hours before climaxing. Now, older and more experienced I last for an hour on average. The hour, or the many hours, were always more than enough to satisfy my female partners.
Size can make up for duration, but from my own experience, duration is more desired both by me and also my female partners.
I appreciate your intend to inform the world about marriage between asian men and caucasian women to getting rid of sterotypes.
But I am asking myself if it is rightful for you – knowing of your husband’s heritage and culture to talk openly about your sex life and your past (Chinese) Lovers and their qualities in bed-while adding obligatory, that your husband is as good as them and to a lesser degree even better.
I wish that he is not offended by your attemp to make Money with this blog by uncovering your private life. Also I hope that he won’t say that he is not offended-while he would be, because he is dutiful and don’t want you to lose face.
a female reader
Verbally, China men can be less romantic until they feel that their gfs are on the verge of dumping them. But having dated both Chinese men from SG and China, I find China men more pleasing to the eyes. Faithfulness? Both are as flirty and playful (single versus married China/SG men).