We Need Your Support

(photo by spike55151 via Flickr.com)

Dear Readers,

I am entangled in what might perhaps be the biggest fight of my life. Once again, discrimination has descended upon our lives and it rears its ugly head, threatening to take away something we’ve worked so hard to achieve over all of these years.

I can’t write much more in detail than that, though I can say I’m incredibly scared. I think I’ve never felt more frightened in my entire life. But I believe in my husband, I believe in moral power, and I believe we can succeed if we just keep fighting and moving forward.

Why am I sharing this? Because I also believe in something else — the power of admitting you’re in a crisis. I thought, maybe you can help empower both of us — by simply reading this, and offering your sign of support in the form of a comment…or sharing this entry…or even just writing me an e-mail to say you’re on our side.

There are some days when I feel like I’m about to crumble under the pressure. So knowing you’re out there — and you care — will mean the world to me. In the meantime, we’ll never stop fighting.

Will you stand with us?

Did you enjoy this article?
Sign up now and receive an email whenever I publish new blog posts. We respect your privacy. You can unsubscribe at any time.
I agree to have my personal information transfered to MailChimp ( more information )

93 Replies to “We Need Your Support”

  1. Dear Jocelyn, I really enjoy reading your blog. I am very sorry to hear that you are in this situation, whatever it is about any form of discrimination is ignorant and no doubt very difficult to deal with. I hope it passes soon and things get better.

  2. I’m with you and thinking of you guys (I’m an atheist so it’s basically the secular form of prayer to me). It’s hard to switch between Chinese and English on a Bluetooth keyboard for iPad, so I’ll just write it in Pinyin: Jiayou!

  3. I can’t begin to imagine what you are both going through – hope it will get sorted out as soon as possible!

    It is ironic that someone who is as vocal as you should fall victim to ignorant people. Hopefully, that will be what helps you and can help others going through the same thing.

    I’m sure everyone that follows your blog is glad that it has been able to carry on as normal regardless of what is happening in your personal life.

  4. Oh Jocelyn I’m so sorry to hear that the old demon is rearing it’s head again. You have fought before and you can do it again. But it’s a tremendous pain that you have to face it again. Anything I can do, if you need a neutral ear to rant to, please just ask/email/smoke signal.
    I’m so glad you asked for support, it’s hard to do but there’s so many of us that only wish the best for you and your husband. Never forget that and never be afraid to reach out.
    Take care of each other…

  5. While I don’t know the specifics of your situation, I do know that dealing with any sort of discrimination/persecution is incredibly discouraging/frustrating/frightening…

    Really do wish you and your husband the best, you will be in my prayers!

  6. Dear Jocelyn,
    Sorry to hear you are facing discrimination and experiencing such fear. Please allow yourself to feel any and all emotions; they are yours, they are true and are not subject to any judgment.
    Sadly, as you are all too painfully aware, there are people who discriminate but I think Gandhi said it best when he asked us not to lose faith in humanity. He said humanity is an ocean, and a few dirty rain drops do not dirty the whole ocean. Additionally I want to say that nothing is ever permanent. There was a time when people could not conceive a life without the Berlin Wall, but then it came down. Things just can’t last forever, and one day discrimination will be beaten. And I can assure you that when that happens, generations will be grateful to people like you for standing up and fighting the fight – I for one am grateful now in fact!
    All the best to you both!

  7. Hi Jocelyn,

    You two have support from me. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.

    Bless you both.



  8. I don’t mean to make you feel bad. Why does this keep happening to you? Most of us had bad experience before. Sometimes people don’t even realize what happened to them. It does not always go very bad either. Moral loses to political most of time unless a tipping point is reached. The best way to protect yourself is to be flexible within the system unless you have an army already.

  9. Wow, another discrimination? Stay strong guys! I hope its not the wrong time to time, but I’m wondering if my story might be published this Friday, and was wondering if you might like a picture of me and the Chinese boy together?

  10. While I don’t know the specifics of what is going on, I wish you and your husband the very best. There are good people out here that are on your side.

  11. Oh Jocelyn, I so much hope it all works out for you. I have an idea what it could be but if you ever need anything (despite the great distance) I’m here. Shameme x

  12. Being a college student, I fail to understand being under some crisis in any case than failing my grade. But I’m always standing your side, Joycelyn. Sometimes I feel depressed for being fighting alone in this campus, but I feel really alive and encouraged whenever I read your blog, which suggests I’m not alone.

    “Can you stay up for the weekend
    And blame God for looking too old
    Can we find all that you stand for
    Has been replaced with mountains of gold

    You cannot dream yourself to notice
    To feel pain and swallow fear
    But can you stay up for the weekend
    Till next year

    God I can’t do this any more
    Though I’ll be laid down on the floor
    As many feet walk through the door
    I’m not alone

    If I see a light flashing
    Could this mean that I’m coming home
    If I see a man waving
    Does this mean that I’m not alone”
    —Calvin Harris

  13. Hi Jocelyn,

    I’m a long-time lurker and really enjoy your posts. It’s great that you and John can really stick together during tough times and something to aspire to. I hope everything turns out ok!

  14. @ Jocelyn. I stand by you and your husband and offer you my heartfelt support. Although I have never been a victim of discrimination myself, I am familiar with the history of discrimination in the South. When I was chasing my then potential ABC girlfriend, I was a little worried whether her family will accept me and whether my family will accept her. But in the end hers and mine did not have any problems with our interracial relationship. I wish both of you well. Do not give up and never surrender to discrimination. I hope that your relationship with your husband will wane or weaken from those evil outside forces of discrimination.
    Please continue to write about interracial relationships.

  15. Dear Jocelyn, don’t let the darkness win.

    I’m also with you and your husband.

    You know they saying: In the end it’s gonna be ok. If it’s not ok…it’s not the end!

  16. Dear Jocelyn,
    I support you and your wonderful husband. Please stay postive and be strong…i hope good times will return soon. Big hug to you guys! Ria

  17. Whatever it is I really hope it has nothing to do with the US Immigration. The original Section 214(b) dual intent was put in place to prevent Japanese women from meeting American men. Since then it has morphed to include student visas. I wish you all the best.

  18. Jocelyn,
    You are in my thoughts and prayers. Don’t give up. Keep on believing in your husband. If it is the goverment, I am so very sorry and hope it turns out alright. If it is friends or family, I hope you may find a way to break away from those negative people. Move to Washington! AMWF relationships are so common here that no one even blinks an eye or takes a second glance. I have not witnessed much discrimination here.
    ~Sincerely, Ashleigh Son

  19. I’m with you Jocelyn!!! Keep fighting guys and think positively!! Big hug for you, it feels awful to be scared 🙁
    Wish you shared the details with us, it’s so confusing when we don’t know what’s going on 🙁
    Hang in there~

  20. Dear Jocelyn,
    Hanging tight!! You have our full support in fighting against this ugly side of human being. There will be light at end tunnel.

  21. Dear Joss,
    So sorry to hear that you’re facing a terrible struggle and scared :(. You and John are loved by many. Don’t give up. If there’s anything I can do for you, please don’t hesitate to give a shout. I’m on your side!
    Your friend,

  22. There will always be idiots in this world and we can’t do anything about that. Hang in there and know that there are people who stand behind you and support your efforts. Namaste.

  23. 🙁 I’m very sorry to hear this Jocelyn. Stay strong! I wish you and your husband well wishes for your future.

  24. Your stories are an inspiration to us all. You are so strong and brave and make such an impact on all of us. Be strong. Karma will
    Come back around to take care of you.

  25. @ Jocelyn and John. I want to express to you both that I and my family offer you our fullest support. Remember, don’t lose faith in America. American history is replete with examples of resiliency. Just when people are about to lose faith while their backs are to the wall, they somehow come back from the brink of defeat and overcome great insurmountable odds. Your case is no exception to the rule. It was a pleasure and an honor to have spoken with you and your husband via telephone. Just let me know if there is anything I can do for you two.

  26. Hey Jocelyn –
    I’m a long time lurker who loves your posts and this blog. FYI this blog is the first site I visit each day…

    Just want to let you know that even in your bleakest times, please remember that for every unenlightened fool, there are more than enough enlightened souls to make you smile. Stay strong – you and John are fighting the good fight.

    If possible, you should move to the SF Bay Area 🙂

  27. Another long time lurker who loves your blog, coming out of the wood works to vouch my support for you and John, we’re on your side!

  28. Dear Jocelyn,
    Hang in there and be strong, whatever it is what is happening right now I am sure you two can fight it and find solutions. Love from Beijing, Inge

  29. Jocelyn,

    Whatever it is happening to you, you are a strong couple, keep fighting and dont let anyone tell you who you are or with whom you should be. It´s hard but staying positive is what can keep you up!

    It is great what you are doing, by publishing this you show how emotional you are and that support is key for both of you.
    You can see from the comments that despite the fact many of us didn´t have the chance to meet you in person, we keep you in our minds and we wish we could some how be closer to you and support you with actions and not only words.

    Drop me an email if you need to talk, whatever you need to say I ´ll be glad to help.

  30. Jocelyn, I’m alarmed that you write that you feel “frightened.” Is there something I can do to help?

  31. Stay strong! I’m not sure what you’re going through, but I know that you deserve the best, and that you will get through it. Thanks for your blogs! Words cannot express how much you’ve helped me understand chinese culture in the past few months.


  32. Fear has no grip
    Where the mind does not give
    So don’t give
    Let fear be the creep

    Discrimination is a fool’s island
    Where the weak
    And the weak-minded

    When it rains
    Let it rain
    When it falls
    Let it fall

    You stand
    Like a moutain
    And unconcerned

    For nothing knocks
    For long
    Cannot be
    ‘Cos your being
    Is strong

    And others
    Can do or not do
    What they want
    You don’t stand
    In their fool’s way

    Let them be
    Let them be

    It’s a guarantee
    That’s all there is
    And the fools
    Will come to see

    That thou are thee
    And they
    The silly old tree
    Out for a little penny

    Love and metta from Malaysia

  33. I’m so sorry to hear about you guys having problems, no matter what they are. I wish you guys the best of luck and you have my support no matter what happens! Stay strong, and I hope all this encouragement can really lift you up!

  34. I am sorry to hear this, Jocelyn. I hope you’ll let this serve as a virtual hug, and let all of these lovely comments restore your confidence as you and John move forward.

  35. Owned the guns, also thinking of moving out of states, hopeless lands with bunch of wankers, and criminals,and freaks. or you shoot them or you got shot, either way, its your choice of moving back there , but not living life in China. meanwhile some non chinese are more like staying in China for odd reasons, maybe US is really fucked up right now just like rest of world. LOL. make choices.

  36. btw, I am traning for phycial fights in past 20 years, and I kocked down, the blacks and white trashes from different body sizes, 5 to 6 feet above. in both souhth Africa and North America, and I am phycially confient for myself tranning efforts, and Thanks budda, my counsin brother has assess for me to train with military guns, in China. and just remember always be ready to face threating, although my gf is white, but i told her once, if war break between US and CHina , I will be joining in CHinese troop, kill as many american soilders as possible, so there you go, also ask your husband to grow some guts. or don’t live there anymore.

    1. Dear all, thank you so much for the extraordinarily supportive comments! Your positive energy has buoyed my spirits and helped me regain some balance. Things are still far from over, but it is such a comfort knowing you all stand behind us. I can’t say enough how much I appreciate it.

      P.S.: You’ll have to forgive me for not responding faster — last week I was sleeping maybe 4 hours a night on average and it wreaked havoc on my strength/energy. Thankfully, last night I finally enjoyed a long night of restful sleep.

  37. Jocelyn,

    You always have to think, talk and act positive . You know something? Life is just very hard if you don’t know how to “control” it. While I’m typing here, I have my own problems to solve in my head right now. We all have problems of our own. Step #1: you need to do some arobics/ exercise to relieve stress . Step #2 : Talk to your husband on what is the most important thing in your lives right now. Step #3 : How to make more money to fund your future plans. step #4 : How to avoid obstacles in order to obtain his PhD.


  38. Jocelyn,
    I’m glad you were able to get some good sleep; that’s so important.

    I was deeply saddened to read that you and John are facing more discrimination. My thoughts and prayers are with you and John. You two are special people with a special love. You are strong and determined, and I know that you two will get through this new trial together.

    Pacific Coffee’s quote of the day: HOPE–Hold On, Pain Ends

  39. I really need support this days too,this is why, for the very first time i’m letting you a coment,Jocelyn you’re amazing and I love your blog,please stay brave and strong not matter what happen,well succeed in the end.

  40. Dear Jocelyn,
    I hope that you can stay strong and won’t give up fighting against the discrimination you have to face. With your blog you have helped so many of us – your blog was the first one I kept reading on a regular basis and it was also the one that made me look for more blogs to read. By using a great skill, sensitivity, you have taught people to look beyond what is being seen on the surface. I’m always looking forward to mondays and fridays when you publish a new post and do hope that you and your husband won’t have to fight against so much discrimination in the future. I am also sure that things will work out for both of you, it is just a matter of persistence and time.

  41. Jocelyn, you’ve got an entire [online] army standing behind you. Know that you’re not alone and we are here to help you through this any way we can.

  42. Holding space for you in your time of crisis. It sucks you are going through this; you and John certainly do not deserve it. But I trust in the universe that you will prevail or be led to something phenomenally better.

  43. Dear Jocelyn,
    You are so supportive and inspiring for all of us… You and your blog have helped me so much to get over my break up. With your posts you always teach us to keep fighting for what we want. Keep fighting guys, be strong and stay positive! Things will turn out alright!
    Big hug to you guys!

  44. I’m so sorry that you have to go through this! If it was just another incident of discrimination, I would say take the high road and ignore the problem. You really can’t change what other people think and do. There are people out there that are incredibly stupid and ignorant.

    But this looks like a VERY serious situation, so I would just say pack up and get the hell out of dodge!

  45. Dear Jocelyn,

    Your blog is such an inspiration to me and know that once again, that you and John will take this discrimination in stride and become even stronger than before. We’ve got your back!

  46. Jocelyn,

    Stand tall no matter what they say.
    Ignore all whatever stand in your way.

    You can’t change people’s mind overnight. But you can change your environment overnight.

    Let them be what they are. But don’t let yourself become victim of their opinion.

  47. You don’t need to listen to friends or family members on problems that you know best. Do what is best for your family. Every family and every situation are different so you can’t compare apple with lemon.

  48. I’m awfully sorry to listen you are experiencing what it seems a horrible situation, but stay strong, keep fighting and tomorrow morning will bright with a brand new light.

  49. @Chen Yong: what? none of the things you said made any sense…. I have heard more coherent sentences from drunk guys at a night club after rush hour than the posts you wrote.
    your Sino-centric point of view is just comical at best.

    you and Bruce have the biggest inferiority complex ever, always with the need to say “yea, I’m strong, yea, I make lots of money”…. fact of the matter is, if you really have high level of athleticism, good salary, you wouldn’t be spending so much time e-boasting.

  50. 朋友来了有美酒,豺狼来了有猎枪。

    这几乎是所有中国人的处世哲学。Almost all the Chinese believe in that.

  51. As minority in USA, discrimination is matter of life here. How do you live with it and handle matters. Never fight a war you can not win. Simple bravery can lead to downward spiral with vicious circle. Fight with your voting right, with tactics, not simple confrontation. I knew some many people end up on slippery slope. Some one even ends up like Dorner who just do not know how to quit unwinnable fight.
    It is depressing and emotionally draining when you are facing injustice. But that is life. Never let obstacle of your life ruin your spirit.

  52. Anonymous, Well you’re entitled to your opinion. I won’t waste my time with you. As long as I and my friends know who we are . I want a 2 to 3 yrs commitment from you on this website. I comment here on my break time only you fool !

  53. hum…… u know what , go fuck off Anonymous, i aren’t talking about salary, and if PHD isi not really his thing, John you should fuck that, and quit , do some partitcal things.

  54. @David,

    San Marino is going to be ASian ( Chinese)majority soon. Can you believe it that a $2.1M home can be bid up to $2.7 millions Cash. 20 + offers all cash? Buyers from China ? Maybe… Chinese don’t like to live in Beverly hills because not alot of Chinese live there etc. If you’re not a doctor or high power attorney you won’t have a chance on the bidding because they are all cash and bid over the list price by several hundred thousands. Now you kknow why whites don’t like too many asian moving to Arcadia , San marino…

  55. Talking about high salaries here.. Lots of Chinese men commenting here have or used to have high salaries.. Making money is not about hard labor job anymore helloooo??? We can be in sales, professional field , business owners or self employed… I comment here because I want too not because I have to in order to pass time. I have 5 to 6 hobbies lining up right now. what an idiot! inferior complexion? my ass! My skin is flawless like baby skin better than most women. I take care of myself and health unlike most people.

  56. John and Joceyln,
    Like bamboo, u may bend with the wind but it will not break u.And eventually the winds will have to change in America just as they did in Ireland and in Europe. Persistence. Be resolute to stand your ground with honour and grace. And expose the perpetrators. Often, dark threads in life’s canvas are handed to us. But used well, can be turned over to reveal a tapestry most beautiful. Your circumstances may have to change but you both have each other, and that’s a lot in the face of difficulty.

  57. Bruce: yes keep talking and keep showing your mediocre English comprehension, and keep proving my point
    I said inferiority complex, not complexion, they mean two different things. And you said you have high salary in America??? I wonder what kind of jobs you have with such terrible written English.

    If the purpose of this site is to show positive light about AMWF, then the author isn’t doing a very good job of it, creating an atmosphere where all you’ll hear is unsubstantiated opinions, coupled with a few commenters using this ground to e-boast

  58. Anonymous , That’s why you’re an idiot thinking that people with perfect English writing skills that hold high salary positions. “inferiority complex, not complexion” – I don’t care if you mean both ways. People like me rather beat your ass up than wasting time talking to you. Have you seen people who can’t even read or write making 6 figures a yr? No right? You are the type of loser who always criticize on perfect writing skills and looks rather than the whole package. Show me your physique and charisma? You have nothing boy!

  59. Anonymous,

    You even criticize on the author not doing a good job. No matter how I write or how beautifully the author writes, there will always be people like you who are prejudice . I know you’re a bookworm who will only base on status and English skills. I know you’re type.. You’re the irritating type and I don’t care how much education you have. What a F….. idiot you are assuming that a high income earner should have good English skills. I know a car salesman making $250 to 280k a yr.. You are an idiot man. I can be friends with anybody regardless of incomes ( wealth), educations and background..You really need to go out there and talk to people, bookworm and stop hiding in your room reading my comments. I know you’re a prejudice person already because you judge on how I write . I know you will look down on a person on how he/she talks, acts, writes or what he/she wears or what kind of cars he/she drives. I know your type. Even if you’re making 6 figures a yr, you will cut throat over $40 , $50 on service fee. Did I profile you huh? bookworm?

  60. It’s a week after your post and many have commented already, but I still want to offer you my support. I can’t imagine how it has been for you and John to face all this discrimination. Of course some people will comment by saying you should move somewhere else but this is not always feasible and not always an option. It seems you and John had a similar issue before you moved to where you now live and it also seems one of the perpetrators is someone who is or who was close to you. Just know all of your readers have your back. Thinking of you and John and sending positive thoughts your way.

  61. few points:
    1. I highly doubt you can easily beat up a guy who competed professional MMA, Muay Thai, and got offered university scholarship for wrestling.

    2. I do judge people on the way they speak: it shows their logical reasoning, intelligence. I wouldn’t have called you out on your shitty English, had you not been bragging incessantly about who you are without any substantiation

    3. So no, you didn’t profile me right. I must admit I am pretty book smart, but I am even more street smart and somewhat an athletic genius. So you’re only partially right.

    I won’t answer more, unless your reply contains some backed up argument, and sound logic.

    p.s: calling me names won’t make you any more eloquent, more handsome, richer…nor does it make me any less muscular, intelligent

  62. Anonymous,

    “I highly doubt you can easily beat up a guy who competed professional MMA, Muay Thai, and got offered university scholarship for wrestling.”— Shut the hell up you loser! I don’t want to talk to a little kid. You don’t fool me loser because people who are into martial arts are very humble and peaceful unlike you. You have learned nothing from martial arts .
    1) Show others respect first. you come here saying that if we make high salaries we won’t have time commenting here. Who said high earners don’t have time commenting here? We could sign a few contracts that would generate $30k-$50k a month during good times. We might have 4 to 5 rental homes paid free and cleared.
    2) I take it back. I don’t want to beat up your lazy ass no more. I use my frustration on other things better. You may be younger than me by 15 yrs but you won’t last with me on labor intense project. I know your type that only focus on Muay Thai and MMA and s..t but when your families call you for help, you run like a dog lazy ass.
    3)”biggest inferiority complex ever, always with the need to say “yea, I’m strong, yea, I make lots of money”…. fact of the matter is, if you really have high level of athleticism, good salary, you wouldn’t be spending so much time e-boasting.”– You called yourself street smart? My ass! Listen kid, I’m self employed. I work under my terms but you’re working for a company etc with “salary” . Salary is FIXED. Business income or commission is not FIXED. The more we sell, sometimes we have more spare time. I’ve talked to people who just graduated from top colleges before and some of them just didn’t use common sense. It’s like talking to a brick wall.

    4) I won’t be serious with you because you will be just another commentator leaving this site soon. You won’t last long here. People here are giving support but you’re just here to put down people so I still consider you a loser. Why? you have no logic or reason. throw your diploma/degree in the fire. You’ve learned nothing about life except talking but no actions. Why do I know so much about negative people? I have a dozen of negative people surrounding me right now. They just talk bad about everything that you want to do but they have done nothing over a decade.. My last comment with you here , loser. If you’re an asian, congratulation because you just set us back another 100 yrs backward not forward.

  63. I am with you through the end Jocelyn, what can I do to help? I hope you and your family are doing ok and please feel free to contact my email for help.

  64. I have no idea what could have happened but I can only say that I support you both wholeheartedly and hope this situation, whatever it may be, passes quickly. You are both such an inspiration and to think that you’re the target of discrimination is such a horrible thought. I hope everything gets better soon – we’re all here for you 🙂

  65. I know the feelings that it’s like the end of the world. We will always support our spouses, families and friends to the end regardless of financial or health issues. Hanging on to the end is the secret to a meaningful marriage/life. By running away from the problems, then you ‘ve failed as a person and as a human being. Success is not about winning all the time. Success is about climbing back when you fall down. You know with kind of economy, we’re not going up or down. This kind of feeling is unbearable…When we understand about life…. nothing matters anymore.


  66. hi Jocelyn! i’m a chinese man and i want to say i support you couple, we know sometimes this kinda shit things like discrimination are unavoidable, so just try to keep relax and let it go, it’s not worthy to let them disturb your life, your happiness does not rely on them, always stay with you, 祝你们幸福!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

gifts to china Booking.com