“They’re not even broken relationships. It’s as if the relationships were never even there,” my husband said.
This Sunday evening, John and I reflected on the wreckage of that discrimination — especially the people we never expected to stand against us. People we considered mentors and friends. People who always used to say, “I understand.”
“I don’t understand how they could do this,” I said. “I mean, it’s like they were lying to you all along.”
“That’s the in-group mentality, you know. They never really trust people who are different, never really even consider you like one of them.”
In our game of “who can you trust,” there’s no such thing as a sure bet here. The friendliness we felt for years turned out to be just another poker face, and now we’re not even sure who’s on our side anymore. Is it just coincidence that the people in question are all European Americans, and mostly male?
I once wrote that my marriage to a Chinese man put me in a lonely club, and I never imagined that I would understand that on another level. The loss of trust just makes us feel isolated all the more.
But in the end, we’ll get through this because we have the trust that really matters — that I trust in John, and he trusts in me.
Have you ever experienced a loss of trust because of discrimination?