Is the AMWF scene a creepy thing?
I know, it sounds like a crazy question for a website that includes AMWF in its tagline. But ever since I came across this article in the summer titled How AM (Asian Male) Anything Creeps Women Out, it’s been on my mind.
For those of you who missed it, here’s an excerpt from the article:
Sending out a little over twenty e-mails to a little over twenty attractive women, I received some painful yet truthful responses regarding the Asian male (anything) women cults. “It’s creepy. A bunch of Asian guys in a room, or any guys for that matter make me feel like an object rather than a person,” said one responder. Another said the following, “things like AMWF feel set up. I actually really like Asian guys, but the environment is awkward. I’d rather meet someone in person. Also, for the internet, I don’t do online dating or meet ups – period!” Finally, another responder who had previously attended an AMWF meet up wrote back, “I didn’t like most of the guys that were there because the only thing they cared about was getting laid, or getting a girlfriend. We shared no common interests, and that’s why I chose an Asian interest group instead like a learning Japanese MeetUp.com group.”³
As much as I champion interracial dating for Asian men, when I read this part of the article, I couldn’t help but sympathize with the women. It would feel incredibly creepy and uncomfortable to be in a situation where you’re surrounded by tons of men (some with only one thing on their minds), or where things feel awkward/set up.
While I know there are people out there who have met through these sites/groups, it’s hard to argue with the author’s conclusion: “If you’re an Asian guy looking for a girlfriend or something along the lines of a girlfriend, your best bet is to actively seek through a less obvious approach. AM anything creeps women out regardless of whether they like Asian men or not.”
On the other hand, if you’re looking for community, I don’t think AMWF is creepy at all.
Look, AMWF is certainly not the rarest interracial pairing out there (I’m sure that honor would go to Asian men and Black men). Still, we’re rare enough compared to the entire interracial dating world – enough to feel like you’re part of a lonely club. And when you realize you’re the “odd one out” and you start having these experiences your friends don’t always understand, it’s really valuable to have a community you can turn to. You know, people who understand what you’re going through – such as negative comments you’ve heard about dating Asian men or the heartbreaking discrimination your husband experiences in your home country.
I also know plenty of people who aren’t in a relationship, but visit AMWF websites just for inspiration and encouragement. For example, a close male friend of mine from China once told me he loves looking at the photos of couples and families on my Pinterest board. He dreams of finding a Western woman somewhere in the world to love and marry, and these photos offer him a possible vision of that future family he hopes to have.
The people I’ve met through the AMWF community – from bloggers to authors to the many people I’ve connected with (online and off) — have truly enriched my life. I’ve learned from them, connected with them and found common ground with them. They’ve helped me feel a little less lonely and even supported me. I can’t imagine a world without them.
What do you think about using AMWF site or meetup groups for dating? Is it a creepy scene or not? What do you see as the value of AMWF communities?