Ask the Yangxifu: Chinese Husband Forgot Valentine’s Day

heart-shaped red candle burning
A Chinese husband lets Valentine's Day go without the kind of romantic surprise his Western wife hoped for. How can she get through it? (Photo by Muris Kuloglija Kula)

romantic asks:

I’ve been married now to my husband (Chinese) for almost 7 years, the past four here in China.

Basically, as Valentine’s Day passed without a hint of romance…..I’ve been pouring over whether or not my western conditioning has been detrimental to my marriage. I know I certainly can not expect my husband to prepare breakfast in bed (a habit he detests, as it leaves crumbs in the sheets), or carry me to the unromantic crowds of youngsters fulfilling the newest western trend of Valentine’s rituals (he’s pretty stubborn to trends, which I also appreciate), but couldn’t he have at least bought flowers or something? I can’t help feeling that my negative reactions are more my problem. I feel flat out silly in wishing he had “bought” me something. And I feel this is directly related to hallmark campaigns I grew up with in the U.S. BUT, despite the western consumerism marketing campaigns, I do feel I truly need a little spark or spirit of romance every once in awhile. How do we get through this???? Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Chinese Husband Forgot Valentine’s Day”

My Chinese Husband Calls Me Laopo

White letters jumbled up on a black background
What’s in a name? I may be Jocelyn, but I prefer my Chinese husband to call me “Laopo” or wife in Chinese. (photo by Josep Altarriba)

There’s nothing I love more than when my Chinese husband comes bursts into our apartment after a long day, and calls my name.

Laopo!” he’ll sing out, as he stomps his feet on the mat by the door.

Well, Laopo (老婆, [lǎopó]), which is another word for “wife” in Chinese, isn’t really my name. But the sound of it is as soothing as a cup of Jasmine-scented green tea.

I never thought that I would rather be called “wife” over Jocelyn.

When I was young, my parents never called each other “wife” or “husband,” instead peppering their evening adult conversations with their real names, “Claudia” and “Bob.” The whole idea of using “wife” or “husband” between a wife and husband was the verbal equivalent of turning a marriage into a form letter.

But when I started dating John in Hangzhou many years ago, he began using that “L” word — Laopo — in reference to me. Continue reading “My Chinese Husband Calls Me Laopo”

Ask the Yangxifu: Negativity About Dating Chinese/Asian Men

why the foes asks:

WHY is there nothing but negative reactions from anyone who hears that my boyfriend is asian? The reactions don’t seem to be specific to the country he is from… they are just so grossed out that anyone can actually date an asian guy. “Yuck! They beat their wives! They are so boring! They have tiny dicks! They are too girly, They look ugly”, etc etc.. I’ve heard it all. Or, if the reaction is not totally negative, they are always INVASIVELY curious about every aspect of our relationship. “Does he speak english? Where did you find him? Is it true they have small dicks?”

Now if I was with literally anyone else, no one would bat an eye. Men of other races seem to be the most disgusted and seem to take it as a personal affront. Women are more polite, but shake their heads as if to say “what a waste.” Even my girlfriends who are Taiwanese don’t like asian men.. a Japanese gay guy I know ONLY dates Black men, but no one criticizes his taste. I also feel like people think I have yelllow fever and it pisses me off – if I decided to exclusively date say, white guys, no one would care.

I seriously feel sorry for Asian guys who are just trying to get dates out there, having to work against this enormous negative image. And I live in NYC! I can only imagine how much worse it is in suburbia.


Have you had similar negative reactions when mentioning your Chinese husband? Ugh! I apologize for ranting, but this makes me so mad! Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Negativity About Dating Chinese/Asian Men”

Ask the Yangxifu: Dating Advice for Chinese Men from JT Tran, the Asian Playboy

JT Tran, the Asian Playboy
In this exclusive interview with Speaking of China, JT Tran offers dating advice for Chinese men on everything from sexuality and confidence to personality and approaching women.

In lieu of the usual Q&A, this week I’m featuring an interview with JT Tran, the number one Asian Dating Coach for Asian men.

JT has been featured on ABC, Chicago TV, VH1’s The Pick Up Artist, Asian Week, D Magazine, Nichi Bei Times, Entrepreneur, Harvard, Rutgers, Wellesley, to name a few. He offers hands-on coaching through his bootcamp seminars with the ABCs of Attraction. And, just recently, he launched the AMWW (Asian Men & White Women) Magazine to provide dating advice for Asian men in every stage of the relationship (in full disclosure, I’ll be writing for the magazine starting this January). Regular readers may also remember I reviewed his free audio dating CD and eBook in December (which are still available for download).

I talked with JT about a variety of subjects, from sexuality and building confidence to having personality and just approaching women. I’m confident you’ll find the conversation as enlightening and enjoyable as I did.

Since this is a monster of an interview, I’ve broken it down into topics, so you can click your way through to the information you want to know most:

Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Dating Advice for Chinese Men from JT Tran, the Asian Playboy”

Ask the Yangxifu: Review of Exposing the Myth Behind Why Asian Men Can’t Date White Women

Chinese husband, Western wife, singing karaoke
My review of the CD "Exposing The Myth Behind Why Asian Men Can't Date White Women" (and the accompanying e-Book)

This week, I’m pre-empting the usual Q&A, to give you a review of the free audio dating CD, “Exposing the Myth Behind Why Asian Men Can’t Date Western Women,” and free e-book, “Enter the Pickup Artist Preview,” by JT Tran, the Asian Playboy.


Over the past year, I’ve gotten a lot of e-mails from Chinese men, who are desperate to know one thing — how to date Western women.

And so I’ve answered, from advice on how to meet Western women in China or America, to how to approach Western women in China, to even dishing out my suggestions for a Chinese student pursuing a brunette here in the US.

But the truth is, as good as my answers are, there’s much more to getting in a relationship with a Western woman than being in the right place, and having the right approach. That’s because you can fail for so many other reasons — because you don’t have the confidence, or you lack personality, or you don’t know how to hold a conversation, or you have the wrong body language.

Fortunately, there’s an Asian brother out there who understands. JT Tran was once, as he puts it, a “textbook nerd” who studied engineering in college here in the US, and had absolutely no clue on how to get American women. He was even rejected by eHarmony for being “too analytical and cerebral.” That was the wake-up call that jumpstarted his own transformation into the guy now known as “the Asian Playboy” — the number one dating coach for Asian men.

Asian Playboy? Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Review of Exposing the Myth Behind Why Asian Men Can’t Date White Women”

Ask the Yangxifu: Chinese Student Wants to Approach American Brunette

Cappucchino cup
How can a Chinese man go from sharing smiles to sharing coffee with a Western girl in the US? (photo by Michaela Kobyakov)

K asks:

Here’s my situation, I’m a college student in the US, chinese male, above average height.

So here’s my situation. I just finished class and was on my way to the bathroom when I  saw this hot brunette(white girl) at the department office. She just gave me a cursory glance and smiled. I ignore her (thought she was just being friendly, and some girls just like to smile at guys) and didn’t think much about it and just went on with my day.

However, much later during the day, I had to get some forms from the department office. So I went back and saw her again. I do believe she is an undergraduate student working part time. So as I was browsing through the forms, I notice she was staring at me. I mean, literally. That made me really uncomfortable. So being the stereotypical shy chinese guy, I pretended not to notice.

When my research advisor walked into the office, we went into the next room. Halfway through our conversation, I saw her walking by our room and she look in. This time we had eye contact, and she smiled so sweetly again!

When my talk with my advisor finish, I came out of the office and notice she was gone, I think she went for class. I went home and thought about her the whole day. White girls(especially hot white girls) tend to be a little intimidating to me. I think that maybe she was just as intimidated as I am.

So finally, to hell with my inhibitions, I’m gonna ask her out but I’d like a little successful AM/WF white female perspective on how I should do it and what I need to be aware of. as I have only been with Chinese girls my whole life

I’m wondering how do I approach her? Maybe ask her out for coffee? Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Chinese Student Wants to Approach American Brunette”

Ask the Yangxifu: Understanding Silence from Your Chinese Boyfriend

An old school telephone
Understanding your Chinese boyfriend, and what it means when he doesn't call -- or e-mail

Talk to Me asks:

I’ve become involved with a chinese man and yes, I find communication to be a real problem. We email quite often since he is out of town, but I notice that there are times that he will not respond to one of my emails. Prime example, he thinks that I’ve been asking questions about his return home to one of his friends. When he asked me through email if his friend has been discussing  with me about his return, I simply answered  “It has nothing to do with who has been telling me things, these things I want to come from you because I trust it hearing this from you.” He has not responded to my email. He has completely shut down. I’m at the point of giving up on the relationship because I never know when he’s going to stop talking to me, and at this point, I’m wondering if he has broken up with me. Can you please shed some light on what I’m experiencing. Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Understanding Silence from Your Chinese Boyfriend”