Six Chinese Men in the Movies Who Loved Western Women, from Least Sexy to Most Sexy

Chi Cao standing with Amanda Schull in Mao's Last Dancer
A “private lesson”? (Chi Cao, with Amanda Schull, from Mao’s Last Dancer, photo from, which remains one of my favorite places for smart writing on sex, inspired me to compile a list of Chinese men who love Western women in the movies (including those who portrayed Chinese men, such as Daniel Henney) and rank them by sex appeal. Now, some of the sexiest guys on this list (ahem, Daniel Henney) didn’t get the highest ranks — that’s because I considered the kind of sex appeal they conveyed through their characters in specific films (and not just, say, their hot washboard abs).

I file this one under Yangxifu Pride — because who in our community wouldn’t be proud to know we have some seriously sexy studs to watch on film, in relationships just like ours? 😉 Continue reading “Six Chinese Men in the Movies Who Loved Western Women, from Least Sexy to Most Sexy”

Ask the Yangxifu: The Guy Who Changed Her Mind About Dating Chinese Men

A Western woman with a flirtatious look in her eyes
(photo by Tjook, from Tjook's Flickr)


I am a foreigner and have been living in China for over three years now. I have gone through several boyfriends and relationships, all in varying degrees of intensity and situations. But each one shared something in common. Each one was a Westerner. I have always had a dislike for Asian men.

A couple months ago I met a young Chinese man that changed all that. From the first time I met him I was strangely attracted to him. As he was one of my students I met him regularly and got to know all about him through our many classes on an intermediate English level. Since this was a class of all young men, they often liked to talk about relationships, girlfriends, dating, etc. I thought I understood Chinese, but I never saw this side of China before. The more I got to know him the more I felt this “strange attraction” to this young Chinese man. He was strong, manly, assertive in an attractive sort of way, had opinions, was smart, etc. Suddenly I felt myself looking around and thinking, “There are so many handsome men here!” There arose in me feelings towards Chinese men I had never before experienced. I suddenly thought they were handsome, sexy and attractive. I began researching on the internet and found your blog and read about other women’s experiences.

Since that class ended I’ve been getting to know this young man. We spend time together every weekend. He’s always very cordial, offers to take my purse, pays for meals out, drinks, go to a park and spend hours talking together, etc. and I feel so comfortable talking, laughing and spending time with him. Originally our contact began for him to improve his English and I my Chinese, but I don’t know the real reason really. He has a girlfriend, who lives in another city and he often complains about her and about Chinese girls in general and some of their customs, (ie. making their boyfriend shop all day with them, carry their purse, throwing fits, etc.). In these ways, I, as a westerner, am very different from Chinese girls and I feel like he really enjoys my company and he always says we are friends.

My question is this, “Am I wasting my time? Is there any sort of future (as in gf/bf) or might he have feelings for me?” I have read about taking it slow and the oft’ times painfully dragged out process that can be with an Asian man, but I’m wondering if it would do any harm to at least be honest with him about this. Would it hurt for me to ask him if he likes me or if he wants to date a Western girl (me)? I just don’t know if it’s him being shy or that he thinks I would never be attracted to him in that way that makes it stall or if he truly just wants us to be “friends”. In my culture I would just be upfront about this with a guy, but I’m afraid of offending him or having him say something just to “please me” since Chinese have a hard time with being upfront about their personal feelings. I’m very new to this and dating any sort of Asians in general so please help me with your advice. Thank you! Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: The Guy Who Changed Her Mind About Dating Chinese Men”

Double Happiness: A Journey Towards China And Love

Red Chinese lanterns at nighttime
(photo by miguel ugalde)

This is the longest story I’ve ever published in my Double Happiness series. But Mayte’s unexpected journey towards China and love really touched me, and I’m really excited to share her story of two different, surprising and beautiful relationships with Chinese men.


I came to China to enjoy my dream trip. But before I arrived, I met and fell in love with a Chinese man who was by far the most amazing person I had ever met.

It began as a language exchange so that I could improve my Chinese enough to get through a backpacking trip I had planned in China. I wasn’t looking for any relationship at the time but as I prepared for the trip, it made sense to start working on learning Mandarin if I was going off on my own for the latter half. I met C.J. when he responded to a post asking for a language exchange. We talked briefly by phone before meeting and the day I met him, I thought he seemed sweet. When we talked, it was like talking to your best friend after not seeing them for years. We laughed a lot and shared lots of stories. He told me about China and I told him about life in the States, among other things. We closed down a cafe and a bar while we talked that night.

When I went home, I remember thinking that this was the kind of guy I could marry. I think that’s when everything changed for me. Continue reading “Double Happiness: A Journey Towards China And Love”

Ask the Yangxifu: Dating Advice for Chinese Men from JT Tran, the Asian Playboy

JT Tran, the Asian Playboy
In this exclusive interview with Speaking of China, JT Tran offers dating advice for Chinese men on everything from sexuality and confidence to personality and approaching women.

In lieu of the usual Q&A, this week I’m featuring an interview with JT Tran, the number one Asian Dating Coach for Asian men.

JT has been featured on ABC, Chicago TV, VH1’s The Pick Up Artist, Asian Week, D Magazine, Nichi Bei Times, Entrepreneur, Harvard, Rutgers, Wellesley, to name a few. He offers hands-on coaching through his bootcamp seminars with the ABCs of Attraction. And, just recently, he launched the AMWW (Asian Men & White Women) Magazine to provide dating advice for Asian men in every stage of the relationship (in full disclosure, I’ll be writing for the magazine starting this January). Regular readers may also remember I reviewed his free audio dating CD and eBook in December (which are still available for download).

I talked with JT about a variety of subjects, from sexuality and building confidence to having personality and just approaching women. I’m confident you’ll find the conversation as enlightening and enjoyable as I did.

Since this is a monster of an interview, I’ve broken it down into topics, so you can click your way through to the information you want to know most:

Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Dating Advice for Chinese Men from JT Tran, the Asian Playboy”

Ask the Yangxifu: Sex and Chinese Men

The Room by Jesse Therrien
What's the story on sex and Chinese men? A Western woman wonders when her Chinese boyfriend turns out to be a terrible lover. (photo by Jesse Therrien)

sex in singapore asks:

Any idea why my Singaporean (Chinese) lover is so terrible in bed? He is 35, has had long term relationships, has been exposed to the west as he is a successful producer and has been all over the world, he is exposed to the concept of good sex through films and media… so why is he so clueless? He doesn’t even try. In the past his gfs have been Chinese and Singaporean.. When I asked Chinese friends they say in Chinese culture men are less romantic and more passive and don’t want to give pleasure to women. Others say Asians are just not as passionate as in european countries for example. Again I find this hard to believe, I am sure there are many Asians who know what they are doing.. but I do hear western men talking of their Chinese girlfriends and how they have never had orgasm etc. I am interested to know what you think of Chinese/Asian sexual relationships and whether it is in fact normal for the sex to be so … bad? I think this is unlikely and I think it is simply that my guy for whatever reason is just totally clueless. But can any generalisations be made on this subject? thanks!


The best sex I’ve ever had has been with Chinese men (including my husband). And that tells me that there are plenty of wonderful lovers to be found among the sons of Han. Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Sex and Chinese Men”

Chinese Men Are Sexy

In October, 1999, it was as if I’d finally met my long lost locker pinup guy in the flesh. A sullen, James Dean type in a black leather jacket with a perfect ass. The kind of guy that made cliches like “tall, dark and handsome” drip from your mouth. It didn’t matter that he was spoken for, with a modelesque girlfriend that seemed worlds (and heavens) away from the mortal girl I was. He drove me so crazy, I spent weeks taking cold showers and long bicycle rides just to cool down.

He was a Chinese man.

And so sexy, as I reminded him one evening over the phone, after he left his girlfriend to get together with me. “But I’m a Chinese!” he whispered to me, echoing the ruthless stereotype that somehow infected the modern world — that Chinese men can’t turn Western women on.

It’s no wonder we ended up here, given what Sheridan Prasso wrote in The Asian Mystique:

For the most part, what we see of Asian male sexuality is the assertion of a stronger Western virility at the expense of Asian masculinity. In short, the imagery takes Asian men lightly, as less-serious competitors for women, and less-competent fighters.

Outside the theater, we transfer these perceptions of Asian men to Asian countries. If Asian men on screen are to be easily vanquished, so are Asian male leaders in real state-to-state relations. Even as Fortune columnist Stanley Bing writes in the title of his book, Sun Tzu is “a sissy.” This “lightness of being portrayed” can be seen historically in the descriptions of Asian male leaders such as Ho Chi Minh and Mao Zedong, and now even of Kim Jong Il. It seeks to minimize the Asian male as a threat — and, I argue, quite possibly leads to serious repercussions.

The thing is, despite the best laid schemes of Hollywood and the rest, Western women went to China (and other Asian countries), or started looking at the Asian (and Chinese) men in their own countries. And, then, we discovered some serious studs — who, in my case, just happened to be Chinese — that slid their way into our hearts (and pants). We even shared it with the world, from books such as Foreign Babes in Beijing, Lost in Translation, and The Last Chinese Chef, to blogging about it.

By the time I met my James Dean heartthrob, suddenly all of those stereotypes felt as out-of-date (and trash-worthy) as yesterday’s newspaper.

Jet-black hair and bronzed skin, I love you! Chinese may or may not have the “tall” (my husband doesn’t, but let’s not forget Yao Ming). But there’s plenty of “dark and handsome” to go around. As Priscilla wrote, “…once the blinkers are lifted, ladies, you’ll discover that you are actually surrounded by attractive [Chinese] men.” Add to that Ericka’s post, that Laowai girls like Asian boys (including the many hot Chinese guys).

Mystery is uber-sexy. In the “wham, bam, thank-you ma’am” era of American Pie, it’s almost as if we’ve forgotten that, sometimes, less is more. With many Chinese men I dated, I didn’t know what he was thinking or feeling — and that upped the volume on every flirtation and glance.

Chinese men have also surprised me with sexiness, where I never would have expected it. One guy once invited me to lunch at our favorite restaurant, and ended up hoisting my legs onto his lap (it’s still one of the hottest lunches I’ve ever had). Another time, I balanced on a bicycle frame between him and his handlebars, as he peddled all the way to our restaurant, with his arms tightly around me.

But what about sex itself?

First, let’s get a few things out of the way:

I don’t buy into Philip Rushton’s racist bullshit about the inverse relationship between brain power and penis size. How, exactly, did he carry out his oh-so-scientific research? It must be annoying to hear people who don’t know you (and have most certainly never looked in your pants, and quite possibly never into the pants of any Asian man) comment on the size of your penis. “I heard Asian men have small dicks.” Yeah? Well I’ve heard that Asian men have big dicks. What’s it to you?

Anti-miscegenation laws tried to keep Asian dicks from White vaginas. They were so scared of your sexiness that they had to create laws to assuage their own foolish fears. And after it became painfully obvious that these laws were racist, these nasty little rumors began to spread about the kind of package you were packing. (We won’t even get into the hypersexualized Black man; that’s a story for another day.)

All sorts of different men have all sorts of different penis sizes, but some people act as though a man’s penis size says something about him. Does it make him any more or less of a man? Please. It’s not so much the size of the boat as it is the motion of the ocean, and Asian boats are no different in size than any other boats.

…Stop being so presumptuous. Rule 1: Don’t knock it ’till you rock it. Rule 2: Even after you rock it, do remember that a lady/gentleman never kisses and tells. Didn’t your momma teach you not to believe everything you hear?

That’s right, don’t knock it ‘till you rock it. And, yes Virginia, you can rock it in bed with a Chinese man — horizontally, vertically, a la the Position Of The Day Playbook, loud enough to wake up the neighbors, you name it. That blissful, “the night after” smile you might have seen on my face? Let’s just say it was “sponsored by” a certain Chinese man my Chinese husband, John (sigh).

And I’m not the only one. The thing is, many of us have discovered our ultimate pinup guys just happen to be Chinese, like this reader who posted a comment here:

…I’m so in love with this [Chinese] man, because he’s so good, and strong (in character). He’s fun, and funny, and loving. He’s also very sexy!…

Now, if only Hollywood got that message more often.

Do you find Chinese men or Asian men sexy? Or, Chinese and Asian men, have you discovered and embraced your own sexiness? What do you think?

Photo credits:
Models: Justin Zhang, fitness coach and Youtuber (IG: NoobStrength) and
Angelina Bower, beautiful fashion model (IG: musicloveandlies)
Photographer: Ana Hudson (WhiteChocolatePlayer)