discrimination | Speaking of China

I Stand By My Man, And Yes, He’s Chinese

Two rings on a wooden surface — (photo by Johanna Ljungblom)

When you’re facing hard times as a couple, people say all kinds of things. “Hope it gets better.” “Stay strong.” “You’ll be okay.”

And then, there’s what my so-call friend told me back in December, after I told her about the discrimination against John, and how I supported him.

“So you’re standing by him? Wow, you’re so loyal.”

You’re so rude, I wanted to tell her. I also wanted to slap her across the table, but it was a holiday party and that sort of thing doesn’t go well with gingerbread and hot apple cider.

“Why wouldn’t I be? He’s my husband and I love him,” I finally said as I glowered at her.

From her perspective, “for better or for worse” just didn’t apply to us. She might as well have said, “You should have married a white man,” because that’s exactly what I heard hidden within her words — that when a white woman chooses to marry someone outside her race, in my case a Chinese man, she should throw in the towel when she faces something she’d never face with a white husband.

Please. Continue reading “I Stand By My Man, And Yes, He’s Chinese”

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Who Can We Trust After The Discrimination?

Chess board — In our game of "who can you trust," there's no such thing as a sure bet here after my Chinese husband's discrimination. (photo by Fran Priestley)

“They’re not even broken relationships. It’s as if the relationships were never even there,” my husband said.

This Sunday evening, John and I reflected on the wreckage of that discrimination — especially the people we never expected to stand against us. People we considered mentors and friends. People who always used to say, “I understand.”

“I don’t understand how they could do this,” I said. “I mean, it’s like they were lying to you all along.”

“That’s the in-group mentality, you know. They never really trust people who are different, never really even consider you like one of them.”

In our game of “who can you trust,” there’s no such thing as a sure bet here. Continue reading “Who Can We Trust After The Discrimination?”

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A Little American Mythology

Mythological beast — A Chinese student who shares his ideas about Americans makes me realize that, maybe, I've been telling myself myths about this country. ( photo by Jorc Navarro)

Last Saturday, my husband John and I welcomed a couple of Chinese students into our home after dinner. Originally, we just talked turkey — or rather, the fact that we invited them over to our place for Thanksgiving. But when the topic came up, John and I had other turkeys in mind, such as the discrimination we faced barely a day before.

“You two should be careful around here,” I warned the two young Chinese men lounging on our sofa. “Americans aren’t always what they seem to be.” Okay, to be sure, I said these words when the incident — which kicked my husband and I virtually in the stomach — still simmered freshly in my mind. I know a lot of good Americans live in this world. But I suspected these students still carried a far too wholesome “Family Album USA” perspective of this country.

One of the Chinese guys looked genuinely puzzled. “I consider Americans to be very straightforward.”

“Not really,” my husband chimed in. Continue reading “A Little American Mythology”

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On Discrimination and Marriage to a Chinese Man

A white woman crying in the corner — Discrimination. I never realized just how intimately I would come to know this word and what it really means after marrying a Chinese man. (photo by ayleene de monn)

Discrimination. I never realized just how intimately I would come to know this word and what it really means after marrying a Chinese man.

I’ve thought about this word often in the past few days because of something that happened. I can’t write about it in any meaningful way, though I desperately want to. Like so many things, I feel condemned to carry this pain around with me in silence. I guess that’s why I needed to write this entry — to at least come forward and acknowledge what has happened, if only in a general sense.

When I married my husband, I never really thought much about the prospect of discrimination that would come with our decision to return to the US. I guess I suspected some people wouldn’t agree with our relationship or would have difficulty accepting John. But I always assumed the discrimination would remain obvious, like the one time when a White supremacist group linked to this website during a forum discussion about a “Chinese takeover.” Continue reading “On Discrimination and Marriage to a Chinese Man”

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