life in China | Speaking of China

The Sands, and Teahouses, of Time

Bubble tea in Zhengzhou, China — When love bubbled over with my first Chinese boyfriend in a Taiwanese teahouse, I tried to hold on to that sweetness through the teahouse he left behind (image from Wikimedia Commons)

That Taiwanese teahouse in Zhengzhou, with its weather-beaten wooden facade and rickety sign, faded away beside the signs and storefronts splashed in reds and yellows and blues on the Western end of Weiwu Road.

It didn’t sparkle like the clothing stores on Huayuan Road, where beautiful apparel and even more beautiful salespeople glimmered across the pearl white floors, to a technopop soundtrack. It never shook with crowds like the outdoor vegetable market, where stacks of caged pigeons squawked right opposite the tractors filled with the freshest watermelons in the city. It couldn’t even out-class the luxury of those Beijing-style fabric slippers sold just down the street, in silky pinks and reds and blues fit for an Empress.

But I loved that teahouse more than any other place in Zhengzhou for one simple reason — I fell in love there in 1999. Continue reading “The Sands, and Teahouses, of Time”

Share/Save

Book Review: Electric Voices and Stinky Tofu by MandMX

With the popularity of Manga and artists like Crumb, it was only a matter of time before comics went to China.

MandMX.com — billed as “The One and Only Chinese/English Comic Strip on the web!” — has celebrated (and poked fun at) life in China for foreigners and Chinese since 2008, in a uniquely bilingual comic with MandMX’s signature bug-eyed, and often seemingly paranoid, characters doing and saying the things we only imagined or kept hush hush.

I wonder how that character must feel now, knowing that MandMX are taking him and his crazy foreigner-in-China world to print — in their first book titled Electric Voices and Stinky Tofu.

These comics do so much more to put the reader right back in China, Continue reading “Book Review: Electric Voices and Stinky Tofu by MandMX”

Share/Save

Ask the Yangxifu: Finding Over-35 Chinese Men to Date

Mature Chinese man and Western woman dating — Can a divorced Western woman over 35 find love with a Chinese man?

Over 35 and Fabulous asks:

You have a very unique column, though it seems very focused on the under 35 set….so I’d like to ask about the over 35 set. Being a divorced Western female with school aged children, how would someone in that situation find a Chinese guy about the same age, (maybe and hopefully) with kids of his own too? I’m in the US, by the way. Actually I did find an available Chinese guy about my age a few years ago when I went back to grad school, but he felt pressured by his cultural background (he was from a rural area in China) so he’s gone on his way in life. I know this has got to be a unique question but I’m wondering….anyone with advice/thoughts/experiences for me? It’s gotten to the point where I’ve thought of going back to grad school again to find someone…! …probably not the best reason to go back to grad school but it would jump start my career. Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Finding Over-35 Chinese Men to Date”

Share/Save

The Parasol Paradox

China umbrella — I thought the umbrellas in China -- for sun protection -- were just crazy. Until I started carrying one too.

This past Tuesday, the sky was a blindingly bright blue, stretched over the arid landscape like a protective tarp. Nary a cloud interrupted that boundless mantle above. And the sprinklers on the campus lawns splashed the grass with their afternoon drink, because the weather still wouldn’t bring rain to this semi-desert terrain.

But there I was, strolling down the dusty hill in the shadow of a salmon-colored umbrella.

Crazy. That’s what I thought of the sea of umbrellas that ebbed and flowed on the urban streets of China in the scorching summer heat. In my mind, umbrella always meant rain, not sun. And if I hated the heat, I just donned a hat and slathered on the sunscreen.

But the longer I stayed in China, that sea of umbrellas soon flowed right into the background of my mind. Continue reading “The Parasol Paradox”

Share/Save

Ask the Yangxifu: Too Many Concessions for a Chinese Family?

Giving hands, turned towards the sky — Are we always the ones to concede a culture greater than ours, such as China?

Michael asks:

Jocelyn, I think its great you were brave and went ahead and appeased the cultural divide by participating in such a wedding [as described in the post A Big, Fat, Traditional Chinese Wedding?]. I’m sure your husband was appreciative. I would have been scared too. This type of thing always makes me wonder though about cultural traditions. Do we not have any in the U.S? Seems like we are always the ones conforming to appease a tradition that must be greater than our own? Is it because we just don’t value tradition as much?

I’m not saying its bad, I still commend you but when I read the answer and they said its not about you, it’s about the family I know a lot of girls who would of said GTH. It’s my day. hmm
Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Too Many Concessions for a Chinese Family?”

Share/Save

All Foreigners Look Alike, All Chinese Look Alike?

Crowd of Chinese people crossing the street in Shanghai China — Have you ever had trouble distinguishing between a group of people, such as Chinese or foreigners?

“I have a lot of trouble remembering the faces of my colleagues,” confessed Fang, a close Chinese friend of ours mentioned while driving home together from a dinner in town.

“How so?” I asked him.

He shrugged. “Foreigners just all look alike to me.”

“But how can that be? Foreigners look even more distinctive than Chinese do, because our eyes, hair color and skin tones are so different from person to person.”

John chuckled and echoed Fang’s frustration. “They look all the same to me, too.”

I could almost understand Fang having this problem — but my own husband? Continue reading “All Foreigners Look Alike, All Chinese Look Alike?”

Share/Save

“It’s Just a Storm”: The Ebb and Flow of Yangtze River Delta Weather

storm clouds — I never imagined “harmless” weather could look so horrible -- but China’s Yangtze River Delta, where I lived for more than four years, forever changed my perspective on storms.

One late summer afternoon at the office in Shanghai, I happened to glance out the window, only to find the summer sun engulfed in a dark blanket of clouds covering the city. The sky soon became so dark, it looked as if the sun had almost gone down — the kind of darkness that, for this US Midwesterner who grew up with tornado and severe thunderstorm warnings, foreshadowed destruction and danger.

I ran through the office in panic, pounding at the HR manager’s door. “Did you see how dark it is outside? Shouldn’t we evacuate?”

But the manager, after looking away from her computer, smiled the kind of comforting smile a kindergarten teacher might before a worried child, as she leaned back in her chair with her hands calmly laying in her lap. “Oh, there’s nothing wrong. It’s just a storm. You can go back to work.”

Her words seemed so dissonant, spoken before the tumultuous sky framed in the window behind her. I retreated to my cubicle, my mind a cacophony of thoughts — as her reassurances thundered against my experiences with severe weather in Ohio. But, in the end, just as she told me, there was nothing wrong — no building damage, no heavy rain or winds. It was just a storm, a little thunder and lightening that passed harmlessly by.

Continue reading ““It’s Just a Storm”: The Ebb and Flow of Yangtze River Delta Weather”

Share/Save

Ask the Yangxifu: Showing Chinese Men You’re “Not Interested”

A woman holds her hand up, as if to say "no thanks" — How do you show a Chinese man you're just not that into him? Jocelyn offers some ideas to show, not tell, that you're nothing more than friends.

No Chance asks:

There’s a Chinese guy at my work who I’ve hung out with, but I never considered us more than just friends. I was about 60% sure that he liked me, but for various reasons I had my doubts.

One night, a seemingly casual dinner ended up being (apparently) a date. After reading some of this site, I realize that apparently I’ve been pretty ignorant of Chinese culture and how he probably has seen all of this as dating. (I’m an American woman.) He did later confess his feelings for me, and told him that I wasn’t interested in anything more than friendship. I’ve been pretty upfront with him about how I feel, and he claims that he doesn’t feel led on, but I think he thinks that I’m suppressing feelings for him. Because I still have a lot of respect for him, I want to be sensitive to his confession, but how do I show him that there really is no chance? I feel like he is not listening to me or doesn’t believe me. Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Showing Chinese Men You’re “Not Interested””

Share/Save

Learning Patience in China

Finding patience — Has China helped you learn patience?

One Saturday morning in Spring 2005, about 10 minutes before crawling from bed, I heard it — a screeching sound akin to scratching a blackboard with your fingernails, but magnified more than 100 times over. Yes, just a little good old welding and drilling in the name of redecorating yet another apartment in my neighborhood, a process that happened seven days a week, from morning to evening, for as long as two to three months.

Sounds like this used to bring out my worst side (a side that, regretfully, I’d even bring outdoors on occasion to shout something I’d regret later).

But not this time. I yawned, rolled over, and then slept the rest of that 10 minutes (with a clear conscience). And when I did finally rise, I didn’t even have any residual hangover of rage when I finally rose from bed.

What a milestone — but it wasn’t the only one. Continue reading “Learning Patience in China”

Share/Save

Ask the Yangxifu: Meet Chinese Men After Online Chat?

Online chat in China — What's the motivation for Chinese men to meet foreign women online? And should you meet up with him alone? (photo by Michaela Kobyakov)

ChatGirl asks:

Some of your advice to get out there and meet people led me to putting up an ad on a Chinese website. About 60 people added me to QQ in the last two days!

There is someone I have been speaking to from online that I did a video chat with and I really liked him but he is in Shanghai and wanted to meet in Hangzhou but I felt unsafe going to a city I don’t know so well with no other friends there to meet a stranger.

I hear a lot of bad things about online dating in China, that not so many Chinese do it. I was actually only looking for friends and not boyfriends or to fall in love or anything like that but I can’t imagine the men I meet will have the same expectation. And then maybe some are just contacting me because they think foreign women are easy?

So my question is: what do you or John think the motivation is for Chinese men contact girls on such a website? Do you think there is any chance for a geniune person to be looking for not just an English teacher or a ticket to another country or amusement because you are different? And is it safe to meet someone without friends present even if they look harmless (and cute)? Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Meet Chinese Men After Online Chat?”

Share/Save