Tag: Chinese guy

Stories about making friends with, loving and marrying Chinese guys, from one Western woman with a Chinese husband.

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Ask the Yangxifu: Indirect Dating and Chinese Men

Western woman and Chinese man
How do you know if a Chinese man wants to date you -- or is dating you?

Anonymous asks:

I am an American female and began an international graduate program this January here in the US. Most of my classmates are foreign and I’ve gotten the attention from a Chinese male. There is a good chance our relationship is going to blossom, so I have a few questions for you.

At first, it didn’t dawn on me that he was interested, so he stepped it up a notch. He started waiting for me after class, sitting near me in class and initiating conversations. We have spent some time together outside of class. Our most recent encounter was a trip to the movies, where he picked me up and got a chance to meet my grandfather (he was very excited to meet Grandpa). He is currently on a trip for spring break and has phoned me a few times.

Here is the kicker and where my questions come in. He is very indirect. While I’m 99% sure he is courting me, he has never expressed in words his desire to date me (although it is still early). Should I wait for him to initiate that conversation? Additionally, he asks questions in a very indirect manner. For example, instead of asking if he can walk walk with me to the library, he asks where I am going next… I think it is a combination of his culture combined with being male haha. His English is also very choppy, so we have a communication barrier. I do not speak or read Chinese at all.

His indirectness combined with limited knowledge of the English language is difficult for me to understand his intentions at times (especially when he is hinting that he’d like to get together). I am an outgoing and honest person, so it’s difficult for me to know how to react to him. He is also very introverted and independent, kind of a homebody.

 

I guess I’m writing you for some advice. I don’t want to be too forward by asking him direct questions or disclose too much information that may turn him off. My instincts are telling me to find the balance between expressing interest and letting things happen naturally. I don’t know him well enough yet to know how I feel about him, but so far he’s caught my attention. Any advice/suggestions would be helpful. Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Indirect Dating and Chinese Men”

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Ask the Yangxifu: How Western Women Can Meet Chinese Men in China

Chinese man, sitting on the campus of Suzhou University
How can foreign women improve their chances to meet good Chinese men -- in China? (Pictured: my Chinese husband, John, sitting on the campus of Suzhou University)

Priscilla didn’t ask me anything. But after reading her February 12 opinion piece in the Global Times, titled “Chinese men: pull your weight”, I thought she needed some answers — especially when it comes to finding a good Chinese man. So I decided to pre-empt my scheduled Q&A this week, to help Priscilla.

Here’s an excerpt, where she discusses her interest in dating Chinese men — but lack of suitors:

One girl in a circle of friends decides to give a Chinese guy a chance and is shocked to discover, he’s pretty cool. The others also start testing the waters: flirting with that cute Chinese guy in a uniform, dancing with the tall one at the club, maybe even venturing to have a fling or two. And once the blinkers are lifted, ladies, you’ll discover that you are actually surrounded by attractive men.

But I am writing this as an enlightened foreign lady with several foreign lady friends and I can’t think of a single one who is dating a Chinese guy.

….one reason I can personally attest to is a lack of effort by Chinese men.

She ends the piece by exhorting all would-be Chinese suitors to “man-up” — be a real guy, and get the courage to ask Western women out.

My response? Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: How Western Women Can Meet Chinese Men in China”

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Ask the Yangxifu: A Big, Fat, Traditional Chinese Wedding?

Western woman and Chinese man in a Chinese wedding

Ana asks:

I have a question about weddings. I am in my late twenties and recently engaged to my Chinese-American boyfriend,which I am really excited about.

But the wedding worries me. Initially I wanted a simple ceremony. I was raised Christian but he wasn’t, but I wouldn’t insist on a church. just maybe a simple ceremony then banquet with friends, some photos outdoors, etc. But when I suggested it to my boyfriend, he said his parents would never agree to it (his parents are from China), that they expect a big traditional Chinese wedding. I heard Chinese weddings can be very elaborate,exhausting with a lot of drinking, more than one dress,lots of guests etc. Seems overwhelming and not my style!! I haven’t brought it up in front of his parents but I feel kinda stuck now. I just really don’t want all this fuss and don’t understand why we cant make it simpler. I’m not sure I can survive a huge Chinese weddings. What should I do? Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: A Big, Fat, Traditional Chinese Wedding?”

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Ask the Yangxifu: The Chinese doorman closed off friendship

"Don't trouble please" sign on door in Chinese hotel
A Chinese doorman suddenly closes the door to friendship (or more) with a foreign woman.

huayue asks:

I am a 24-year-old Canadian woman teaching English in Shanghai and I have a question for your “yangxifu.” I became friends with the young doorman of this hotel where my gym is. He doesn’t speak English but my Chinese is good enough so we can carry on a conversation. Anyhow he asked me out one day. I’m not sure if it was a date or not. But he took me out to eat and then to play games at an arcade. It was so much fun, one of the best evenings I had had in a long time. He was so charming, gentlemanly and we had a lot in common. After that we both decided to get together again. The second time we had dinner, and then he took me for a walk through the park in the evening. It was kind of romantic. That evening I felt a little closer to him, like there was the possibility for something more than friends. We also agreed to see each other another time, to go for a walk in the park. But the day we planned to see each other it rained and he called to ask us to postpone it. I told him it was fine. But now it’s been almost four weeks and he hasn’t tried to reschedule it. I sent him text messages and call but he hasn’t responded or called me. Whenever I see him at the door of the hotel he avoids talking with me. I would like to see him again at least as a friend and I don’t understand him. What do you think is going on with him? Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: The Chinese doorman closed off friendship”

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