Infidelity in China? Doesn’t matter to my marriage

(photo by hjrosasq via

Not long ago, I received an e-mail from a reader with a Chinese partner inquiring about infidelity in China. While I cannot reveal the actual e-mail since I promised confidentiality, from reading between the lines I could sense this reader seemed worried about the potential for the partner to engage in extramarital affairs in China. Isn’t it funny that a stranger would ask me to shed light on this for reassurance about their relationship?

That e-mail echoed the concerns of a white woman I knew. She had a Chinese husband and considered moving back to China with him, where he hoped to realize his dreams of entrepreneurship. But in the end, she couldn’t do it. Among the reasons why, she fretted over some hypothetical “private secretary” who would surely steal her husband away from her.

As my husband and I plan to return to China, I’m far more worried about how to ship our things over or make that connection in New York’s JFK airport than I am about phantom mistresses and potential affairs. So what if China has “private secretaries” and KTV “hostesses” and entire communities of ernai? China sure didn’t invent the concept of cheating on spouses, as people do it all around the world (including in my home country, the US). More importantly, I know my husband and I know the strength of our marriage. Anyone who believes that a move to China will lead John astray knows nothing about him or us.

I’m not sure what the future holds. But I am sure about the love and trust I hold in my heart for my husband — and that’s enough for me to believe that our future will be a blissful one, together.

Have you ever heard people discuss China’s infidelity — and worry about their relationship or marriage? What do you think?

Ask the Yangxifu: On Married Men in China Seeking Extramarital Affairs With Western Women

A couple cheating in the background, with the words "Lies" written on the front
(photo by Akbar Simonse)


Now, I see a lot of positive things on Asian men here on this blog and I do appreciate that, but what about the not-so-positive ones? There is one thing in particular i’ve been thinking about for a while lately: the cheating and the tradition of having xiaosan [mistresses] here in China. I can’t even remember how many times I have been approached by married men or guys who have been with their gfs for 8 or 9 years! Not to mention the fact that dating someone is actually quite complicated because a good part of the guys in their late 20s are already married!!

I know a lot of foreign girls who do get in troubles eventually for starting relationships with men who are already taken and it just becomes a mess…

What do you think about this? Why is it that so many seem to prefer cheating than leave their ‘safety net’ (aka gf)? Why does it seem that foreign girls are their preferred choice when they look for xiaosan? Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: On Married Men in China Seeking Extramarital Affairs With Western Women”