Chinese family | Speaking of China

The China Baby Race

A little asian boy looks surprised about the surroundings. — When my friend Peter already announced a baby boy, within a year of getting married, it made me wonder about the rush to have babies sooner in China (Photo by Erik Araujo)

This evening, I was so excited to find an e-mail from Peter, one of my closest Chinese friends. I expected to hear something about his work life, or perhaps his wife. But instead, I read this:

“We have some happy news to share with you. My wife just had a baby boy on February 15, 7 jin 3 liang. The mother is fine.”

Of course I was happy for him too, and I couldn’t wait to tell my Chinese husband about it. But then it hit me. Peter had only been married to his wife for about a year. And within that year, he and his wife had already turned double happiness into triple happiness. Fast. Continue reading “The China Baby Race”

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Ask the Yangxifu: Chinese Boyfriend Changes Around His Parents?

Lonely heart - photo by Dora Mitsonia — A woman wonders why her Chinese boyfriend is showing less affection when his parents are around. (photo by Dora Mitsonia)

confused asks:

I am dating a Chinese man who has lived in North America for years. He is quite westernized in his daily life, so it’s difficult for me to ascertain which issues may be cultural and which aren’t. We’ve been dating six months, and it got serious quite quickly. His parents are just in for three weeks now, and i’ve met them and spent quite a bit if time with them while they’ve been here. My boyfriend, however, seems to be acting strange. His parents appear to like me a lot, but could his strange behavior ( less texting/phone/ verbal affection ) be an indication that they’ve mentioned to him otherwise?? When I’ve spoken to him about it he gets quite stiff says I’m overreacting and shouldn’t question his feelings ( his general attitude hahaha) but the difference these last couple weeks is notable… Sigh… Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Chinese Boyfriend Changes Around His Parents?”

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My Chinese Husband Calls Me Laopo

White letters jumbled up on a black background — What’s in a name? I may be Jocelyn, but I prefer my Chinese husband to call me “Laopo” or wife in Chinese. (photo by Josep Altarriba)

There’s nothing I love more than when my Chinese husband comes bursts into our apartment after a long day, and calls my name.

“Laopo!” he’ll sing out, as he stomps his feet on the mat by the door.

Well, Laopo (老婆, [lǎopó]), which is another word for “wife” in Chinese, isn’t really my name. But the sound of it is as soothing as a cup of Jasmine-scented green tea.

I never thought that I would rather be called “wife” over Jocelyn.

When I was young, my parents never called each other “wife” or “husband,” instead peppering their evening adult conversations with their real names, “Claudia” and “Bob.” The whole idea of using “wife” or “husband” between a wife and husband was the verbal equivalent of turning a marriage into a form letter.

But when I started dating John in Hangzhou many years ago, he began using that “L” word — Laopo — in reference to me. Continue reading “My Chinese Husband Calls Me Laopo”

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My Chinese Husband, Almost Switched at Birth

Some old dolls packed together — When my Chinese husband was born, the neighbors wanted to swap him for their baby daughter (photo by Onclebob)

When someone gives birth to a baby boy, you wouldn’t say “can we switch babies?” Unless, of course, you happened to be neighbors to my Chinese husband’s family.

As the third son in the family, John dashed his mother’s hopes of finally giving birth to a girl. Their neighbors had the opposite problem — they had just birthed another girl, the third in their family. So the neighbors came to John’s parents, with a different kind of indecent proposal.

The way my mother-in-law and father-in-law tell it, there was no question what they would do. “He’s our son, we could never give him away,” my mother-in-law declared emphatically at lunch one day, as my father-in-law nodded his head, adding how the neighbors “had a crazy idea.”

But what about the neighbors themselves? Continue reading “My Chinese Husband, Almost Switched at Birth”

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How To Make It A Very Chinese Christmas

A Very Chinese Christmas Stocking — There are many ways you can make this a very Chinese Christmas, such as putting your name in Chinese (and English) on your Christmas stocking (like mine).

When you straddle two different cultures, sometimes, you wish your holidays did too. Holidays like Christmas.

I still love and embrace the traditions of my childhood, growing up in a Catholic home with a fresh-cut spruce trimmed with tinsel, and lights and an Angel. We hung our stockings, exchanged presents by the tree, hung wreaths, shared Christmas carols, baked Christmas cookies, and decorated our doors with pictures of Santa and the Reindeer and Elves.

But now, with my Chinese husband John, I’ve enjoyed creating a few new traditions and twists on the old, to make the holiday reflect the international, cross-cultural couple we are.

So how can you make this a very Chinese Christmas? Start with these five tips. Continue reading “How To Make It A Very Chinese Christmas”

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Ask the Yangxifu: Gifts to Buy Abroad for Chinese Family and Relatives

Gifts for Chinese family, relatives and loved ones — What gifts are best bought abroad for your Chinese family?

With the holidays coming in as fast as the cold fronts, it’s time once again for an update to my gift-giving guide for your Chinese family and loved ones.

A lot of readers have asked about what gifts they should bring their Chinese relatives and/or girlfriends/boyfriends from abroad. So, for all of you wondering what to stash in your suitcase for your next trip to China, this is for you. Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Gifts to Buy Abroad for Chinese Family and Relatives”

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Ask the Yangxifu: Books with Chinese Men and Western Women in Love

Books such as Foreign Babes in Beijing feature Chinese men and Western women falling in love. (image from http://www.goodreads.com) — Books such as Foreign Babes in Beijing feature Chinese men and Western women in love.

In lieu of the usual Q&A, I decided to do a post is inspired by a previous Q&A. Specifically, the question I answered two weeks ago about movies with Chinese men and Western women — since many movies owe their existence to books, that ultimate writer’s labor of love (including at least two of the movies on that list). And, even if it is cliche to write this, well, the book usually IS better than the movie. 😉

So, here’s a list of all the books I can think of with Chinese men and Western women in love:

As the Earth Turns Silver by Alison Wong

As Katherine struggles to care for two children in New Zealand in the wake of her husband’s death, she discovers love with the Chinese shopkeeper — but must keep it secret because of the racism and prejudice of this era, just on the brink of World War I. Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Books with Chinese Men and Western Women in Love”

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Interview on My New Chinese Love

Interview on New Chinese Love — My New Chinese Love interviewed me -- read it online.

My New Chinese Love interviewed me a few weeks ago about love and family in China — and they just published it on their website. Here’s part of the intro, with a teaser:

Jocelyn Eikenburg explores love and interracial relationships, and how Chinese family is the ultimate social safety net….

In this interview, Jocelyn reveals…

how she integrated into a Chinese family who was initially disapproving of her

why some Chinese people don’t say “I love you”

how she and her Chinese husband resolved the key issues of location and citizenship

why she embraced filial piety as the “ultimate social safety net”

and more…

Read the full interview here.

My thanks to Jeff Cappleman for reaching out, and doing such a professional job!

(BTW, if you haven’t visited My New Chinese Love, take a look — Jeff’s site is full of advice about love, life and family in China.)

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The Chinese Zodiac Effect

Lit-up red Chinese lanterns — When you live in China, you cannot escape the Chinese zodiac, and the light it shines on everyday life.

My Chinese husband used to be what his mother called nanyang (难养, difficult to raise). But she didn’t turn to any Chinese equivalent of Dr. Spock to solve the problem. She saw a fortune teller.

“The fortune teller said I had a conflict with my father,” John told me. He’s a horse in the Chinese zodiac, and apparently rats — the sign of his father — just don’t get along well with their equine brethren. “So the fortune teller suggested she find a godfather who is a tiger.” That’s a tiger in the Chinese zodiac.

And that explains why a man John refers to as “godfather” shows up at John’s family home for Chinese New Year and other major holidays in China. He may not be blood family, but he’s important to the family harmony.

It’s not the first time I’d experienced the Chinese zodiac at work in daily life in China. Continue reading “The Chinese Zodiac Effect”

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Ask the Yangxifu: Movies with Chinese Men and Western Women in Love

Yes, sometimes the Chinese man does get the Western woman in the movies -- such as in "For All Eternity." (image from Amazon.com)

B asks:

I was wondering because you often mention about Hollywood and the lack of Chinese men getting the girl. Can you think of any other movies to recommend where a foreign girl gets together with a Chinese or even an Asian male. All I can think of is Shanghai Kiss, Mao’s Last Dancer and the other one Ramen Girl is in Japan so it’s kind of not the same.

My friend told me about a movie aired on CCTV in Chinese about a rich American woman who falls for a peasant Chinese man but she forgets the name of it. Do you happen to know it? Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Movies with Chinese Men and Western Women in Love”

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