The Emperor’s Girlfriend asks:
I’m an American who has lived in China for several years and has recently started dating a Chinese man (about 4 months ago). I entered into the relationship somewhat hesitantly but hopefully, determined to “sniff out the air” before really committing to a relationship. Since the beginning a few things have kind of bothered me but I have only recently been able to put my finger on it. I’m dating one of China’s “Little Emporer’s” all grown up (28 and not an only child but near enough…his sister is 10 years younger…and even he admits he’s the family favorite).
No, he’s not a spoiled-rotten, tantrum-throwing ego-maniac. There’s no way I would put up with that. But, there’s a certain self-centric way of looking at things: from a near-sulkiness when a plan doesn’t go the way he expected (it dissapates quickly but not before I’ve caught a glimpse in his tone or his face) to a love of praise and often an expection that praise should come even for the smallest thing. There are other, more specific examples but I see a man who struggles to put the needs/thoughts of others before his own.
He’s not without merits: he can be very kind (just don’t thwart and a plan or an assumption of a plan or witness Mr. Sulky), he’s very devoted and close to his family (a fact which I find extremely admirable and freaks me out at the same time) and many others. But he does have trouble sympathizing with others, has a confidence that strays at times into arrogance, and I wonder if the generosity I see him show is only motivated by the fact that it gains the admiration of others.
I’ve studied and read about the socialological implications of the One-Child policy and the effects of Birth Order on personality and relationships (I’m a quinnessential middle child), but seeing the results of a child, now man, who has clearly been doted upon, up close and personal has me reeling a bit and has caused us to bump heads more than once.
I’m curious to hear your opinion on this. Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Chinese Boyfriend a “Little Emperor?””