Ask the Yangxifu: Negativity About Dating Chinese/Asian Men

why the foes asks:

WHY is there nothing but negative reactions from anyone who hears that my boyfriend is asian? The reactions don’t seem to be specific to the country he is from… they are just so grossed out that anyone can actually date an asian guy. “Yuck! They beat their wives! They are so boring! They have tiny dicks! They are too girly, They look ugly”, etc etc.. I’ve heard it all. Or, if the reaction is not totally negative, they are always INVASIVELY curious about every aspect of our relationship. “Does he speak english? Where did you find him? Is it true they have small dicks?”

Now if I was with literally anyone else, no one would bat an eye. Men of other races seem to be the most disgusted and seem to take it as a personal affront. Women are more polite, but shake their heads as if to say “what a waste.” Even my girlfriends who are Taiwanese don’t like asian men.. a Japanese gay guy I know ONLY dates Black men, but no one criticizes his taste. I also feel like people think I have yelllow fever and it pisses me off – if I decided to exclusively date say, white guys, no one would care.

I seriously feel sorry for Asian guys who are just trying to get dates out there, having to work against this enormous negative image. And I live in NYC! I can only imagine how much worse it is in suburbia.


Have you had similar negative reactions when mentioning your Chinese husband? Ugh! I apologize for ranting, but this makes me so mad!


Nobody ever says anything negative when I mention my Chinese husband.

But then again, I live in the middle of nowhere, work from home, and I can’t even remember the last time I mentioned him to someone new. (Trust me, it’s a really, really small town.) 😉

Look, I’ve had my share of the negativity. That’s why I stopped tracking the phrase “Chinese men” on Twitter, and why I never hang out in Asian expat forums (home of the ubiquitous, Asian-male-hating anonymous asshole). And, of course, it’s why I’ll never watch another movie with Cameron “I don’t want to kiss Jay Chou” Diaz. (Cameron, you’re on my shit list.)

Why all the negativity about dating Asian men (and, in my case, Chinese men)? Is it the media that refuse to let Chinese men become one the next Harrison Ford or Cary Grant, that iconic sexy and strong leading man? The stereotypes? The fact that they’re simply ignorant assholes?

I think a better question is, why are they the ones thinking about dicks and beating women and ugliness? Whatever it is, it’s obviously these people who have the problem, and not you. The guys might be threatened by seeing you with an Asian guy, someone they always figured they could somehow “out-do” to get the attention of a girl like you. The girls might have, say, watched things like Sixteen Candles a few too many times, clueless to the reality that there are so many amazing Asian men (and, in my case, Chinese men 😉 ) out there.

If you ever run into such imbeciles again, why not take their negativity and throw it right back at them with a good comeback? For example:

“Oh…so you like small dick?”

To which I cheerfully reply, “Nope. I find that rumor to be largely unfounded. I just hate ugly faces.”

Me too. 😉

Or better still, just learn to distance yourself from the negativity. I used to get really angry about the injustice of it all, and I still get irked from time to time. But then I remember the words of my husband’s favorite Chinese idiom — 勇往直前 [yǒngwǎngzhíqián], or “courageously move forward.” Sometimes, that’s the most audacious thing that we can do, to simply live life to the fullest, in spite of the negativity.

Good luck!


Do you have a question about life, dating, marriage and family in China/Chinese culture (or Western culture)? Every Friday, I answer questions on my blog. Send me your question today.

122 Replies to “Ask the Yangxifu: Negativity About Dating Chinese/Asian Men”

  1. I haven’t got much negative feedback that I date a Chinese guy, but I do remember one person. She lived in China for one year and then wen’t back home. She just couldn’t understand why I was dating yonger Chinese guy that maybe isn’t even good looking by her standards. She was asking me many times what I was doing with my bf at the same time shaking her head. She also thought that after a year in China I would also want to go back home, well she was wrong and I have no plans to go back until I finish my BA degree.

    More complaints I get from Chinese guys that have a crush on me and think that my bf isn’t good enough for me.

  2. There I remember why I’m not much of a social person… too many idiots out there.

    Two thoughts:
    One, if you get such reactions from friends – ditch them. I don’t think such people should be called friends.
    Two, as Jocelyn suggests, learn to go with the flow and … divert it right back into such people.

    My better half has encountered comments from more than a few fellow students that she is “obviously” another one of those girls who just went all out to “catch” a foreigner – people who say such things will never be convinced otherwise, no matter what. And thus, they won’t count anything in our lives, as we know the truth of the matter.
    I know it’s difficult, but I keep thinking – and saying – that there’s an advantage to having to get through such problems. At least, you learn quickly that not everything is just rosy, and decide to stay together while everything is not all going hunky-dory. Weeds out friends from idiots, too…

    I must admit, my view of small-town life (at least, in the West) has been changed by it… seems that people there are typically more open and accepting; they get to know individuals rather than stereotypes 😉

  3. The thing that shocks and appalls me the most is when people think it’s OK to ask me about the size my husband’s manhood. It’s like they think we’re all in on the same joke and they finally have someone on the inside to confirm or deny the rumour. For the love of all that is decent in this world! I usually deal with it by (as you suggest) turning it back to them cooly and calmly.

    But for all the low level stupidity, thankfully there has only been one person in my life who was outlandishly offensive about my being in love with a Taiwanese guy. Comments from this person included “You know, animals in the jungle usually mate with their own species… that’s the natural order of things…. I think you should consider that!” and “I just have no idea how you can find Asian men attractive!! Really! What’s wrong with you? White men not good enough?” Needless to say, this person is no longer a part of my life. They’re a rather sad and lonely figure and by no means the representative of what people normally think.

    At the end of the day, I fell for my hubby for all the same reasons anyone falls for the love of their life. It just so happened that he is Taiwanese and this is a fact that has only served to brighten and bring colour my life. There’s always going to be idiots in the world, but hopefully their number is diminishing.

  4. It’s really amazing (in the galling, negative way) that people harbor so many poisonous stereotypes and knee-jerk reactions just to race. And it’s galling that people feel like it’s their business to comment on another person’s choice of partner. I think Gerald’s comment is especially valuable about partners sticking together even though they encounter outside criticism. In the end, it’s about nobody else but the two of you, and it’s up to the couple to keep what’s between them between them and not give a flip about the ignorance and entitlement of the people putting them down.

  5. I first want to say I agreed and LOL’d at this:
    “Cameron “I don’t want to kiss Jay Chou” Diaz. (Cameron, you’re on my shit list.)”….
    But back to the original subject, I too have encountered this, sometimes from people who I know were trying to hurt my feelings,like my ex-aka-my son’s father, who is Italian, asked me something to the extent of: “Oh, do you enjoy his little rice d*ck”? To which my sarcastic self replied…”OH! Yeah, best I EVER had! But it’s more like 2 egg rolls put end to end..” I think he didn’t ask me about our relationship again for AT LEAST 6 months to a year after that one. (I know, vulgar but well deserved)! I recently I ran into a comment from a co-worker, who I have known for almost 2 years now, when I said that one of the guys from the Christmas crew where we worked was cute she said, “But I thought you ONLY liked Asian guys”? My reply was that yes, I prefer an Asian guy, but I wouldn’t say ONLY(my ex’s come from MANY nationalities, and all over the world!). Needless to say, it is now a running joke that whenever an Asian guy comes into our store SOMEONE has to tell me so I can see him and let them know if he is cute(I am in a committed relationship here people, decide if he is cute for yourselves)! I think because Western media has NEVER put the Asian man into any sort of “Gets the girl” roles, that people STILL assume it is OK to say these things. I for one am SINGLE HANDEDLY rocking the worlds of MANY people, and the few people who do not know us, when they find out that the 5’9″, single Mom, fat chick is with the super handsome, college educated, 5’7″ Asian guy- Well it blows their minds! I say also the people who say these things are mean spirited or narrow minded, because even my most uneducated friend thinks he is a great guy, and they don’t think twice about him being Asian…So keep on pushing the message that Asian men are not only NOTHING like what these people think, but that they are some of the BEST lovers/friends/boyfriends/husbands in the world! 😀

  6. To be honest the whole time I have been dating my boyfriend I never really came across any negativity a such, At most people’s reactions were just curious and have asked how did you meet? do you like Chinese food? Have you been to China? and so on. But I think that is normal I mean if a friend was dating a french or a polish or a German guy I think I would probably ask similar questions.

    The only place i ever saw negativity was online and those typical stereotypes However a few of my boyfriends Chinese male friends have sometimes said some comments to him about foreign women, so i guess it goes both ways

  7. I didn’t get negative reactions from my friends, but I did get one common response: “Oh! Chinese? Exotic!” Really? How are Chinese men exotic? I think it’s just one of many possible responses to the unknown.

  8. Most of this has to do with race..most whites dont like whites dating blacks and the feeling is mutual among many blacks. With Asians it is a bit complicated.

    1. Many whites think it is ok for a white male to date an Asian female, but that a white female should not date an Asian male.

    2. There are some whites, particularly some white women, who strongly believe like the one person Kath mentioned…they find interracial couples, disgusting and revolting period, particularly the white women in America…but also go to any site dealing with white South Africans, particularly the Dutch ancestry variety…you will get a visceral reaction to any interracial couples…try the website Afrikaans chicks for instance…of course you need to understand Afrikaans to understand most of the comments.

  9. I completely understand this:

    “Oh…so you like small dick?”

    To which I cheerfully reply, “Nope. I find that rumor to be largely unfounded. I just hate ugly faces.”

    I get that comment so much NORMALLY mostly from white guys.

    I have even had some dare to say “I am racist to my own race” or that “I am a disgrace to my heritage.”

    When I first started dating Asian guys It really did bug me but now I just think that they are very close minded and sadly mis educated.

    “You can come up with a list of hundreds of qualities that you think are important in another person, But in the end the heart wants what it wants.”

  10. I have talked to Black men, White men , Asian men, and all kinds of men out there over the years in America. I ‘ve noticed one thing in a human being that you can be an asshole regardless of his race! EVery race will have sterotypes no matter what. Once, you get to talk to a man whether he is Asian, White, Black ,etc, you will know his values, personality ,style and ethical behaviors. As human beings, we are programmed to be jealous. In my eyes, if an Asian woman with a white guy or asian man w/ white woman has LOVE and commitment in a relationship, I don’t even have one single thought in my mind. Do you know that good looking /attractive people can be nasty and asshole?If I have a choice of picking a beautiful woman with evil personality and bad attitudes and another w/ so so beauty and down to earth and caring,loving personality , I would pick the down to earth lady. To me , that’s attractiveness !!!!!!I guess I meet people all the time in my field so I’m telling my points of view. Next time, tell those idiots this: don’t eat sushi , don’t buy japanese electronics like tv, camera ,don’t drive reliable japanese cars, don’t eat Chinese food you fat ass! We like those items because they’re good , better, dependable products. We have a choice too when it comes to picking our gf/wife/husband/bf. We pick our women(white, black, hispanic , etc) is because they’re caring, kind hearted, down to earth, understanding, respectful and 110% commitment to improve our finance and family values period! Ask them if they have these qualifications? If we don’t find these qualities in both men and women, we will reconsider. I know a friend whose a white man with ASian woman and they always have problems. There is no so called better relationship with white man and asian woman . You always have to work at it all the time regardless . The bottom line is that those people are jealous, misinformed and they can’t have you ,so they look and constantly asking stupid questions. Trust me, SMART people don’t ask those questions. I’m going to say it again, please do believe what you see on movies/shows. Don’t let the media set the trend. You set your our trend!! amen 🙂

  11. I just can’t wait for a white boy to ask if I have a small dick. I’ll pull his hair and shove a hotdog in his mouth. You freaking GAY lord!!never ever compare dick size and pocket size ( bank accounts). there is always someone who is richer or bigger than you. Damn what a statement!

  12. I have also gotten the “small dick” question, and worse things. I try to move very, very far from people with such thoughts. Unfortunately, some of the comments came from friends or relatives 🙁

    And when you dare to have a so called “mixed blood” baby with said Chinese man… Oh, God! Then the universe of stupidly inapropriate comments acquires new dimensions.

    The funny thing is, I used to get so pissed at the beginning! But now, after 7 years into this relationship, with an almost 2 year old kid, I notice I have built a stupidity-proof shell around my little microcosm.

    Last, but not least: I’d kiss Jay Chou 2 thousand million times in a row, if it makes up for Cameron Diaz’s comment.

  13. Yup, I’ve gotten some really dumb comments from people too, and for a while it really bothered me. But lately I’ve been thinking about it this way: intelligent people don’t make ignorant, racist comments. So if someone is giving you a hard time about being with an Asian guy, that person is obviously not worthy of your attention. Although, a good counter-comment or question can be rather satisfying lol If it’s a guy making stupid comments about Asian men, I usually ask “Are you speaking from personal experience?”

  14. It’s a sign of lacking social standing.

    Why is outward antagonism to other races not so often evoked? Well, Asia is in a strange place in western psyches. It’s an emerging power – the “future” of things. An upcoming seismic shift in global economic and political balance will disrupt future dating heirarchies as well. To forestall the impending change, those currently on top (whites) must put down the attractiveness of romantic competitors in other ways to maintain (at least for the time being), their privileged position. It was the same thing with anti-miscegenation laws against blacks in the south and Asians on the Pacific coast. Since that avenue is no longer available, people devalue competitors through subtler avenues of denying social acceptance. It works as well! I’ve known many young white females who’ve accepted the collective groupthink or are influenced by peer pressure.

    I’d say that the majority of Asian immigrants to western countries are focused in technical fields and not in things like entertainment. Heck, they’re not much involved in gangs or organized crime, even. Most of them are law-abiding and unobtrusive. There’s just not enough pizzazz generated by being too safe and conservative. This makes the attack of being “boring, unromantic, unadventurous” easier to stick.

    What can be done about this? Well, the world is in a process of rebalancing. Smart individuals not encumbered by race are already making plans for the new world order by moving to Asia, educating their children in Asian languages, and even selecting Asian spouses. While there will be short-term pain for Asian males who endure their low social position, they can be confident that their worth will gradually improve with Asia’s economic clout and the changing social attitudes that accompany it.

  15. Oh, I forgot to add one more thing that an individual can do.

    There’s not much you can do to change people’s collective minds; that changes through a very slow process. Rather, discount other’s opinions of you. Don’t care so much about what they say. You can enlighten curious but unoffensive individuals. Just don’t mind the haters.

    For Asian males, they can do their part by acquiring skills that go contrary to the ingrained stereotype. Learn dance, art, various languages. Become a passionate lover, romantic, poet. Take up skydiving, snowboarding, or water-skiing. Not only will you increase your social worth, but you’ll also be doing your part to combat stereotypes just by existing. That’s a way of acquiring “cool” cred without the investment and uncertainty that goes into changing your career to do music, sport, or performance arts.

  16. Cameron Diaz kissed Justin Timbe….ex bf? He looks boyish to me. I see things differently too. She is definitely not a smart woman when she comments like that. Some people just don’t use their heads when they say something especially from a celebrity. that kind of comments turn me off already. Now you know why she’s not married :(.

  17. That is a totally skewed view on Chinese men!! I must laugh, I have worked in the hospitals for the last 15 years and with a mom and a sister who also dedicated their lives to healthcare, we have seen many naked bodies. Trust me, not all Chinese men have a smaller penis!! By the same logic, not all white men, black men, just because they are tall, or taller, have larger penises either. What comes to mind is, in America, when you call a person “dick”, it certain does not mean his anatomic part, but rather, his not so lovely personality!!

  18. I haven’t heard about asian men talking about other men’s penis size, seriously!! I’m telling you. Asian men are really different in terms of respect for others. WHen we were growing up, we always had to greet friends, relatives and strangers. Our families always show manner and respect for others. Only disrespect and insecured people say comments like that. That has a lot to do with parenting skills. Our school systems are failing in America. Parents are AFRAID of kids not the other way around. It’s not like in the 1950’s anymore. Only 4% of the population , Asian people have come a long way in America from the financial district , universities and movies. Our image is changing slowly. If I step out on the street, they will see me as a foreigner but once they talk to me , they will enjoy talking to me like any other Americans or even better . If they disrespect me because I look Asian, they just loose another law abiding citizen with credit scores higher than theirs. As long as you want to change yourself either on your physique ,education or bank account , you can do it. I change my body too so can you. I’m strong like an ox right now. From 1000 lbs leg press to 80lbs dumbbell incline flyes, max. out on one arm curl machine 50 reps ( broke the cable one time), 210 lbs military press behind neck. 20 yrs ago, I was a weak ass school boy but not anymore. Why do I talk about all this nonsense about bodybuilding??why? In western societies, if you look “weak” they will pick on you without getting a chance to know you as a person. I was talking to a guy in a professional field . I had to correct a lot of misconception about Chinese people and China. I said ” Chinese food in America is not really Chinese food, it’s modified for Americans. Real Chinese food has less meat and more veggies.” Since he’s White and I’m Chinese American , I said ” If you want to see China, go there to find out . don’t just watch tv about CHina. I (Bruce) really like to go to Italy ,too and I love to eat Italian food especially that octopus dish with its ink on it”. After a long night of conversation with this guy, he invited me to be a speaker on this committee and be a regular speaker for this committee. I open up to strangers , to the public and my own neighbors(whites) and they must sense that “wow, this guy doesn’t talk, think or act like a foreigner, he is one of us”. Once you break this barrel, the rest is history and you don’t have to take my words for it.

  19. LOL, this negativity is definitely bad for Chinese guys, but its an awesome way to separate the smart girls with good character (inside and out) from the judgmental, non-thinking, stereotype-believing masses. 🙂

  20. Bruce, your comments really annoy me. Take a hint. NOBODY CARES about how strong you are! NOBODY CARES about how good at sex you think you are! Please, just stop.

    Too much information. Stop boasting. Nobody cares.

    Now to the topic at hand.
    Aorijia, lol. I’d kiss Jay Chou that many times too. Cameron Diaz sucks, they should have got someone else for the role. 😉

    As far as my experience has gone, my friends don’t understand it but then they accept my preference. I, like Sara, are partial to younger Asian guys just as my friends are partial to older, white guys.

    I think older white guys are like EW so we criticize each other.

    White guys that pull the “small dick” comments are just jealous losers. Probably the type of guy that think they can rock some Asian woman’s world because they’ll be the biggest dick she’s ever had but sadly don’t realize that the girl they get isn’t interested in how big or how great they are – just how big of a paycheck they have and how much clothes they can get him to buy for them. 😉

    I’ve met a hundred morons like that in China that think they’re God’s gift to both Asian women and white women. 99% of them a white woman wouldn’t touch with a 100 ft pole. It’s really gross actually.

    So ignore losers like that. Guys that think actually having a dick is half the work. Bravo.

  21. I’ve dated guys of many races but never expressed interest in an Asian guy until recently (I met one while traveling–there were not many single Asian guys where I was living). The first thing one of my friends said was, “You know those guys have small packages.”

    After letting the steam come out of my ears for a moment, I responded, “I don’t think that’s really the case, but it’s not size that matters anyway–it’s skill. And aren’t you always saying how terrible your fiance is in bed?”

    Here I was thinking the guy I had started something with was so desirable: kind, loyal, smart, funny, successful, wealthy, charming, handsome… Silly me.

    To me he is the Holy Grail of available men. The fact that he is Chinese is just icing on a delicious cupcake. 🙂

  22. Wow this thread really blew up in just minutes.

    This comment I saw here is really widespread among those who know I come from a Jewish background (for your information I’m not all that into Jewish stuff and never was, if you know what I mean) and try to get me interested in dating Jewish guys:

    “You know, animals in the jungle usually mate with their own species… that’s the natural order of things…. I think you should consider that!”

    The problem is I’ve always been attracted to Chinese guys and never been attracted to Jewish guys. Yet those in the Jewish community have a huge problem with my mentality, so I just tell them no thanks, I’m looking for a Mandarin man, and leave them to live with it.

  23. ERrr what happened to free speech and tolerance for others..?
    this comments section should not just confined to people writing the common replies like “OH i date guys of all races but i happen to think chinese guys are HOT!?”

    I enjoy reading your comments and you bring alot of interesting points about yourself as in not being a stereotypical chinese/asian male image. Coming from a chinese background myself but i never considered myself chinese because i don’t follow their chinese customs, eat chinese food(although i’m only genetically disposed to rice), traditions and personality characteristic behaviours, some of them behave exactly like the others when it comes to reacting and how they express themselves (HERD LIKE BEHAVIOUR). I have been told off alot by other ‘chinese’ people how i ‘should’ act more chinese since my family is chinese and i look ‘chinese’. I think sometimes they even find me offensive when i don’t speak with a chinese flat blunt accent or have the ‘follow the group’ attitude.

    Again i did not respond to their negative and limited view of what it means to be human (my point is: we eventually have to evolve out of the views that we are what we are depending on our skin colour…we’re more than just skin colours or what our racial tribe dictates to us. Stagnancy brings more desperation, survival mode, death and aging… isn’t this what breaks up destroys indigenous tribes (example: the australians aboriginals) eventually ? if we dont change within, someone/group will).

  24. don’t get mad. in the end the one who have courage shall prevail. man cannot being judge on how much he earn things or his physical build but rather as how much he live his life. Personally although we were no angel but my model in live is Zhao Yun.

  25. I have experienced this, as well: the giggles, the comments about “size,” and even suggestions that I have a case of “yellow fever.” It never used to bother me, but lately it has become incredibly irritating, especially since many people, even among the international community at my university, seem to think it’s socially acceptable to say this. It’s infuriating!

  26. If I don’t annoy you guys, how do I get you guys to open up and talk here. Remember I comment here more than most guys.
    Funny, it’s okay that you call me an idiot. It hurt you more than me. I’m embarrassing? :). that phase doesn’t hurt me either. Asian people should be united. Listen!!Look at how much I write here and Look at how much of input and dialogue you put into this. just one or two lines right? Do you guys wonder why most Chinese guy don’t comment here? They’re afraid of bad feedbacks from other people. I’m not afraid to face problems. I welcome all negative comments toward me ONLY. Everbody stands back. bring it on , FUNNY. If I’m in the mood , I’ll comment. Why do I have to waste my time with losers?

  27. Bruce, I do understand your frustration, to an extent… But I really think you are greatly underestimating Chinese men. There are a great number of them out there who are not afraid to speak out, and they are perfectly capable of dealing with stereotypes in an intelligent, humorous way. Are you familiar with Beau Sia and Wong Fu Productions? That’s what I call empowerment.

    Another important thing to remember is that we are all individuals. Stereotypes force us into groups, and deny us our individuality. Not all Asians are in the same club. Not all Chinese men are in the same club. They are all first and foremost individuals.

  28. Everybody on this forum knows that you don’t group people in the same club but the westerners still force us into one group. That’s the problem out there right now. We have to put the message out there in the world. Famous Asian actors that have money and star power should know the problem regarding kissing his love interest on screen already. Are those Asian super stars afraid of their wives might say something regarding kissing another actresses on screen? or the money is just too good that they obey what Hollywood dictates them not to kiss on screen? I know that Chinese people are very driven and intelligent. I ‘m very happy that you guys give me a chance to chat with ya . I’m trying to lure more Chinese men in this discussion and that is my plan. That’s why Joyceln creates this website to clear out some misunderstandings on Chinese men. If we talk more here, all questions will be answered . Thank you guys.

  29. ‘Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding’ – Albert Einstein.
    The reason why we hear people making stupid comments about Asians or people of other ethnicity and perpetuate all the negativity mentioned……………well because these people NEVER IN THEIR LIFE/LIFETIME realize that all these negativity leads to nowhere (for them and the target subject) and these very same people making these comments don’t even know it.

  30. Bruce, while I can understand that you are trying to lure more men in here to comment and while I can appreciate some of your on-topic discussion many times it lapses into you praising yourself from being different from other Chinese men and about how attractive, muscular, good in bed, pleasing to your wife and other women you are.
    Please if you are going to use examples stop using your biased perception of yourself, that’s all.
    I do appreciate your other insight about friends of yours and such but sometimes it gets too much.

  31. Slightly off-topic:
    I think the Cameron Diaz comment has been taken out of proportion. As you can see, in the quote she said “I’m not kissing THEM.” Them meaning both heroes in the movie, Seth Rogan and Jay Chou. She also said “that always happens”, which is proof that her reason for refusing to kiss either of her co-stars was because she didn’t want her role to be the same role of the female that’s been played numerous times in superhero films.
    I didn’t find that comment racist at all, and in my opinion the only people who find it so are being over-sensitive (the writer(s) on that YOMYOMF site seem very over-sensitive to me. That article you linked to, there are quite a few stretches in it. Violin=anti-Asian? Really?)
    On-topic: Story of my life, this entry. >_<

  32. Most of it has to do with racism period. Other reasons are just excuses! If Asian Female-White Male couples are so well accepted in the US, why dont we see more Asian females in the Bachelor show, where all bachelors have been white! You hardly see any white male-Asian male couples in the movies. The Hawaii Five O’s ratings dropped briefly after Grace Park kissed a white man in one of the shows…it was not acceptable to a lot of white people and even Asian men! So why does anyone think that Asian male-white female couples will be accepted. Or does it matter? Love who you want and marry who you want…all it should matter at most is your family! If anyone else gives you trouble it is not longer a race issue, it is a law and order issue!

  33. Beth,

    I’m sorry that I’ve made you feel uncomfortible when you read every line that I write. Let’s count how many Chinese/ASian men are actually writing here.I’m sorry that you don’t like too much information. Well, some stuff can’t just touch on the surface only. You need to go into details in order to understand something.I’m just a detailed person sorry. Most people just hear one side of the story and they believe it ,too but what about my story side of the story and many stories from alot of Asian men you haven’t heard. If you take so serious about what I write, image how we’re going to face those people that make that kind of hurtful comments in the public. Do you feel like you want to kill those people on the spot? Whatever people say to me here, I just read, listen and don’t think about it. Please clear everything about what I’ve said off your mind right now. We’re just communicating on this website here. I don’t want you to think about it. Take a long walk in the park and relax and hang out with your gf friends today. In real life, I can be a really good friend. Yes, sometimes it gets too much when I talk but when we talk face to face it’s a different feeling. In this world, everything is too much anyway. The real conflict and battle are out there not on this forum. Beth, I’m still talking to you now. I know other people have given up already. Beth, please don’t take everything too serious here and out there. People say that asian men have “small penis” is just to put down other race because they can’t compete with them. It’s all about controlling and suppressing another race. Do you know that it’s easier to make negative comments but it is difficult to talk good about a person? I can handle 200 nice phone calls than 50 bad phone calls. take care

  34. It goes both ways. I am Chinese girl with foreign boyfriend.
    One day, when we traveled in Xi’an, we stopped at one boulevard to get our portrait drawn by the street painters. (

    You see in the picture the guy behind us? I think he was a taxi driver. Anyway, few minutes later he approached us and began asking such rude questions that I really don’t understand how I kept my nerve cool. Fortunately, my bf couldn’t understand what he said (I told him only later).

  35. “I seriously feel sorry for Asian guys who are just trying to get dates out there, having to work against this enormous negative image. And I live in NYC! I can only imagine how much worse it is in suburbia.” Not offering my 2 cents worth, just some statistical facts: the farther you leave Asian enclaves, the more likely an Asian will marry someone of a different race. So you may find more resistence in NYC than in a place like Reno Nv or Montpelier Vt.

  36. Interesting; thanks E.Woo. I was thinking that it would be much worse in suburbia simply because people wouldn’t be as open to dating outside of their race, perhaps because there is less racial diversity? However when thinking about it, I realize that doesn’t make much sense at all – NYC has tons of diversity but there is obviously a lot of stereotyping going on!

  37. Sometimes it’s all about average,
    average asian men (just like the one from madtv)
    height: 5’3″ to 5’7″.
    weight: between 120 to 130 pound.
    build: skinny build without much muscle.
    jobs: most jobs make them look even more nerdy.
    knowledge: only knows about their jobs and nothing about themselves.

    Sometimes I feel bad, but most of the times they just make me look bad…

    I am asian myself, I am 6 feet tall and I use to be pretty built (185 pound). And for those who are curious, I have an average 6 inch penis. My girlfriend is white. When I was 185 pound, random girls would be trying to flirt with me on the street which was making my girlfriend extremely jealous. For starters, it’s all about body size, weight, and how much a person knows about themselves, money helps but my girlfriend was dating me before I was making 6 figures.

    When I was buff I was exotic, now I am back down to 160 pound and girls don’t really come around and flirt with me anymore lol, I have other focuses right now but I’ll get back in shape before the summer.

    There is no excuse in this world, if you want something go get it. Looking for sympathy is just pathetic.

  38. There’s no point in announcing everywhere that you’re an Asian man with a big dick and good at sex. That gives the impression that you think you’re some sort of representation or outlier. The only way to really end stereotypes, IMO, is to show the world that Asians are multi-dimensional and can have big, medium, small dicks, whatever. Who really cares? When we stop caring so much, they can’t use it against us anymore. I’m going to write a blog about this in the near future, but there’s a recap right there.

  39. lol… it doesn’t what size your dingding is but what matters is what you do with it. Look back at history in the reign of King of Siam, he had alot of wives but he was a busy little bee producing over 80+ offsprings… i’m sure he wasn’t 6 ft tall or have a big schlong to be popular with the ladies.

  40. I think the biggest problem is the Japanese, they make porn showing guys with small penis… They need to import bunch of Men from Manchuria part of China and Mongolia to Japan to revolutionize their porn industry, that’s the only time the stereotype will go away…

  41. Mish,
    I had misconceptions before, like white women who date and marry Asian men were open-minded, therefore, liberal. My brother moved to Fort Worth and pointed out that the white women with Asian men there tend to be family oriented, attend church, i.e. conservative. Come to think about it, the couples I came across have 2 -5 kids and been married for 2 or more decades (to the same husband). Those ladies don’t exactly live like “free spirits”, more like very traditional wives and mothers. Many don’t work outside the home. Of course, this is not a scientific sample.

  42. I dont care about what others say and actually never had such reactions. my uncle once asked my mom if I have a boyfriend and what his eyes look like implying if he is asian or not. she totally told him off. my mom just rocks like that!

    but what really annoys me, is when asian guys themselves get surprised and ask me why I like asians, they do have small dicks.
    now I understand how a western person can assume that common prejudice is true…srly, asian guys themselves always reminding everyone of it is not helping.

  43. I don’t want to trivialize the negative effect that all this racist prejudice may have on Asian men’s self-image… but if some guy spends a lot of time thinking about the size of your manhood, and talking to other people about it…. AND he claims to be straight, then he’s clearly the one with a problem.

    The stupid jokes are actually a bluff: “I feel threatened by you as a man, so I’m going to puff myself up and say how I’m more gifted than you.” If the size claim was actually true (or even important to begin with), then the non-Asian guys wouldn’t have to worry about it or ever mention it. It would be a cold fact, like gravity. But it’s not true, and thus the imbecile jokes about anatomy. Every time I heard a white guy making fun of Asian men, it was like listening to him say “I feel so insecure about my own self, I need reassurance!”

    Yue, that’s weird that you got that size question from Asians… Maybe they wanted confirmation from you that the size claim is not true? Btw your mom sounds cool 🙂

    E. Woo, lol, that’s a good observation. I’m actually politically liberal and not religious (or a housewife), but I do place a high value on family life. It’s definitely a bonus that my bf is also family-oriented and a good father figure.

  44. Hi all — I’m new to this forum but have been reading Speaking of China for a while now.. decided to join in on the discussions. One positive association I have noticed with Asian men/white women coupling is that some people assume that the couple is of higher social, educational, or economic status. It is true, I think that the more educated people are, the more willing they are to date outside the race. Perhaps it is the status thing that some Asian men seek — that if you are an Asian male able to attract a white woman, you are somehow better educated, more socialble, wealthier, etc. In fact, a Stanford economic study has shown that in order to date a middle class white girl, the economic penalty for a black or hispanic male is around $10-20k in salary a year. However, for an Asian male, the penalty is $200k+. In other words, from purely an economic perspective, an Asian male needs to make $200k+ more than a middle class white male to be in the same dating level.

    Given, this information, it is not surprising to see that if the woman is white and the man is Asian, he will tend to be significantly better educated, higher SES (social eocnoimic status), etc.

  45. Another point I’d like to make about anatomy is that even if one doesn’t have a small penis, one still feels insecure about it given all the comments about Asian men and small dicks.

    I have alot of my female friends ask me whether it is true that Asian men have small penises (in fact someone asked me that over a large dinner party just two days ago). If you’re always being asked that… you start wondering (even if there may be no facts based on it).

    To my point, this was one of the most popular youtube videos awhile back (sorry for those in China who can’t watch youtube!):

  46. @lzr

    that statistic of azn men having to make 200k to date a white women… has been proven false by azn guys dating white girls who aren’t making that amount.

    and the reason people ask is because they only hear it from guys, guys who wouldn’t really know either because straights guys dont fuck other straight they wouldn’t know. the only valid source is from a girl who has dated more than one asian guy. or an asian guy himself who knows his own size.

  47. Okay, I have read each and every comment on here. I have to say… Size does not matter. It IS about skill & how he uses it. Of course, there are alot of men who criticize & judge women because they date or even marry a Asian male. I, for one, have been a part of that idiocrisy, so I know how most men think about it. As for some Asian men commenting about the ‘small cock’ stereotype… Some of them actually believe it’s true & they feel very insecure about it. Unintended, they lash out at other Asian men who just so happen to date outside the Asian community.. There is absoulutely nothing wrong with dating or marrying a Chinese man or a Asian man in general. If I were to say that my huband is 3 Asian heritages… More than likely there would be a few rude comments & snide jokes about his privates. So there’s no need for me to go into detail. But I will say this. There is NOTHING wrong with Japanese men. Not all of them have small cocks, okay? So that comment about them in the porn industry with small ones was rude.. And hold up a minute here…

    A guy, no matter what race or nationality he may be, or whether or not he’s multi-racial, doesn’t necessarily HAVE to have a big dick to satisfy a woman. Not every woman in the world wants a big one anyway. Skill & whether or not he can pleasure a woman with it, should be the only thing that truly matters

    And honestly… The fact that every male from every race has something against their own men & women dating/marrying/having sex with someone outside their race, is childish & it’s pure hate & jealousy. Hmm okay. So they don’t want to date their own race but yet don’t want anyone from another, to do so either… But it’s completely alright for THEM to do so? Ahaha that makes me laugh… I’ve seen the hateful jealous glares from the Asian women as I’ve walked proudly with my Asian hubby.. I’ve also noticed the glares from the white men, hispanic, black, even other Asian men with their own gfs or wives. I really don’t care. I have love for one man & one man only & that, ladies & gentlemen, is my husband & always will be. All the people who think Interracial dating & marriage is immoral & wrong… Can just get over themselves & suck it up, because I for one, am not going to do what everyone else seems to be doing–following the rest of the herd & loving just their own race. And another thing… I am Multi-racial myself. I am not 100% white/caucasian. I am 3 different tribes of Native American-Cherokee, Commanche & Blackfoot Indian, mixed with Irish & German thank you

  48. It’s not just Asian men getting the evil eye for dating/marrying someone out of their own race. It is actually every nationality that gets discriminated & judged. Some men don’t want to date or marry within their own, so they date/marry from another country. The same goes for the women too. What is ironic… Is that both the men and women don’t want to date or marry within their own race, but yet… If they see someone of their ethnicity dating or having said married a ‘foreigner’… They get really angry about it & get hateful/judgemental and even jealous… Considering the fact that they REJECT their own for possible relationships/ marriage. Why do you think I looked back at the women who glared at me while we were walking around the mall or even Walmart together? Because I was PROUD to be with you. They knew it 😀

  49. Lol… I copied this from my hubby’s facebook.. Oops… Forgot to edit that last part out.. 😉 Maybe I ought to leave it 😀

  50. “However, for an Asian male, the penalty is $200k+. In other words, from purely an economic perspective, an Asian male needs to make $200k+ more than a middle class white male to be in the same dating level.”

    Dont know how they come up with this average..but I very much doubt that the twenty five or so women in the Bachelor show will touch a non-white skin or sit near a non-white person, let alone carry on a conversation.

  51. I should have said that those women wont do it even for a billion US$ Many of those would remain lower middle class and pure white than become rich by marrying an Asian or any non-white or white looking Lebanese for that matter!

  52. Faith,

    I love it how you express your true LOVE for your husband whose Asian. LZR, seriously, $250k to date/marry a white woman? That’s full of baloney man and a bag of chips! Don’t ever believe what they put out there. Those women ask that question about dick size on Asian men is because they just surf the internet and watch tv only. LZR, use my line next time those women/men ask you the same question . “Do Asian men have small dicks, LZR? DO YOU WANT TO TRY AND FIND OUT TONIGHT??” Say it with confidence and shake the table man!. Love shouldn’t be based on money. She will leave your ASS once you don’t make that kind of money REGARDLESS OF RACE.That’s elementary , man. Please rethink about that and set in our subconscious mind. There are errors and omissions / margin of errors on every surveys, movies, tv show , books, etc .100 + yrs ago, westeners thoughts Chinese people had brains of mice. Now why our IQ scores suddenly jump up on the Top list ?.Studies change all the time. Wait for another 10 t0 20 yrs, lots of studies will change ,too. You name it. Stanford economic study is just another term paper / survey online. It’s not even focused on NATIONWIDE study. Should we have an international studies on dick sizes ? This class will be called dick 101 or c**k 101. I’m sure this class will draw lots of attention and angry all over the world. There are too many factors that involve with relationship man . Ignore everything out there people. If I tell you guys to jump in the lake , will you do it? seeee :). Don’t ever set limits on yourselves ! Don’t ever let anything on this world to stop you from achieving whatever your heart tells you to do.


  53. And another interesting study from an OKCupid site:

    The point is not that there is any direct compensation. Meaning that if I want white girl X, I need to make $200+ more than the average white guy. In an macroscopic economic sense, that is, ON AVERAGE, the economic penalty. The study also showed the economic penalty for being ugly, short, etc. The point of having an monetary value ascribed to it, is that economists haven’t yet figured what type of “currency” one should use to value things like beauty, race, or height. I think trying to *quantify* the extent of being an Asian male in the dating market is an interesting intellectual endeavor.

    @ Bruce
    Your comments about confidence is well taken, but that’s not at all what I’m concerned about. My point is that even the most athletic, Ivy League/Oxbridge educated investment banker/management consultant, charming, confident Asian male has a significant penalty in the dating market *on aggregate*. But that is the whole point of racism; its unjustified judgement.

  54. LZR, I know why you’re still pushing that study but you are willing to believe that my friend.That’s is not our problem . Men like me just read it and let it go and find something better or more productive things to focus on. Will we get trapped in this balloon or “glass ceiling”? or are we fighters and break through all obstacles? “oh according to this study or oh according to that study” studies my ass!!. Yeah studies tell you to eat right and exercise America but obesity still growing strong. Just sit on your fat ass and don’t move your lazy ass and look at studies ok. Let’s don’t talk about that study and move on our merry way . Shall we?

  55. LZR,
    Last comment on that study dude… IT’s called prejudice . sooner or later . Things will evolve and change. If those women don’t want you , I want you because I’m turning gay :). j/k.. all jokes aside. let’s move on and let others comments. thanks.

  56. Men, I’m sorry, but you’re wrong about one thing. Women are not walking calculators who obsess over men’s salaries, social status, occupation, car, real estate…. and we’re also not shallow creatures who care more about height, anatomy, exact appearance, etc. than we do about a man’s inner qualities. Many of us actually seek men who are loving, honest, funny, and smart, and we don’t care about his race or economic status.

    Maybe guys live in a more “mathematical” world than women do, but to us ladies it is love, care, and friendship that matter more than what men wrongly assume we’re looking for. We’re not a bunch of shallow, narrow minded economy freaks who go around dealing penalties to men based on meaningless characteristics. We know what we want, and apparently those economy “geniuses” don’t. It’s not about money, it’s not about size. Don’t underestimate women. We’re not so shallow.

  57. Hey Sonja,

    Thanks for your honest and timely comment. It’s about time you beat some sense into us. Men should view women in similar fashion to the way we should treat our mothers – sincerely, respectfully, and with much love and care. Because that is the foundation of humanity, we were all raised through love and care.

    Wealth, power, physical characteristics and other worldy things all fade away when I think of mother. And in similar manner I should treat women 🙂

  58. Of course, everyone, men and women equally have a shallow and selfish side. Sometimes a person can be made more shallow by getting hurt from a previous relationship or the media. So they may think “if i had more money or bigger muscles or a bigger dick or i may be successful in relationship” And women may think “if i had a prettier face, bigger breasts, more slutty/bitchy…”

    It is not always their fault that some people are shallow, given all the influences we get 🙁

  59. Sonja,

    I truly believe that you and the majority of the women out that are looking for these qualities. When we die , we can’t even take one penny with us anyway. $1 million or $10 billions.

    @ LZR survey says that 65% of women say penis size is not a deal breaker for a relationship. They’re are looking for what Sonja has just mentions. I don’t even want to have a 10 inch dick. If you’re a caring person ,do you want to hurt your love one ,seriously. It’s painful . People don’t think about that because they’re not on the receiving end. If you ask women out there if they would want a 10 inch dick, what do you think they will say ?you can find out by yourself. LZR , can you ask those gfs of yours if they want 10 inch dick next time? Call them up tonight and report to us by tomorrow. What about those 35% ? Are those women selfish and think about sex only or they naive? You know when we get older the sex drive get lower right? What if later on ,the sex is not good anymore even with the big dick? Will that kind of relationship lasts or blame every single thing on money when it’s time for break up.

  60. “The point is not that there is any direct compensation. Meaning that if I want white girl X, I need to make $200+ more than the average white guy.”

    As an economist, I think it is a severe under-estimate. It is actually priceless…for an average white girl, dating even a poor homeless white guys is priceless relative to dating an Asian guy.

  61. “Many of us actually seek men who are loving, honest, funny, and smart, and we don’t care about his race or economic status. ”

    Folks on this board are exception to the rule. So please dont generalize and extrapolated from you to rest of the white female world!

  62. Grace,
    I appreciate your insights, but you should also not generalize. I assume that since you’re also reading this site, you’re probably not a racist. If you’re Asian, then how do you really know what an average white girl wants? If you are white, then you should accept that us average white girls are not all the same, and that there is a substantial number of us out there who are not racists.

    I can get a white boyfriend any time I want, with not effort at all. But I wouldn’t trade my Chinese middle-class engineer with a beat up old car for the whole world. Love is not racist, and true love can never be racist. No matter what your race is, your claim that for an average white girl getting a white boyfriend is priceless is plain wrong. Do more research, but not in places where shallow women go to seek out men with money.
    I hate to break the spell, but there is nothing special about white guys. They’re just like all other guys. And there is nothing wrong with Asian guys. They too are just like all other guys.

  63. Sonja:
    Mixed woman here in her early seventies…believe it or not we exist. Everyone loves to blame the older generation for racism and the younger generation is much more advanced except for one thing…racism. Really, how many interracial couples do you see these days either here or back in Asia? Most of it is Asian or mixed women with white men or mixed women with Asian men. I see a few white women with Asian men…yesterday after a very long time, I saw one here in Washington DC…and this is a big city and I know of two other…the Asian husbands are very rich in both cases! One is a prominent family from the Philippines and the other from Singapore. I have seen several in Honolulu, but that is not a microcosm of America.

    Based on evidence, more Asian and mixed women date outside their race…but then again mixed and Asian women can get a black, Hispanic, white, Asian or mixed boyfriend anytime they want perhaps with a little bit more effort compared to the white girls at least these days. Back in my parents days…1930s it would have been a scandal.

    Many people dont consider it racist to have a preference for one race (as far as dating, touching or marriage is concerned) although I will agree to disagree on that matter. Why? Because these are the same people who will attack Halle Berry for classifying her daughter as black but when it comes to dating there will be very few white people who will be takers. They have double standards. With the Asian women it will be different but not that different. How many dating shows or any other show have you seen where the love interest of a white male is an Asian woman. Very few and usually the ratings drop. In the case of Asian male, it is non-existent. Heck even Asian male-Asian female couples in shows such as Hawaii five o are non-existent so asking for an Asian male-white female couple or the other way around is asking a bit too much!!

  64. Grace,

    you sound like a different person now, because your previous comments were so brief, and I had a very vague idea of your perspective. I imaged that you’re someone much younger/less knowledgeable. I appreciate your perspective a lot more now.
    I’ve had a lot experience with being mixed myself – not racially, but ethnically. When my parents got married, it was perfectly normal for people of diff. ethnicity to marry. My mom is a mix of two ethnicities, and my dad comes from a third one. And then things happened in our country, and all of a sudden kids like me were treated like Salem witches (- the burning, of course lol), because ethnic “purity” was praised. It is difficult to visually distinguish the ethnicities that I’m talking about, but the moment I tell someone my name, they know my background, and I’m shunned and sometimes called names. M vocabulary also gives me away as a mutt. Nowadays, when people of different ethnic backgrounds get married, often their own parents refuse to attend the wedding.
    It may well be the case that white American women from certain parts of the US will only date white men. It is certainly true that Asian men are treated horribly in the media. But I am not talking about the media or those white women who are, well no need to sugarcoat it, racist. There are a lot of women out there who, like me, don’t discriminate racially. I wasn’t exposed to a lot of US propaganda against Asian men, so when I encountered these stereotypes for the first time, several years ago, it all came as a shock to me.
    My bf and I do get stares and comments, and it does disturb us, but we stick together. Every time I get pissed of when some movie or show portrays Asian men badly, I’m accused of having an Asian fetish. A lot of women would rather not deal with this sort of thing, so they chose to date men of their own race. Sadly, the society tells them that’s cool, because that helps the whole higher-level racism.

    There is a barrier of discomfort and ridicule that prevents a lot of Asians from speaking out, because they’ll be viewed as too aggressive or as if they’re complaining about nothing. The barrier is also there for people who want to say “stop this idiotic Asian-bashing!” But by overcoming the discomfort, we change the norm. Today, the norm is still racism. But we can change that.

    Please stop by my blog sometimes. I’d really love to hear more about your experiences.

    Boys, don’t let anyone put you down. And if some girl believes stereotypes, then she’s probably not too smart. Why waste time with her? Live fully.

  65. Sonja:

    Name looks like East European. I was in the Balkans during the war with an international organization. I was actually in Zagreb on May 1, 1995 when Croats and Serbs started blowing each other apart. The gas station next to my hotel was set on fire by rockets launched by one group…pretty sad state of affairs. I also know that Brits and Irish dont like each other and for a long time mixed Brits-Irish were treated like dirt in that part of the world. Actually back in the 1300s there were laws against Irish and Brits intermarrying and the children of those marriages were simply called “white people” a derogatory longer at least in the New World!

  66. @ Grace
    I take your point that for some people, this is a no-deal no matter what the cost is. Again, the study is about on aggregate, not for individuals. I think that’s the whole point of a macro-economic study. Love cannot be applied on aggregate, but economics can show us the relative trends.

    @ Bruce
    This is nothing to do with size at all, rather than an econoimc study I’m trying to point out that attributes racial prefrences to monetary value

    @ Sonja
    Yes, quite a few of my exgirlfriends have gotten the “Asian fetish” thing.. somehow it’s more acceptable for a guy to have an “Asian fetish” than for a girl. Go figure.

  67. @ LZR, Have you asked those gfs over the weekend yet?

    As I can see right now, the image of Asian Men and women is changing slowly in America ,but Asian Americans still have an identity crisis. We still lack representation for Asian Americans in the media in America . Most Asian American actors/actresses have to fight for leading roles with white actors/actresses, so it’s very difficult. If we have well known Asian male actors in America and in Asia that are willing to change the negativity of asian men, they can do it . If we (asians) don’t think about ourselves and money and focus on the benefits of the majority, money will come later on anyway. Don’t depend on Jackie Chan and Jet Li okay. Those two actors won’t do it. They should have corrected the problems years ago but they didn’t it.They were afraid that the movies would fail if they’ve kissed white women on screen, etc . Everything is about rating and money. I watch lots of movies over the years and they depict how asians act or talk in such ways that Asian people don’t even act or talk like that in real life. Asian population in America is growing fast and our negativities will change slowly because currently most Asian actors and ASian directors are seeing these sterotypes right now. I watched a show regarding this subject a few months ago. peace

  68. “As I can see right now, the image of Asian Men and women is changing slowly in America ,but Asian Americans still have an identity crisis. We still lack representation for Asian Americans in the media in America . Most Asian American actors/actresses have to fight for leading roles with white actors/actresses, so it’s very difficult. ”

    They have managed to get some lead roles recently…in the Mentalist and Hawaii Five O..well, they will definitely need Asian actors in Hawaii Five O…otherwise racism looks blatant!

    “They were afraid that the movies would fail if they’ve kissed white women on screen, etc .”

    Jet Li would not even kiss a black woman in Romeo must die! However, it is ok for Asian women to have relationship with other races on TV except of course white men. It is ok for Isiah Washington and Sandra Oh to be seen in bed, but let Grace Park kiss a white guy in Hawaii Five O, the ratings go down sharply! The idea here is that “dont touch us whites…if you non-whites screw each other it is fine with us.”

    “I watch lots of movies over the years and they depict how asians act or talk in such ways that Asian people don’t even act or talk like that in real life.”


    “Asian population in America is growing fast and our negativities will change slowly because currently most Asian actors and ASian directors are seeing these sterotypes right now.”

    More likely because China is becoming an economic powerhouse and so is India…but there are enough Indian and Chinese idiots who think that we all should lead a pious life and leave economic prosperity to the west…..

  69. I’ve never gotten any negativity when I tell people that my fiance is Asian. But then I guess it’s because I live in California where Asians make up a huge population (my high school was 40% Asian!).

    Also I guess it’s the people you are friends with because several of my close friends are also dating/married to Asian men.

    I feel that a lot of the woman that bash Asian men do it because of insecurity. Basically these women feel threatened by Asian women because some men seem to lust over them. Likewise, many of the Asian guys tend to prefer their own women (mainly because the majority are 1st-generation immigrants so they like something familiar).

    So these women are “offended” that more Asian men don’t “lust” after them as well, so to comfort themselves they bash Asian men.

    Of course a lot of this is anecdotal. Let’s just say I’ve met quote a few women in the past that used to be bash Asian men and now are dating them…

  70. > Really, how many interracial couples
    > do you see these days either here
    > or back in Asia? Most of it is Asian
    > or mixed women with white men
    > or mixed women with Asian men.
    > I see a few white women with Asian men

    Come out to Cali then, especially LA and SF because there are a lot of white women with Asian men. Just among my friends there are 15 interracial couples.

    And last time I went to Taiwan with my fiance I even saw a few white women + Taiwanese men couples.

    It’s really not that rare.

  71. My fishing friend came to visit me today.He’s taiwanese.I haven’t seen him for a yr and half.He brought his wife whose white to my office along w/their 3 months baby. I’ve never talked about his personal life and who he was dating.They seeem happy.His parents paid off their home for them.what a lucky couple… Both in laws get along fine according to them.

  72. Where does the number 200k+ come from? I m dating a white girl and I am not making nearly as that much. In fact when we started dating I was barely making 60k + some money I make outside of work.

    And before I was dating her I was able sleeping with few blondes through one night stands.

    All you need to do is focus on yourself rather than your job/family/money

    For those who makes 200k+, what do you do for a living lol… I want to make 200k a year

  73. @lzr @bruce
    I just read the okcupid blog post that you posted, and it seems like asian guys are beating black men on female replying with almost every race of girls except for pacific islander lol. In theory they got bigger penis and should get more responses.

  74. @ Asian guy it’s not about penis size man. Asian men don’t get enough exposure in the media. Do you understand now, Asian guy , my friend :). We don’t want to compete with black men or white men on female replies. We want FAIR exposure. What you see in the media do not represent asian people man. Where the hell they find actors like that man? They purposely get those actors for each ethnic group. I think you know what I’m talking about.

  75. “Come out to Cali then, especially LA and SF because there are a lot of white women with Asian men. Just among my friends there are 15 interracial couples.”

    Mostly in LA and San Francisco. One of the people who was married to an Asian guy lost her husband in 2006…they were on TV last week…Her name is Kati Kim..she has two very beautiful daughters and smart too! I am not sure about Asian men-white men couples in Orange County, particularly in Huntington Beach. If you want to see more Asian male-white female couples, go to Honolulu or anywhere in Hawaii…saw at least twenty there during my four month stay two years ago!

    “And last time I went to Taiwan with my fiance I even saw a few white women + Taiwanese men couples.
    It’s really not that rare.”

    That is strange. During my one week visit to Taipei saw only three white women (not white women with Asian men mind you, just white women) and that was towards the end of my stay. Plenty of white men though! May be because it was May and too hot these white women were all inside their homes or apartments!

    “What you see in the media do not represent asian people man. Where the hell they find actors like that man?”

    I think the actors in Hawaii Five O are ok as is the Chinese guy in the Mentalist…otherwise you are right! And as for interracial couples they hardly show any white men with Asian women..mostly Asian women with black men….that seems to be the pattern these days in Hollywood as far IR is concerned. Perhaps the watching public does not want to encourage white people’s blood mixing with what they consider lesser races!

  76. @Kim – We’re out there. I’m in Taipei and besides myself I know of four other white women who have married Taiwanese guys. Mind you – in a sprawling city like Taipei you’re not likely to come across us easily walking around, a lot of us have jobs etc as we’re settled here more permanently. But we are here 🙂

  77. The majority of Chinese men ( Asian Men) normally care alot about their children’s future and well beings that the media does not show out there. Most asian families that I know have kids that attend universities , the parents would provide time and money for the kids to finish their education. MOST would buy condos next to the universities where their kids go to school and they could just focus on studies. Most Asian men / asian families still have these traditional thinkings that if we take care of our kids, they will take care of us when we get old. That’s why you see alot of senior citizens that are taken care by their kids and they all live in the same house. Normally, parents make the kids to apply for education loans because young people still have plenty of time to pay back the loans ,whereas old people don’t have enough retirement funds to retire if they spend all on their kids. Can you guys explain on what’s the difference between Asian men and white men points of view on taking care of parents when they get really old?

  78. The reason my friends don’t go out with asians are because they think that they look less manly than europeans and just have their own preference for western look. nobody cares about the income. at the end it comes down to the persons personality. even if my friends don’t find asians attractive, if I show them some good looking korean actor, they can admit he is good looking. the people are just used to their own race as the standard look and find it attractive. I certainly don’t care about the income of the guy I am dating, the most important for me is his education. who cares about the whole statistics? if an asian guy likes a western girl, he should just go for it and try, if he get rejected, it is not the end of the world. and who cares about what other people think? everybody has their own type they like.

  79. Grace, it’s such a small world! How did you like Zagreb? 1995 was actually after the war, but the whole region is still messed up.

    I kind of think white guys look too boyish or “soft.” For some reason (and I get lynched when I say this in public) Asian men have a more defined masculinity.

  80. I get freaking tired of shaving my facial hair. I really don’t like facial hair even though I have it. Is having facial hair manly to you women? I don’t like to look too mature and old looking. hahaahhahheheheh lol . I look mature and still a kid at heart.

  81. I think we have to make more movies in Asia that are related to Asian men and white women. This time everytime is about LOVE (kissing , muah , muah,muah ) and don’t focus on sterotypes/negative sterotypes. Sooner or later Hollywood will have to wait up AGAIN! Jackie Chan didn’t want to do” Rush Hour” ,etc in America. The money was good and that was the only reason. He wanted to do movies his ways and make it better. That’s why most of his movies in HK are way better than the ones he makes in America (Hollywood) with smaller budge and better story. Jackie Chan wants to focus in Asia because he can do anything in Asia ( not America). I think there is another group in America that wants to make XXX movies with more Asian Males. This group is trying to show the public that Asian males are not asexual and sexless. WE need all kinds of exposures . If we don’t have enough exposure from our side, they think we’re mute and don’t exist in society (no respect , trash).

  82. let’s just say it’s all better than african american women… There are hot ones like beyonce, but most african american women can’t find anything outside of their race. So it can get worse… a lot worse…

  83. Asian Guy, enough bullshit about African American women. Treat others how you would like to be treated. Would you like white guys saying “At least we’re not like those Asian guys who can’t get any” behind your back??

    Your comparisons are childish. Same goes for the 200k theory, all very foolish. Do NOT perpetuate stereotypes if you don’t want to be stereotyped yourself.

  84. @Yue, A man is not defined by his race or face, but rather by his personality and strength of character. Same goes for women.

    It is unfortunate that many people do not understand this simple fact. Their loss.

  85. @Chris,
    I agree, it’s the personality what matters, but it doesn’t mean people can’t have a race preference. It doesn’t have to be the racist kind of preference like only dating my own race, because every other one is bad and whatever, it can be just a certain look preference.
    of course it can be overcome when you get to know a person, even if you are not into them at first, but then just look at their personality and think hey, I don’t care if he is asian or black or indian. but you have to admit that many people judge on the first look and first impression and unfortunately race sometimes plays a big role in it. usually one is dismissed as a potential boyfriend before one even gets to know him.
    it’s not that all my western friends don’t want to date asians, they just don’t think about it and don’t consider it, because it hasn’t been an option so far for the lack of asian friends on their side. dating germans is just natural for them.

  86. @Yue,
    Yes, I agree that everyone has a race preference, some much more so than others. It’s actually quite sad, because over time, the quality of a relationship has nothing to do with the race of a person, but rather what they have on the inside.

    Sure, it’ll be cool to date someone of your racial choice at first, but later on when it comes to actual commitments, make tough choices together, managing lives(+kids?) together etc, race does not count.

  87. AMAW couples argue ,too. Any combinations of couples will argue and you just can not avoid it. All we can do is to communicate even with little things. Do not think little things don’t matter.

  88. Everyone has a race preference? I don’t think so. If you grow up in a truly multiracial community and interact with every race and culture growing up, then I believe you will most likely have no trouble liking people of any culture with the same amount of ease

  89. Foe,

    I sympathize with you. The personal remarks you get are regrettable, but I’m sure you will shrug them off.

    As we all know, people believe what they want to believe, and often invest in elaborate myths to justify those beliefs. Such myths usually describe a view of society or God that helps them reconcile their deepest feelings with the world as they find it.

    I did get nasty remarks, mostly about how banana republic like my country is. There was no personal or idiotic attacks. On that account I am lucky.

    Hopefully, one day when the east does as well as the west, the perception will change.

    For the time being, do not surround yourself with friends that have such negativities. They are enervating.

    Best wishes.

  90. Hi,
    I have usually had more curious reactions towards my asian bf. Probably because we are in NYC. Though we as a couple HAVE gotten stares. Mostly because he is mainland chinese and I am indian born and raised there; usually a rare combination in this part of the world (apparently). The WORSE for us have ironically been asian women and indian men! In the beginning, the stares, whispering and laughter used to bother and anger me. Also some of his distant friends assumed an attitude that we would break up and I once had a CHINESE man ask me if I had another friend looking for a chinese bf coz he was in the US for the summer and wanted to have some fun! As you can see, the ONLY ridicule we get is actually from Indians and Chinese. Even in NYC, we get stared at at times, but I think both me and my boyfriend are used to it and ignore it. Because ironically the best support also came from our indian and chinese friends who welcomed us into the circle. There are still odd east or south asians passing comments at us, but there comes a point when you realize that it isnt about race. Its about ignorance.

    Also the “small penis” question, actually came from almost ALL my european and american friends (so I suppose its a ‘western’ stereotype) . And when I got those questions I told them that he is ‘big enough for me’. Honestly who cares?! I also got comments from people saying I had “yellow fever” and that I should just admit it and sharing their racial fetishes. This is a little uncomfortable for me as I didnt really think I would end up with a chinese or asian guy to start with. To each his own and I respect their preferences, but to give me these funny knowing looks and then go on to objectify a race and implying that I do the same for a man I love and respect so much can be a little irritating.

    In the end, I think what gives me peace is knowing that there will always be people ridiculing us, because its an age old affliction of society to ridicule what is new. But having someone you love and knowing that they love you back beats everything else. Also, the fact that our parents accept us (for most part) and our friends understand and respect us, also makes things a lot better.

    And the little odd remarks, jokes and stares? I think he is worth that much trouble.

  91. Few years back I hung out with some friends. They knew I was dating a Korean guy and yes, they did ask me about his manhood, if its tiny that is. I told them no, (he’s average sized, and was a good lover 😉 ) but I was surprised that they thought that way. Personally speaking, I find it annoying that many people think “size matters”. What does that matter as long as the person is a caring lover who cares about your pleasure and whatnot? (hopefully doesn’t sound wrong…)

  92. I think most westerners really have freaking sick minds. Asian people don’t really
    Emphasize on someone’s penis size seriously. For example, if a western man who dates an asian woman. What’s the question for him then? Is your asian gf/wife tight down there? Soo tight huh? Does she have big breasts?asian women have small breasts though. Do you like to hear that western guys? I rest my case.

  93. Its common to see white men going after Asian women, but when they saw good looking Asian men, or white girls dating Asian guys, jealous( & racist) react.

    Many white males love both white and asian women and have some kind of race supremacist inside, they’re insecure of losing women’s love and thus attacking men from other races via the media and movies.

    1. right, so there only recourse is to do something through FICTION? it doesn’t change how things are in real life; such attractive asian men will continue to be attractive and women will continue to like them more than white men, and there’s nothing they can do to change that

  94. What will happen if you have a black man with a white woman? Will you see black man uses violence toward a white man if the white man doesn’t like what he sees? I told alot of you here that I don’t believe in all the sterotypes about asian men. We as asian men just to have to redefine how we teach our kids on being aggressive and don’t let others have big influence on us. Did you guys see how Linsanity( Jeremy) got discriminated even though he was borned in America? He was prepared for that so he was tough and strong so he survived it . We must learn how to ignore everything out there and just focus on what we do best.Talking about basketball…I know a chinese friend who was a great ball player. He was only 6’1 but his dunk was powerful. We used to play in a basketball league before. Sterotypes still exist within asians and non asians on asians. Alot people I talk to still can’t picture me doing those things that I do because I’m clean cut. I said” hey don’t sterotype, i will overwhelm you ” They just can’t imagine an asian guy is doing this like dominating in the NBA ( 80% blacks, 19% white etc). Of course, those players will try to stop him in every game. Also, you will have a bunch of haters (including news anchors )on twitter, using racial slurs ( gook, chink, chinaman). Do you guys understand this at all? I really don’t! All I’m saying is we just need to encourge ourselves to do whatever we want and don’t worry about sterotypes or racial slurs. Can’t wait for another person to talk about my penis or penis size. My reply will be : come here and s**k it , since all of you men show so much concern about my penis. Better way is to fly toward that person within seconds and say that. If everyone copies me, I think the media wouldn’t dare to put that up or anyone dares to say stupid stuff again. I think that line applies to me only because I’m a strong, muscular asian man so I can tolerate a violent attack by those men. Hey, when you’re in rage anything goes. It’s only fair because respect doesn’t exist anymore. I always hear that America is a melting pot but most groups still teach hate.

  95. White Man and Asian Girl
    Asian Man and White Girl

    It’s all about social status and issue. We can look from different perspectives as to why there have been certain discrepancies between these two apparently similar but gender-wise different couple situation. I’d talk about from the perspective of evolution of human race, i.e., sustaining particular race by nature and nurture. It might sound strange in the first place but bear with me for a while and it will clear the air up.

    I’m a chinese, now doing my PhD in the State, by the way. Speaking of the relationship between Asian Man and White Girl, a lot of factors contribute some unusual impression you would normally received among your friends when mentioning about your girlfriend or boyfriend. A combination of evolution and history will complicate the relationship even more. Here’s my observation on current issue at hand.

    1. Evolution tells us that we human by nature and nurture evolve as to the extent of how much nature could provide us. In this instance, men (male in this sense) were and still are primary warrior and protector for their tribal groups. As civilization and globalization gradually develop, we all now live in major cities and one can fly from the East to the West or vice versa, thereby completely changing their hometown or tribal group as in ancient meaning to a new place. Since civilization and globalization plays a huge role these day, we don’t encounter any such expressive outsider sentiment. We are welcome to work and contribute to the existing society. However when it comes to dealing with the prime core of a particular race preservation, i.e., marriage and reproduction, they (any race) all take action to make sure that their race is preserved well. That’s natural instinct for all of us. That’s why there’s no inter-racial marriage in ancient times. Partly due to lack of scientific knowledge and undergoing developing stage of civilization, they all shun away from marriage to outsiders or what we call it today – different races. This is more complicated by drawing historical perception held up by different races on their own.

    We don’t normally hear or at least violently expressed anger from Asian Men when we see white guy and asian girl dating or getting married together. Although that would make a decrease in available pool of Asian girls to Asian men, a male by nature knows that choosing their long-term partner or wives is their choice (by dating, and courting a girl), but clinching a marriage and establishing a successful family is ultimately dependent on mutual approval from a girl. That means men can choose whoever they like. Whether or not they can get asian girls or white girls or black girls totally depend on the acceptance of girls. So when white male hit on asian girls, no guys feel like we are inferior or we are humiliated because guys can choose whoever they want.

    Now let’s turn our discussion to Asian man and White girl. We don’t see that alot. Why? If I say that’s because of “socio-economic status”, “historical perception”, and “language”, would somebody claim otherwise? Here’s why I got those observational analysis and study; due to the space constraint and time, I would use an example which will suffice to clearly illustrate these 3 factors contributing to Asian man and White girl relationship phenomenon. Let’s IMAGINE China become the richest country in the world someday, Chinese language become the global language, and global scholars and Nobel Laureates, great scientists, great innovators, come out from Mainland China. I assure you that we will see Asian Man and White Girl relationship alot. Somebody might exclaim “What the heck conclusion you got from that imagination!!, are you crazy?”

    In this case, we have a lot of study showing that although there are filthy rich Asians and breadwinner White guy out there, if you pick a white guy and an asian guy from a pool, it’s more likely that you’ll get a slightly wealthier guy from White groups because of course, global population of Asians and most of the Asian countries are still in developing stage. By that chance alone satisfies socio-economic status.

    Let’s say, Chinese in America, although they are American by citizenship card, but historical perception still maintains that American are White, nothing else. So if China become the global leader someday and Chinese language is an international language, Would we be able to say those Whites born and raised in China are Chinese at all? Although they speak perfect chinese, would we still see them as Chinese at all? If that unrealistically, ridiculously out-of-bound imagination becomes true in the future, I’d say I can easily approach a white lady and offer her if she likes to have a drink with me, knowing that all those 3 factors subliminally supporting behind my back with full strength. Guys as an asian, we hate to fail or lose. Look at Japanese self-killing honor, Seppuku.

    Lastly, if someone ask me “Do you think China can take the lead in global stage some day in the future?” I honestly do not know. But my optimistic view about China is if the government could take a positive approach toward her citizens and gradually be able to lift 1.3 billions people out of poverty, China could take the lead. If someone told us “China will be the leading creditor to US one day, with trillions of US green buck in its coffer” decades ago, we’ll be laughing our ass off. So who knows what might happen. One can claim “How about Japan? We all know some decades ago with Japan emerging, there’s always rumor that Japan will take over the US and finally we were all left with wild guess about Japan, aren’t we?” Yes that’s true also. However, in my honest opinion, we all know nothing stay forever and US global edge will last for how long? Considering China population alone, one can easily outnumber others. That’s why I stated that “If and only if the China government take a positive approach and managed well” Last, “Language”, would Chinese become a global language any time soon? I highly doubt it. Probably in turn of many centuries, AD 3000, AD 4000? Who knows? but in the near future, I highly doubt it.

    So we’ll just play our part and make our life be a part of his 21st century then!

  96. @David – Actually, I think the “all hell will break loose scenario” would more likely apply if an A-List White Hollywood Actress does that… Particularly if the Asian guy is not a Hapa and came from a developing country….

    While it may seem far-fetched right now, it may happen sooner than we think!

  97. I guess enough time has passed so it’s safe for me to comment on this story. I came across it by accident and after I read it I didn’t know whether to be sad or glad. But let me share a bit of my story.
    More than fifty years ago I had two very good male friends in junior high school. We shared many things, including the same birthday. Two of us even had the same name. We were also all gay, although we didn’t know it at the time. It wasn’t until one of us died, years later, of AIDS, that the two of us who remained finally admitted to each other that we were gay. The one who died of AIDS was an ABC, a fact that I never thought much about when we were growing up. Now I realize how many years we wasted because of those hidden secrets. Fortunately, today things have changed, at least somewhat. I have gay asian friends all over the world. Some I have known for ten years or more. I can tell you this much. They are as warm and caring as any white man I’ve ever known. And take it from me, the small dicks thing is a urban rice myth.

  98. it comes down to individual people. I’m and asian man and ive never felt inhibited romanticallly in any way by it, though i have friends of multiple races who feel a lot of stigma towards dating outside their race.

  99. Yes I have experienced some negative comments since I have dated a Chinese guy in particular from my gay male friend which I think signals some prejudice in the gay community. He said he must be weird if he is Chinese & said he doesn’t find Asian men attractive since they have a small penis & I ended up having to stand up for the guy i’m dating & don’t see why I should have to explain myself to anyone.
    I have been told that the guy i’m dating is good looking, he is tall & attractive not to mention smart & respectful. I just don’t like how people treat is as if a handsome good Asian man is some sort of amomaly.

  100. I have been married to a foreign born Chinese for 37 years. I am a native born 8th generation American. I can honestly say that it hasn’t been all good or all bad either. Put a bag over the head of the guy, the man is still a man. It comes down to biology, not so much as a “cultural” issue.

  101. All very interesting. I am a gay guy who has for 25 years dated and loved Asian guys, especially those who are Chinese and Japanese. Stupid and racism knows no bounds. Love is in the eye of the beholder and some guys love blond girls with big tits and some guys love Asian guys of all sizes in their pants and out of their pants. An observer however in Bangkok will be so shocked to see endless women attending gay boy sex shows and gay boy massage establishments to be thrilled by northern Thais who – if we are going to be base – are big boys. Ditto northern Chinese. I am white and dick size among Asians is not different to white guys. Some are big and some are not. But Asian men, especially those form northern China and from Taiwan and – for me – the sexiest guys on earth. I am not an 80 year old desperate fat white man looking for love and i have been loved since I was 22 years old by beautiful Asian guys. Ignorance and stupidity has no bounds. And let us finally turn it around to our boys in Japan who think white men are both dirty and mainly ugly. We don’t own racial stereotypes but send the friends who look down on Asians partners to Tokyo for a few days and they will to feel the drift. It sux. Jeff

  102. In case you are concerned with the negative stereotypes, focus on the media. Remember, the media create the bad stereotypes of asian men. Focus on the media after some thinking and observation you will have your conclusion, which I am not supposed to point it out here.

  103. I want to point out something… I don’t think “the west” should be so generalised when you state ‘western opinion’. In my experience (my husband is Korean), Americans tend to have a negative responses to Asian men. However, in my home country, the UK, the feedback is far less derogatory. Asian men are considered first and foremost to be extremely good looking!

    This also brings me to my other pet peeve… this ‘Chinese husband/Western wife’ nonesense. I would never dream of depriving my husband of his nationality by referring to him as my ‘Asian husband’… if it is necessary to mention where he is from, I will always say ‘Korean husband’, as you say ‘Chinese husband’… so why do we refer to ourselves in our blog titles merely as ‘Western wives’? Don’t we have specific home countries with our own unique cultures? My husband never refers to me as his ‘western’ or ‘a foreigner’… I am a Scottish woman, period. Come on ladies, just because we are on one of the greatest adventures of all discovering the wonderful cultures of our husbands’, doesn’t mean we should discard ours!

    1. yes, but considering how the rest of the world views americans as a bunch of morons, do you think their perceptions could possibly be taken seriously? but in all honesty, it depends on the individual, i mean if an asian male was attractive and grew up in a western country, they would be received more favorably than even most white men in america

  104. “i mean if an asian male was attractive and grew up in a western country, they would be received more favorably than even most white men in america.”

    Really? That is news to me.

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